Bipolar check in #39

Oh I remember the days of one cold and upper respiratory infection after another when my daughter started school ... I’m sorry you had yet another health problem to contend with.

I think you should go buy a lotto ticket ! Your so due for a break !

Yes I also deal with feeling like my throat is always swollen. Symbicort has been a fantastic medication for me.. but this flare ? 8 weeks and counting.. I’m pretty certain when I do see pulmonary specialist I will be put me on a new one Anoro or Breo, I’m just dreading the idea of having to take more damn steroids.

Steroids and my Bipolar do NOT play well together. It’s possible treating my damn lungs will destabilize me to the point of needing to go back on psych meds and THAT will have me so pissed off.

Reading anything good ?

I skipped a halloween party tonight because I am so heavy and dieting and not drinking and the temptation would be too great. I usually drink to deal with anxiety in social situations. Hubby understood.

Maybe next year.....

Both my thumbs have been chewed on. I hate this nasty habit.
bizi

Hi!
I am so very sorry you experience such pain in your relationship with your brother.

I've had a very close relationship with one of my sisters. We were inseparable, until we both had settled into life with our life partners.

Although my sister and I had been so close, we were not above experiencing some difficulties in our relationship.

Whenever we'd had a major conflict, we'd each place some degree of blame upon one another's partner. In time, we'd realized we were each blaming one another's partner because we'd wanted to avoid dealing with issues between us. Our partners were the scapegoats.

At one time, the misunderstandings and the hostilites had gone on for so long, we'd had no idea of how to interrupt, and to change, the increasingly hurtful and destructive pattern that had developed between us.

We were each in deep pain. It looked like we'd never overcome these issues and get back on track as loving, supportive sisters and friends.

I was sharing this story with a friend one night. She'd listened carefully.
She'd advised me to practice thinking of both my sister and her partner with Love and only Love. She told me to imagine meeting up with them, embracing them with Love. She even advised me to make a statement, voicing the statement out loud, telling both my sister and her partner just how much I Love them.

These may seem like odd, even worthless practices.

However, in time, these simple exercises helped to change my heart. This practice transformed my hurt/hostilities into a deep sense of love and forgiveness. These exercises tapped into a deep well of Love I'd held for them, yet had forgotten. The prior discord seemed almost insignificant, especially in comparisone to the deep Love I'd remembered I do have for them.

My inner transformation gave me great relief. This also shifted me, shifted my feelings, shifted my stance, shifted my focus to what's most important. I'd experienced a deep desire to connect with my sister and her partner in a very loving way.

I'd eventually contacted my sister. She could feel the change in my heart, in my focus, in my intention. Her heart melted. We talked things out.

We are, once again, very close in every way. We are 500 miles apart, she cannot always attend every family function. Yet, we text daily. We call one another twice a week. Our relationship, our Love for one another, is the priority.

I cannot know the specifics of your relationship with your brother. I cannot know the answer to solving the difficulties.

I do feel your pain. I have been there. I can only share the story about what has worked for me. T he healing in my relationship with my sister began with transforming my own heart.

Should we start to feel hurt or start to feel any other negative feelings toward one another, I hope we will each remember that Love has transformative properties. Love heals.

This is not to say other feelings are not important. We had found we could not resolve these other feelings without sharing about/disclosing these feelings within a relationship blessed by Love. Love is the priority, the utmost intention.

I cannot know the specifics of the difficulties between you and your brother. I cannot know the answer in sorting out your feelings, in relieving your pain.

I can only share my story of what has helped me when I was experiencing similar pain.

Wild, thank you for allowing me the time to share my story with you.

I hope for, and pray for, healing within your relationship with your brother.

Much Love to You Always

Oh the sensory overload from noises. I am soooooo sorrry ! It’s freaking awful

Does it look like you have any more stable /calmer weather on the horizon ? we both know when fronts move through we feel every bit of it

Triggers ? Total suckage I either fall into a book or tv/movies ..

You could do like me and binge watch Shameless LOL if that show isn’t a distraction we’ll then I have no idea to be honest.

I hope you get a lot of good deep restorative sleep tonight

Much love

I’m sorry you missed out going but I understand the reasons

As for your cuticles .. the only thing that ever helped me stop chewing is I kept Vick’s rub or some kind of medicated cream on the area all the time , I go to bite and nasty taste helps me stop so things can heal up.

I hope you can reach out for help. Maybe a tweak in meds or a change all together might start to turn the tide.

When was the last time you did something nice for yourself ?? If you can’t remember the it’s time

Sounds like a good day to me

I stopped (more or less) chewing up my fingers by using those blister bandaids to cover rhe ends of my nails.They are thick so protective, they last several days to a week, they don't come off like regular bandaids. After a month or so I got better at not starting to pick/chew and was able to stop the bandaids. I still carry a box with me because if I get anxious enough I'll still have to resist the urge to chew on my fingers. But I usually do resist and if I don't it's not nearly as bad as before.

yesterday our clocks went back, and for the first time ever I didn't get confused by the time change- well, for the first time ever I did have alexa. before I just never changed my watch (I didn't know how to change the time on it, so.)

so yeah. 3 cheers for alexa. hip hip hurah, hip hip hurrah, hip hip hurrah

no plans for today and nothing special going on, another depressing day

still rainy too, and very very windy outside

Some men are. My Dad wasn't. He was close with his mother and was always there for her when she asked and times when she didn't. Both of my brothers are closer to my mother than I am. I think it depends on the guy and how they were raised as well as the life circumstances along the way.

Thank you WC for such a nice story and for taking the time to post it.

