[downandlonely]

That sounds like a lot to deal with Beyond.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I got a call today that my father who I've not seen or talked to in 20 years was found on his apartment floor and had apparently been there for days. They said something about a seizure but I don't know if this was after or the proposed cause. It sounds like he had a stroke that led to a seizure? Unclear. Regardless he is on a ventilator with a tracheotomy and is unresponsive except to pain. They expect him to live about another week.

My brother and I are going to see him but I don't know when yet. My brother has to take off from work.

It's been so strange; I've been thinking I've seen him from time to time for several months and have been talking to my therapist about how I really needed to just accept that I would never know what happened to him and that in many ways he was already effectively dead as I'd never know. I guess I was wrong.

It's so confusing. I spent the afternoon telling official people that after 20 years I don't want to be responsible for anything, I want to know when he dies and that's about it.

This is so weird. I didn't expect this to be the year I lost a parent, even one I lost 20 years ago.

I am sorry this has happened this way.

[Wild Coyote]

Sorry, can't read much.

I am having a horrible time.

Migraines, fibromyalgia, panic attacks, crying for 2 days now.

I may not be around as much for awhile.
just having a very tough time.

Love to All.

WC

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Sorry, can't read much.

I am having a horrible time.

Migraines, fibromyalgia, panic attacks, crying for 2 days now.

I may not be around as much for awhile.
just having a very tough time.

Love to All.

WC

will be thinking of you

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I got a call today that my father who I've not seen or talked to in 20 years was found on his apartment floor and had apparently been there for days. They said something about a seizure but I don't know if this was after or the proposed cause. It sounds like he had a stroke that led to a seizure? Unclear. Regardless he is on a ventilator with a tracheotomy and is unresponsive except to pain. They expect him to live about another week.

My brother and I are going to see him but I don't know when yet. My brother has to take off from work.

It's been so strange; I've been thinking I've seen him from time to time for several months and have been talking to my therapist about how I really needed to just accept that I would never know what happened to him and that in many ways he was already effectively dead as I'd never know. I guess I was wrong.

It's so confusing. I spent the afternoon telling official people that after 20 years I don't want to be responsible for anything, I want to know when he dies and that's about it.

This is so weird. I didn't expect this to be the year I lost a parent, even one I lost 20 years ago.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I hope everyone had a good day. My day was busy as per the usual it seems like. I had an 8am appointment with my Cardiologist to discuss the medication and palpitations; I wish M could have tagged along but unfortunately he could not to due his morning patients; so doc tagged along instead since M didn't want me going alone since we were both doubting the Cardiologist abilities.

So I saw the Cardiologist and he knew I was frustrated right away; he's like I would be frustrated too it's feels like we take one step forward and take three steps back. He wanted yet another Echo since he still hears the murmur doc of course could not hear the murmur he is talking about. I have also been taken off both the diltiazem and Metropolol and I am now on verapamil to see if this works better than the combination of two. He doesn't know what caused the two days of palpitations. I appreciate that he understands my frustration of constantly seeing him and that no medication seems to be working. The Echo of course showed nothing was wrong structurally again so with that no one is concerned with the murmur. Even after coming back to the office and doc telling both M and A were the murmur was they couldn't hear it either. So I honestly think the murmur is nonexistent. I'm still doubting the Cardiologist, I doubt the verapamil is going to work either but then I have no reason to believe it's going to work since the other four Cardiac meds have not worked. However my blood pressure is back to normal which I don't think was med related; but rather weight related I have lost 9 pounds and I am getting closer to getting my BMI out of the overweight range so some of my extra weight could have been causing that issue.

Work was fine M of course about tackled me to the floor when I got back to the office as did R and boss due to their worry. I am still trapped in chart audit and med audit hell. It's just such a big office that it takes a while even with three of us doing them.

At 3:30 I left the office so I could be early for my appointment with the Psych PA who shockingly I liked. I'll post a longer update later about the visit. I really liked him he reminded me of a combo of my therapist, doc, and M so of course I was bound to like a combo of them all. I am now on Seroquel XR 300mg and if it doesn't work or I am to tired he's promised to give me my 200 IR back. I'm still on my Buspar and Prilozec for my Seroquel induced heartburn problem.

Hugs to everyone

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Sorry, can't read much.

