[Under*Over]

Usually I dont let people get me down so much but today... I just feel sort of bad. I had someone today basically just spend 10 minutes making fun of me. My interests, my intelligence, my mental state. Basically for no reason.

Im not that sensitive of a person really. I try to brush things off. But... I try not to be cruel to other people so I just dont understand how other people can again and again treat me badly. People in my life say its because I let them. This is probably a bit true. I never want to hurt anyone and want to believe the best of people... but it often comes back to bite me and that just always hurts.

How can people just go out of their way to hurt others. And how can I stop it from hurting me? I do t want to be a victim. I hate being a victim. But I also do t want to be a victimizer.

Anyways... I tried to be even MORE of the things that person was making fun of for like an hour. So show that I wasnt bothered. But I was. And now I feel uncomfortavle with myself. Like maybe there really is something wrong with me.

How do you deal with people who treat you badly without letting it get you down? Ive been feeling really low lately so Im probably more vulnerable than usual... but how can I deal with this if Im afraid... always afraid..: criticisms might be true

[cashart10]

My 8 year old son has mild autism and is treated like this frequently. The only difference is he doesn’t always notice. When he does notice, it breaks him. I heard him at boy scoots apologizing for being weird and saying he would quit doing it a few weeks ago. It broke my heart. He is an amazing kid with a heart of gold but his slight differences and quirkiness make people think he is less than them. He isn’t. You aren’t. You are perfect just the way you are and, I know it’s cliche but it TRULY is much more about them than it is about you. Try to find some things you like about yourself and meditate on those and then spend some time with people who build you up.

[yellow_fleurs]

I am sorry, I understand this as I grew up socially awkward and had a lot of this in my life, and it has sometimes happened as an adult, too. Anyone that just makes fun of someone to make them feel bad has their own issues, and it is not right. When it happens a lot it is easy to think it is us. Not to say there is nothing for us to work on, but there is no excuse for just bringing someone down on purpose. It is not constructive.

What I am trying to do when that kind of stuff happens is 1) not make myself stay there and tolerate it, leave if I want to 2) if comfortable tell the person how it makes me feel and that I don't feel okay with that 3) offer myself self compassion, telling myself kinder things and that it is really difficult to be made fun of. I talk to my inner child and also sometimes do self compassion exercises/meditation. Honestly I am probably my own biggest bully and need the self compassion even when no one has said mean things to me.

[tmg4me]

Beat them at their own game. Talk about all the positive things about yourself and all the great things you do for people and the kind hearted person you are because for anyone to talk negative and bring other people down has nothing to do with you. They are projecting the way they think of themselves onto you to make them feel better. Always remember it's about them, not you. They have the problems

cashart10 and tmg4me both wrote that "it's about them, not you". That is so so true. Please remember that and that bullies are often among the most self-conscious people around.

Making fun of a person with a mental illness is downright ignorant, cruel, and stigmatic. I can't imagine such a person would make fun of someone with cancer. Or would they? Would they mock a person with cancer for having a bald head because of chemotherapy? If they would, there is just nothing more to say about such a person other than what was written above, or maybe even their own fear itself. I know a quite famous person who mocked a reporter who had a disability. That famous person was at a rally in front of thousands of people. Believe me when I say that famous person is the one that was the SAD individual.

Your interests are wonderful because they help to make you happy, spark curiosity, and many other positives. Obviously, they don't understand about what draws you to your interests. As was said by a poster above, they just can't see what you can see. They said we are all different, and that is obviously true. It's wonderful that we are all unique. If everyone was the same, that would be boring, I'd think.

From my experiences (I'm heading into my late 40s now), intelligent people don't usually go around calling people unintelligent. Or again, maybe if that person is intelligent they themselves are self-conscious about their own intelligence. If not, then they are arrogant. Arrogance is not a good feature. Anyway, we are all intelligent and talented in our own ways. Maybe that person even believes you are intelligent, but is just trying to hurt you with something they perceive you are self-conscious about. Or, they flat out lied. I remember as a teen someone telling me I was ugly. That was ridiculous! I feel I'm actually a rather attractive woman and was as a teen. At least a heck of a lot more guys called me attractive in my life. Only that one guy called me ugly. Actually, I even think he deep down had a crush on me. That, oddly, is sometimes the case. Juvenile, but not uncommon.

