[Scooter9]

I'm feeling withdrawn and depressed. Waiting for the Remeron to kick in. Going to up the dose tonight to the full dose after taking half at pdoc's direction.

I stopped my other meds 10 days ago at pdoc's direction so I guess I'm feeling that too.

My sleep is much better now. Getting 7 to 9 hours a night. Last night was the first in 2 months that I didn't get up. I was getting up for at least an hour before but last night I slept right through.

Little steps in the right direction.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm feeling pissy. I had to cancel my therapist appt for today at 11am and pay $95 for missing the appt all because some guy at work set up an interview at the last minute for 11am today. I told the guy he could do any day and any time EXCEPT 11am, and what did the asshole do? 11 f_cking a.m.. And I can't get out of it because he invited a bunch of other people, including the candidate. He told me at 7 f_cking p.m. last night that he set up the interview, which didn't give me the minimum 24 hrs I needed to cancel my therapy appt. NOT happy.

Oh damn I’d be furious too !!! I’m sorry this happened

[Moose72]

N3 is out taking a bus to his gf's house. Im getting him later. He needs new shoes! I slipped his on to take out the trash and BOTH shoes have big holes in the ball of the shoe! I told him he needs new shoes pronto !

Im taking a shower tonight. I did just wash my hair last night actually but not the rest of me.

I'm still listening to the same CD and reading the same book- again! I was invited out but I'm going to stay in tonight. I am feeling anti social IRL- here is different! Well antisocial not to family but I would rather just read and hang out in my room with music playing. Who woulda thought that my smart tv doubles as good speakers for my DVD/CD player?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm feeling pissy. I had to cancel my therapist appt for today at 11am and pay $95 for missing the appt all because some guy at work set up an interview at the last minute for 11am today. I told the guy he could do any day and any time EXCEPT 11am, and what did the asshole do? 11 f_cking a.m.. And I can't get out of it because he invited a bunch of other people, including the candidate. He told me at 7 f_cking p.m. last night that he set up the interview, which didn't give me the minimum 24 hrs I needed to cancel my therapy appt. NOT happy.

Want me to punch that guy in the nose for you? Not hard but just so he sees what an asshat move that was on his part!

(Or I could do some judo to him! )

[Daonnachd]

I just got back from my ECT and must say it was the roughest I've had in nearly 5 years of maintenance. As I was going under I couldn't breathe but my hands and feet were agitated and fluttering. I tried to speak to tell them that I couldn't breathe but I couldn't talk! I'm sure my hands got a little more frantic at that point. Apparently it was then that the anaesthesiologist gave me something additional in the mix going in my IV and it sent me into a deeper sleep. I know this because he came to talk to me after I woke up in Recovery.

After all that, I am feeling better.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm having a tough time getting going this morning. I got to sleep later than I should have, and then my initial sleep was unpleasant. To my knowledge and hubby's, I have never had any signs of sleep apnea, but every once in a while I will wake up in a startle, feeling like I can't breathe. I sometimes wonder if it is related to an anesthesia awareness event I had once in the past (where I couldn't, or felt like I couldn't, breathe). That was frightening. It was taken very seriously after I reported it, as there are generally only about 30,000 cases every year and many fewer during the procedure I was receiving. Even the anesthesiologist came to interview me about it the next day. Luckily, it never happened again.


I did eventually reach a good sleep, but when the alarm went off I was in such a half-awake state that I screamed and almost knocked it off my dresser. Hubby had been up and antsy so volunteered to do all of the morning tasks that I usually do. He put on breakfast at 6:25 am, which is earlier than usual. I went down clearly in a zombie state. Then he sweetly volunteered to make his own lunch.


I cancelled my participation in a Meetup tomorrow. I have ZERO desire to go. Actually, I am having all kinds of crazy thoughts that I won't go into. Nothing dangerous. I feel paralyzed today.

Oh my gosh that sound terrifying ! I am so glad your husband is home .. do you think you should see your Pdoc ASAP ? See T quickly also ?

I know you have been trouble finding your footing, you have had enormous stress for months.. looking back I remember when you lost your parrot things started, your trips, car trouble on one trip , your Dad and brother ..

Do you have a prn you can take if need be ?

