[cashart10]

For the past week or so, I have been compelled to listen to a song again and again. I have just kept coming back to it, which I know is something I do when I’m unhealthy. Today, as I’m listening, I feel like I’m turning into the music and I ever so drastically want to meet the artist so I can somehow become a part of his soul. But, he lives in London and I live in the US. I feel bad, like how could I think this when I know how badly my husband and kids need me here? How can I consider such a thing when I know we don’t have the money? How could I handle it if he isn’t interested in my soul? I’m not in love with him; I’m in love with my husband but every fiber of my being craves and longs for this. I feel like I need to touch his voice as it resonates throughout my body. Please tell me how to handle this situation.

I have experienced something similar. Eventually you'll get past it. In the meantime, have you thought about sending some contact email to this musician? How famous is he? If he's not a mega star, it's possible he might write back or even send you a signed photo or CD. That could perhaps be enough.

I adore Bono of the band U2. Obviously he is a mega star. I once had a psychotic delusion involving him. I had it in my mind that if I danced nonstop to all of my U2 CDs, one after another, that he would appear at my door. I was dancing up a storm, getting physically taxed with my mind super racing. Then my door bell rang. That totally snapped me out of my trance, but at the door (through its window), I saw two men in white. I became horrified and left a very scary message on my husband's voicemail accusing him of calling these men to get me. Then I did the same on my psychiatrist's voicemail. The men went away (not sure if anyone was ever there) and by chance my psychiatrist called literally 10 mins later (or so it seemed) giving me an emergency appointment two hours later. Hubby joined me. Hubby had me take an extra dose of some antipsychotic per pdoc, and I calmed down a bit, and my psychiatrist increased the daily dose. I avoided the hospital, but was left feeling a bit depressed soon after that my fantasy was just a delusion and that it didn't come true.

I found a very wonderful quote recently, by Bob Dylan, about his experience with Bono. It helps me know Bono better. The quote is as follows:

"Spending time with Bono was like eating dinner on a train—feels like you're moving, going somewhere. Bono's got the soul of an ancient poet and you have to be careful around him. He can roar 'till the earth shakes. He's also a closet philosopher...talks about the rightness, the richness, glory, beauty, wonder and magnificence of America."
—Bob Dylan, 2005

I don't expect anyone to read it, but over a year ago I wrote about another significant thing relating to Bono and hearing part of one of his songs over and over. Anyone interested can find that at:

MC, Day 3: Surprise song playing in my head – Bird Flight

Maybe give your psychiatrist a call, if you need to. Hugs

[msnyder11]

I must be too young to understand.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I have experienced something similar. Eventually you'll get past it. In the meantime, have you thought about sending some contact email to this musician? How famous is he? If he's not a mega star, it's possible he might write back or even send you a signed photo or CD. That could perhaps be enough.

I adore Bono of the band U2. Obviously he is a mega star. I once had a psychotic delusion involving him. I had it in my mind that if I danced nonstop to all of my U2 CDs, one after another, that he would appear at my door. I was dancing up a storm, getting physically taxed with my mind super racing. Then my door bell rang. That totally snapped me out of my trance, but at the door (through its window), I saw two men in white. I became horrified and left a very scary message on my husband's voicemail accusing him of calling these men to get me. Then I did the same on my psychiatrist's voicemail. The men went away (not sure if anyone was ever there) and by chance my psychiatrist called literally 10 mins later (or so it seemed) giving me an emergency appointment two hours later. Hubby joined me. Hubby had me take an extra dose of some antipsychotic per pdoc, and I calmed down a bit, and my psychiatrist increased the daily dose. I avoided the hospital, but was left feeling a bit depressed soon after that my fantasy was just a delusion and that it didn't come true.

I found a very wonderful quote recently, by Bob Dylan, about his experience with Bono. It helps me know Bono better. The quote is as follows:

"Spending time with Bono was like eating dinner on a train—feels like you're moving, going somewhere. Bono's got the soul of an ancient poet and you have to be careful around him. He can roar 'till the earth shakes. He's also a closet philosopher...talks about the rightness, the richness, glory, beauty, wonder and magnificence of America."
—Bob Dylan, 2005

I don't expect anyone to read it, but over a year ago I wrote about another significant thing relating to Bono and hearing part of one of his songs over and over. Anyone interested can find that at:

MC, Day 3: Surprise song playing in my head – Bird Flight

Maybe give your psychiatrist a call, if you need to. Hugs

Thank you very much for your response. Yes, this artist is very famous. It is Rod Stewart. He may seem out of my scheme of music but I grew up on him and adore him in the first place. But, oh how I am longing for him right now.

That is the song.

I have spoken to my pdoc. She increased my seroquel from 400 to 600 mg and told me to take klonapin. Unfortunately, she is on vacation until next Thursday. How am I supposed to work?

[msnyder11]

Gosh, damn that's alot of seroquel!

Originally Posted by cashart10

Thank you very much for your response. Yes, this artist is very famous. It is Rod Stewart. He may seem out of my scheme of music but I grew up on him and adore him in the first place. But, oh how I am longing for him right now.

That is the song.

I have spoken to my pdoc. She increased my seroquel from 400 to 600 mg and told me to take klonapin. Unfortunately, she is on vacation until next Thursday. How am I supposed to work?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by msnyder11

Gosh, damn that's alot of seroquel!