I am having a horrible time.

Migraines, fibromyalgia, panic attacks, crying for 2 days now.

I may not be around as much for awhile.
just having a very tough time.

Love to All.

WC

I really hope you feel better soon. Thinking of you.

[Blueberrybook]

Just checking in. Could be better, a lot better. Mixed is killing me right now as is temporary medical insurance prescription coverage. Had bad screaming, yelling, crying breakdown after 3-4 hours on the phone this afternoon. Scared my daughter. She had a noon dismissal today so was home early (teacher training in the afternoon for the district). ED overexercise is terrible too. Feel like screaming and crying and going into hysterics. Took me another 3-4 hr even with Klonopin, lose dose (25 mg) Seroquel & hydroxyzine to calm down from that outburst. Ugh.

[wildflowerchild25]

I felt weird today. I woke up feeling out of sorts. I wasn’t too upset but I had a strange urge to self harm. I wanted to stay home from work but I think I just wanted to sleep more. Didn’t go to sleep until late last night since RS stayed later than I expected him to. I dunno. I took a nap when I got home. Then I woke up in a panic thinking that I was late picking up my son or that something had happened to him. Not sure what I was dreaming about but I’m sure it wasn’t anything good. I was really irritable when I got home with my son but I could have just been hungry. I feel better now that I’ve taken a shower.

I’ve been doing some cursory research into the type of back surgery I will likely need and it’s not as bad as I thought. Recovery time is only 1-4 weeks. If I can take the pain until summer break, I just won’t work In the summer and I’ll have two whole months to recuperate. I’ll have to save enough money in order to be able to do that but I think I can. I just have to be mindful of how I spend my money.

Other than that not much to report!

[Daonnachd]

I feel for those of you who for various reasons have not had good days.
My day consisted of a lot of rain and a very long and difficult conversation with my T. She reassured me that she wouldn't quit seeing me because I was being honest and that was best for getting things done.

[pirilin]

Hard day. Lost two important auctions. Boy, people have money in this country.

Went to the bank an got a hundred out. To go to Goodwill.
It's good therapy when you buy a lot of unnecessary things.
I bought a fish. A rainbow trout with a bunch of hooks and some history.
But even they have become expensive. Any stupid thing is 2.99.
The 50% colors never match my taste.
But it was ole fart day, so I got a 20% discount.

I bought an electronic piggy bank. Very useful for lazy people.
A portable cloth rack, for the garage sale I'll never do.
Another cooler/warmer. A sawing(sp) machine, so shiny I couldn't resist it.
A wood roller for bread I'm thinking of doing. Since 1969.
A flat hose. For the garage. I have no more faucets available.
A surge protector, to protect the other three surge protectors.
Four LED lamps. And three lanterns. Like I don't have a hundred.

One portait frame for my Father carved in wood with an elephant around it.
Another with rhinestones for Elvis with Nixon. He's part of my family.

And the piece of resistance, a Pioneer 150W center speaker, to put on top of my Sansui center speaker.

Grand total, 68.19. I donated the .81 cents to make it 69 even. My age.

I still have 31 bucks burning my pocket. Too little to go clubbing, too much for BK steak house.
Maybe I'll order Chinese.

Ah, on my way home, I found a secretary chair. In excellent condition. More stuff for the garage sale. I have three chairs.
And a beautiful phone table. Solid wood with an wicker ornament on the top part.
Both at the best price. FREE!!!.

All in a day's work.
I have four auctions pending tomorrow. If I win one, I'll be happy. If I win the four, I'm in trouble.

Life is what you make it.

Good luck.

Cheers.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Sorry, can't read much.

I am having a horrible time.

Migraines, fibromyalgia, panic attacks, crying for 2 days now.

I may not be around as much for awhile.
just having a very tough time.

Love to All.

WC

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low. You are so loved and valued here and I’m sure in real life as well. Take all the time you need. I hope you feel better very soon.

[winter loneliness]

I am fine. It continues to be amazing to me that bipolar "fine" sucks because I am not manic.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Horrendous nightmares last night. I’m still traumatized by its events even though I know it not true. The terror and fear are still with me.

