Fast fall

I was doing really well Thursday but then I spent a couple days helping my ex Xmas shop and now all I want to do is die. The greed, the excess, and the desire are sickening. I'm over everything by doing this. I bought kava and took it a few times to help and will keep it with me over the rest of the season because my pdoc won't give me anything prn for anxiety attacks. I spent almost the whole time in anxiety max but I think I hid it ok. I feel like I'm completely trapped and like I'm probably dangerous to myself but I'm also really fighting it all. Thank you for letting me vent. I'd appreciate any advice.

Sorry, I think you have encountered The World. It's out there but you don't necessarily have to agree with it or fight with it.

Ah, I send you simple sock sympathy!

You are completely and totally sane.

The stores are killers!!! I did my shopping early....before the season started...and just avoid big stores. I make it a point to only go to small grocery stores this time of year. (Well, not totally true. I did go to Barnes & Noble but kind of FREAKED and had to immediately leave. I was there to buy a journal. But it is EXCESSIVELY OVER-THE-TOP. Disgustingly so. I long for the days when they just sold books and journals and not all the other crap.

Avoid big box stores. Period. Refuse to enter them.

I have never taken Kava. My doctor refuses to give me anything for anxiety (which is so cruel) so I use Valerian and Passion Flower. I don't drink alcohol.

I have now decided to celebrate Winter Solstice instead of Christmas. I am alone so can do whatever I want. I am going to my local Planetarium for a Winter Solstice sky dome show and lecture. I'm super excited.

I do hate how Christmas is so material...but truth be told, it was created for that very purpose! It was created by advertisers. I mean Santa as we know him was created to sell soda!

Fight back! Create your own traditions. When I decided to do Winter Solstice instead of Christmas a calm descended on me. Even if you do Christmas still come up with some small tradition that is your very own...even if it is as simple as taking a long hike on Christmas afternoon...one of my favored traditions.

Last year I was walking in the mall 2-3 days a week. I was there as the mall had transitioned into the holiday season. It was a zoo! Watching the changes during the holiday season helped me to additionally realize just how retail "puts on" so much to play into the materialism.

In my extended family, we don't exchange gifts. We do combine the monies we would have spent on Christmas and donate it to a local charity in need. We all feel better about giving in this way. It works well. There's less stress and we generally feel like we have contributed to our community.

Another way to gift one's community is to donate time to a local charity. Many of them need help in distributing food, wrapping gifts, etc., for the needy.

You may find it helpful to stay away from retail environments as much as possible.

I hope you find a way to enjoy your holiday season.


WC

This advice is really helpful. Thanks for this post

I'm going to stay out of stores from here on in, except the small grocery across the street and Kroger when I have to. I watched in horror last night while the male of a young couple was low key abusive and angry about and while shopping. It really affected me. He hates himself for not being a good enough provider and hates everything else for making him feel that way. That's how I always felt when I did Xmas presents. I don't have to go see my parents on Xmas, do I? I could tell them I'm sick, which with bipolar is pretty much Always true.

I try to stay out of stores and away from malls... grocery stores too. I don’t like the materialism and all the extra work. People overspend, overeat and family drama gets to an all-time high. It’s definitely an anxious time.

Other than gift cards for the kids we bought all our stuff online. Even that was a pain given the chaos of delivery services this time of year.

Next year will be lean financially so I'll be pushing for more experiences and less stuff. Probably the way it should be anyhow.