I hope this passes quickly and your feeling better

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just got back from my ECT and must say it was the roughest I've had in nearly 5 years of maintenance. As I was going under I couldn't breathe but my hands and feet were agitated and fluttering. I tried to speak to tell them that I couldn't breathe but I couldn't talk! I'm sure my hands got a little more frantic at that point. Apparently it was then that the anaesthesiologist gave me something additional in the mix going in my IV and it sent me into a deeper sleep. I know this because he came to talk to me after I woke up in Recovery.

After all that, I am feeling better.

That sounds scary! I hope that's the one and only time that happens to you.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh my gosh that sound terrifying ! I am so glad your husband is home .. do you think you should see your Pdoc ASAP ? See T quickly also ?

I know you have been trouble finding your footing, you have had enormous stress for months.. looking back I remember when you lost your parrot things started, your trips, car trouble on one trip , your Dad and brother ..

Do you have a prn you can take if need be ?

I hope this passes quickly and your feeling better

Thanks for checking on me, Christina! I'm a little better now. I'm glad it's Friday and hubby will be home.

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi all. I have meant to update sooner, but wrote several posts and lost attention or just changed my mind. Or maybe I even submitted something recently and forgot haha. I am not even sure. Just dealing with hormones, my usual. I just feel like I am dragging, irritable, emotional, and really really cannot focus which then results in me feeling guilty that I am being a bad employee. Had therapy this week and my therapist says if my main issue is determined by my evaluation to be OCD she's going to refer me to an OCD specialist. I think that makes sense, but I feel like she's a good fit in a lot of ways and feel weird about having to start over. I am going to look for some glasses this weekend. Anyone have recommendations for where to look? I've checked out Warby Parker in the past, but still trying to find something that fits well that I like. Okay, I am already losing motivation so going to just post this as is. Hope everyone is doing well!

[Moose72]

We're supposed to have rain for over 24 hours straight starting at midnight. The news this morning said it wouldve been over 10 FEET of snow if it were colder! I saw some people shoveling out a storm drain- shovel full after shovel full of muck/condensed leaves. I hope the road wont flood (as bad) since they did this.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hi all. I have meant to update sooner, but wrote several posts and lost attention or just changed my mind. Or maybe I even submitted something recently and forgot haha. I am not even sure. Just dealing with hormones, my usual. I just feel like I am dragging, irritable, emotional, and really really cannot focus which then results in me feeling guilty that I am being a bad employee. Had therapy this week and my therapist says if my main issue is determined by my evaluation to be OCD she's going to refer me to an OCD specialist. I think that makes sense, but I feel like she's a good fit in a lot of ways and feel weird about having to start over. I am going to look for some glasses this weekend. Anyone have recommendations for where to look? I've checked out Warby Parker in the past, but still trying to find something that fits well that I like. Okay, I am already losing motivation so going to just post this as is. Hope everyone is doing well!

Your main issue is OCD- you mean instead of bipolar?

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just got back from my ECT and must say it was the roughest I've had in nearly 5 years of maintenance. As I was going under I couldn't breathe but my hands and feet were agitated and fluttering. I tried to speak to tell them that I couldn't breathe but I couldn't talk! I'm sure my hands got a little more frantic at that point. Apparently it was then that the anaesthesiologist gave me something additional in the mix going in my IV and it sent me into a deeper sleep. I know this because he came to talk to me after I woke up in Recovery.

After all that, I am feeling better.