One gathering done. Two more to go today.

I can say that this last gathering was a win...I felt ok. I took the day to do some things that make me feel good and focused on that feeling even though things didn't go well at home.

I have 2 more gatherings today. In one of them we are taking our disabled relative over to a friend of the family who is also disabled so it'll be quite the undertaking. They're happy we do it for them.

Then in the evening a dinner which I hope doesn't end too late since it's Sunday and we have to get up early Monday.

Thanks Christina and WC for your sincere and helpful responses.

My brother did get back to me. We are having coffee on Wednesday, provided he doesn’t cancel. I said I had some things to get off my chest; he said he had twenty years worth of things to get off his chest. So I’m glad we’re going to have an honest conversation. I know his childhood wasn’t easy and he’s been carrying that around with hike for a long time. Mine wasn’t easy either as I was dealing with mental illness but that just made everything harder for him. He was completely neglected by my mother. I was too, it not to the extent that he was, because she paid a little attention to me because of my illness. She didn’t pay any attention to him. I guess he’s still carrying that around with him. I’m hoping that if it comes up he will accept my sincere apology for making his life even more difficult. Yes, I had an illness, but there was also a degree of selfishness involved. I wanted to be the sickest one so I could be the best at something. I didn’t take his feelings into account. I have always regretted that and wished I could go back in time to the day my dad died and do it all over again. Take care of him like I should have. I hope I can express that to him should it come up.

I hope this will set us on the path to healing. I miss him very much and I hope we will be able to get past this.

This is a good suggestion, thank you!

((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

Good luck with your coffee with your brother. I hope there is some healing...hope he shows up.
Maybe you could write a letter before hand to get the things out there that you want to say...and give it to him there to read?????
just a suggestion.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

I've been having a good couple of days so far. I enrolled in my health/medical benefits for work today (before they close in mid November), as well as did the 3 hours worth of "ethics training" online that they require us to do by dec 31st.

Also, I can't remember if I said this or not, but I got yelled at at work for "not being productive enough," so I've been working A LOT this weekend. I am trying to hit my quarterly goals by mid November. They seem impossible to reach, but maybe I will be able to reach them if I keep working weekends. I am not sure how I will be able to manage things in the long run, but I am behind at work, so I probably won't have to work weekends once I get back on track. But unfortunately, this means I cannot take vacation/PTO at work between now and mid November because I will miss my goals.

This is my first post in this thread. I'm coming out of a nasty mixed episode, currently mostly depressed. There's at least a dozen tasks that need my attention, but I'm planning to grab some chocolate from the freezer and head back to the bedroom. Binge watching old true-crime serials sounds inviting, but I think I'll just lay on the bed and try not to think.

Mary still seems, well, disappointed in my behavior during these spells, but she's been accompanying me to all my doctor appointments. We have three coming up next week, psychiatrist, therapist, and a sleep study. She still doesn't like how I behave when I'm like this, but at least she seems to have really started understanding why all this is happening. She's tolerated me for 39 years, which I truly appreciate ( I really like the smilies here).

Well, ta-ta all, I'm headed back downstairs to hide out for a few hours. Here's wishing "uneventful" days and stability to everyone.

Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult. I like it. Never read anything else by her but now I think I'll borrow some from my mom. She's the one who suggested it.

Shameless!
I have found people find Shameless either very funny or very offensive.

We'd had great weather yesterday. It is a bit wet and cold today.
I am taking advantage of an "indoor" day by getting things done within the house. I have lots to do, for sure!

I had an improvement in sleep again last night. I sleep with my window wide open. My mom needs a lot of heat. The thermostat is in her room. I cannot breathe trying to cope with the temperatures she needs to stay warm
I cannot sleep in the heat. I cannot breathe in the heat. My asthma acts up in that much heat!

I intend to sleep even better tonight!

Thanks so much for your support!
I don't know what I'd do without you!
Much Love

Hi randal! Welcome to the Check-In Thread!
As you can see, we share all kinds of things here!

It sounds like you have a very busy week ahead!
I am assuming 'Mary" is your wife/SO?

It's very helpful when our loved ones show an interest and work at supporting us.
I hope to see you around more!

I deeply appreciate your post. I was torn about whether or not our Wildflowerchild might find it helpful. I had second-guessed myself afterward and was concerned I might have offended her or someone else.
I guess my intention was clear, which is most helpful!
Thanks again, my friend!

I found it helpful as well and it offered a strategy that can be used in so many situations. We often tend to focus on what we believe might occur instead of channeling our energy into what we truly wish to create. You provided an excellent example of how that worked beautifully for you in the past.

I am glad you have found this feedback helpful. I was torn about sharing and then was a bit anxious, as I did not want to offend you in any way. I settled down when I had convinced myself that you would know my intention was good.

It must have been a bit difficult to share at the level you have shared in your post. It is a great start, for each of us, to self-examine and to take responsibility and it surely looks like you are more than willing to do so. This will bring you many blessings.

I am thankful your brother is open to meeting with you! Yay!!!

I have had great success when I have formed a strong intention before I meet and speak from my heart when sharing with anyone. As soon as I sway from these two, I am more apt to get into trouble with people. Just more of my 2 cents!

I hope this is the first step to deep healing for each of you!

I wish you the very best, always!

Thank you so much!
Now, to remember it when I am caught up in the drama!
In truth, Wildflowerchild's posting was a blessing to me, as it stirred my heart and my memory of the process I had been through with my sister.
I need to use this in my daily life with other important challenges.

I am grateful for your feedback and for reminding me that this same strategy can be the chosen strategy, everyday, in other areas of my life!