I'm back to thinking I'm better off dead. I don't even want to go see that b_tch. I'm having really strong suicidal urges still and no one can or will help me in a practical sense. It feels like when all the politicians say "thoughts and prayers" after a mass shooting but do jackshit to prevent another.
I don't even really know what's wrong with me. I just know I'm broken and seeing my pdoc just makes me panic because I HATE her. (and my area is short on pdocs so no chance of getting another)

[Victoria'smom]

Start with "I'm feeling suicidal,.... I've done x,y,z but I still feel this way, I do/do not have a plan. A,B,C is how I'm keeping myself safe but I'm really tired."

the thing is I don't want her to send me to the hospital

[Victoria'smom]

That's why you list your coping mechanisms and how your keeping yourself safe.

so basically come up with some BS so she thinks I won't go t hrough with anything?

[Victoria'smom]

Don't come up with BS. Are you safe right this second? Why? take it minute by minute if you have to.

I really don't know how I'm keeping myself safe. I'm pretty much just white knuckling it and I don't know how much longer I can do that so I'm safe this exact second but who knows where I'll be in ten minutes.

[Victoria'smom]

Okay, Your safe because your on PC? Your away from whatever methods you would use?

I guess, yeah.

Possible trigger:

I'm about 20 feet from what I would use to kill myself though

[Victoria'smom]

Can you safely remove that? Basicly you have to set up a safe space that you can say "I'm going to sit here and distract myself until the urge gets less strong."

[HALLIEBETH87]

Can you stay with friends or family for a bit?

[sophiebunny]

The answer is you tell her the truth and then as the conversation unfolds have a discussion on whether you are able to keep yourself safe. She can't help you if you aren't honest. You also can't expect her to know things you haven't shared. Hiding information from your psychiatrist only hurts you.

Yes, I agree with @sheltiemom2007. The only way to get the help you need is to be completely open and honest with your pdoc. I know from experience that I never get the help I need when I keep things from my mental health team.

I know you do not like your pdoc, especially since she was rude to you before for griping about being forced to schedule you during a lunch break. I do not like mine either (he is an ignoramus, to be blunt). However, if your pdoc is all you have for getting med adjustments, you unfortunately have to work with them until you can find a new one (if that is even an option for you, as I do not know your financial or insurance situation).

I know you do not like IP, so I think it is perfectly okay to tell that to your pdoc. Literally say that IP did NOT help you, and see what she says. Make sure to explain how you felt going in vs coming out. You may be surprised with what options she comes up with if she realizes that IP is not helping you.

I was honest and got no help. Typical.

I'm so sick of trying. I go to my pdoc and be honest with her and no help. I call the emergency line and they say they'll call back. well it's been over 20 minutes since I called and still nothing.

Edit: they did call back and they're sending someone to probably take me back to the hospital.

Possible trigger:

I'm so tempted to just stick a knife in my throat right now so I'm dead before they come

[Victoria'smom]

Please stay safe until they come.

[fern46]

Hang in there Spikes. Let them help. You had a better day yesterday, so you know this won't last forever. You seem to be in a mixed state and those are Hell. Keep fighting.

[yellow_fleurs]

I hope you are safe right now.

[*Beth*]

Hey, spikes...I really feel for you right now - we all do. When you can, let us know what's happening.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I hope you are safe.