Bipolar check in #39

I skipped a halloween party tonight because I am so heavy and dieting and not drinking and the temptation would be too great. I usually drink to deal with anxiety in social situations. Hubby understood.

Maybe next year.....

Both my thumbs have been chewed on. I hate this nasty habit.
bizi

Feeling bad nearly every day now. That's my two cents and I don't have much more to say on it, though I hope you all are surviving.

I`ve had a pretty quiet Saturday so far. I`ve just got a few chores done like cleaning my bedroom and doing some laundry. Yesterday though my older sister took me to a movie then we walked around the mall and had some lunch. We got some Chinese food and it was a pretty nice day. Tomorrow I plan on cleaning my turtle`s tank. So that`s my exciting weekend lol! I hope the rest of you are feeling ok and hugs to those who are not. I hope you all have a Happy Weekend !

I skipped a halloween party tonight because I am so heavy and dieting and not drinking and the temptation would be too great. I usually drink to deal with anxiety in social situations. Hubby understood.

Maybe next year.....

Both my thumbs have been chewed on. I hate this nasty habit.
bizi

I’m sorry about your brother.. my brother really got busy with his own life and kids it was almost impossible to get him to come for a family dinner or birthdays.

For a month she just kept calling him and asking him to please please please come she was was going to cook his favorite meal and dessert , he had many excuses work, kids sports events Etc etc ...

Well he finally agreed to come on a Sunday... she was so happy, I was happy I hadn’t seen him in months. Well my mom died in her sleep on the Thursday before, she was only 66 and in good health very active.

He has to live with that guilt the rest of his life.

Men are different when it comes to relationships with parents and even siblings. My T has to remind me about that when I get angry at my husbands Sons for not actively make time to spend with him. One day they too will have regret to live with.

Hopefully you can have a conversation with him and it be positive

Hi!

I am so very sorry you experience such pain in your relationship with your brother.


I've had a very close relationship with one of my sisters. We were inseparable, until we both had settled into life with our life partners.


Although my sister and I had been so close, we were not above experiencing some difficulties in our relationship.


Whenever we'd had a major conflict, we'd each place some degree of blame upon one another's partner. In time, we'd realized we were each blaming one another's partner because we'd wanted to avoid dealing with issues between us. Our partners were the scapegoats.


At one time, the misunderstandings and the hostilites had gone on for so long, we'd had no idea of how to interrupt, and to change, the increasingly hurtful and destructive pattern that had developed between us.


We were each in deep pain. It looked like we'd never overcome these issues and get back on track as loving, supportive sisters and friends.


I was sharing this story with a friend one night. She'd listened carefully.

She'd advised me to practice thinking of both my sister and her partner with Love and only Love. She told me to imagine meeting up with them, embracing them with Love. She even advised me to make a statement, voicing the statement out loud, telling both my sister and her partner just how much I Love them.


These may seem like odd, even worthless practices.


However, in time, these simple exercises helped to change my heart. This practice transformed my hurt/hostilities into a deep sense of love and forgiveness. These exercises tapped into a deep well of Love I'd held for them, yet had forgotten. The prior discord seemed almost insignificant, especially in comparisone to the deep Love I'd remembered I do have for them.


My inner transformation gave me great relief. This also shifted me, shifted my feelings, shifted my stance, shifted my focus to what's most important. I'd experienced a deep desire to connect with my sister and her partner in a very loving way.


I'd eventually contacted my sister. She could feel the change in my heart, in my focus, in my intention. Her heart melted. We talked things out.


We are, once again, very close in every way. We are 500 miles apart, she cannot always attend every family function. Yet, we text daily. We call one another twice a week. Our relationship, our Love for one another, is the priority.


I cannot know the specifics of your relationship with your brother. I cannot know the answer to solving the difficulties.


I do feel your pain. I have been there. I can only share the story about what has worked for me. T he healing in my relationship with my sister began with transforming my own heart.


Should we start to feel hurt or start to feel any other negative feelings toward one another, I hope we will each remember that Love has transformative properties. Love heals.


This is not to say other feelings are not important. We had found we could not resolve these other feelings without sharing about/disclosing these feelings within a relationship blessed by Love. Love is the priority, the utmost intention.


I cannot know the specifics of the difficulties between you and your brother. I cannot know the answer in sorting out your feelings, in relieving your pain.


I can only share my story of what has helped me when I was experiencing similar pain.


Wild, thank you for allowing me the time to share my story with you.


I hope for, and pray for, healing within your relationship with your brother.


