I’m gonna let everyone down

HALLIEBETH87 · Feb 28, 2019, 06:22 PM

I’m
Depressed. Not suicidal but not happy with my life at all. I hate it.

I’ve called in to
Work the last two days. I haven’t showered in two days til
Just now. I sleep or lay in bed. I keep losing weight. I’m
Down 13 lbs. down a size in shirts.

I’m scared I’m gonna get fired. I have no more time off since I just missed so much for surgery. I just wanna hide in my bed. I don’t wanna leave. I don’t wanna eat.

I just wanna sleep away time.

Skeezyks · Feb 28, 2019, 06:32 PM

HALLIEBETH87 · Feb 28, 2019, 06:57 PM

And if I lose my job I can pay all my bills. I’d be stressed all the time again but wtf I’m stressed all the time now

~Christina · Feb 28, 2019, 07:39 PM

Get back into your regular schedule of working. You had 2 weeks off due to your surgery and didn’t have anything to but heal

And what we talked about last night..... things will improve with effort on your part

Love ya

cashart10 · Feb 28, 2019, 08:06 PM

I’m so sorry you’re going through this sweet friend. I hope you are able to make it to work. Be kind to yourself!

HALLIEBETH87 · Feb 28, 2019, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Get back into your regular schedule of working. You had 2 weeks off due to your surgery and didn’t have anything to but heal

And what we talked about last night..... things will improve with effort on your part

Love ya

I’m going tk work in the am. It’s a half day and I see two clients. So hopefully staying busy will help. I see t after. And I see useless pdoc next week.

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 28, 2019, 09:53 PM

Sometimes anesthesia can trigger depression. The research I've seen is mostly about major surgery like cardiac bypass but there is nothing about someone prone to depression to begin with. When I was working we often saw patients need time to get that groggy tired feeling to go away completely whether or not they had depression. It's powerful stuff.

liveforsummer · Feb 28, 2019, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Sometimes anesthesia can trigger depression. The research I've seen is mostly about major surgery like cardiac bypass but there is nothing about someone prone to depression to begin with. When I was working we often saw patients need time to get that groggy tired feeling to go away completely whether or not they had depression. It's powerful stuff.

I’ve heard and witnessed that first hand from a family member.

HALLIEBETH87 · Feb 28, 2019, 11:02 PM

My therapist said that last week but it’s been three weeks now

BeyondtheRainbow · Mar 01, 2019, 05:47 AM

I've seen it take longer. You just have to be patient. Get lots of rest, eat well and do the best you can at work. It will gradually improve.

Anesthesia can be really tricky for us. I had an exploratory laparoscopic surgery of my pelvis a while back and they were so careful to jump through all the MAOI hoops. I did great with those things and yet developed akathesia so bad I landed IP to stop it a month or 6 weeks out. Not saying you'll wind up IP, that had a bunch of factors (mainly the MAOI) at play, but just be gentle with yourself and it will improve.

MickeyCheeky · Mar 01, 2019, 06:09 AM

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, HALLIEBETH87

I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. Just give it time. Try to go to work if you can. Just try to do your best. Eat well. Get plenty of rest. It's not easy to recover when you've just had a surgery. It will take time. It can take more time for some people compared to others. Don't worry. I'm sure you'll get through this. You're a kind, strong, sweet and wonderful person. Try to hang on. Remember that things won't stay like this forever. They can and will get better. Try to remember that when you're feeling down. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. I hope things are going ok with him/her/ Just be honest with him/her. Remember that him/her is there to help you. Just try to do your best. That's all you can do after all. We're here for you if you need to talk about it. We all care about you here. We all love you here. Feel free to vent here as much as you need or want. You know we won't judge you here. I promise you that. You're a wonderful person. Please don't give up. Try to hang on. Stay strong, HALLIEBETH87. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm sos orry you have to deal with this

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 01, 2019, 10:07 AM

I’m grateful that I see t today. Im at work and took a shower today but I don’t
Much care About anything in the world.

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 01, 2019, 10:08 AM

Why do I have to struggle so much? It seems I never get a ****ing break.
I’m feeling self
Harm
And suicidal
Thoughts
But no
Plan.

Tryingtobehappy5 · Mar 01, 2019, 11:10 AM

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you HALLIEBETH87

Im sorry you are feeling this way and hope seeing T is helpful today. Its good that you have no plan but I know those thoughts are so difficult to deal with.

Unrigged64072835 · Mar 01, 2019, 11:14 AM

Sorry you’re feeling like this Hallie.

I tend to have the opposite effect, especially with opioids—I get really hyped, hardly sleep,etc. I do hope you do recover soon.

Travelinglady · Mar 01, 2019, 11:30 AM

Thinking about you. Things will get better.

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 01, 2019, 02:25 PM

It doesn’t feel like I’ll ever be
Stable for long. What’s the point of it then???

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 01, 2019, 02:28 PM

There’s been a squirrel outside my t’s office staring at me and probably taking tabs on me for someone

Mar 01, 2019, 02:29 PM

HALLIEBETH87, I can relate to the feelings you are experiencing right now. I feel the exact same a lot of the times -- it's one thing after another, and then once that settles there's another... stress, anxiety, coping with my own emotions, pain, lack of energy, unhappiness... it's all a big mess.

I just wanted to say I hope you feel better soon. As easy as it is to want to give up, which I have at times, I encourage you to try to keep your head above water. I don't know much about your situation but I know right now you're struggling. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you're not alone.

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 01, 2019, 04:33 PM

I saw t. I was hearing voices telling me to
Hurt myself in his office. He didn’t hear them and said it my mind playing tricks on me and the squirrel doesn’t think like that.

Wtf is wrong with me

~Christina · Mar 01, 2019, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I saw t. I was hearing voices telling me to

Hurt myself in his office. He didn’t hear them and said it my mind playing tricks on me and the squirrel doesn’t think like that.

Wtf is wrong with me

How did you hurt yourself in his office ?

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 01, 2019, 10:35 PM

No
They were telling me
In his office to hurt myself

Mar 01, 2019, 10:48 PM

I relate too to feeling it's one thing after another.

I usually only post on good days.

I'm sorry you're dealing with hallucinations. Do you have any prns?

HALLIEBETH87 · Mar 01, 2019, 11:16 PM

I took them.

Cheduderinoenserio · Mar 02, 2019, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I’m
Depressed. Not suicidal but not happy with my life at all. I hate it.

I’ve called in to
Work the last two days. I haven’t showered in two days til
Just now. I sleep or lay in bed. I keep losing weight. I’m
Down 13 lbs. down a size in shirts.

I’m scared I’m gonna get fired. I have no more time off since I just missed so much for surgery. I just wanna hide in my bed. I don’t wanna leave. I don’t wanna eat.

I just wanna sleep away time.

That's pretty much my deal too. But it's good no? without the bad thoughts?

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