[Blueberrybook]

Sorry to be a lurker. Life has been crazy, insurance changes, job changes, school changes (from elementary to 6th grade for my daughter, they are doing a lot of stuff dealing with this now in the spring semester of 5th grade), schedule changes, my mom had gallbladder removal (gallstones stuck in bile duct) and now they found a spot on her kidney during a scan, so that's got me worried.

I'd been thinking for awhile now that I need to see that CBT therapist I was seeing at the end of last year, the first therapist in 15 years or more I've actually clicked with. She's unfortunately not on my insurance plan but seems to think she will be able to get on it, and if not, she's worth paying out-of-network for because of the time I've had of finding a therapist I am comfortable with and who I feel can actually help me. I also got the feeling the last time I saw her that she might do some sliding-scale pay as well if money becomes a difficulty.

It's scary because I think she can actually work me through a lot of the really, really bad traumas I've had to go through in my life, versus just going, talking to someone, often just about your week or something, and getting nothing accomplished. She says I need to work through these traumas in order to deal with other issues in my life and to better deal with life issues as they come up, and I know she is right, but it's scary too.

I really hope my instincts were right. I did suddenly make the decision to call today out of the blue and did it before re-thinking it. Hopefully, this was the right thing to do. I make too many decisions this way, and most of them turn out badly.

[BP1beauty]

I think it's a great idea and that you're very brave. I've been putting off therapy because I don't like talking to new therapist and having to explain my history. ( not a good reason lol ) I know I just need to do it. Sometimes we have to face our traumas head on in order to get passed them. You can do this <3 <3

[yellow_fleurs]

Blueberrybook, I was just thinking of you today and wondering how you were doing. I hope the spot they found turns out to be no big deal with your mom.

I agree that it is really brave you are going back to the therapist. I am really glad you found someone that you think can help.

[Blueberrybook]

I think it's a great idea and that you're very brave. I've been putting off therapy because I don't like talking to new therapist and having to explain my history. ( not a good reason lol ) I know I just need to do it.

I HATE that part too. Especially because I'd do it again & again (and of course more trauma and garbage gets tacked on to the end as time & life go on), and then, for me, 3 or 4 months later, I will realize the therapy I'm going to is useless & not helping me a bit. Then, I'd wait a few months, try again, same result.

I really hope the therapist can make it work to get in-network with my insurance, but honestly, I've had years of no luck finding a therapist, and if the out-of-network is not sky high, I'd rather pay that than just let the chance pass by. I was diagnosed with MI at 19, and I'm 41 now. I have been through more therapists than shoes, I sometimes think.

I met this therapist as a compromise to getting around a 6 hour long CPS psych eval when I had that CPS stuff going on in Sept. 2018. They didn't have a CPS psych eval location close enough to my home that wouldn't disrupt my daughter & H's schedules too, and since it seemed the caseworker didn't think there was grounds for a case, she cleared it with her supervisor to let me see a local therapist of my choice. I had to keep 1 or 2 appointments to satisfy CPS, but then, some good came out of all that stress as I ended up finding a good therapist for me and one very close to my house as well. I always knew I used my own version CBT to pull myself out of the worst of my ED though it was only years after the fact that I realized that what I had done was CBT. So I probably should have been looking for a CBT therapist in the first place, which I never did and only got one with this therapist I met last fall.

Her personality is a good fit for me, and I don't feel like searching another 20 years to find a therapist that will work for me. I'd actually given up on therapy altogether at the point when I first saw her, and then I realized I just hadn't found the right therapist for me. So fingers crossed it will help. She said she'd call back in a couple days, so I can schedule.

[bizi]

You are sounding very smart and taking a warriors stance.
(((((hugs)))))
bizi

[luvyrself]

I Think you’re very brave as well, very strong to want to confront your core issues. From what little I understand of ptsd, it is recommended to revisit things and thereby defuse the fears. I know 1 person in Iraq who I did meet and 2 people on another forum who have ptsd so aside from caring about you deeply, I will also be rooting for you as inspiration for my friends. My therapist took training in EMDR, the light therapy for trauma and I believe that is also based on facing things. It’s tough juggling therapists, but again, I think you are right to go with your feelings on that. You are being so bold and so strong on this that I will try to be as brave in trying to choose one path among many in reducing my hypomania and mixed episodes. Stressors, begone!

[Blueberrybook]

Thanks. I will give her a call again tomorrow and see how payment/insurance might work out. Had an appt. with my pdoc today, and he seems to think I need to be in therapy yesterday.

[Blueberrybook]

Got a therapy appt. Saturday morning on March 16 as the upcoming week is Spring Break. Things aren't yet worked out with the insurance, but the T must think I need to go back as much as the pdoc. She said if the insurance isn't worked out by then, she'd just give me the Saturday session without cost, so that's nice.

[yellow_fleurs]

That's great news!!

[bizi]

that is great news!
bizi

Wonderful to hear!

[Sunflower123]

Great news! I hope everything works out and calms down for you. You deserve a break.