[sedeveria]

hi. I'm looking for support from people who understand. I restarted lithium last night after a 4 year period of stability. For all four years I had no episodes and was taking no medications, I was able to handle mind mood symptoms through luck and consistent self care. In the past 5 weeks I've totally fallen apart into a depressive episode that nothing is helping. I know the meds will, so I have that at least.

I'm struggling to accept that I'm sick and might always be on the verge of getting sick. It sucks that even after all that time spent on my mental health and well being I'm back where I started, again. It feels like my parole from mental illness has been revoked. And now that I've had another episode I really can;t deny being sick, and I know it is going to happen again.

How do you guys deal knowing there is probably always going to be another episode? I'm struggling.

[bizi]

I have recently switched back to lithium.but I have been on meds for quite some time. Have you posted before here under a different name?
welcome back. You will still need to you your tools that you learned....self care is so important.

bizi

I like lithium.

not exactly much of a contribution, but it helps me

[fern46]

I can understand feeling a little defeated after such a long run of wellness. Congratulations on maintaining your stability that long on your own. That's really amazing.

I think you could focus on the knowing that this may happen again and that you are sick, but perhaps you are missing an opportunity. The fact is that you were strong and brave enough to seek help when you needed it. You are proving to yourself that you are stronger than your illness and you have risen above it to handle it properly. That's really something to be proud of in my book. I have only suffered one episode, but I pray all the time that if it happens again I will have enough self awareness to seek help before things get too out of hand. You've done exactly that for yourself. I think it is impressive.

This depression won't last forever. You now have a proven history of long stable periods in between episodes. I think it is important to remember that and believe in the possibility of another long and healthy run once this low period you are in resolves. You can also take the knowing with you that you will handle yourself properly if and when your mood shifts again. That's valuable knowledge. Blessings to you for wellness and brighter days ahead.

Welcome to the forums, sedeveria!
I don't have anything to add really, but I'd like to second fern's reply.

Originally Posted by sedeveria

hi. I'm looking for support from people who understand. I restarted lithium last night after a 4 year period of stability. For all four years I had no episodes and was taking no medications, I was able to handle mind mood symptoms through luck and consistent self care. In the past 5 weeks I've totally fallen apart into a depressive episode that nothing is helping. I know the meds will, so I have that at least.

I'm struggling to accept that I'm sick and might always be on the verge of getting sick. It sucks that even after all that time spent on my mental health and well being I'm back where I started, again. It feels like my parole from mental illness has been revoked. And now that I've had another episode I really can;t deny being sick, and I know it is going to happen again.

How do you guys deal knowing there is probably always going to be another episode? I'm struggling.

Perpetual relapse is not a guarantee with bipolar disorder, especially if you remain properly treated. Not being treated obviously puts people in a much more vulnerable state.

I know the thought of always having bipolar episodes "in the wait" sucks. I definitely do. But I know sometimes people get so upset and hopeless about that. Many people have epilepsy and diabetes (and/or other health issues) that stay with them forever and have remissions and then recurrences. For some reason people with those conditions tend to be a little more accepting of those realities than people with mental health issues. I wonder why. My guess is the stigma of bipolar (from others and self), thoughts that we have some super powered ability to control our brain, the fact that bipolar disorder doesn't clearly show in a blood test or on an MRI, or other? Yea, I know many people hate medication side effects.

My mother started having epilepsy at age 16 after a fall. It was traumatic for her. At about 20 something she decided she was going to control it with only therapy and diet, yada yada. She ended up having such severe seizures that it put her life in danger and she was hospitalized. That scared her enough that she not only always took her epilepsy medications faithfully, but was frightened if she ever missed a dose. Once she ran out and the pharmacy wouldn't give her her medication in time. She fought so hard to get it that the pharmacist almost called the cops on her. Then in the ICU during the last days of her life, she begged the doctors over and over to not forget to give her her epilepsy medication.

I feel very strongly that people should remain on bipolar medications. If a medication has severe side effects, then I feel that a patient must work hard with their doctor to find a more tolerable, but still helpful, option. I know the importance of this from my own past. I also know it because of the situation my late (I wrote "late") nephew experienced. It's odd how sometimes people with bipolar disorder must hit a really nasty "bottom" (like alcoholics often must) to finally accept that proper treatment is necessary. Unfortunately, we can always pick how low that bottom is. As in the case of my nephew, his bottom was as low as it could go, and one he never had a chance to learn from.