[Sunflower123]

Happy birthday Wander!!

[Nammu]

Happy birthday!

[Moose72]

The last week, Ive been exercising a lot more and trying to eat well. I feel GREAT! Ive been posting almost everyday on my blog- one subject about antipsychotics and side effects. My health is TERRIBLE on paper and I simply can't just wait to die from the "side effects" from these drugs. I feel like my head has cleared out- like its been rinsed out with mouthwash- aahhh! I can THINK again! My thoughts just come to me easily and don't search for words. (I used to do this as a matter of course- day in, day out.) I cannot wait for anti psychotics to kill me, living every day substandardly. My bipolar symptoms arewith me even when I take the pills regularly. Mania, hypomania, paranoia, hallucinations and delusions- had 'em all. Almost every psych med Ive been prescribed has not worked simply because the side effects are bad enough that my psych nurse practitioner couldn't NOT take me off. And those are the "loud" bad effects. The "silent" ones- like high blood pressure, fatty liver disease, excessive weight gain, pre-diabetes, etc are just as real but why are they tolerated- by my psych nurse, primary doctor and ESPECIALLY ME? Bipolar will kill me alright- but the actual treatments will be responsible, not the effects of my disease. Before I was diagnosed, life was good! I was extremely fit, physically and medically. I never had these symptoms - no side effects. In a short period, all that changed. Now I can't kill the cycle of feeling ill physically and contastantly chasing "sanity", in and out of the doctors- psych nurse because I get "too happy", and my long-time primary doctor who chases after my psych meds like crazy- including sleep apnea from the extreme weight gain (that can kill you too!)- cleaning up all the (side) effects with more tests, and lots of medications to undo what antipsychotics have turned me into.

I don't think Ive ever truely been manic- at least not in the extreme. Ive thought I'd figured out the meaning to my life, yeah, but what's the harm in that? Everybody wishes for that at some point in their lives. When I'm talkative and clever and funny and creative and quick-witted, that's ME! The me I have always been. I feel myself, free and devoid of the med rollercoaster, diagnosis codes, especially psych hospitals and my communication with my kids is exciting and yet educational- on both sides!

Why should I contasntly live burdoned by the medication rollercoaster- with fear, worry, drug side effects and the incessant anxiety/fear that I will simply melt into this rotting stew that is my new bipolar life? That is no way to spend my midlife and on.

This all needs to be rethought. I want my life back to age 33 when life was devoid of even KNOWING the term "bipolar", judo was my passion, where judo and sex kept the endorphines funning and my body was strong, lithe and healthy. Period.

Happy Birthday, Wander!!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Happy Birthday Wander! Enjoy your family and the ocean!

[wildflowerchild25]

Happy birthday wander!

[gina_re]

Today was a productive day. I saw my pdoc this morning and based on my complaints, he's taking me off of risperdal and putting me on latuda. I'm a bit nervous about this but I'll give it a shot. After some grocery shopping I came home and cut the grass. It takes me forever! I'm extremely out of shape and I get all tired and dizzy out there. But I made it. I then made dinner after I took a shower. I'm going to try and cook at least twice a week now. That's better than eating all the processed foods I typically eat. So overall, a good day. Hugs to all!

[yellow_fleurs]

Definitely better than I was a couple weeks ago. As I have mentioned before, it's due to hormones mostly. Sound like a broken record, feel like one too since it's such a cycle with me. I still randomly am getting agitated over nothing? I think it's an anxiety thing but not sure. Overall much calmer, though. I think I have developed a problem with picking at my skin. Sorry, I know that might be TMI. Well, maybe I had it before but it's gotten worse? Not sure.

Easter was nice back with my family. I love seeing my niece/nephews. Ate a lot of food with my and my boyfriend's family. Back to work and feeling a bit more productive. Tomorrow I see a rheumatologist, I doubt they can help but worth a shot. I found someone that seemed pretty good so I'll see what they have to say.

[Victoria'smom]

Today was hard. We went on a college tour but I had to bow out 15 min in leaving Miguel to go on his own. Who the hell plans a 2 mile walking tour and doesn't for warn students. I tried. He loves it there though. We had lunch in a restaurant that were selling meals for $4 as it was their last day open ever. I have 10 days left with him before he leaves for the summer and he has to do tons of ****. This is going to be a trying summer.

There's a chore i've been putting off for months and months that i finally got done today! Yay! It was a quiet day. I'm considering getting off Seroquel and Risperdal once i'm at a therapeutic dose of Lamictal. They're not working that well and i'm not psychotic so i don't know why i'm on them and they give me a big appetite. Good riddance to bad meds!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I fell asleep at 10 and woke at 1:30. I know better than to fall asleep before 11:30 but I just passed out. I'm exhausted for absolutely no reason lately. Now I have to fill about an hour before my body will let me go back to sleep. i don't know why my body has strict rules and enforces them but it does.

