[Jensitive22]

I struggle with thinking I can’t meet the expectations of others. This affected me in my profession and affects my relationships with others. Expectations- my own internal, what I think are others, and those that are actual- become so entangled that I am unable to feel confident in meeting them. Making and keeping friends feels impossible to me, so I don’t even try. Taking this a step further, friendships feel out of reach because I am not worthy of a friend.

Does anybody else struggle with this?

[AspiringAuthor]

Feeling that you are not worthy of a friend might be temporary depression or a pervasive lack of sense of self-worth. Which is it for you? You have BPII so I am wondering if you are in a depressive state so much of the time that you confuse depressed mood with your core personality.

[Under*Over]

Yeah I feel the same way. That if I let people in and let them see me- theyll run away scared and everyone will be hurt.

But Ive been told that- and I do think this is true and makes sense- you cant have ANY relationships if you dont try. Even if it feels like you are always being hurt... not having relationships hurts too.

So keep trying is my advice. Im going to try harder too so you arent alone. I know how hard it can be but everyone deserves to have people in their lives. Very few people are awful enough to live a life of isolation- and you dont seem awful at all

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I definitely have the same problems. At work I can push it down enough to not let it affect my performance or the way I relate to people but in my personal life it means I don't try at all. Sometimes I think about trying but change my mind quickly.

It does hurt me that I don't have relationships but my fear of failure is bigger. I just feel that no one likes me beyond short encounters. I do get along well with everyone but i'm too afraid to try to go further.

This is my second post on this on here today and I have just thought of another part that may contribute to this. I know me not trying is a problem and I feel that it is others not liking me that is the reason I never get to friendship level but here is what I just realized.

My inconsistency may scare some people off, I mean lots of times im in bed 16hrs a day or at the opposite end staying up all night, getting drunk and being arrested under the mental health act day after day. But what if the main problem is actually the opposite, me not wanting friendship causing it to end so soon. A lot of the time I am just not into the friendship thing, I get depressed and isolate myself so often that I find myself not wanting to deal with anyone or try in any way. That ends things pretty fast, people probably assume I dont like them because sometimes I dont like anyone in reality.

Gonna dig a bit further into that thought. There is probably truth in both ideas.

I totally agree you seem like a very nice person who deserves friendship

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to what you wrote, Jensitive22 I struggle with expectations as well. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. But we have to keep fighting and understand that we can only do our best. That's all we can do. It's not our fault. And please remember that you ARE worthy of love, just like everyone elese. Don't be so hard on yourself. You deserve to be loved. You're certainly loved here. I hope you'll feel better soon. Remember that we're here for you to support you. We all love you here.. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Sending many hugs to everyone

[yellow_fleurs]

I do struggle with this. I think it stems from a few things for me. I have developed some low self worth possibly due to family issues such as a dad who could be very critical and had a temper, and being made fun of when I was younger/treated poorly by peers. I think this low self worth can become a negative cycle, because if we start to act like we don't deserve things and friends, then the world takes us at our offer, or we miss chances to meet people, or accept less than we deserve in relationships, building upon this negative self image. In addition, I struggle because of mental/physical health problems that have made me different and not able to keep up with my peers, isolating me. Also, depression makes this much worse since it can make us feel worthless as a symptom. I am working on evaluating myself more objectively, but it's hard to unlearn.

I think it is a good thing to address in therapy. If you avoid making friends, you will miss the chance for outside perspective that shows you you are worthy.

[AspiringAuthor]

What a gentle username! just now noticed.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Jensitive22

I struggle with thinking I can’t meet the expectations of others. This affected me in my profession and affects my relationships with others. Expectations- my own internal, what I think are others, and those that are actual- become so entangled that I am unable to feel confident in meeting them. Making and keeping friends feels impossible to me, so I don’t even try. Taking this a step further, friendships feel out of reach because I am not worthy of a friend.

Does anybody else struggle with this?

yes I do ...

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs to all

[GoldenSnitch]

I can completely relate to this. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way.