I suffer horrible nightmares too I have no real advice other than your not alone

Have you work on them in T ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I only slept for a couple hours gave up around 3 and watched an old CSI show then an indie movie then a bunch of flea market flips before trying again, not really asleep but basket weaving, literally basket weaving in my dream like state. Had basket was making for Christmas with different colors of paper and straws, almost fell asleep for real and the phone rang. I kept making mistakes and having to unravel and start again. Weird!

Sorry sleep is being so elusive

Hope tonight you get deep restorative sleep

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by 251turnaround

I think I might be going up yet again. I feel good really good but it's bad. Everything is connected. The sounds are connected. I can feel them.


I haven't been this up in ages. I know it only gets worse from here, and meds don't help for me. I'm pretty much done for at this point.

Maybe a Med change could help ? Do you have a T you can see if there’s any new coping skills you could pick up to help you along.

How’s your sleep ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Sorry, can't read much.


I am having a horrible time.


Migraines, fibromyalgia, panic attacks, crying for 2 days now.


I may not be around as much for awhile.

just having a very tough time.


Love to All.



WC

((((((((((((((( hugs))))))))))))))))

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone; I hope everyone had a good day. My day was busy as per the usual it seems like. I had an 8am appointment with my Cardiologist to discuss the medication and palpitations; I wish M could have tagged along but unfortunately he could not to due his morning patients; so doc tagged along instead since M didn't want me going alone since we were both doubting the Cardiologist abilities.


So I saw the Cardiologist and he knew I was frustrated right away; he's like I would be frustrated too it's feels like we take one step forward and take three steps back. He wanted yet another Echo since he still hears the murmur doc of course could not hear the murmur he is talking about. I have also been taken off both the diltiazem and Metropolol and I am now on verapamil to see if this works better than the combination of two. He doesn't know what caused the two days of palpitations. I appreciate that he understands my frustration of constantly seeing him and that no medication seems to be working. The Echo of course showed nothing was wrong structurally again so with that no one is concerned with the murmur. Even after coming back to the office and doc telling both M and A were the murmur was they couldn't hear it either. So I honestly think the murmur is nonexistent. I'm still doubting the Cardiologist, I doubt the verapamil is going to work either but then I have no reason to believe it's going to work since the other four Cardiac meds have not worked. However my blood pressure is back to normal which I don't think was med related; but rather weight related I have lost 9 pounds and I am getting closer to getting my BMI out of the overweight range so some of my extra weight could have been causing that issue.


Work was fine M of course about tackled me to the floor when I got back to the office as did R and boss due to their worry. I am still trapped in chart audit and med audit hell. It's just such a big office that it takes a while even with three of us doing them.


At 3:30 I left the office so I could be early for my appointment with the Psych PA who shockingly I liked. I'll post a longer update later about the visit. I really liked him he reminded me of a combo of my therapist, doc, and M so of course I was bound to like a combo of them all. I am now on Seroquel XR 300mg and if it doesn't work or I am to tired he's promised to give me my 200 IR back. I'm still on my Buspar and Prilozec for my Seroquel induced heartburn problem.


Hugs to everyone

Hope new med helps. I use to take it , worked well kept my heart rate at about 80-85 so that was good.

So glad you like your psych PA . One less thing to worry about.

Audits are always a blast .... not

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I felt weird today. I woke up feeling out of sorts. I wasn’t too upset but I had a strange urge to self harm. I wanted to stay home from work but I think I just wanted to sleep more. Didn’t go to sleep until late last night since RS stayed later than I expected him to. I dunno. I took a nap when I got home. Then I woke up in a panic thinking that I was late picking up my son or that something had happened to him. Not sure what I was dreaming about but I’m sure it wasn’t anything good. I was really irritable when I got home with my son but I could have just been hungry. I feel better now that I’ve taken a shower.


I’ve been doing some cursory research into the type of back surgery I will likely need and it’s not as bad as I thought. Recovery time is only 1-4 weeks. If I can take the pain until summer break, I just won’t work In the summer and I’ll have two whole months to recuperate. I’ll have to save enough money in order to be able to do that but I think I can. I just have to be mindful of how I spend my money.


Other than that not much to report!

Sorry you had a rough day , tomorrow will be better I hope.

I think it’s good your looking into back surgery info. As a person with chronic pain I know just how taxing it is... non stop pain that effects every part of your life.

Maybe you should save up and have it done. Maybe get opinions from a couple Doctors .

