[SilverSprings]

Trigger - discussion of symptoms of outburst

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I have seen many specialists/psych/nurses. I was never really told what my diagnosis is with confidence. I was told Bi polar 2 possible, anxiety, PTSD. Here is a description of what I am dealing with. I feel like no one understands well enough to give me the right answer and I feel I can't properly treat/look for treatment w/o knowing what it is.

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant by IVF, and I went off all meds for my baby as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It was a risk, but I was worried about birth defects. Now that im nearing 2nd trimester, some of my symptoms are flaring. I tend to have triggers from stress. They will cause me to over react / act irrationally and it almost always starts the same way. It usually starts with crying / being upset about something not working out to plan. From there, I am in my head, I lose ability to reason, and then make the issue about something/one else fault and make it catastrophic end of the world (in hind sight it is always a small issue), make a big deal scream and yell, feel almost out of body, thrown things (usually my phone which I have no idea how it never broke yet) and hurt people (especially when they try to get away from me, I either freak out or I want them to go away if they try to help me). I have mildly hurt my husband before and myself in these "rages" when things were at their worst. Squeezing his arm too hard digging my nails into him, a punch or kick to get away. Throwing things which of course damages them/or the house. None of this is cool, totally violent and totally wrong. Sometimes / most of the time, when it was super bad, I didn't recall much from the episode. This hasn't happened in years, I thought I was cured of it!!

Fast forward to now > I had 2 similar episodes w/in the past week!! My husband is terrified as am I for my sanity and my babys health. Thankfully the baby is totally doing fine and I am a very diligent person with going to the Dr, calling my nurses etc. Im on the ball, I realize this needs to be addressed.

I feel its almost irresponsible that my recent psych nurse let me off my meds.

Hormones (before getting pregnant it was the time of month) seem to make it worse, pregnancy hormones are crazy. So, I am just not sure what this diagnosis is? I guess it feels like Hypomania, but it will last maybe 1-2 days max, (that I am aware of/notice) then there is a severe low of dealing with the repercussions and embarrassment of what I have done.

I don't want my baby to be exposed to this side of me if it can be helped. Being I was doing so well on Lamictal + Lexapro, I think that is what I need to go back on. I have an appt but not until 6/17th to see someone b/c im traveling over seas for a few weeks. I am bringing Benadryl. I have an appt to see my nurse tomorrow but she is afraid to treat pregnancy it seems so she referred me out.

I feel very lost and nervous. I talked to my OB nurse today who was surprised that I got off my meds. Clearly, that plan is not working.

So im curious what others think this could be other then Rage syndrome or Irrational tantrums to an extreme. Its mood issues for sure, my Dad has bad mood problems and displayed similar acts of aggression/anger on occasion growing up (never actually hurt us directly) and there is my mom with her insane anxiety. I think I have something going on. I would love to know what!

Thank you!!

[MickeyCheeky]

Unfortunately we can't really diagnose you here, SilverSprings! I'm so sorry you're struggling SO MUCH! Can I ask you if getting off ALL MEDS was YOUR decision or did your Pdoc suggest it? Did you talk to your Pdoc or with ANY of the other doctors before taking that decision? I don't really know how Meds work while you're pregnant unfortunately, but if they saw nothing wrong with you still taking meds your meds as you regularly do or haven't really brought up the issue to you, perhaps there's really not too much to fear? Just some thoughts! Perhaps I'm ABSOLUTELY and TOTALLY wrong! That is possible! Either way if you're feeling this way I feel like going back on meds may DEFINITELY be the best decision for you! I'm REALLY HAPPY that you're seeing your Doctors and taking ALL the necessary precautions both for YOU and YOUR BABY! I hope you'll be able to find the solution to this problem and at least what you're looking for! I can't really tell you what your diagnosis may be but is it possible for you to have a little bit of ALL of those things you've just mentioned? It IS possible to have multiple diagnosis at once and there's nothing WRONG with that! Just some thoughts! Either way I CERTAINLY and DEFINITELY hope and wish for THE BEST AND ONLY THE BEST for you, your baby, your husband and your family! LET US KNOW HOW THINGS ARE GOING FOR YOU! WE ALL DO CARE ABOUT YOU! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Please keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN if you want to, ok? WE DO CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Let us know how things are going for you! Sending many hugs to you, SilverSprings!

[Victoria'smom]

There's Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)

[Moose72]

Silver Springs,

I've been pregnant three times and given birth at term with all three babies. HOWEVER, I was on Zoloft for anxiety and depression during my first. WIth my 2nd, I had premature labor at 30 weeks along- I was hospitalized on Magnesium Sulfate for a couple days and sent home on bed rest. There was stress during that pregnancy, which resulted in not only premature labor, but contractions at 20 weeks and vomiting to the point of not being able to keep even water down. With my third pregnancy, I went in for contractions at 23 weeks. Back then, they said I"d be transferred to the regular ER rather than labor and delivery! At 28 weeks, I went into labor after a long walk on July 3rd or so after the fireworks. My lower back hurt, and I was having contractions. I was hospitalized on mag. sulfate again and this time, the hospital staff "really thought you were going to deliver". It was by the skin of my teeth that I didn't. I'm telling you all this because I believe that my complications were in part due to extreme stress. It sounds like your yelling, etc. is giving you extreme stress. This can translate to the baby being stressed and, I believe, premature labor. I hope your pregnancy continues to go well! Just keep in mind what stress may do- either now or down the line.

[~Christina]

Pdoc and OB should work closely to find a way to not only get through pregnancy and the birth but after delivery.

I think getting into a DBT program might help you a lot with your inability to control your anger and actions.

[SilverSprings]

Thanks everyone! A quick update. I have an app with prenatal psychiatrist in few weeks. Meanwhile my psych nurse put me back on 12.5 mg (half of my 25 pills) of Lamictal.. I really wanted to try non medicated pregnancy but this severe anxiety / moods and ups and downs are just too much.
Traveling out of country tomorrow so I really hope I don’t get the scary rash. I didn’t have it before but then again I wasn’t pregnant. My hubby & I both agree since I’m almost in 2md trimester & I’ll be really closely monitored, were doing the right thing.
Thanks all 💗

[fern46]

I'm glad to hear your med team helped you find a dose that can be safe for your baby. I understand not wanting to take anything, but being forced into it. I had to take a somewhat risky anti nausea med with both of my pregnancies. I had severe morning sickness the whole time and lost a lot of weight and became dehydrated. We do what we have to do to be healthy enough to carry a child. I think you are smart to take care of your mental needs.

Congrats on your pregnancy and I wish you safe travels.

[Nammu]

I second what Christina said. A DBT program is good for such behavior.

[sophiebunny]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Pdoc and OB should work closely to find a way to not only get through pregnancy and the birth but after delivery.

I think getting into a DBT program might help you a lot with your inability to control your anger and actions.

Good advise. This is a physician problem to solve. Her OB/GYN should be consulting with her psychiatrist. If they aren't, that's a serious problem. One of these MD's has to call the other.

Getting my oncologist and psychiatrist to talk was a challenge.. They did finally connect when I had a PTSD episode after surgery on the cancer unit. My cancer and bipolar 1 disorder and trauma were treated in coordination at that point, not as separate illnesses. I weathered complex cancer treatment far better when my treating MDs worked together.

Getting MDs to cooperate with each other can be like herding cats but in this situation, they really need to coordinate for her benefit.