[beauflow]

Any one else have any more references?
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High-Functioning Bipolar Disorder | HealthyPlace

https://natashatracy.com/bipolar-dis...h-functioning/

Informative- not for advertising
Understanding High-Functioning Bipolar Disorder and Seeking Treatment – Bridges to Recovery

What It Means to Have ‘High-Functioning Bipolar Disorder’ | The Mighty

I explain to him how I don’t feel I have the capacity to let go completely: I have a job, a husband, a life. I need to keep it together. I tell the doc how I’ve learned over the years to present myself well to avoid people noticing there’s anything wrong. This has proven to be very important for my work life.

It’s not always easy being high-functioning. Sometimes I get overlooked because I am not visibly struggling. Sometimes I feel like people don’t take my disorder as seriously. I act like I am OK to keep going. Acting like I am OK keeps my rational side active. My rational side keeps me in touch with reality and away from a world of hallucinations and delusions.

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I relate, to the one that is quoted...

But I am fortunate with work... I dont want to go into that all, but I am.. and i do believe it is partially it is due to the years of the facade.
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Anyone else? Or if not anyone else, it's nice for me to read of such a , characteristic (I guess) with bipolar.
Edit: the "highly functional " with keeping a job, paying rent/Bills is one thing I have argued with some pdocs of against the diagnoses... but every year I seem to be coming more to terms to it I guess... course the joke in my life will probably be, I'll come to terms and find out something else (ha). ... bad humor, sorry

[sugahorse1]

The hardest part with being high functioning is that you mostly are ok to be able to get on with life. And people get to know you like that. When you really are struggling, you need to uphold this perception people have of you, and there is nothing more painful than wearing that mask when inside of you is being torn apart.
People will never believe there is anything wrong with you, because you manage to keep it together most of the time.
You also have a "reputation" to uphold, which justifies your job and keeping you employed. It gives you a certain responsibility you need to stick to. Yes, it gets you out of bed on those days you feel you can't, but you then expend an AWFUL lot of energy on keeping things together. You also mostly aren't prepared to disclose your condition, so again you need to wear that mask when things get tough

[Scooter9]

I'm high functioning. I have a job, I drive, pay the bills, go to social gatherings, etc.

My T and I traced my bipolar back to the age of 8 when my father started to physically abuse me.

Strangely, my mother only cared to the extent that my father not inflict anything permanent on me. Instead of helping me cope, she basically continued life with me as if nothing was happening.

She's an outgoing person and she dragged me along everywhere. She went cycling, running, out with friends, etc and dragged me with her no matter how I was feeling. I learned that how I feel it's not relevant and the only thing that matters is that you keep going.

It was through that experience that I learned that you keep going no matter what. And that lesson still holds today.

But it's expensive. It takes a lot of energy to power through the depression, bad days, feelings of worthlessness, as well as the times I was hypomanic.

I feel fortunate that my pdoc takes me seriously. She has not once questioned my symptoms and feelings because like the articles say I look like I'm holding things together.

But the fact remains, I'm on 3 meds for the depressive episode I'm in and they're not working well, yet somehow I keep going.

My therapist says I'm high functioning, but I don't quite agree. While I'm able to hold down a job and everything, I have a job that lets me work from home, so I can take advantage of that option whenever I'm mentally unwell. I think if I had any other job, I'd get burnt out and would probably get fired or laid off, especially since I tend to get a lot of paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, regardless if I'm in an episode or not. (Though, fortunately, I haven't had any psychosis in a while.)

[bizi]

I am high functioning but agree with blue.
Have my own business...don't think I could ever have a boss again.
My addictions interfer with my ability to function.
Happy to say that I am 3 nights alcohol free down 3 pounds and am not wearing any bandaides this morning, cuticles look good.
bizi
still get on the computer and puts me behind, am running late for work.