Daonnachd, I'm so sorry to read that that happened to you. I know (real experience) something like what you are referring to. On the page before this (I'm quoting below), I wrote about such an experience. It was during my first ECT treatment that I had in a series, about 9 years ago. I usually don't mention that it was during ECT, because I don't want to scare people. It is, indeed, a rare thing. Mine was not while going under. In my case, the anesthesia wore off before the succinylcholine. When that happened, I was fully paralyzed, couldn't open my eyes or speak, and was unable to breathe on my own. I don't know what happened then, if they somehow realized and knocked me out again, or...something else. I'm sure that if I was no longer intubated, that I must have been reintubated or had been, and just still felt I couldn't breathe at the time. I can say that the anesthesiologist's interview was not a joke. She apologized profusely and assured me it wouldn't happen again.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm having a tough time getting going this morning. I got to sleep later than I should have, and then my initial sleep was unpleasant. To my knowledge and hubby's, I have never had any signs of sleep apnea, but every once in a while I will wake up in a startle, feeling like I can't breathe. I sometimes wonder if it is related to an anesthesia awareness event I had once in the past (where I couldn't, or felt like I couldn't, breathe). That was frightening. It was taken very seriously after I reported it, as there are generally only about 30,000 cases every year and many fewer during the procedure I was receiving. Even the anesthesiologist came to interview me about it the next day. Luckily, it never happened again.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m dealing with the effects of SAD right now: depressed, unmotivated, don’t want to get up in the morning, dreading the day, can’t get moving.


My mom and I had an argument today. I’ve noticed at the age of 85, she is not as kind or diplomatic as she used to be. She can be downright combative and not listen to reason even when her health and well-being is involved. She is mildly cognitively impaired so I don’t say nearly what I’d like to. Today, she viciously put me down out of nowhere and it hurts to be treated that way by someone who is supposed to have your back. We’re not speaking at this time. I don’t know where we go from here but it can’t continue this way. It’s times like these that I think of moving out and letting them fend for themselves. I wouldn’t do that to my brother though. They both need me. Anyway, it helps to get it out...thanks.


Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I am so sad for you going through all this I can certainly understand your just wanting to stay in bed and escape the world.

Dementia or Alzheimer’s going on? Is your Mom on any medications ? Some meds can cause aggressive hateful actions. Would she be willing to go to the Doctor ??

When do you see M again??maybe just focus on that day, knowing it will perk you up a bit.. do you have a light box?? It might really be helpful, so many report they can’t imagine going without.

When do you see your T next ??

Sending you gentle hugs

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by MissDenim

I don't know how I feel...


I just spent this past week dealing with a small family emergency, and because of that, I had to cancel my therapy appointment. I could only feel defeated, only because I knew my mom felt bad about it, and because my therapist is always so busy, I had to reschedule for a month later. I still feel depressed, and grumpy, my meds still haven't fully kicked in yet.


I've always just dealt with things as they come... I've had to!


*Sigh*

I’m hoping your medication kick in.. does your T have a cancellation list ? If so maybe you can get in sooner?? What coping skills can you use to deal with life? I hope this ease for you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just got back from my ECT and must say it was the roughest I've had in nearly 5 years of maintenance. As I was going under I couldn't breathe but my hands and feet were agitated and fluttering. I tried to speak to tell them that I couldn't breathe but I couldn't talk! I'm sure my hands got a little more frantic at that point. Apparently it was then that the anaesthesiologist gave me something additional in the mix going in my IV and it sent me into a deeper sleep. I know this because he came to talk to me after I woke up in Recovery.

After all that, I am feeling better.

Sorry you had a rough treatment , very scary indeed

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hi all. I have meant to update sooner, but wrote several posts and lost attention or just changed my mind. Or maybe I even submitted something recently and forgot haha. I am not even sure. Just dealing with hormones, my usual. I just feel like I am dragging, irritable, emotional, and really really cannot focus which then results in me feeling guilty that I am being a bad employee. Had therapy this week and my therapist says if my main issue is determined by my evaluation to be OCD she's going to refer me to an OCD specialist. I think that makes sense, but I feel like she's a good fit in a lot of ways and feel weird about having to start over. I am going to look for some glasses this weekend. Anyone have recommendations for where to look? I've checked out Warby Parker in the past, but still trying to find something that fits well that I like. Okay, I am already losing motivation so going to just post this as is. Hope everyone is doing well!

Hiya!

Can you continue with her while your going to look further into OCD possibility?? It’s possible you will need your current T to help you process how the other Therapy sessions are going ???

My husband broke his glasses while in Florida ! My daughter has gotten 7-8 ( or more) paid from Zenni optical online. Last pair he got were almost 360 ! We found numerous frames and lens that will run 85-100. It’s ridiculous how much glasses cost !

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Your main issue is OCD- you mean instead of bipolar?

