Feeling really bad (trigger sui)

I'm feeling really bad... for the last 4 days I have felt very suicidal. I don't have a plan as such but I want to make sure my Twin is taken care of ie money and that she will lead a positive life despite me not being around.

I'm really only here cause of her and my Nephew I want to be around for my family. But there is a niggle at the back of my mind I want to not be here.

I have spoken to the samaritans tonight for an hour. They have spoken to me about trying to occupy myself and that talking is always good.

Tbh I haven't felt this bad in about 7-8 years. I feel like I want to start writing letters to everyone. I know that's morbid but I just want to.

I'm going to cancel volunteering tomorrow morning to try and recover?? My friends are all saying I should still go in... what should i do?

Last time i felt like this i actually tried to you know .... myself. So I'm trying to mask it all with jokes etc to try and get through it.

Anyone free?

Keep talking. I'm here.

I'm here too.

When do you see your dr/t/caseworker? Writing letters is a really bad sign. So is getting your affairs in order. Is hospitalization out of the question for you? You may want to consider calling your team.

I'm seeing my Psychiatrist on Tues and my Therapist on Thurs. My Therapist knows already as I emailed her today.

I am not able to get to the hospital as I live quite far away from it (A&E). My friend has suggested I call the crisis team in the morning but I don't know

This does sound like a crisis from what you are describing. There are some very concerning things you mentioned such as writing letters. I think the crisis team is a good idea or get to the hospital. Maybe a friend could drive you?

Can you wait until morning? are you safe?

I'm not able to get anyone it's nearly 11:30pm here. I'll be fine until the morning. I just have to be.

I wish I didn't feel like this though I feel rotten. The amount of tears I've cried I can't have anymore in me.

I've also been self harming some my Sister doesn't know this. No-one knows I self harm apart from my Psychiatrist etc

Yeah I'll just have to be.... I don't think I'll act on anything

You may want to make your t aware. Do you have any as needed medication?

I’m here as well.

She knows she emails on a Sunday and I told her I'm seeing her on Thursday. No PRN flying solo. I know I cant take antidepressants so I doubt I'll get anything and will probably need to ride this out like I normally do

Is there an afterhours crisis line you can call?

There is the samaritans which I already called tonight. There is the alternative to 999 which is called NHS24 but I'm worried they will make me go to the hospital. I'm hoping to sleep soon so I should be ok

Try to sleep.

I'm around as well. Please check in with us in the morning. Don't be afraid of the hospital if it comes to that. You'll be safe there.

Please take care of yourself

Hope you're sleeping.

Hope you’re sleeping well right now

I slept ok once I eventually fell asleep I went to bed at midnight and was awake until 2:40am. I'm up awaiting on 9am coming to call my volunteering.

If your calling off your volunteering what are your plans for the day?

I'm meeting a friend for lunch been arranged for ages. Have texted her to see if we can meet earlier. Then going to see my parents. I will come home and make sure I have my list for my Psychiatrist appt tomorrow morning. Then go to bed. Hopefully

Good keep yourself busy!

Much Love to you, Miss Laura!

Be Well!

How are you feeling today? I'm glad you're busy today. Keep us posted.