One bit of advice I'll give you is this. Always take the high road. I don't recommend fighting vitriol with vitriol. What works better, in my experience, is to dismiss such things, unless you're actually threatened. Dismissing can frustrate the aggressor more than anything else. Do walk away from them. You don't need to stand and listen to such crap. In fact, you can tell them straight out that they are full of it and you don't need to listen to such ridiculousness. They can get lost! Or you can look at them with a big smile and be humorous in response.

[Under*Over]

Thanks guys.

Usually I try not to let these things bug me but... Ive just not been doing great lately. Ive been trying to figure out reasons to fight these feelings, reasons that will help me feel as if fighting is worth it. And just to have someone say such cruel things... hurts.

I try really hard to function well- and I still struggle sometimes just because I do have extra things to deal with.

That said. People dont ALWAYS make fun of me. In fact... people tend to like me more and more over time. Its just that some of my interests (which I rarely even bring up to strangers- and sometimes even to friends) are a little obscure. But just because Im interested in things other people arent, like psychology, conspiracy theories, philosophy, literature, anthropology... doesnt mean that... well Im not trying to come off as more intelligent than I am! I know that there are a bunch of people- millions and millions and millions.. who are smarter than me- I dont consciously try to pretend differently! But I think, when I do happen to slip and mention one of these topics- (because I get so excited because I rarely get to talk to people about them) people judge me. And it hurts and makes me feel like my interests are bad. It makes me feel like theres somethinng wrong wit ME.

Anyways. You are all right. I need to remember its more about them than me. And I usually can! Its just when people hit sore spots... when Im already struggling. Thatits really bad.

Ive spent the last couple of weeks thinking I was too much of a waste of space to keep living. I guess Im just sensitive to any sort of suggestion that thag could be true

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, Under*Over I agree with all the others. There's nothing wrong with you or your interests, and the fact that people are making fun of you says a lot more about them than it does about you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Keep doing the things you love. They are important to you, and that's all it matters. It's perfectly normal to be hurt by such comments. Just try to not obsess yourself over it. They're not worth it, trust me when I say that. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Please don't give up. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that they can get better. I hope you'll feel better soon. Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. Keep fighting. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. We'll listen to what you have to say and won't judge you. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. I'm here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help. Sending many hugs to you

[sarahsweets]

Here is something I learned and I promise you its very freeing. If they dont like you they can go f**k themselves. They can f**k off. Sometimes in rare circumstances you actually have to say it. Its shocking yes, but sometimes its enough to get them to stop. What other people think of me is none of my business. Never let them see you hurt.

Originally Posted by Under*Over

Usually I dont let people get me down so much but today... I just feel sort of bad. I had someone today basically just spend 10 minutes making fun of me. My interests, my intelligence, my mental state. Basically for no reason.

Im not that sensitive of a person really. I try to brush things off. But... I try not to be cruel to other people so I just dont understand how other people can again and again treat me badly. People in my life say its because I let them. This is probably a bit true. I never want to hurt anyone and want to believe the best of people... but it often comes back to bite me and that just always hurts.

How can people just go out of their way to hurt others. And how can I stop it from hurting me? I do t want to be a victim. I hate being a victim. But I also do t want to be a victimizer.

Anyways... I tried to be even MORE of the things that person was making fun of for like an hour. So show that I wasnt bothered. But I was. And now I feel uncomfortavle with myself. Like maybe there really is something wrong with me.

How do you deal with people who treat you badly without letting it get you down? Ive been feeling really low lately so Im probably more vulnerable than usual... but how can I deal with this if Im afraid... always afraid..: criticisms might be true

[Aurelius710]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

Usually I dont let people get me down so much but today... I just feel sort of bad. I had someone today basically just spend 10 minutes making fun of me. My interests, my intelligence, my mental state. Basically for no reason.

Im not that sensitive of a person really. I try to brush things off. But... I try not to be cruel to other people so I just dont understand how other people can again and again treat me badly. People in my life say its because I let them. This is probably a bit true. I never want to hurt anyone and want to believe the best of people... but it often comes back to bite me and that just always hurts.

How can people just go out of their way to hurt others. And how can I stop it from hurting me? I do t want to be a victim. I hate being a victim. But I also do t want to be a victimizer.

Anyways... I tried to be even MORE of the things that person was making fun of for like an hour. So show that I wasnt bothered. But I was. And now I feel uncomfortavle with myself. Like maybe there really is something wrong with me.

How do you deal with people who treat you badly without letting it get you down? Ive been feeling really low lately so Im probably more vulnerable than usual... but how can I deal with this if Im afraid... always afraid..: criticisms might be true

What I've learned is that while I can't control others opinions about me, I can know myself and what I'm capable of. If I know myself and what I'm capable of, who cares what a bully thinks of me. They're not throwing legitimate criticisms my way. They're just trying to undercut me.

