Anhedonia

"An inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable."

Having trouble with this for months on end. I am severely depressed and just feel totally blah. I know it's my levels are off chemistry wise in my brain, but this is just going on for so long. I have been working closely with my doctors to adjust meds and get on an a.d. but I have to wait the trial period to see how I will react to the a.d. so far it has been almost 2 weeks, I put a message into my doctor that I want to see her again and to get a higher dose of the a.d. (Zoloft) but haven't heard back from her yet. I see her in 3 weeks from now. she has me on the standard 6 weeks for effect.

I am sure that others have this loss of pleasure too.
I used to play WoW ( world of Warcraft) a lot but I just cant seem to get into it like I used to. There are a lot of other things too, (too many to list)

What things have you lost pleasure in ?

BipolarWolf, I completely understand what you're going through. For 4 months now I have lost interest in absolutely everything. Seroquel gave me some relief as far as insomnia, and seemed to lift me ever so slightly from my darkest thoughts of self-harm. Yet, I still cannot seem to find joy in any of the things that I do when not depressed. To top it off, the smallest everyday tasks are OVERWHELMING to me (grocery shopping, cooking, going to my son's soccer games, making lunches for the kids for school, taking a shower, cleaning...) I rarely ever find anything on tv that interests me. And making decisions is so difficult, even easy stuff. It's ridiculous!. I have also just started (on my 2nd day) a new AD, Wellbutrin, after Lexapro was a total failure. I pray we both find some relief very soon.

Hi Chels127, Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it very much. I was having trouble wrapping my brain around what it actually is. I read this article at Anhedonia: Why does nothing feel good anymore? and it helped me understand a bit how these things work for us. I haven't had insomnia for quite some time. (knock on wood) I have never tried Seroquel, at least I don't think I have... I have been on so many meds its hard to keep track these days.

Yes, everyday tasks are overwhelming. Even taking showers is a big challenge. I can't remember what Wellbutrin did to me, but I know I had to stop it. (memory is bad) I did try Lexapro and it didn't do anything for me at all. Think it may have given me gas and diarrhea. that's about it. lol.

I am hoping to educate myself more and become aware of these medical terms so that I can talk with my doctors better. when I go to see them, most of the appt is spent talking about symptoms of this disease rather than other stuff.(appt takes longer and I am always rushed) I feel more brain damaged as time goes on. sigh.

I know how you feel. I have been in a depressive episode for 2 years now. I lost interest in everything, including eating, doing things, time with family, tv, the list goes on.

But I cope by doing things anyway, even when I feel bad. I don't derive any pleasure from it but I get the sense that at least I tried. I keep trying in the hopes that I spark some interest and motivation. So far no luck though. But I think this is the lowest I have ever been so it's tough to beat this.

I can't take a.d. meds but I have tried lithium, modafinil, and now Wellbutrin in combination with Latuda (maxed out on that) but so far very little improvement.

Keep trying I'm sure something will work out.

Hang in there.

Thanks Scooter9, I am sorry you are going thru that too. 2 years is a long time. It's definitely not an easy thing to deal with. Makes you feel worthless and like you should just die. I have also never tried Latuda or modafinil. I will look into those. How come you cant take a.d. ,meds if you don't mind me asking ?

That's all we really can do is to keep trying. It's not like I just expect to wake up one day and be "cured"

I'm diagnosed with bipolar and ADs are a no no with bipolar. I was treated for years on them before I was diagnosed and they didn't do anything good for me.

There is hope. While you won't be cured you can hope for stability and maybe even get to your baseline.

Sorry you're going through this.

Starting last Friday, I became heavily depressed after crashing from (hypo)mania and stayed that way until yesterday. I was fortunate that a med change (increase in my rexulti) improved my mood so quickly. But having depression "fresh on my mind," I know how much it hurts to feel down and lose interest in the things you love. For me, all I wanted to do was sleep and die.

Realistically, though, things will get better eventually. They have to. They always do. Even if things don't go back perfectly the way you want them to be, they still, at the very least, get a smidge better. And I think that bit of hope is worth clinging on to.

I think sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone when depressed. Don't want to exercise? Go for a walk anyways. You'll feel so much better. Don't want to cook a homemade meal? Go do it anyways. You will feel a sense of accomplishment and feel healthy in the process. Don't want to shower? Do it anyways. You will feel more relaxed.

Just little things like that go a long way. And if you still don't have interest in doing things, that is perfectly understandable. That is the beast that depression truly is. BUT we shouldn't let it win every battle. Yes, some battles we may not win, but that doesn't mean we have to lose every single one of them either. We still have the ability to do things even when our motivation suffers, and I always try to remember that.

Hi Bluebicycle, thanks for your reply. I am glad you are feeling better now.
I wish it was just that easy where I could force myself to do those suggestions you mentioned. But it just isn't. I am probably gonna ask for more adjustments other than the increase to my a.d., I deal with terrible tremors. They never stop. They are always there. I just cant see my doc fast enough this time, and well you know. waiting is bad for us. sigh

I just wanted to add that you'll get through this.

I made it 2 years so far so there is a way through.

It's good that you're in contact with your doctor and requesting an adjustment. At the same time don't lose hope.

I understand what you are saying. Reading was my life until about a year ago. I read between 4-5 books a week. It helped me through some dark times. I lost interest in it and other things at the same time and can’t seem to get the interest back. It’s frustrating. I’m gradually becoming interested in other things but miss my love of reading.

I hope everyone gets some relief soon. This type and severity of depression is very demoralizing and can be very dangerous due to the associated despondency. I have had years and years of depressions. It can tear one's heart out. Over and over again.

Keep the faith. Make a very strong intention for making it through the many trials involved in getting the most effective treatment for your depression. It will change and will get better. Sometimes, we just cannot imagine things getting better. Imagine this anyway. Visualize your healing and, in doing do, get very specific in imagining what "healing" looks like to you . We all can benefit from having a vision, as many of us have passively given up out of exhaustion from endlessly fighting the fight!

Much Love ~

Jennifer1967, Reading is my favorite thing too. I used to read several books a week as well. I'm still occasionally able to find something to read that interests me, but haven't been reading nearly as much as I did before. My husband knows if there isn't a book or my Kindle in my hands, then something is seriously wrong...

I have a wall of books in a room in my house, and its getting dusty. I've had several years of a slow diminution of interest in reading and music, and I would hate it if I wasn't so numb.

That said, last night I chose not to go out with friends, and sat on the porch and listened to music (not old reliables, but ones I had let fall off), and read a book, and I felt like the old me. It was heavenly, I hope it lasts.

Thank you guys for your replies. I appreciate them.
I am just having such a hard time getting to come out of this. It's been going on a very long time. So long, that I don't even remember when it started.
It is comforting in some strange way that I am not alone in how I feel. I cannot wait til I see my psych! /hugs