Bipolar check in #37

Moose, if I wasn't in college (or some kind of studies) I had to pay room and board to my parents, except summers between college. It wasn't a lot, but it was a symbolic thing that I would also require if I had a young adult living in my house. Even in the summer between college years I worked. I used that money for things like books, food beyond the dining hall, and miscellaneous stuff. I don't understand how/why 2019 has to be so different for young adults than the 1990s. I think it's important for young adults to learn independence and take on responsibilities. It's important for everyone involved.

bluebicycle, I hope you get a more normal night's sleep tonight. All the best getting through your workday.

Christina, glad you had a good ole time laughing with your hubby. I'll have to check out that TV show you mentioned!

I'm feeling well today, other than the fact that I got moisturizer in my eyes this morning, and my eyes are still irritated. I'll be home for the rest of the day waiting on a couple important deliveries. I want to bake a nice tart later on and a duck dish. The weather is beautiful. I wish I could go sit on my deck, but I wouldn't hear the doorbell, if I did. Oh well!

I have not been able to write much for my blog in ages. Nearly a year! There were a couple years that I was writing at least seven or even eight blog posts per week. In all of 2019, I've written nine posts, a couple of which were not more than discussions of writer's block. Of course I can write here, but this is a different type of writing than I did for my blog. There, I wrote articles, reflects, prose poetry, and things like that. I know that a major reason I stopped is because I suddenly felt that too many people in my real life knew too much about my business. I lost the freedom to write about many things.

Filled out the vocational rehab program application with my care manager. Going to be looking into Section 8 housing too since the current place I live is way to expensive for me and it takes up all my money. Saw my therapist too and got the letter stating my 2 cats are emotional support animals

Oh dear, I wear Cerave am daily per my dermatologist, and many times I get to close to my eyes. Holy ouch !! I so understand how miserable it can be for hours.

A tart and a duck Dish ??? When’s dinner ???? When you share what your cooking fur dinners and of course your cookies , oh my goodness I get so hungry !

You got a lot accomplished today !! Good for you housing costs are crazy !!!!

Glad you got that letter for your fur baby’s

didn't sleep last night, people in my building being loud.

we'll see what happens tonight.

You know, it's funny. I can sometimes become a little delinquent about self-care, but I almost never neglect moisturizing my face in the morning with one that has SPF and putting on a night cream. I'm really serious about trying to keep my face and neck young looking.

The duck may not happen if I don't get the delivery. Occasionally we order from Fresh Direct when they send us a super coupon. I like that service because they have some grocery items that are better or different than what's available in my local shops. I had a coupon for saving $50 off an order of $99. Given that, I didn't mind splurging on duck and even veal. Luckily, the tarts are already made, so if nothing else we'll eat them If I don't get the duck, we're either eating eggs or baked frozen spanikopita.

50.00 off is nice!! I’d splurge on some stuff too.

I’d seriously eat just the tart for dinner lol

I have been very diligent about my face and neck skin also. My grandmother and my mom hard harsh looking skin far to young but years of working on the farm and sunscreen wasn’t even a thing back then, so I’m trying like hell to avoid that. I have one spot on my face , it’s a semi dark spot and my dermatologist said one day we need to remove it, not cancer at this point , but it will leave a much lighter spot so I don’t want it dark nor white LOL

I was stupid once and did tanning beds for about 6 months

I did sleep some last night . However, my day has been terrible due to a Seroquel hangover. I don't think I can use it anymore. I might be able to take a lower dose, but I usually do not sleep with taking less. I will make a decision before bedtime tonight.

I am challenged with great discomfort from a compressed nerve in/near my spine, with the pain radiating around both sides of my ribs. It gets worse as the day goes on. It becomes excruciating. I am getting treated for this. It will take some time.

It has been a beautiful day here today. Sunny, cool with a nice breeze.

Love to All!

I'm back from Maine. It wasn't that great, we mostly just drove around lost for hours. I'm not feeling as revved up as I was this morning, and I'm actually kinda scared I'm going back to that dark place I was in the past month or so. Although honestly I'm kinda hoping to just for tomorrow so I will be more inclined to tell my pdoc how I've been doing and she can see for herself. I would hate to be fine today and tomorrow and go back into the black hole only to have to wait 2 months to see her again.

You should be proud of all you are doing to make life better for yourself!
I hope it all works out well for you!
I am looking forward to hearing more!

Thank you Christina and WC, I'm excited about my future

I’ve started becoming more diligent about skin care as well. I grew up by this pool and then we had a boat when I was married for 19 years so I’ve had a lot of sun exposure. Surprisingly, my skin is wrinkle and spot free with a dewy appearance. I’ve been lucky because I lived in tanning beds.

