Last thread has gone over 100 pages so here is a brand new one

Thanks, Lavender!

I just got back from my annual exam at my GP's office. He's always a nice guy! My blood test results were as expected. I still have high cholesterol and my triglycerides and glucose were slightly high, too. Last time my triglycerides and glucose were normal. I need to cut down on those refined sugars again! I asked him about a statin, and he explained why I don't need one at this point. He even ran some special calculation to show me my risk for a heart attack. It was 1.3%. He said my age (not that old), my normal blood pressure, lack of diabetes, the fact that I never smoked, and other factors make my risk low, despite my cholesterol. OK. Of course he did push me to diet and exercise more, as always. He's a really thin guy. I told him that I doubt he ever eats a donut. He said he doesn't. I've been going to him for 22 years. We were both youngsters way back then.

It's rather warm today at 51 F.

[Nammu]

Thanks lavender!

Really bored. Got up at 11 went back to bed at 12. Then got up went to the library and picked up mum's meds. The hours just trundle by. I'd not eat if it wasn't for mum. I think winter has lasted too long. Both sad and glad the clocks changed. Glad cause the day last longer, sad cause I lost an hour.

[~Christina]

I don’t care about the Lost hour. I don’t work so ....

This last bout of rain has caused big headaches.

Plans today , just hoping today doesn’t suck as much as yesterday. :eyeroll:

[wildflowerchild25]

I have a consultation for surgery on Thursday. My dr wanted me to get in ASAP because my left leg is so weak. He doesn’t want the weakness to become permanent. So I’m probably looking at surgery by the end of March. That scares me yet relieves me at the same time.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I have a consultation for surgery on Thursday. My dr wanted me to get in ASAP because my left leg is so weak. He doesn’t want the weakness to become permanent. So I’m probably looking at surgery by the end of March. That scares me yet relieves me at the same time.

I hope your able to get it done and back to more pain free life

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I have a consultation for surgery on Thursday. My dr wanted me to get in ASAP because my left leg is so weak. He doesn’t want the weakness to become permanent. So I’m probably looking at surgery by the end of March. That scares me yet relieves me at the same time.

That's good news.

[tecomsin]

I've been struggling today. My son is having back pain problems at work and has been to physio and got a written request for an ergonomic assessment and furniture but his company will not provide either, not even a chair. He says now he is also having pain through the weekend and ibuprofin is not helping. So I suggested he take his two remaining vacation days off to rest his back and also work on his resume and linkedin so he can start applying for other jobs. He's got the same kind of upper back problem that I have had and I feel bad for him that he is in constant pain. I told him to also go for a massage. I feel helpless again. I hope he works on his resume instead of just goofing off. Then he will be back in the position he was in to day except no days off until he accumulates 1.25 days per month.

Tara, glad you're getting some decent medical attention. I hope it all goes well!

I had a better day today. It was healthier. I did a ton of housework. I ate healthier. I did not lay around. I enjoyed being more active. Now i'm listening to a beautiful two-hour compilation of contemporary instrumental music on YouTube.

It's my third day on Wellbutrin. I feel cautious hope that it's working.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Went to work this morning. Woke up stressing out so I figured work would be better than being alone. I also booked an appt with my gp for thursday. I dont think anyone can help me but i promised i would see her if i wasnt seeing my t which im not and she told me she would get me in if i needed even if there were no openings(she is booked for about a month she isnt in the office until thursday though) Plus i like her a lot so i like to get time to talk to her even if i dont think it will help.

After work stopped and grabbed another bottle since I ran out last night.

Got kicked out of chat. Well not technically but the mod told me i csnt be on there drunk. Which im not really but i have been drinking since i got off.work.

Feeling pretty bad now. My only "friend" stopped talking to me again after she found out i was drinking again. Not sure if i can deal with this anymore.

If people dont like me if i am not doing good then why bother at all. Rather not have anyone i think.

