Bipolar check in #37

Thanks, Wild Coyote!

I'm not sure how often I will volunteer. I guess it depends on the type of work they need done. I told the Director that I don't want to do Helpline, though I know they likely need volunteers for that. I think initially, I will do something to help them prepare for their upcoming Wellness Conference. Maybe I'll help on that day, too, though I mentioned that I signed up for workshops with my sister. I do want to be with her part of the time. I encouraged her to join me. It would be kind of uncomfortable not spending time with her at that event.

Maybe I'd do two days per week max? We'll see.

I do think 45 mins is a long drive for me. Not only is driving a little stressful in my area, but I'd be using gas to/from, which I would need to pay for. Otherwise, I use little gas.

I need to wash my hair today so I look a bit better for my appointment.

I've got to confess that though I'm excited about taking a step forward (volunteering), I'm also scared. I've grown very comfortable in my "safe spot" at home. Volunteering feels a bit like work. Some of the memories of my last work days still haunt me a bit. However, I do want to be around people more. I want to do something even more positive.

I remember the Director of Operations at NAMI being a very nice lady. I know that I could be an asset to NAMI, if I can remain stable enough and keep any anxiety sufficiently in check.

I good to go into this knowing what you do and do not want to do. It has a better chance of being successful /rewarding this way.

I imagine they'd need some help with their political advocacy, too. I'd likely be very interested in that if i were to volunteer in my area.

Sorry driving is stressful in your area. it's relatively easy here. I'd spent about 15 years in the Boston area, which makes me appreciate the ease of driving here!

I hope you find the perfect position!
EnJOY!

Thanks, WC! I'd actually enjoy doing political advocacy. Actually, I've done a bit of that one my own, in recent years.

Oye, not even 24 hours out of the hospital and I already cut and got high.I did manage to pick up my Klonopin but the haldol won't be ready until later today.

Doing okay. Working from home. Feeling a bit more upbeat than last week and less agitated and anxious. I am looking into OCD specialists for therapy who do ERP therapy. I will see if my current therapist can help me with it, but since it's shown to be effective for my issues I think I should be doing that in therapy. I perhaps have other issues that can be addressed in therapy, but OCD is taking the forefront right now and I need to tackle that first. I will be sad if I have to leave my therapist for a different one, and probably anxious because what if I don't find someone who's as good of a fit? But hopefully it'll all work out.

Wow! Quite a drive! I know you think it is worth it!

I would love to hear a giggle!

Take care!

It's great that you know your needs.
I hope you find a very helpful therapist, too.
I have had a hard time making changes at times, even though changes have paid off! I hope any change you might make will bless you a thousand times over!

It is totally worth it but the day of the trip I always come home exhausted and it's hard to be 100% grateful that day. Today I am grateful even though I'm still really tired. The traffic jam I wasn't expecting yesterday really was a lot because the whole time I was watching the clock and knowing that leaving early was still turning into arriving late. I got overwhelmed. But today it is better again. I just will be staying in a motel the night before my GI appointment which is earlier in the day so I don't have to deal with the same stress.

Well, I left a voicemail for my therapist, but I don't think she will understand any of it. lol. I literally had to pause midway and say, "sorry, I'm trying to collect my thoughts. I can't think straight. I don't remember what I just said. I also don't mean to be confusing. I just have so many thoughts in my mind right now that I can't seem to focus."

I think I just said a bunch of random things that make no sense. lol. I told her about the sleep issues, the overwhelming thoughts, etc.. I also said that my pdoc's assistant told me to call her about it and to say I need help coping with anxiety. I do not feel anxious at all, but I am just relaying what they told me to tell her.

I mentioned that I keep going to bed at 11 and waking up at 4:30 ish, and that I woke up eight times on Sunday night into Monday morning, and five times last night. I also said I do not want to take Benadryl anymore because I have to wake up early tomorrow and I don't want to sleep past my meeting time!

I’m getting by. Could be better, could be worse. Does any here lose large chunks of time doing stuff but can’t even figure out what took so long or always remember what you did? That’s me lately. I finished lunch at 3:30 because of it. Mood is OK, but I feel lazy and my daughter has a school event at 6 this evening. I don’t know the other parents, and H can’t come with me,ugh. And I am 99% certain it’s about some major project the GT and pre-AP students have to do, enter more stress and a procrastinating 11 yr old. Fun. Am now feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, and it’s my child’s project, not my own.

Yes, I can see how it might be stressful at the time!
Glad you are feeling better today.

I stay at a hotel, too, if I have an early appointment at a certain hospital which is approx 2 hours away.

Good for you!
I hope she calls you back and is able to be very helpful!

Blueberrybook,

I know you have both physical and psychological difficulties and I realize you struggle daily. I am sorry this is the case. I have been hoping getting rid of some of your meds might be helpful soon. I would definitely feel lost if I was taking the medication you had listed. It must be overwhelming to lose time. I do lose chunks of time, mostly due to dissociation. Some people are more prone to losing time if/when they spend a lot of time home alone/isolated.

