[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

No medication change for me. Like many psychiatrists, mine is not that quick to make changes when I'm in a mild downswing. Plus, the problem is that when I see him, especially, and even my therapist, I sometimes go from seeming mildly depressed to mildly hypo, putting on a bit of a show, of sorts. I think it's a little bit of a nervous habit. Plus with my psychiatrist, I have a mild crush on him. I am likely one of the few patients I know that can go from being upset about her father to bragging, at length, with enthusiasm, about my ability to filet different kinds of fish.

I’m certain you Pdoc can certainly see your true moods and feelings since you have a long history together. I hope the boost of seeing him helps your overall mood and how you feel about yourself

Originally Posted by Moose72

That's terrible! What in the world?? Why just "Go to therapy"?

I don't know why they pushed therapy in lieu of prescribing meds, but yes, it is terrible.

I have a cousin who served in Afghanistan and things like this about the VA system make me worry about him a lot. He's okay and everything, but the VA system really needs more funding and needs to be looked at more closely. Even my cousin had problems with the VA hospitals in NY. I think he's going to seek private treatment soon, though, to cut out the unnecessary crap he's been putting up with. But at least he has an antidepressant to help him, unlike "Bob" (unfortunately).

On the upside, I've heard some VA systems are great, so "Bob" and my cousin may have been very unlucky. But VA treatment seems to be very hit or miss... evidently.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm still scared but not enough that I can't hide it. So I'm getting better I guess. I still don't want to admit it just in case and I'm not really on pc just in case.

[~Christina]

Seeing my T today helped me tremendously. Just sitting in his dusty ole office helps..

We discussed at length the whole issue of being a parent and feeling unwanted/unneeded. ( he feels the same with his 2 daughters) Of course it’s natural and even tho I knew it at the time... things still really ripped me up emotionally.

Right now I honestly don’t want to go to Floriduh anymore. It’s just too distressing for me. Of course that might change as time passes. But today I do not want to go anymore and that gives me a feeling of power.

I need to work on my feelings of self worth and not feeling like a burden. These are things that I struggle with often. We both agree that it’s unlikely I’ll ever “ fix “ that part of me. Will just be a life long fixture in my life and I’ll need to attend to it as needed.

I still do feel a sadness altho not as strong thankfully

My breathing is still not right .... improved but not yet back to my Pre Humira fiasco. I do hope my Rheumatologist will go ahead with a new medication and for all things holy do tons of injections in my finger joints ! The pain is freaking terrible !

Hugs and a huge veggie plate to share ~

Possible trigger:

Tomorrow at noon is the 21st anniversary of my most serious suicide attempt.

I will have a minute of silence.

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Possible trigger:

Tomorrow at noon is the 21st anniversary of my most serious suicide attempt.

I will have a minute of silence.

you're a strong person, so remember to stay strong... we are here to support you.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Seeing my T today helped me tremendously. Just sitting in his dusty ole office helps..

We discussed at length the whole issue of being a parent and feeling unwanted/unneeded. ( he feels the same with his 2 daughters) Of course it’s natural and even tho I knew it at the time... things still really ripped me up emotionally.

Right now I honestly don’t want to go to Floriduh anymore. It’s just too distressing for me. Of course that might change as time passes. But today I do not want to go anymore and that gives me a feeling of power.

I need to work on my feelings of self worth and not feeling like a burden. These are things that I struggle with often. We both agree that it’s unlikely I’ll ever “ fix “ that part of me. Will just be a life long fixture in my life and I’ll need to attend to it as needed.

I still do feel a sadness altho not as strong thankfully

My breathing is still not right .... improved but not yet back to my Pre Humira fiasco. I do hope my Rheumatologist will go ahead with a new medication and for all things holy do tons of injections in my finger joints ! The pain is freaking terrible !

Hugs and a huge veggie plate to share ~

glad to hear your therapist helped you a lot today! I know it must be incredibly hard dealing with all that crap.

best of luck with improving your breathing to pre humira. fingers crossed you'll get the new med(s) and the injections you need.

[Wander]

My massive spike in anxiety after discharge seems to have been caused by starting Metformin. A med my Rheumatologist prescribed me for energy despite the fact it is a diabetic med. I started it, stupidly, the day I came out of hospital as I had only been prescribed it just before I went IP. I wanted more energy. What I got was extreme anxiety. Unfortunately, it took me a week to connect the two. I stopped it last Friday. It has only been the last two days that I have noticed a significant decrease in anxiety. Hopefully, it will continue to ease as I came out of hospital feeling peaceful. I see my pdoc tomorrow so will be able to discuss this with him, and get scripts.