[xRavenx]

Hi everyone. My anxiety has reached such as a high level that I haven't felt this way for over a year. I am leaving my job and gave my two weeks notice. The work environment is completely toxic and unhealthy and a lot of people are leaving. It is my time to go. I will miss my good friend from there though.
There is another job opportunity where I know someone who works there, but all the red tape to get the job is overwhelming. One past job did not end on good terms. The person made false allegations against me, and I should have took them to court, and HR from this new job requested information from them. So that was a major trigger and brought me back to dark times.

Everything feels like a chore, I had a meltdown in front of my mother, who just doesn't know how to be supportive of me, because I am rapid cycling and the anxiety is so high, I see a mixed state coming. She said I probably shouldn't be working and that I belong in the hospital, unless I "get a grip." Everything is just too much.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Tara, glad you're getting some decent medical attention. I hope it all goes well!

I had a better day today. It was healthier. I did a ton of housework. I ate healthier. I did not lay around. I enjoyed being more active. Now i'm listening to a beautiful two-hour compilation of contemporary instrumental music on YouTube.

It's my third day on Wellbutrin. I feel cautious hope that it's working.

I so confused since my name is also Tara; would you be so kind to clarify who you are talking about; lol. I don't know if another person is named Tara on this forum and you are talking to them; or me and just using my real name.

I'm glad you had a good day; I always feel super productive after house work.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

It's been a week since my father died. My brother and I went to his house. It was indescribable. Trash was 2-3 feet deep throughout. No water, electric or plumbing. Evidence of animals being in the house. Just mind-blowing that he lived like that and refused to leave when offered nicer conditions. We did find a paper telling us what he wanted done when he died and that was good and what we'd hoped for but didn't expect.

I'm just tired. I've been freezing cold for days from the stress. I am spending all my time in fleece and under piles of blankets and still cold.

I think he'll be cremated this week.

I've not cried yet. His life was really sad for a long time and there's a lot to come to terms with. It will take time.

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

I so confused since my name is also Tara; would you be so kind to clarify who you are talking about; lol. I don't know if another person is named Tara on this forum and you are talking to them; or me and just using my real name.

I'm glad you had a good day; I always feel super productive after house work.

Whoops! A mix-up! WildFlowerChild25 is also named Tara. I'll use screennames from now on to prevent more confusion.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Whoops! A mix-up! WildFlowerChild25 is also named Tara. I'll use screennames from now on to prevent more confusion.

That is totally fine; I guess I didn't realize I shared the same name with another username. That is kind of awesome honestly; it's even spelled the same way. Thank you for explaining that to me; I figured you were probably not talking about me; but I just wanted to check. I'm sorry I'm usually pretty good about figuring out things; but honestly today my brain might as well just be mush.

[wildflowerchild25]

Hey, fellow Tara! Nice to know there’s two of us lol.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thanks, Lavender!

I just got back from my annual exam at my GP's office. He's always a nice guy! My blood test results were as expected. I still have high cholesterol and my triglycerides and glucose were slightly high, too. Last time my triglycerides and glucose were normal. I need to cut down on those refined sugars again! I asked him about a statin, and he explained why I don't need one at this point. He even ran some special calculation to show me my risk for a heart attack. It was 1.3%. He said my age (not that old), my normal blood pressure, lack of diabetes, the fact that I never smoked, and other factors make my risk low, despite my cholesterol. OK. Of course he did push me to diet and exercise more, as always. He's a really thin guy. I told him that I doubt he ever eats a donut. He said he doesn't. I've been going to him for 22 years. We were both youngsters way back then.

It's rather warm today at 51 F.

Glad you you had a good doctor's appointment sorry about the cholesterol and triglycerides; I finally got a good reading when my Cardio checked mine and it was a lot different then my previous numbers from the tests my previous job needed. I know diet and exercise is hard but really I have found cutting out daily morning stops at Starbucks and cutting out soda and just drinking water; flavored sparking water; and tea (green and white) that that made a big difference and just trying to eat a little better. Just simple little changes made a big difference for me.

