Depression and self sabotage

Even though I had a ketamine treatment that week I have fallen into a bad depression. I think it is because of how much I have in the air right now. I am interviewing Wednesday for what is essentially the job I had 13 years ago. I am not fond of the work but as you know I need to get out from where I am now. I am just worried that I will self sabotage the meeting but this could be my last chance. I get anxious anytime I get an email or if my boss stops me in the hall. I know going back to my old job I won’t have to worry about having enough work because they assign it to you. Unlike now where I have to find my own work. So stress and anxiety will be better but the work would suck. As opposed to now where like is stressful and anxiety provoking but I like the work. I just want to make sure I do my best at the interview. I am pretty sure I self sabotaged a few already. My T is pretty sure my mood will improve when I leave my toxic situation.

Good luck at the interview. While I understand how stressful getting another job started is, it will be worth it when you land the new job. Try to focus on the positive! Sometimes our depression makes us think that this is our "last chance" but, many times, failures aren't last chances, rather, they lead us to other successes. Picture yourself in your new job!!! Assume you will get it but if you don't--assess why you didn't. I am crossing my fingers for you!!

What is more important:
Doing work that you love while dealing with a toxic work environment. Or
Moving to a less stressful job but where you don’t enjoy the work.

Ideally I could have the best of both worlds but that cannot happen right now.

I just need to stay out of my own way at this interview and not self sabotage. I am very good at that and have done it on more than one interview. I know I can keep looking and maybe find the holy grail eventually. That is the problem when you are in a small field most of the jobs have a 90 minute commute on a good day. That is just too much.

I think the answer to what's more important may differ for different people, but for myself, I have also worked in a toxic environment, and toxic is different than just stressful. It might be worth being a bit busy and stressed to do what you love, but toxicity for me really started to affect my mental health. I have decided unless I absolutely have to, that I won't work in a toxic environment again. At least at a less stressful job you would have time to focus on things besides the toxic environment, and maybe when less stressed you can think about future career moves, if you don't think you'd like being in that line of work long term. Or you could stay there, and add more fulfilling things to your life outside of work like hobbies or volunteer work? Just some ideas. I think your mental health is most important. Sorry you are in this situation.

Like I don’t have enough stress. My mother is blaming me for being over weight. She wants to get me on a diet. I only eat two meals a day and they are small. Can’t exercise too well with a knee that needs replacing. It is bad enough that the orthopedists both called me fat and that they wouldn’t operate until I lost weight. My primary at least understands and is actually trying to help me.

I need encouragement right now for this interview. Not made to feel like crap by everyone. Like I haven’t been trying to lose weight for years.

I am feeling so uneasy and on edge. I wish I could talk to my T. I probably could text her and she would call me back but it is so late. I don’t want to be that needy client.

We all need support at certain times. No shame in that whatsoever.

Let us know how it will end up, Crook32.
Hold tight, it will be for the better.

Good luck. Ambivalence about a job can lead to bad interviews, and I have found that seeing the job as a stepping stone or escape from where I am helped focus me. That said, the only helpful advice I have given a job seeker recently is to listen to the Indiana Jones theme at high volume on repeat on your way to the interview. She got the job.

Well today is the day. I have a T appointment right before it. Cross your fingers and toes for me. I am going over as much old stuff I can find to try and remember what I did.

Don’t think I will be getting that job.

Well, bollocks. Can you find any silver lining?

What makes you think you won’t get it ?

I don’t think the group supervisor thinks I have the right skills. I think the section supervisor liked me though.

Sometimes you dont need to have the “ right skills” but the right attitude that shows them you would be a good asset to the company.

Sending positive vibes your way

I already work at the company. This is just a different area. Just found out a coworker got a new job. It really pisses me off because she screwed up really bad last year but is the golden child winning awards she doesn’t deserve. I think she is bailing before they realize how bad she was.

I think I am done. I can’t keep doing this job search. It is crushing my mood. I see my pdoc in 2 hours.

I’m sorry about your situation. I hope your Pdoc appt goes well.

This is bad. At least you didn't sabotage yourself.