May not have gotten too lucky. I have a growth that came up on my leg this summer that looks ominous. I’ll have to get it checked out.

My dermatologist recommended Cera Ve as well. She prescribed an expensive ointment for my face for some patches of eczema that didn’t get the job done. I stumbled into this sunscreen called Sun Bum with antioxidants and vitamin E that completely cleared it up...better then ever in case anybody has that problem. Good stuff.

I’m doing well. Mood, sleep and anxiety levels are all in line. My mood log has displayed all good days in September with only one meh day. I’m stable right now. I feel a loss without the pool now...floating at the Y is just not the same.

I’m going to a new meet up next Tuesday called Reality Transurfing based on a new philosophy translated from Russian. My interest in it is the metaphysical/universal laws and the teachings of people like Eckhart Tolle. I’m looking forward to it.

This Sunday I’m traveling half way to share a meal with my daughter. I’m looking forward to that as well. The meal, the great coffee and my sweet girl.

Warm wishes to all and many hugs to those that are struggling.

It turned out to be a really low day for me today. It got a little better late in the evening.

There was no trigger just another low day.

I don't think I'm willing to continue living between low and really low. I just have less terrible days.

I'm going to ask my pdoc to either replace Wellbutrin or add something to it.

It's going to be 6 weeks of Wellbutrin this Friday. And I've actually been on it longer because my pdoc increased the dose over 2 months, so I think I've given it a fair chance.

Not sure who I can really talk to. I will share certain things with people, but I am a burden to my mother and friends (the few that I have) only know vague things and aren't really able to understand. As far as my thoughts go, I am uncertain what's real vs. what's not. All I know is that I feel completely unworthy, trapped, incapable. I'm losing ground, exhausted, feel everything is pointless. I just feel like sleeping. Not sure what to do anymore.

I'm feeling worthless and burdensome. So much so that I haven't pushed myself to bother you with it. Today I called the ECT coordinator and we moved my appointment to this Friday. She also told me that my name had come up as a good person to help new patients negociate the anxieties and questions that boil up early on in the ECT treatment process. They want to wait until I'm through this though.

Daonnachd, so sorry you've been feeling bad. I'm glad you were able to move your ECT up. That's great that they want you to mentor new ECT patients. I'm sure you'll be great at it (but glad you will recover first).

It is good to hear from you. I'm sorry you have been feeling that way. I hope the treatment makes a difference.

Ahhhh the boat life too hu? We had a boat growing up , I can’t imagine the number of sunburns I have had in my life.

My daughter is a red head and I was like a Nazi about sun screen on her growing up. She of course would forget to put it on and her freckles just blossomed , she is beautiful, her hair is currently Blue at the moment LOL.

I love all the CeraVe products. They do a great job and a little bit goes so far and it’s affordable !

Wow that meetup sounds Amazing.

The closest meet up of anyyyy kind is at least an hour away. So that bums me out. I sometimes walk a fence line on our property that a guy has lots of cows on, they always listen to me ramble so ....

I’m so glad you are seeing your daughter, when my daughter was in college up here it was 4 hours away we would meet in the middle a couple times a month.

Hugs!!

Ummmm I have felt the same way, and Oh boy does it suck.

My advice is just stop fighting it, just float for a while , just accept that however you feel is just okay, we often fight to swim upstream that we literally run out of gas. So time to float so you will build back up to fight again.

Give yourself a break

I’m so sorry your feeling so terrible. It’s good your appt has been moved up.

My T once asked me if I’d consider talking to one of his other clients that was struggling with something I had worked through and came to terms with it. It really made me feel great that I was able to help her.

I’m sure you will be able to make many people feel more comfortable about ect treatment.

Be kind to yourself

Scooter, xRavenx, and Doannachd, I am sorry to read that you're all struggling. I hope some changes to your treatment (extra ECT for Daonnachd) will make a quick positive difference.

Daonnachd, no pressure, but if you happened to visit the new "Bipolar Treatments" sub forum all the way at the top of the Bipolar forum, it would be great to have your experience in the ECT thread - if you wish to.

Okay so basically no sleep in 2 days and I’m wide awake, I can’t imagine getting sleepy any time soon.

I’m zooming I think.

Hopefully a Xanax or 2 later will let me drift off for a lil while at least... if nothing else I force myself to lay down and stare at the wall for at least 4 hours , maybe I’ll doze off out of sheer boredom , it sometimes happens.

I made the most sucky boring pork chops on the planet tonight. I have no idea what went wrong but Meh ! I hate making a meal and it being total suckage.

I bought chocolate today so I’ll nibble later and I know that’s gonna taste soooooo damn good lol