I really hope I am able to have the same GP for 22 years. I am glad that you are doing okay minus some high numbers. Good on you for good blood pressure; even mine is sometimes elevated.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Hey, fellow Tara! Nice to know there’s two of us lol.

It is nice to know there are two of us; we even spell it the same way. I haven't met a lot of Tara's that spell it this way. Do mispronunciation's bug you like the bug me?

I am glad that you are getting seen by a doctor soon; I know you are probably in a terrible amount of pain. M is dealing with something similar and he is honestly in constant pain; it hurts me to see him that way; so I know you are probably hurting. I hope you and RS are doing well; you really deserve all the happiness.

I am sending you a very gentle hug

I also hope your work is able to work with you; you can't exactly help a back injury.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and look another freaking Monday; I swear I hate Monday's not to mention Daylight Savings Time is still kicking my butt; I thought yesterday was bad; today just freaking hurts. I didn't feel like dressing up so it was very much a scrub day, my brain and body fought with me this morning; so scrubs it was; my brain was let people complain because honestly I didn't care this morning between my shear exhaustion and the clocks going forward it was not a good morning at all.

Work downright sucked today; between my honestly exhausted feeling and making what felt like 1,000 phone calls trying to find a specialist for M on the list; and I swear I knew that was going to suck but this was like an extra layer of suck; we finally found one but of course they aren't in our city and it's going to be a drive; go freaking figure that since nothing seems to work out; not to mention it's going to be next week before he could get in.

I am just so tired; so very tired with work; school; and the people I love health drama or my own health drama. I love him and am obviously going to be there for him; after all I am still staying at his place.

I feel okay mentally; my meds are keeping me in check but for some reason; I feel like I need to get a break and just relax and chill but sadly I feel like I will not be getting a break because I feel like if M needs surgery; I should really be saving my days off to make sure he is alright.

Hugs to everyone

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Another update since im bored and alone and not allowed on chat.

H came home and told me he didnt like my whiskey breath and left to get beer once the kids were in bed. Ifeel even worse now

This is getting unbearable so fast

[beauflow]

https://forums.psychcentral.com/6464772-post994.html

The urge to self-destruct with drugs is a BIG red flag. Do you have the support you need? Why are you afraid to take your meds? A trip to a pdoc sounds in order. Be careful. Things can get out of hand quickly. It is an understandable thing to wonder. Just don't obsess over it. You may find your answer organically just by going about your life. Please stay safe and seek urgent help if you cannot. Keep posting. It may help you gather your thoughts, and get support while you do.

Wander thank you

I've been struggling and I deleted what I wrote and I am sorry, earlier I was a freight train of thoughts.
In real life- I have continued to be agitated, at work, at stores- I have to constantly check myself and isolate

I have to wait another 8 weeks for a therapist at the place that the gen doc suggested. I will continue to look/// or at least some thing.

Support- no, yes? not entirely - but I have tried. I don't blame folks not wanting to be around me at times... plus I can have issues with people... some times I feel better off alone.

I don't take the Pdoc meds due to the ones I tried, my paranoia went out of control. I was young, had a lot of PTSD issues to still work out (and do), I was already leery of taking the meds to begin with-- then my unfortunate reaction happened, which made me scared.
later with my back issues, any chemical drug seems to mess with me in adverse effects.

With the topic of pdoc meds- My strong core belief that "THEY are trying to control me" let's loose and it can be difficult to maintain- they can be many.
However I have been thinking on this a lot, it is not that "they" *Who ever they are* is trying, it is that I am in need of assistance of better management... this is difficult, my father used to tell me something that has stuck with me to this day, which assists with this negative core belief.
I DO believe being aware of thoughts is great; however I keep losing this ground.

The last Pdoc I saw made it very clear to me, that no matter what I take- their drugs or try on my own, it is all about management. I will always have the highs, I will always have the lows-- and I guess chaotically cycle as I do as I don't and have not fully understood that through this chaos (get told I rapid cycle or at least NOS if not rapid....., but come on!). Get me off this crazy train.