I spent a frustrating chunk of the afternoon trying to figure out government agencies and which one actually probates my father's "estate" and can tell me if being involved in that would make me responsible for his medical bills. Given he was in ICU or stepdown unit for 2.5 monts his bills will be horrifying. If they expect me to pay the state can have his tiny "estate". I just hope I can navigate the process if I need to. The person the letter said could help with this doesn't know much and isn't really offering to ask anyone what she doesn't know, even admitting normally she'd refer something to her boss who wasn't there. Oh well. The forms that have to be filed are much more difficult than dealing with her.

Eventually this will all be over and ok. I believe that. I just hope it is soon.

Yesterday felt like a family crisis. I had mentioned that my dad had been finally hospitalized in a dual diagnosis unit at a nearby psych hospital. But then Dad started to have outbursts and was insisting on going home. My brother went to the hospital and found they were going to transfer dad to the general hospital because of his low oxygen levels, but all the while Dad was ranting/yelling about wanting to go home (like 50 times), that he needed his snuff (chewing tobacco), and that when he gets home he'll "pull out his guns".

My brother drove to my house before going to the general hospital, where they were transporting Dad. He wanted "coffee". Truth is, my brother was more upset than I have ever seen him, even after my mother's death. I know how horrible it must have been for my brother to see my dad in mental crisis. It was almost traumatic for my husband seeing me in them in the past. Anyway, on my brother's way out of my house he grabbed me in the most intense hug ever. He was crying. It's hard to describe how immensely sad it made me feel for him.

My brother needed support at the general hospital so drove all the way to my sister's house to pick her up to go with him there. Unfortunately, I was/am not the right person to be such a support. I had already had a bit of a momentary breakdown a couple hours before.

I took my evening medications very early because I could not bear the stress. I had already been sleeping at 9:30 pm when my brother and sister called with some update. I remember talking to them, but in a state of half sleep. I emailed my sister a bit ago (4:30 am) and apologized and told her that I don't remember hardly anything they said by phone when they last called. I do think maybe my dad is still at some hospital. I get the sense of that.

My brother told me the psych hospital Dad was put in is extremely nice. I know that because I have been there. It's in a bucolic environment with peacocks and other animals roaming around or in their mini "zoo". The building is brand new and lovely inside and out. He said the doctor and nurse he spoke with were extremely nice. That doesn't matter to Dad, though. My dad is still slightly traumatized about being in a psych hospital and being away from his rituals and booze.

My brother said that he gave my dad's psychiatrist my family's full psychiatric history. I'm not sure if my dad would have said a thing about it, including about his mother's. Bro said he would share the same at the general hospital. I told him to share about Dad's rants about the guns, too, and not to blow them off. My youngest nephew used to threaten to hang himself. In the end, he did.

Happy birthday, wander!

Originally Posted by Wander

It’s my Birthday. Stayed overnight at my parents but can’t eat much because of my stomach issues so no feast today. Instead I will be hanging with my parents, sister, and four nieces and nephews. It will be wonderful just having them around. I am so lucky to have my family as I know so many don’t have any or much. So today I’m going to be extra grateful for that and for my life. I’m also sneaking in a swim at the beach. This warm autumn weather is amazing but I know it will be over soon.

happy birthday

I'm guessing you've already gone to the beach... How was it?

The beach is really cold up here. It's practically ice water year round. Same with the harbor. (Not that you can swim in the harbor, but it's freezing if you get splashed.) I love the ocean, though.

[Scooter9]

Happy birthday @Wander!

I'm still feeling low but I'm getting by.

I sold a few copies of my new book and got paid a grand total of $1 Not bad considering I priced it at 3.49. But I paid $1 in advertising so it evens out.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Yesterday felt like a family crisis. I had mentioned that my dad had been finally hospitalized in a dual diagnosis unit at a nearby psych hospital. But then Dad started to have outbursts and was insisting on going home. My brother went to the hospital and found they were going to transfer dad to the general hospital because of his low oxygen levels, but all the while Dad was ranting/yelling about wanting to go home (like 50 times), that he needed his snuff (chewing tobacco), and that when he gets home he'll "pull out his guns".

My brother drove to my house before going to the general hospital, where they were transporting Dad. He wanted "coffee". Truth is, my brother was more upset than I have ever seen him, even after my mother's death. I know how horrible it must have been for my brother to see my dad in mental crisis. It was almost traumatic for my husband seeing me in them in the past. Anyway, on my brother's way out of my house he grabbed me in the most intense hug ever. He was crying. It's hard to describe how immensely sad it made me feel for him.

My brother needed support at the general hospital so drove all the way to my sister's house to pick her up to go with him there. Unfortunately, I was/am not the right person to be such a support. I had already had a bit of a momentary breakdown a couple hours before.

I took my evening medications very early because I could not bear the stress. I had already been sleeping at 9:30 pm when my brother and sister called with some update. I remember talking to them, but in a state of half sleep. I emailed my sister a bit ago (4:30 am) and apologized and told her that I don't remember hardly anything they said by phone when they last called. I do think maybe my dad is still at some hospital. I get the sense of that.