Great topic, beauflow! Thanks for bringing it up and sharing the articles. I particularly liked the third one down. It's a coincidence. I sort of addressed an aspect of this topic in a post in a totally unrelated thread in the treatments section, this morning.

I would not be considered stereotypically hiqhly functional right now. I've been on disability for years. I certainly couldn't handle many things others could. Sometimes I struggled to properly care for my pets and needed my husband's help. I can't imagine in a million years having kids. My behavior and moods are significant enough issues still. That doesn't mean I see myself as a no worth person or continue to grieve loss of functionality. Nor does it stop me from trying to make strides forward in various ways.

I used to be considered stereotypically high functioning, and certainly regarded myself as so. Sure, there were times when life was not hard at all, but there were times it was a real push. The push (sometimes realized as such, sometimes not) did eventually become too much for me. The "show" can be exhausting to psychologically damaging.

I could go on more about my experiences, but I'll stop here. I will add that my psychiatrist absolutely understands my situation. He may even understand more about my bipolar struggle than my husband, and my husband understands a lot. No one else does, though. Actually, even though all here understand bipolar disorder and its symptoms, we don't all understand each other's "flavor", and by "flavor" I mean much more than bipolar type. I think most would also agree that life experiences play into this, as well.

I think Natasha Tracy has written many great and helpful articles over the years, but I have stopped following her blog. I find her a bit too "half glass empty" for my taste. She may actually be more stereotypically functional than me, but I believe I might be more healthy, mentally, than her in other ways. Ways that I value more.

[beauflow]

Thank you and apologize if anyone thinks anything but with me trying to just reach out....

Some times the mask and juggling gets to be too much, let alone put any additional stressors on it.

I am fortunate too with being able to work from home in the position I am in now, before when I had to be on site I had many opportunities to be by myself to "get a grip" and adjust the mask if able to.

The last two years or so I've left work to be remote due to something has came up, my small group knows that when I say "I dont feel 100%" it's not due to a cold or flu or something.
**I am fortunate too that a few KNOW either someone close to them or they themselves have " difficult days" let's just say**

I have no doubts that childhood (actually the last pdoc that I saw in 2017 explained to me how the childhood abuse of physical and mental assisted with brain development) and on a better day I could explain myself of points.

Work- they've seen a break down, not at work.. or wait- have they? if I think on this they have... but for sure being mysterious gone a week, close coworker and my mgr know of the severe break down I had.... and yet have kept me... because no one is their diagnoses, saying right?

It's frustrating I suppose too for me... it's confusing to say the least

**I can agree with not being to imagine to have kids, many things touch on that but as I mentioned to one of the few therapists I've seen-- my cat has seen my depression days and my friend has helped me with that.. my cat doesn't deserve that, but a child I couldn't live with myself on it.. I got my cat an automatic feeder which has been great deal of help lately... I haven't been depressed but extremely forgetful and going...

Yes keep trying... keep learning.. sorry for babbling

[Desafinado]

Thanks for the thread. This isn't a term I've heard before. I thought I knew all there was to know about Bipolar, but it looks like that wasn't the case.

I believe I could be considered one of these people. I have two Canadian university degrees, a college diploma, married, home-owner, and am fairly successful in my field. The catch for me is I'd probably be considered in the range of genius, and so in a lot of respects I believe my intellect kind of.. overrides the worst parts of my Bipolar. I get anxious, depressed, paranoid semi-regularly, but my mind does a pretty good job of smacking the problems back down.

Yea I know it's not kosher to mention your intellect, but I'm slowly learning that this aspect is central to my experience with Bipolar. I also believe I experience hyper-sensitivity which is like being an introvert on steroids. So I spend a lot of time alone.

To cope with the above I don't drink alcohol, am on my way to cutting out caffeine completely, exercise regularly, and eat a pretty pristine diet. All of that helps a lot, but beneath it all my life is still challenging, and painful.