This morning I found a redback spider hiding in my kitchen. They are poisonous. Not deadly usually, but pack a nasty punch. I have been bitten before and was sick for days. So, this led me on a rampage through my flat hunting spiders. Thankfully, I found none. In doing this search I ended up dusting and cleaning my entire flat. I'm exhausted now, but satisfied with my organised, clean, and tidy home. Apart from food shopping that's me done for the day. I am still recovering from a Fibromyalgia flare-up.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Seeing my T today helped me tremendously. Just sitting in his dusty ole office helps..

We discussed at length the whole issue of being a parent and feeling unwanted/unneeded. ( he feels the same with his 2 daughters) Of course it’s natural and even tho I knew it at the time... things still really ripped me up emotionally.

Right now I honestly don’t want to go to Floriduh anymore. It’s just too distressing for me. Of course that might change as time passes. But today I do not want to go anymore and that gives me a feeling of power.

I need to work on my feelings of self worth and not feeling like a burden. These are things that I struggle with often. We both agree that it’s unlikely I’ll ever “ fix “ that part of me. Will just be a life long fixture in my life and I’ll need to attend to it as needed.

I still do feel a sadness altho not as strong thankfully

My breathing is still not right .... improved but not yet back to my Pre Humira fiasco. I do hope my Rheumatologist will go ahead with a new medication and for all things holy do tons of injections in my finger joints ! The pain is freaking terrible !

Hugs and a huge veggie plate to share ~

I am very happy your appt with R went very well!
yes, you do have time to process things and to make decisions. No rush.
It's interesting, how time can change things.

Love ya!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I am shocked, saddened, and mad. I never knew this until today, but apparently one of my high school classmates, who I used to talk to occasionally, committed suicide recently, after trying to cope with a rough tour with the marines. Let's just call him Bob.


Anyway, I randomly logged into Facebook and saw it. Bob's father wrote scathing messages about the local VA hospitals, about how they neglected him and never gave him any medication. Apparently all Bob wanted to do was sleep through the horrible flashbacks he would get at night, so he wanted something to help him sleep and/or something to help him cope with the depression in some way. Basically, all he wanted was SOMETHING and he got zero. Nada. Zip.


Bob's father said that Bob went to a bunch of different VA hospitals in the area begging for help, and that he was neglected every time. Bob never once got a prescription because the VA doctors were confident that he could "deal with it in therapy." How awful. He had anxiety and depression and got nothing prescribed for either one of them... Inexcusable. It's no wonder he turned to drinking copious amounts of alcohol.


Bob's father went on to say that Bob would lock himself in his room for extended periods of time. Bob felt helpless because the VA hospitals let him down. He would wait for a psychiatrist appt, go to the appt, and then the psychiatrist would say "no, go to therapy." Then he'd have to find another hospital to go to and wait to see another doctor, only to be told the same thing. And well, I guess one day he gave up trying.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

My husbands youngest has been out of the army 3 years now I think. Altho he was never deployed because he was highly skilled in communication and kept on base at Ft. Bragg.

He has now lost 4 men from his boot camp days, all suicide , all because the VA doesn’t care , because they don’t have providers nor funding which makes me furious.. our young men and women service there country and could die , but care they need after is so hard to find and afford.

Changes need to be made and soon before we lose more and more people

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wander

My massive spike in anxiety after discharge seems to have been caused by starting Metformin. A med my Rheumatologist prescribed me for energy despite the fact it is a diabetic med. I started it, stupidly, the day I came out of hospital as I had only been prescribed it just before I went IP. I wanted more energy. What I got was extreme anxiety. Unfortunately, it took me a week to connect the two. I stopped it last Friday. It has only been the last two days that I have noticed a significant decrease in anxiety. Hopefully, it will continue to ease as I came out of hospital feeling peaceful. I see my pdoc tomorrow so will be able to discuss this with him, and get scripts.