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I feel for those of you who for various reasons have not had good days.
My day consisted of a lot of rain and a very long and difficult conversation with my T. She reassured me that she wouldn't quit seeing me because I was being honest and that was best for getting things done.

Glad your T was helpful are you feeling any better today ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Hard day. Lost two important auctions. Boy, people have money in this country.


Went to the bank an got a hundred out. To go to Goodwill.

It's good therapy when you buy a lot of unnecessary things.

I bought a fish. A rainbow trout with a bunch of hooks and some history.

But even they have become expensive. Any stupid thing is 2.99.

The 50% colors never match my taste.

But it was ole fart day, so I got a 20% discount.


I bought an electronic piggy bank. Very useful for lazy people.

A portable cloth rack, for the garage sale I'll never do.

Another cooler/warmer. A sawing(sp) machine, so shiny I couldn't resist it.

A wood roller for bread I'm thinking of doing. Since 1969.

A flat hose. For the garage. I have no more faucets available.

A surge protector, to protect the other three surge protectors.

Four LED lamps. And three lanterns. Like I don't have a hundred.


One portait frame for my Father carved in wood with an elephant around it.

Another with rhinestones for Elvis with Nixon. He's part of my family.


And the piece of resistance, a Pioneer 150W center speaker, to put on top of my Sansui center speaker.


Grand total, 68.19. I donated the .81 cents to make it 69 even. My age.


I still have 31 bucks burning my pocket. Too little to go clubbing, too much for BK steak house.

Maybe I'll order Chinese.


Ah, on my way home, I found a secretary chair. In excellent condition. More stuff for the garage sale. I have three chairs.

And a beautiful phone table. Solid wood with an wicker ornament on the top part.

Both at the best price. FREE!!!.


All in a day's work.

I have four auctions pending tomorrow. If I win one, I'll be happy. If I win the four, I'm in trouble.


Life is what you make it.


Good luck.


Cheers.

I love Goodwill and other Thrift stores ! I found a purse last trip, 7.99 and it retails for 129.00 ! ... go me !

When insomnia strikes bake a loaf of bread, nothing better than fresh baked and lots of butter ( yum)

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

1 hr 15 min. I'm scared. I know it's unlikely she'll suggest IP. I just have to find a way to find to tell her about this black tar like pain in my chest and I feel like I can't breath. At least I know if I did anything it would just spread the pain around and I don't wish this on anyone.

How did your appt go?

[yellow_fleurs]

Ski trip planned for next month with a couple friends from my new area and my home city. Something to look forward to and a nice break in the deep of the winter. We are well into winter but at least the days are getting longer again! I didn't sleep well Monday night due to neighbors being loud which made my mood weird and set me off my good sleep schedule this entire week. Oh well, I am keeping it in check and fighting back against the disturbing or mean thoughts with self compassion and as much rational thinking as possible.

[~Christina]

Saw my T today , it had been a month between my going to Florida and him being on vacation. Seemed like forever !!!’

Was great to unload and discuss again why the trips kick me sideways so hard. After much discussion we both through our hands up and just accept the fact the trips will always cause me problems. Everytime we go make the trip to Florida we are on the go 24/7 , seeing the kids and grandbaby. Plus traveling with 2 55lb dogs to manage , they are great travelers thankfully.

My husband has surprised me with a trip to Savannah Ga in April , we’ll if we can squirrel away enough money. I’m curious to see if that trip will have me sideways also ? Maybe since we will be doing things on our own time schedule and just enjoy the sights ? I might manage it much better ??!

On the sleep side my Bipolar infused brain seems to think sleep is unnecessary. Rather Annoying ! I generally manage okay on limited sleep. No sleep at all ? I hit day 6 and all rational thinking is gone. So hopefully tonight doesn’t turn into day 2.

Hugs!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Ski trip planned for next month with a couple friends from my new area and my home city. Something to look forward to and a nice break in the deep of the winter. We are well into winter but at least the days are getting longer again! I didn't sleep well Monday night due to neighbors being loud which made my mood weird and set me off my good sleep schedule this entire week. Oh well, I am keeping it in check and fighting back against the disturbing or mean thoughts with self compassion and as much rational thinking as possible.

Ski trip sounds fun! Enjoy

Good job rolling with life’s punches