A couple things posted on this forum have made me more closely examine "How well am I, really?"

Back in November 2017, I wrote on this topic in my blog. It specifically addressed denial. Not denial that I have bipolar disorder. I've already fully accept that fact. But rather not wanting to be unwell so much that I won't accept/recognize it. This is especially common for me when I'm in mild-moderate depression, especially, or milder hypomanic states.

I am a "half glass full" type, by nature. I have always had high expectations for myself and don't like wallowing in self pity. Very often, I feel like a bird in that when I am sick, I put on a "well act" as some protective measure. Although unlike birds, who do that mostly as a protection from attack, I think I do it as a protection from myself.

I am aware of the fact that my therapist usually thinks I'm much better, mentally, than does my psychiatrist. She'll even tell me "You seem pretty good." In contrast, my psychiatrist is scheduling extra appointments. My husband sometimes figures out reality, but other times not as much. Though I'm fully comfortable with him, I try not to worry him too much, because it hurts him deeply. Plus, he has so much stress of his own to deal with.

Can anyone relate to this tendency towards "denial" of episodes?

[Bugtussel]

I can relate. Mypsychiatrist tells me to "lower the mask" to confront how I'm really feeling/doing.

[Moose72]

I ignored it right into a manic episode last year.

[*Beth*]

Not really; I keep questioning myself about how I feel, what's happening with me.

My therapist also tends to believe I'm doing better than my pdoc does. I wonder why.

[Miss Laura]

Yes, I won't deny the fact I'm depressed but manic yes. I will hide my symptoms until I can't anymore making myself really ill. Even if people click I'm high I will again deny I've stopped my meds etc.

I hate to say it but I enjoy the denial I enjoy the fact no-one knows the secrets I'm keeping.

[bpcyclist]

For as long as possible, I kept my mania a secret. But I don't do that anymore. I don't think I am capable of hiding my depression or psychosis.

[wiretwister]

on most days I can hide (mostly depression and anxiety ) but there are days , either I just avoid and physically hide from everyone or god bless them they get it right in their face . . . . I have no idea what they think . . . premeds I used to be very violent . . . and most that have known me a long time never take that chance . . . even my wife will not bring it up unless I bring it up , I try to hide , but deny never . . .