Actually, things have been so smooth (relatively) for so long that I'd kind of lost touch with the fact that I have Bipolar, and recently questioned if I might actually be less healthy than I classically believed. Read: I'm so good at wearing the mask that I started fooling myself. But I think this thread might be the spur that gets me thinking about improvements again.

On the bright side, having a high IQ has allowed for perspective that I believe not a lot of people have, so it's not all cloudy days.

Originally Posted by Desafinado

Thanks for the thread. This isn't a term I've heard before. I thought I knew all there was to know about Bipolar, but it looks like that wasn't the case.

I believe I could be considered one of these people. I have two Canadian university degrees, a college diploma, married, home-owner, and am fairly successful in my field. The catch for me is I'd probably be considered in the range of genius, and so in a lot of respects I believe my intellect kind of.. overrides the worst parts of my Bipolar. I get anxious, depressed, paranoid semi-regularly, but my mind does a pretty good job of smacking the problems back down.

Yea I know it's not kosher to mention your intellect, but I'm slowly learning that this aspect is central to my experience with Bipolar. I also believe I experience hyper-sensitivity which is like being an introvert on steroids. So I spend a lot of time alone.

To cope with the above I don't drink alcohol, am on my way to cutting out caffeine completely, exercise regularly, and eat a pretty pristine diet. All of that helps a lot, but beneath it all my life is still challenging, and painful.

Actually, things have been so smooth (relatively) for so long that I'd kind of lost touch with the fact that I have Bipolar, and recently questioned if I might actually be less healthy than I classically believed. Read: I'm so good at wearing the mask that I started fooling myself. But I think this thread might be the spur that gets me thinking about improvements again.

On the bright side, having a high IQ has allowed for perspective that I believe not a lot of people have, so it's not all cloudy days.

I'm glad to read that you have kept things sufficiently in check, to date, but beware that other highly intelligent people in history have struggled greatly. Beethoven had his very rough times. So did Robert Schumann. [Yes, I like classical music.] Many mentally superior folks with bipolar disorder have lost control.

[Desafinado]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm glad to read that you have kept things sufficiently in check, to date, but beware that other highly intelligent people in history have struggled greatly. Beethoven had his very rough times. So did Robert Schumann. [Yes, I like classical music.] Many mentally superior folks with bipolar disorder have lost control.

Thanks. Yea, I've been taking it seriously.

I finally got around to getting a new family doc a few years ago, and managed to get referred to a new psychiatrist too.

This particular psychiatrist really hammered home how serious BPI is, to the point that it woke me from my slumber a bit. I'd been stable for 10 years, and working consistently on my health, to the point that I got a bit complacent.

But lately I've been having semi-regular checkups, and practicing some degree of self-care. Saying no when I need to, making the right decisions when I need to. And luckily I have access to modern medicine.

[yellow_fleurs]

I don't know what I would be classified as, but I have managed to function to a degree that I can outwardly appear okay to others, and I think even deceive myself a bit. I knew I struggled with depression and anxiety, but told myself if I was doing okay in life that I was fine. Now I am realizing how I had really been going far too long without getting professional help. I do think my ability to override my mental issues enough to function was part of what kept me out of the hospital when I reacted to an SSRI. I think if I hadn't filtered my reactions to continue to be acceptable in society that I would have been either taken off the medication sooner or hospitalized, because I was really not stable and probably a risk to myself. However, I would tell my psychiatrist honestly my symptoms, yet acted calm and composed in his office and so I don't think it conveyed the seriousness of the situation. I recall telling a friend of mine who also has mental illness how bad I felt and he for a while didn't seem to get it, thinking I was stressed because of exams or something. It's challenging because I do feel like I am expected to act like I am totally fine all the time, because I mostly appear it, but often I don't feel it. At the same time I realize I am so fortunate to be in the position I am and not have my life be more affected.