I had a workplace bully who, among other things, scoffed at my desire to learn Spanish with the words "Why would YOU want to learn Spanish?" and a couple of weeks later lectured me about my personal hygiene despite the fact that the eight people I worked closely with thought my personal hygiene was just fine. After several months of that style of bullying, I started to doubt myself too.

I guess if I had a piece of advice in addition to "It's not you, it's them," it would be to find a sounding board. Find someone who would, if you started to doubt yourself, counter the toxic narrative those bullies would throw at you. Someone who would give you the truth of the matter.

[cinnamonstick]

I love what you said about feeling maybe more vulnerable when you are feeling low. I am the same for sure. As far as a coping mechanism goes with that insecure dum dum- keep reading. How did that nincompoop manage to be close enough to to be in your wonderful presence? Their mouth opens and insecurity simply pours out. I have a million ways to deal with such episodes, but I will start with one. This person is miserable. Plain and simple. Good people don't do that. Why would you believe that idiot, when all of us on your thread think you are something special.
I questioned myself for years but thank goodness came to the conclusion that I am so amazingly unique. Keep sparkling! And to quote a fellow threader, you are perfect just the way you are.

[tmg4me]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

Thanks guys.

Usually I try not to let these things bug me but... Ive just not been doing great lately. Ive been trying to figure out reasons to fight these feelings, reasons that will help me feel as if fighting is worth it. And just to have someone say such cruel things... hurts.

I try really hard to function well- and I still struggle sometimes just because I do have extra things to deal with.

That said. People dont ALWAYS make fun of me. In fact... people tend to like me more and more over time. Its just that some of my interests (which I rarely even bring up to strangers- and sometimes even to friends) are a little obscure. But just because Im interested in things other people arent, like psychology, conspiracy theories, philosophy, literature, anthropology... doesnt mean that... well Im not trying to come off as more intelligent than I am! I know that there are a bunch of people- millions and millions and millions.. who are smarter than me- I dont consciously try to pretend differently! But I think, when I do happen to slip and mention one of these topics- (because I get so excited because I rarely get to talk to people about them) people judge me. And it hurts and makes me feel like my interests are bad. It makes me feel like theres somethinng wrong wit ME.

Anyways. You are all right. I need to remember its more about them than me. And I usually can! Its just when people hit sore spots... when Im already struggling. Thatits really bad.

Ive spent the last couple of weeks thinking I was too much of a waste of space to keep living. I guess Im just sensitive to any sort of suggestion that thag could be true

Wow, I think it's great you have all these interests. And they are interesting things, not boring subjects. I wish I had the ambition like you do to have such interest in great things.
I always found Psychology interesting and once I took Anthropology course in College and that was interesting also. You should be so proud of yourself to have such valuable interests in life.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

Thanks guys.

Usually I try not to let these things bug me but... Ive just not been doing great lately. Ive been trying to figure out reasons to fight these feelings, reasons that will help me feel as if fighting is worth it. And just to have someone say such cruel things... hurts.

I try really hard to function well- and I still struggle sometimes just because I do have extra things to deal with.

That said. People dont ALWAYS make fun of me. In fact... people tend to like me more and more over time. Its just that some of my interests (which I rarely even bring up to strangers- and sometimes even to friends) are a little obscure. But just because Im interested in things other people arent, like psychology, conspiracy theories, philosophy, literature, anthropology... doesnt mean that... well Im not trying to come off as more intelligent than I am! I know that there are a bunch of people- millions and millions and millions.. who are smarter than me- I dont consciously try to pretend differently! But I think, when I do happen to slip and mention one of these topics- (because I get so excited because I rarely get to talk to people about them) people judge me. And it hurts and makes me feel like my interests are bad. It makes me feel like theres somethinng wrong wit ME.

Anyways. You are all right. I need to remember its more about them than me. And I usually can! Its just when people hit sore spots... when Im already struggling. Thatits really bad.

Ive spent the last couple of weeks thinking I was too much of a waste of space to keep living. I guess Im just sensitive to any sort of suggestion that thag could be true

I, too, have gone through this a lot in life. If/when I share interests I thoroughly enjoy, I have been called weird and many other things. It used to upset me. I'd finally realized the people doing this really felt threatened by my intelligence and my interests.

It is TRULY more about them than it is about you.

Enjoy your interests and don't apologize for doing so.


WC