My brother told me the psych hospital Dad was put in is extremely nice. I know that because I have been there. It's in a bucolic environment with peacocks and other animals roaming around or in their mini "zoo". The building is brand new and lovely inside and out. He said the doctor and nurse he spoke with were extremely nice. That doesn't matter to Dad, though. My dad is still slightly traumatized about being in a psych hospital and being away from his rituals and booze.

My brother said that he gave my dad's psychiatrist my family's full psychiatric history. I'm not sure if my dad would have said a thing about it, including about his mother's. Bro said he would share the same at the general hospital. I told him to share about Dad's rants about the guns, too, and not to blow them off. My youngest nephew used to threaten to hang himself. In the end, he did.

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Your situation sounds immensely stressful and difficult. However, I'm glad the psych hospital was nice and caring. Hopefully he gets the treatment and care he needs at the regular hospital to get back on his feet and feel better soon. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I fell asleep at 10 and woke at 1:30. I know better than to fall asleep before 11:30 but I just passed out. I'm exhausted for absolutely no reason lately. Now I have to fill about an hour before my body will let me go back to sleep. i don't know why my body has strict rules and enforces them but it does.

I spent a frustrating chunk of the afternoon trying to figure out government agencies and which one actually probates my father's "estate" and can tell me if being involved in that would make me responsible for his medical bills. Given he was in ICU or stepdown unit for 2.5 monts his bills will be horrifying. If they expect me to pay the state can have his tiny "estate". I just hope I can navigate the process if I need to. The person the letter said could help with this doesn't know much and isn't really offering to ask anyone what she doesn't know, even admitting normally she'd refer something to her boss who wasn't there. Oh well. The forms that have to be filed are much more difficult than dealing with her.

Eventually this will all be over and ok. I believe that. I just hope it is soon.

Sorry to hear about your frustrating afternoon.

When my grandma died, my dad stopped paying her bills because he wasn't legally responsible even though the hospital kept sending them. (She was in a psych ward for several months.) We got to keep her house and assets without having to give those up, either. He talked to a Medicaid representative to learn more info, and he contacted the hospital to straighten it out. He talked to one of the hospital's financial assistants who worked with Medicaid (my grandma has Medicaid). So, if your dad was on Medicaid, that's one thing you could try. Or you could just talk to any financial assistant at the hospital and ask.

If he wasn't on medicaid, then try: Welcome to Benefits.Gov | Benefits.Gov

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Happy birthday @Wander!

I'm still feeling low but I'm getting by.

I sold a few copies of my new book and got paid a grand total of $1 Not bad considering I priced it at 3.49. But I paid $1 in advertising so it evens out.

Congrats on selling your book! Is this the first book you've sold?

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Congrats on selling your book! Is this the first book you've sold?

Thanks, blue!

No I've written other books in the past, both published by a publisher and self published.

But this is the first book I've written about finding happiness that's based on my experience with bipolar, so I'm pleased that the topic resonates with someone.

[wildflowerchild25]

In applying for summer camp jobs again. Despite the way I got fired for being bipolar from my last summer camp job, I actually had fun working there. I hope to find another fun job for the summer.

RS and I are going to crunch some numbers tonight and see if we can afford our own place. There’s a really great single family home up for rent in my town. Single family homes for rent are hard to come by. I know RS doesn’t want to live in a condo or townhome. But if we wait that may be our only option over the summer. I really hope it works out. I want to live on my own SO BADLY. I hate it here, have for years. My mom gets on my nerves and it’s always, always a mess. In my own place I can start fresh and make sure everything stays clean. I feel bad about leaving my mom alone but I can’t stay here forever.

I’m also getting a new tattoo, hopefully today. It’s going to be a Harry Potter tattoo lol. I know I know I’m a nerd. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time so I’m not hypomanic, don’t worry.

My dad is now in the ICU at the general hospital with severe breathing problems.

My dad called me about an hour ago mostly to ask how I was and tell me he loves me. My siblings will be in contact with the doctors there.

I am severely upset. I am happy that my husband took tomorrow off from work. If the situation worsens, I will ask him to come home early today.

[Scooter9]

I hope for the best for you and your dad @BirdDancer

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My dad is now in the ICU at the general hospital with severe breathing problems.

My dad called me about an hour ago mostly to ask how I was and tell me he loves me. My siblings will be in contact with the doctors there.

I am severely upset. I am happy that my husband took tomorrow off from work. If the situation worsens, I will ask him to come home early today.

Thinking of you and your dad. Sending supportive hugs and prayers.

BirdDancer Sending good thoughts your way.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My dad is now in the ICU at the general hospital with severe breathing problems.

My dad called me about an hour ago mostly to ask how I was and tell me he loves me. My siblings will be in contact with the doctors there.

I am severely upset. I am happy that my husband took tomorrow off from work. If the situation worsens, I will ask him to come home early today.

I'm so sorry to hear this. You know you have our support. Hugs.