This morning I found a redback spider hiding in my kitchen. They are poisonous. Not deadly usually, but pack a nasty punch. I have been bitten before and was sick for days. So, this led me on a rampage through my flat hunting spiders. Thankfully, I found none. In doing this search I ended up dusting and cleaning my entire flat. I'm exhausted now, but satisfied with my organised, clean, and tidy home. Apart from food shopping that's me done for the day. I am still recovering from a Fibromyalgia flare-up.

It's great you'd realized the relationship between the medication and your increased anxiety.

Spiders? Yuck! Oh, fibro, it's so very painful! Sorry you, too, go through this.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Love it! I have feetoos too- a cuttlefish on the left and a figure 8 puffer fish on the right. Those tatts hurt getting them- all that bone. I also have a semicolon on my inside right wrist.

Yes on bone is a lot more painful , my under wrist was too but as a cutter , clean 7 years it was a pain I enjoyed, I know sounds weird.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Possible trigger:

Tomorrow at noon is the 21st anniversary of my most serious suicide attempt.

I will have a minute of silence.

Celebrate the entire day !! You are still here , you have enjoyed bazillions of good things since that sad day.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

glad to hear your therapist helped you a lot today! I know it must be incredibly hard dealing with all that crap.


best of luck with improving your breathing to pre humira. fingers crossed you'll get the new med(s) and the injections you need.

Thanks so much

[bizi]

Still trying to get caught up from vacation.....
wild coyote, can't believe you had to endure that kind of treatment, glad that you saw some justice. How awful. ((((HUGS)))))
jane glad you survived! and yes diet cokes are really bad for us. I drink a soda made with stevia, Zevia.It is a natural sweetenr from a plant.
Bird dancer- glad that you have a great pdoc and that you have a bit of a crush on him. NICE!
Wander, are you living in australia? Are the fires effecting you at all?
hallie, good luck with school, hubbys starts next week.
Bluebycycle, It makes me mad/sad to hear of our veterans not getting care.
Have you started back to work? Still have a critter?Use ear plugs and a fan to block out noise.
Hugs to those who need them. ((((((HUGS)))))))

biziI missed you guys!

[Wander]

Originally Posted by bizi

Still trying to get caught up from vacation.....
wild coyote, can't believe you had to endure that kind of treatment, glad that you saw some justice. How awful. ((((HUGS)))))
jane glad you survived! and yes diet cokes are really bad for us. I drink a soda made with stevia, Zevia.It is a natural sweetenr from a plant.
Bird dancer- glad that you have a great pdoc and that you have a bit of a crush on him. NICE!
Wander, are you living in australia? Are the fires effecting you at all?
hallie, good luck with school, hubbys starts next week.
Bluebycycle, It makes me mad/sad to hear of our veterans not getting care.
Have you started back to work? Still have a critter?Use ear plugs and a fan to block out noise.
Hugs to those who need them. ((((((HUGS)))))))

biziI missed you guys!

Thanks Bizi. I live in a city on the west coast of Australia. There are numerous fires outside the city, but small, and not deadly so far. The devastation people are hearing of is happening in the south, and east of the country. The loss of life, property, and wildlife (estimated 1 billion animals!) is horrendous. Many times I have wept as I’ve heard the news. A friend of mine was caught up in it but thankfully got out safe, and didn’t lose her home. It’s calming down now, but many fires are still burning out of control.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m so sorry for your loss.

My husbands youngest has been out of the army 3 years now I think. Altho he was never deployed because he was highly skilled in communication and kept on base at Ft. Bragg.

He has now lost 4 men from his boot camp days, all suicide , all because the VA doesn’t care , because they don’t have providers nor funding which makes me furious.. our young men and women service there country and could die , but care they need after is so hard to find and afford.

Changes need to be made and soon before we lose more and more people

Thank you.

I am sorry to hear about those 4 men who died. It really is terrible. Many of those who survive end up homeless too, which is awful. It's so disrespectful of our country to ignore the people who fight for our freedom. These corrupt politicians send our young men and women off to fight a war the politicians started, and then the politicians don't want to fund their treatment afterwards.

My cousin was a paratrooper in Afghanistan and he lost A LOT of comrades. I don't know how he manages to cope with those flashbacks. He is the strongest person I know. I think he copes by collecting various things, as he has a bad back from being a paratrooper and can't really walk well.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Possible trigger:

Tomorrow at noon is the 21st anniversary of my most serious suicide attempt.

I will have a minute of silence.