I do hope the event goes well tonight. I know it is difficult for you,especially when your H cannot accopany you.
If it was me, I'd examine how I am thinking about the gathering, in order to see if there might be some catastrophic thinking, or other unhelpful thinking patterns involved.
I know you are nervous and are beating yourself up a bit. Don't expend energy on anything negative. You can do this! I hope you and your daughter have a great time!

EDIT: Typos
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I had my usual Tuesday therapy, and it went well. Then I went for the volunteering interview at NAMI. I guess that went well, too. I actually agreed to start tomorrow morning at 10 am. I'm not too thrilled about what she's starting me with, but she emphasized that it's the first step to learning the ropes. I was firm about not doing Helpline.

My only major complaint about the atmosphere at that local NAMI is that it's like a rat race there. Or rush hour traffic in Times Square. Everybody is interrupting all of the time, and running around yapping at each other. I confess that it's a little overwhelming. I like being around people, but not in a rat race. And when I arrived, I did remember the Operations Director that interviewed me, but she made it seem like she knew me forever and must have hugged me at least three times. She brought me around the office practically yelling in excitement, "Look who's here! You remember BirdDancer!"

"Oh yes, of course I do. Welcome back!", they yelled back with enthusiasm.

And of course I didn't remember anybody's name beyond the Operations Director's, and only recognized one of the other people's faces, but not name. When the Operations Director walked out of the room one of the maybe 10 times, I quickly wrote people's names down so I wouldn't forget them. I hadn't even worked as a volunteer there more than a few weeks way back when. It's not like a was a 20 year employee, or the like. It's possible they were just putting on a show to make me feel welcomed back. Or, OMG, what if they truly remembered me so well? I guess I'm kind of memorable

To add to it, one of the volunteers sort of snapped at the Director saying she wouldn't show me around. Then maybe 20 minutes later she came into the room where the Director and I were and apologized, looking directly at me. AWKWARD!!!! I had to very gingerly find a way of half thanking her for her gesture and telling her she needn't have apologized.

We'll see how it goes. The drive is a bit hectic, too, as I expected. I have a bottle of Ativan at the ready, in my pocketbook.

I had a pretty good day. Have a pork loin roasting right now for dinner, looking forward to having that later. Finished up some artwork I was working on. Other than that not much going on, I will be seeing my case manager this week so I'd like to discuss supportive employment and some other things with her.

Congrats on getting through all of that! I admire you resolve to volunteer.

Yes, you are quite memorable!!!

Just found out my doc wrote down "unspecified trauma-related disorder" as a way of saying CPTSD (since it's not dx'd where I live). Cool so now I'm really f_cked up.

My vitamin n D levels are very low so 5000iud for 2 months then recheck. My lungs are still feeling trashy. I’m about over it all at this point !

BirdDancer... I think it’s great your volunteering ! Just keep up your self care.

spikes, I’m so sorry can you do a IOP OR PHP program. Please keep the area and clean... can you find ways to stop you from using street drugs??? That’s only going to make things worse.

Moose, I honestly have no advice . Many hugs to you !!! Things will somehow work out. Try not to stress ?

Anyone I missed I’m sorry, I have been reading , I just can’t remember everyone. My cognitive function is shot !

You have some extra challenges. I am sorry this is the case. Please be careful as to how you think about this. It makes a difference.

Our perceptions and beliefs can make the challenges bigger and more stubborn than they might be otherwise. We all need all of the help we can get.

I am glad you are out and are doing better!

Hi! Yes! Take your vitamin D! It's so very important.

For anyone with questions about Vitamin D: vitaminD.org

Looking forward to your healing!

Hello all! Checking in. I’ve been away from the forum for a few days.

I’ve noticed that I’m becoming increasingly fearful of leaving the house. Sigh. I thought I left agoraphobia behind long ago. I really can’t afford it with two people who depend on me. I love my life coach and I’m sticking with her but I’ll get into therapy pronto before this gets out of hand again. My world has become very small. I’ll get it worked out though.

Warm wishes to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

This can happen so fast, as you know! :hug;

Lately, I have gotten to where I do not want to leave the house, just because I am relatively comfortable.

so glad you like your coach! Anything can happen!!!

Much love

Probably just because c-pstd isn't in the DSM. I completely agree with WC's post. Try not to sweat it too much.

Yes please attack before you are too wrapped up to venture out to get help.

I’m glad your getting such help from your life coach ! I think it can be an Amazing help.

Still floating? Or has that come to an end for the year? ( hope you get a few more days) it was freaking 99 here today.

( screaming for Fall to arrive)

Hugs!

I finally see my T Richard tomorrow it’s just a few days shy of 7 weeks between my Florida trip -and his surgery. He called twice a week. We talked once. But typically I let it go to voice mail as I was around people and no way for privacy.

My head is very loud

I hope Wednesday treats us all a bit kinder