[UpDownMiddleGround]

I've bee struggling to hold it together for a few days now. Yesterday I barely touched my hair, but I took a shower and made it to work. I met a friend after work and she kindly informed me that I wasn't looking my best. She had good intentions, i just don't think she really understood just how bad of a day it was.

Things got really dark for me last night.

Today, I called my doctor and he went back up on my latuda. I just got the prescription refilled, so I am going to have to pay twice.

I spent a good bit of the day with my mother. She began making comments like , "There are two of you and I don't like the one that I got today." "I know which one Im going to get when I get in the car and I got the wrong one today." "I'm going to exercise you." She made Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde references. I told her that I didn't think it was ok for her to talk to me this way. It didnt help. She continued.

Next time I feel the way that I have felt for the last few days, I think I will stay at home. I dont really see why I even try anymore. I always end up here eventually.

[~Christina]

Oh I’m so sorry! It’s so hurtful to hear such ignorant statements.

You made the call to get help ! Your being pro active and that’s a huge achievement.

I hope the Med increase helps to level you out quickly

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by UpDownMiddleGround

Next time I feel the way that I have felt for the last few days, I think I will stay at home. I dont really see why I even try anymore. I always end up here eventually.

Friend, it looks like you want to get in the same boat with me. It is not enjoyable to be stuck at home, and only go and do the most basic stuff you have to do outside of the house. Your mother did hurt you, as talking about you as two different people. The one being manic and the other being depressed. We are both bipolar, and we are one person with one mind. We have greater highs and greater lows than the average person. You say you do not want to try anymore and you came to this place again: so your working out your conflict. It is normal to question yourself, in fact, it can be positive if people do so. Understand what you do not like about yourself, then, make corrections that will improve your lifestyle. Be a better woman than me.

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Today's questions/statements -- "Are you ok?" "I'll come back after lunch, maybe you will be smiling."

I feel like I'm walking through mud. I want to go to bed. Why try?

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh I’m so sorry! It’s so hurtful to hear such ignorant statements.

You made the call to get help ! Your being pro active and that’s a huge achievement.

I hope the Med increase helps to level you out quickly

I hope it does too. I just hate it when I get like this. My therapist says to remember that these thoughts will pass. I remember that, but I also know that no matter what, Im going to feel like this again. And that doesn't give me much hope.

[Misery Business]

Hi, first off I am sorry you are suffering with this. I do not suffer with Bipolar disorder so I am not going to say I know what you are going through. I am going to try and answer this question you asked yourself though. You said , "Why Try"? I have a simple answer for this question. I asked this question myself not but a just a few weeks ago and here is the response I got. "Because you can." Each day is a new day to start over. A clean slate. Sure there are things lingering in the past, but it is a clean slate to try and tackle them in that new day. That is why we get up and try again I was told. Life isn't easy and I can sure tell you that and I am only 16 years old and I have been to Hell and back a few times. There has been many times especially during the 15 month horrific ordeal I was in was going on that I wanted to give up, but each day was a new day that I kept on going and hoping for an end that did thank God eventually come. So as simple as that may sound for an answer I truly believe and am living that. I hope that helps just a little.

UpDownMiddleGround, I'm sorry you're feeling so unwell. Most all of us know how that is.

It is tough when people truly don't understand mood disorder issues. "Making yourself" appear in a way that you don't feel can be torture, or even impossible. I imagine we have all tried feigning wellness plenty of times. I understand wishing your mom would not expect that. It would be good for her to learn a bit more about what you go through. Education is key. Being depressed, hypomanic/manic, mixed, anxious, irritable from bipolar disorder is often beyond our control. We are not sinful or "doing wrong" when we feel ill anymore than a person is if they have seizures or the flu.

A lot of us here have definitely had periods when we weren't perfect (or even far from) with self-care. You sound like you're doing better than me. I have to commend you that you have even been able to get to work feeling so unwell. But even if you couldn't there's nothing wrong with that, either. If you are ill, you're ill. Something shows. I think sometimes when it doesn't it's even more dangerous. I'm glad to read that you were in contact with your psychiatrist and have a medication adjustment. I really hope that the Latuda change will start to help quickly. I take a very small amount of Latuda and even that has made some positive difference in my life.

[Moose72]

I heard a stranger say something like "She's crazy- bipolar" at the family/friends picnic last Saturday. I just walked by without saying "what would you like to know about bipolar disorder?"

My mom was more subtle and polite than yours but she made it clear that she only wanted to hear about my successes and funny things and positive things. She wanted me to entertain her. She shut me down immediately whenever i tried to get her advice on a problem. She'd say, "It's your decision." I was directing my own medical care at 14.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( updownmiddleground ))))))

(((((( whatever 2013 ))))))

My heart goes out to both of you!!!

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Originally Posted by Misery Business

Hi, first off I am sorry you are suffering with this. I do not suffer with Bipolar disorder so I am not going to say I know what you are going through. I am going to try and answer this question you asked yourself though. You said , "Why Try"? I have a simple answer for this question. I asked this question myself not but a just a few weeks ago and here is the response I got. "Because you can." Each day is a new day to start over. A clean slate. Sure there are things lingering in the past, but it is a clean slate to try and tackle them in that new day. That is why we get up and try again I was told. Life isn't easy and I can sure tell you that and I am only 16 years old and I have been to Hell and back a few times. There has been many times especially during the 15 month horrific ordeal I was in was going on that I wanted to give up, but each day was a new day that I kept on going and hoping for an end that did thank God eventually come. So as simple as that may sound for an answer I truly believe and am living that. I hope that helps just a little.

I'm sorry that you have had some bad experiences. Thank you for commenting on this thread. It did help a little. It took my a while to respond because I was in full tears to think how encouraging your words were. I have a 17 year old, and I can only imagine that he would try to help someone through his experiences. You are amazing!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by UpDownMiddleGround

I hope it does too. I just hate it when I get like this. My therapist says to remember that these thoughts will pass. I remember that, but I also know that no matter what, Im going to feel like this again. And that doesn't give me much hope.

Yes the one consistent thing Bipolar does ... is cycle. I hope that you get more stability time

[UpDownMiddleGround]

Hey, I wanted to give everyone an update. Today was a much better day. It started off rough but as the day went on, things improved. Thanks so much for your support. I love my PC friends.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by UpDownMiddleGround

Hey, I wanted to give everyone an update. Today was a much better day. It started off rough but as the day went on, things improved. Thanks so much for your support. I love my PC friends.

Great news