[Jennyanydots]

I guess from the exterior one would say I'm high functioning (I'm 39, single, own 2 homes, work full time, have 3 college degrees, own a car, 780 credit score)...but am I? I feel constant dread/depression/anxiety, drink more than I should, and today i went home "sick" from work because I was just feeling down and went home and slept for 6 hours (even though I slept 9 hours the night before). Some days, I wake up and I don't want to get out of bed, get in the shower, get dressed, slap some makeup on my face, and get in my car and go to work. But I do manage (or force myself!) to do this the vast majority of the time or I wouldn't have a job. I'm able to work from home on Mondays so that helps some.

For the past 2 years, I've had a major manic episodes each year and was hospitalized for 30 days each time (Nov/Dec). Even though I have a job, etc. does this not make me high functioning since I'm still hospitalized for mania and still get bouts of depression? Note: I do take my medication everyday, eat well, get enough sleep and exercise.

[daladico]

Thanks for this thread I’m “high functioning”... but not really. I strive SO hard to be high functioning. And it kills me. I have always gotten great grades, graduated college with a great degree. I have a great job, and somehow manage to do well at my job, even though my mind struggles to focus and process. My cognition has gotten worse since my bipolar symptoms have worsened over the past 2.5 years (I’m now 33). I don’t think anyone can tell because I hide it so well... but I significantly struggle. One of my greatest fears is that my brain will continue to decline and I won’t be able to do my job anymore.
My boss knows about my mental health and she is SO supportive... I am beyond grateful for that.
I used to be so “kept together” and productive outside of work. Now I struggle to function with basic daily tasks such as showering, bills, rent, keeping up the house (it is embarrassing!), etc, etc. It’s been SO frustrating to me to struggle to function, even though I’m “high functioning.” I feel like I’m losing myself and who I once was. Definitely struggling to cope with this.

[~Christina]

For me ..... when my life imploded on basically every level and I was suicidal. That’s when I was diagnosed Bipolar at age 43. Now through Therapy we have traced it back to age 6

So all my adult life up until I was 43 I always worked high pressure jobs more often than not I worked at least 2 jobs, I bought a house on my own, let my 6 year old daughter pick out which car to buy in the row (it was a green eclipse by the way) actually did that twice and neither tie did I even test drive them , hellllo Mania !!! But I didn’t see anything wrong with it. Okay I had a really racing mind all the time. I had periods of being depressed but more than missing a day of work here or there I had bills to pay and a child to raise.

During the year or so before I was diagnosed BP ... I suddenly was in pain from head to toe I could barely breath the pain was so intense. Just work up one morning and cried out loud. So began the Doctor visits and testing. After a year of specialists my Doctor threw up his hands and said you have Fibromyalgia you can try Neurontin for the pain but mostly people have to just learn to live with pain .. WTF???

Then it resulted in my literally losing my will to live..

I think eventually even without the chronic pain my Bipolar would have come to a head.

If I didn’t have Fibro and psoriatic arthritis , chronic pain I do feel I could certainly work full time , probably would need a job with lower stress. But I would not be 52 and on disability with no real ability to get back in the work force... and THATS been the hardest to accept.

[sugahorse1]

@Jennyanydots - your story sounds identical to mine.
And I wish people knew how hard it was to keep the pieces together. It's an ongoing struggle to be able to be high functioning, and so many demands and expectations are placed on you

[cashart10]

I go through periods where I am extremely high functioning. It’s those periods that sometimes make the times when I am so sick so shocking to some of those around me. For instance, my old coworker who knew of my bipolar (her mother was bipolar I also so I confided in her), was in disbelief when I was behaving as what she clearly recognized to be manic. In almost 2 years, she had only seen calm, composed, and sane little me. I don’t think my boss ever believed I was sick though. I think she thought I was just a big whiner. I don’t really care though.

[Jennyanydots]

@cashart10 - when I call in sick, I always get super anxious of what people think and I also feel like my boss thinks I'm a big whiner too and probably faking it. I haven't called in sick since April but I have gone home sick a few times since April. It's weird, I can be in a great mood the night before and then wake up in the dumps the next morning.