Actually it's a very normal dose. The FDA max is 800 mg but I've taken up to 1500 mg safely before. Hopefully this is enough to help Cash.

Is someone on call for your pdoc that might be able to help if this doesn't bring you down? Did you sleep last night?

[HALLIEBETH87]

Don’t forget there the mental
Health urgent care in your city. Message me for details.

[cashart10]

Yes there is an on call doc but she gave me her cell phone and told me to call her. I don’t remember about sleep. I can’t remember. I remember hearing my husband’s alarm at 4 AM from all the way downstairs and I didn’t go back to sleep. But I’ve been up since 4 AM and I’m supposed to sleep tonight but I don’t know how to go to sleep tonight. I don’t know how I can close my eyes long enough to try. I don’t know how to lay my body down. I don’t know how.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

Don’t forget there the mental
Health urgent care in your city. Message me for details.

Thank you Hallie Beth!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I think you need to call your pdoc again and/or try the mental health urgent care. You aren't describing improvement with the changes from yesterday and seem to be headed deeper into the episode. Let someone help you. You sound like this does not feel good. let them help you feel better

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I think you need to call your pdoc again and/or try the mental health urgent care. You aren't describing improvement with the changes from yesterday and seem to be headed deeper into the episode. Let someone help you. You sound like this does not feel good. let them help you feel better

I feel like how can I bother her again? I just talked to her. I have to at least wait until tomorrow. But, my mom said she will call her tomorrow if I’m not acting normal.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I feel like how can I bother her again? I just talked to her. I have to at least wait until tomorrow. But, my mom said she will call her tomorrow if I’m not acting normal.

I totally understand that feeling. But she wouldn't have given you the number if she didn't want you to use it and it is easier to help you the less you have traveled down the episode road. Tonight it might be more Seroquel or something; by tomorrow it could be harder to treat. And I know that when I have decided not to contact my pdoc to not "bug her yet again" and then have been awake and scary manic all night I have really regretted it because I knew that night made me worse than I might have been.

I'm glad your mom is watching you and helping.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I totally understand that feeling. But she wouldn't have given you the number if she didn't want you to use it and it is easier to help you the less you have traveled down the episode road. Tonight it might be more Seroquel or something; by tomorrow it could be harder to treat. And I know that when I have decided not to contact my pdoc to not "bug her yet again" and then have been awake and scary manic all night I have really regretted it because I knew that night made me worse than I might have been.

I'm glad your mom is watching you and helping.

I feel like this song can maybe heal me too. Like maybe I’m more worried than I should be.

[cashart10]

What if music is the answer? What if I just need to understand how to let it complete my mind? And I have found the song that answers for my soul. What if all I need to do is stop and meditate on the lyrics and let myself become it more and more and more. And then I will be the music. And then my mind will be perfect?

[cashart10]

Do you think if I met Rod Stewart my mind would be perfect?

[cashart10]

My husband is pulling me away from my phone. I’m afraid if he sees me on it he will take it. He says I can never sleep unless I turn it off. I know he cares about me and that is his reasoning but I hate it.

have you thought about looking for a rod steuart forum/ website where you can chat about him with other fans? (that might help too, meeting people who feel the same)

I myself havon't listened to his music since my friend bethany died (he was her favorite), and listening to him now is painful.

with that said, their's a song he does, "I am sailing", which I really miss. it's a really lovely song

I hope one day I can listen to him again- I'm sure I will, I remember when michael jackson died it took me a whole year before I could go back to his stuff

but I did and I'm so glad I did- because I like him too

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, cashart10 I'd suggest to talk to your Pdoc about this and see how it goes from there. Maybe that could help. I know you've already called, but if you're not seeing any improvement, I think you have every right to call again. Please don't give up. Get the help you need. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I totally understand that feeling. But she wouldn't have given you the number if she didn't want you to use it and it is easier to help you the less you have traveled down the episode road. Tonight it might be more Seroquel or something; by tomorrow it could be harder to treat. And I know that when I have decided not to contact my pdoc to not "bug her yet again" and then have been awake and scary manic all night I have really regretted it because I knew that night made me worse than I might have been.

I'm glad your mom is watching you and helping.

^^^ This ^^^
I totally agree with BeyondTheRainbow.
I hope you will call your pdoc'


WC

[tecomsin]

During one of my manic episodes I was communicating with the Rolling Stones by playing youtube videos of their concerts and changing the volume and brightness keys on my laptop in synchrony with their music. I was like the 'lighting director' of a new form of art that only I could see. I was doing this obsessively for hours upon hours each day. There were other artists involved but the Rolling Stones was the main show.

At some point they were talking directly to me through the laptop. It all made sense at the time. Needless to say I was very ill and ended up involuntarily hospitalized yet again.

It's good you have your husband and mother to keep an eye out for your well being. I hope the increased dose of seroquel turns this around for you. I would also try . not to listen to any music as it could be triggering.

I love that song too! It's my favorite Rod Stewart song. So poignant -- sad and beautiful. It does sound like you're over-the-top about it tho. Glad you have the support of your hubby and mom. Hope you get some help and relief soon and can go back to being just a commonplace fan.