Thinking of you today.
I hope you can do something fun today to maybe change the history of the day?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

Still trying to get caught up from vacation.....
wild coyote, can't believe you had to endure that kind of treatment, glad that you saw some justice. How awful. ((((HUGS)))))
jane glad you survived! and yes diet cokes are really bad for us. I drink a soda made with stevia, Zevia.It is a natural sweetenr from a plant.
Bird dancer- glad that you have a great pdoc and that you have a bit of a crush on him. NICE!
Wander, are you living in australia? Are the fires effecting you at all?
hallie, good luck with school, hubbys starts next week.
Bluebycycle, It makes me mad/sad to hear of our veterans not getting care.
Have you started back to work? Still have a critter?Use ear plugs and a fan to block out noise.
Hugs to those who need them. ((((((HUGS)))))))

biziI missed you guys!

Thank you, bizi! It was most definitely one of the worst chapters of my life. While justice was served, it definitely took a toll. Learning much more about that type/level of human nature certainly made me much more careful. It definitely added to my PTSD.

I've missed you, too, bizi!!!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wander

Thanks Bizi. I live in a city on the west coast of Australia. There are numerous fires outside the city, but small, and not deadly so far. The devastation people are hearing of is happening in the south, and east of the country. The loss of life, property, and wildlife (estimated 1 billion animals!) is horrendous. Many times I have wept as I’ve heard the news. A friend of mine was caught up in it but thankfully got out safe, and didn’t lose her home. It’s calming down now, but many fires are still burning out of control.

What a blessing your friends life was spared!

Much Love and healing to both victims and survivors.

I've been ranting and a holy terror all morning. Definitely I'm not quite right. Luckily, my husband doesn't get bothered by it because he "knows his people", and none of it is directed towards him. It almost never is. If needed, I'll take a prn of some sort.

I ended up running my errands before the lunch hour. That was a good idea. I should remember that. Traffic is so much lighter and there are comparatively few people in the stores.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I've been ranting and a holy terror all morning. Definitely I'm not quite right. Luckily, my husband doesn't get bothered by it because he "knows his people", and none of it is directed towards him. It almost never is. If needed, I'll take a prn of some sort.

Sorry you're not feeling right.

What is making you rant and be a holy terror?

I hope a PRN helps if you need it.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sorry you're not feeling right.

What is making you rant and be a holy terror?

I hope a PRN helps if you need it.

Thanks, bluebicycle. It's mostly about stress, and likely also related to my mood state.

I'm sorry to read about your friend, bluebicycle. I fully understand how it feels to lose someone you care about to suicide. I also understand how a loved one could feel angry at doctors, or other health professionals, who are supposed to be the most qualified to help. Of course people make mistakes and of course sometimes as hard as they try it is not always enough, but sometimes such experts don't seem to have done enough. Anyway, it is a bit of a triggering subject for me, but I do feel for you and your friend's family very much. I also like to say that I feel for the person who lost their life to suicide. It is a tragedy for them no different, in my view, than losing life by other causes.

[Miss Laura]

Still doing good this week I saw my CPN, Community Worker and Therapist. It was great just chatting about the festivities. I felt like the hour flew in today and before I knew it my time was up which sucked as all I wanted to do was keep chatting to her. My therapist is lovely. She went away for the festivities and only got back on Sunday I think. I kinda felt gutted when leaving her office. I really like talking to her. She made me promise I would contact my GP as I have been having sever headaches (I wrote a post about them in Dec). So I did but can't get an appointment to see a GP not even my GP until 23rd January. I also booked 2 massages in for January and a dentist check up for next week. House is still a tip. Oh well there is always next week

Thanks, BirdDancer

Today has been a good but highly unproductive day. I wish I were more motivated to do work, but I'm not (sadly).

I am pretty excited for Monday. I am getting my remote starter installed in my car!! Yippee!! No more turning on my car in subzero temps in February and sitting in it while it heats up.

I wish I could lock my car while it's turned on, but that isn't the case. It's a bit silly to me, though. My car turns on when it detects the key physically inside it. Then I can get out of the car and take the keys with me, with the car still running. Yet, I cannot lock the car even when I have the keys in my hand!! I have to turn it off to lock it. Ridiculous. (And yeah, I know it's trying to prevent you from locking your keys in the car, but if I am standing outside with the keys in my hand, how can I get locked out???)