Much Love to You Always

I’m sorry you missed out going but I understand the reasons

As for your cuticles .. the only thing that ever helped me stop chewing is I kept Vick’s rub or some kind of medicated cream on the area all the time , I go to bite and nasty taste helps me stop so things can heal up.

Thanks Christina and WC for your sincere and helpful responses.

My brother did get back to me. We are having coffee on Wednesday, provided he doesn’t cancel. I said I had some things to get off my chest; he said he had twenty years worth of things to get off his chest. So I’m glad we’re going to have an honest conversation. I know his childhood wasn’t easy and he’s been carrying that around with hike for a long time. Mine wasn’t easy either as I was dealing with mental illness but that just made everything harder for him. He was completely neglected by my mother. I was too, it not to the extent that he was, because she paid a little attention to me because of my illness. She didn’t pay any attention to him. I guess he’s still carrying that around with him. I’m hoping that if it comes up he will accept my sincere apology for making his life even more difficult. Yes, I had an illness, but there was also a degree of selfishness involved. I wanted to be the sickest one so I could be the best at something. I didn’t take his feelings into account. I have always regretted that and wished I could go back in time to the day my dad died and do it all over again. Take care of him like I should have. I hope I can express that to him should it come up.

I hope this will set us on the path to healing. I miss him very much and I hope we will be able to get past this.

Yes I also deal with feeling like my throat is always swollen. Symbicort has been a fantastic medication for me.. but this flare ? 8 weeks and counting.. I’m pretty certain when I do see pulmonary specialist I will be put me on a new one Anoro or Breo, I’m just dreading the idea of having to take more damn steroids.

Steroids and my Bipolar do NOT play well together. It’s possible treating my damn lungs will destabilize me to the point of needing to go back on psych meds and THAT will have me so pissed off.

Reading anything good ?

Oh the sensory overload from noises. I am soooooo sorrry ! It’s freaking awful

Does it look like you have any more stable /calmer weather on the horizon ? we both know when fronts move through we feel every bit of it

Triggers ? Total suckage I either fall into a book or tv/movies ..

You could do like me and binge watch Shameless LOL if that show isn’t a distraction we’ll then I have no idea to be honest.

I hope you get a lot of good deep restorative sleep tonight

Much love

This is my first post in this thread. I'm coming out of a nasty mixed episode, currently mostly depressed. There's at least a dozen tasks that need my attention, but I'm planning to grab some chocolate from the freezer and head back to the bedroom. Binge watching old true-crime serials sounds inviting, but I think I'll just lay on the bed and try not to think.

Mary still seems, well, disappointed in my behavior during these spells, but she's been accompanying me to all my doctor appointments. We have three coming up next week, psychiatrist, therapist, and a sleep study. She still doesn't like how I behave when I'm like this, but at least she seems to have really started understanding why all this is happening. She's tolerated me for 39 years, which I truly appreciate ( I really like the smilies here).

Well, ta-ta all, I'm headed back downstairs to hide out for a few hours. Here's wishing "uneventful" days and stability to everyone.

Thank you WC for such a nice story and for taking the time to post it.

I deeply appreciate your post. I was torn about whether or not our Wildflowerchild might find it helpful. I had second-guessed myself afterward and was concerned I might have offended her or someone else.
I guess my intention was clear, which is most helpful!
Thanks again, my friend!

Thanks Christina and WC for your sincere and helpful responses.

My brother did get back to me. We are having coffee on Wednesday, provided he doesn’t cancel. I said I had some things to get off my chest; he said he had twenty years worth of things to get off his chest. So I’m glad we’re going to have an honest conversation. I know his childhood wasn’t easy and he’s been carrying that around with hike for a long time. Mine wasn’t easy either as I was dealing with mental illness but that just made everything harder for him. He was completely neglected by my mother. I was too, it not to the extent that he was, because she paid a little attention to me because of my illness. She didn’t pay any attention to him. I guess he’s still carrying that around with him. I’m hoping that if it comes up he will accept my sincere apology for making his life even more difficult. Yes, I had an illness, but there was also a degree of selfishness involved. I wanted to be the sickest one so I could be the best at something. I didn’t take his feelings into account. I have always regretted that and wished I could go back in time to the day my dad died and do it all over again. Take care of him like I should have. I hope I can express that to him should it come up.

I hope this will set us on the path to healing. I miss him very much and I hope we will be able to get past this.

I found it helpful as well and it offered a strategy that can be used in so many situations. We often tend to focus on what we believe might occur instead of channeling our energy into what we truly wish to create. You provided an excellent example of how that worked beautifully for you in the past.