-- I debated with her on bipolar diagnosis.. Not in an argument way, but I a true debate where I learned more from that... and yet I still question it- funny but not.

Cigarettes I would say I am addicted to- yes very much indeed and not only that, but my two back surgeries both surgeons mentioned I was doing more self harm with the cigarettes than anything else.. - if I get to start smoking cigs again. no I can't just have one and I will have another after.- the quitting recently has what probably assisted to ampt so much but I will not start ... due to:
if I don't stop now- when will I?!

Some may say the cannabis is the same way, but I am not getting high every day-- because that is counter productive.

Asking for organic life style- I tried that, that was in part why I went in the first time to therapy.. - Stopped everything and was trying to be like everyone else and failing horribly.
I even continued NOT to partake after that therapy but ya know in 2013 or 2014 I had a break down and cannabis was there to assist with getting back around and making things at least bearable again.
I tried that later in life with no cannabis and that really did not go well.


One a good note, my cat is back home with me.. which he is happier just being at home and it was nice to see that.. strange in a way but nice. Hopefully no more bugs.

Apologies I felt I needed to reply and it is so long.

I got 8 weeks to wait or find help, so I pulled out an old CBT book -- that I can get mad at or forget. but at least I did read part of it today.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by wander

https://forums.psychcentral.com/6464775-post995.html
I am so sorry you had such a terrible day and are feeling so exhausted. After tomorrow is there any time that you can take to yourself and rest a bit? It sounds like you need a little break or you will reach breaking point. Keep us up to date if you can. I really hope things improve soon.

Thank you Wander; I am not feeling the best and still feel exhausted. I would love to take time off but I am saving those days in case the boyfriend has to have surgery; since I probably won't be feeling the best if that happens. So I would rather save my vacation days for when I really need them since I know if he needs surgery he will need both his family and I; so I'd rather save them. I feel okay mentally just a little worn down.

[Wander]

A slightly better day so far (it is 1 pm). This morning I dragged myself up to do some hydrotherapy at the beach for my torn hamstring. It was a little rough so made me work harder and have to be more careful. The ocean lifted my mood a little. I think battling the waves helped vent some of my rage too.

After breakfast I had a coffee with a close friend who is moving back to England after seven years here. It was wonderful but I will miss him dearly.

I still feel panicked and overwhelmed. Drank too much again last night. I know I need to stop but I just don’t care right now. So many memories and ideas are running through my mind. They haunt me. Soon I will be going over my parents for a day. I love seeing them but really want to be alone. People in longer than an hour is very stressful. I just want to hide. Seeing my T tomorrow. Wonder what he will say?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Hi everyone. My anxiety has reached such as a high level that I haven't felt this way for over a year. I am leaving my job and gave my two weeks notice. The work environment is completely toxic and unhealthy and a lot of people are leaving. It is my time to go. I will miss my good friend from there though.

There is another job opportunity where I know someone who works there, but all the red tape to get the job is overwhelming. One past job did not end on good terms. The person made false allegations against me, and I should have took them to court, and HR from this new job requested information from them. So that was a major trigger and brought me back to dark times.


Everything feels like a chore, I had a meltdown in front of my mother, who just doesn't know how to be supportive of me, because I am rapid cycling and the anxiety is so high, I see a mixed state coming. She said I probably shouldn't be working and that I belong in the hospital, unless I "get a grip." Everything is just too much.

Legally the only questions that can be asked of previous employer is 1. Would you hire again? 2. Verify salary

[Sunflower123]

I had a friend since childhood die unexpectedly March 10 from unknown causes. Saddened, shocked and speechless. She was only one year older then me. She only presented with a cough which she’d seen a doctor for. Her husband went to church Sunday and she was fine. He came home and she had passed.

The autopsy will tell but I think it was that fast moving flu and it was either pneumonia or sepsis that got her.

It reminded me never to take one second of life for granted. She had just posted a funny Facebook post a few days before never knowing what Sunday held. Disconcerting. She will be missed.

Warm wishes to all.