Yeah I guess that or something else? Like she also wants me to get tested for ADHD. She doesn't seem to think I have bipolar based on our sessions, even though my psychiatrist does.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Daonnachd, I'm so sorry to read that that happened to you. I know (real experience) something like what you are referring to. On the page before this (I'm quoting below), I wrote about such an experience. It was during my first ECT treatment that I had in a series, about 9 years ago. I usually don't mention that it was during ECT, because I don't want to scare people. It is, indeed, a rare thing. Mine was not while going under. In my case, the anesthesia wore off before the succinylcholine. When that happened, I was fully paralyzed, couldn't open my eyes or speak, and was unable to breathe on my own. I don't know what happened then, if they somehow realized and knocked me out again, or...something else. I'm sure that if I was no longer intubated, that I must have been reintubated again or had been, and just still felt I couldn't breathe at the time. I can say that the anesthesiologist's interview was not a joke. She apologized profusely and assured me it wouldn't happen again.

It was such a powerful (almost want to say traumatising) experience I can't stop thinking about it. I'm sure it was the same for you.

[Moose72]

I dunno if i should take a shower. Maybe. I'll feel better- right? I feel a little antsy and out of sorts. Like a butterfly that can't "lite" somewhere.

Im listening to music but im starting to get it memorized

Reading is good and soothing though

Otherwise I guess I just have ants in my pants!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

We're supposed to have rain for over 24 hours straight starting at midnight. The news this morning said it wouldve been over 10 FEET of snow if it were colder! I saw some people shoveling out a storm drain- shovel full after shovel full of muck/condensed leaves. I hope the road wont flood (as bad) since they did this.

We have a huge weather front coming starting tonight , 75+ mph winds and tornados thunderstorms etc... It’s freaking January !!! what the hell is this tornado talk about ??? Ugh. Stay safe in the storms

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I dunno if i should take a shower. Maybe. I'll feel better- right? I feel a little antsy and out of sorts. Like a butterfly that can't "lite" somewhere.

Shower !! It’s so soothing once your in there

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

We have a huge weather front coming starting tonight , 75+ mph winds and tornados thunderstorms etc... It’s freaking January !!! what the hell is this tornado talk about ??? Ugh. Stay safe in the storms

The weather sure is crazy! Someone irl complained to me about the weather today- because it was drab and drizzling all day. Well I don't agree! TEN FEET of SNOW was the alternative!

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My mom and I had an argument today. I’ve noticed at the age of 85, she is not as kind or diplomatic as she used to be. She can be downright combative and not listen to reason even when her health and well-being is involved. She is mildly cognitively impaired so I don’t say nearly what I’d like to. Today, she viciously put me down out of nowhere and it hurts to be treated that way by someone who is supposed to have your back. We’re not speaking at this time. I don’t know where we go from here but it can’t continue this way. It’s times like these that I think of moving out and letting them fend for themselves. I wouldn’t do that to my brother though. They both need me. Anyway, it helps to get it out...thanks.

I can imagine how much an interaction like that would hurt. I'm so sorry.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hiya!

Can you continue with her while your going to look further into OCD possibility?? It’s possible you will need your current T to help you process how the other Therapy sessions are going ???

My husband broke his glasses while in Florida ! My daughter has gotten 7-8 ( or more) paid from Zenni optical online. Last pair he got were almost 360 ! We found numerous frames and lens that will run 85-100. It’s ridiculous how much glasses cost !

Hi! Well I will continue seeing her at the moment, but I guess depending on what my psychiatrist/psych eval shows she might think I need more specialized therapy. I could always ask her, but it kind of felt like a gentle way of saying she's not sure she can be of help. I get that, but I still feel a little weird about it.
I'll try to clarify at my next session. She also said it might help if she could talk to my psychiatrist to discuss my situation and I think I like the idea, but then I remembered that my psychiatry notes are available to other doctors and I don't want my therapy stuff in my medical chart. Not sure that's how it would happen, but I need to look into it first.

I agree about the glasses! I wish my insurance covered them. Sorry to hear your husband broke his glasses. Unexpected expenses are no fun. Hope you are doing okay all things considered. I have to go back and catch up on everyone's life this past week or so.

[MissDenim]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m hoping your medication kick in.. does your T have a cancellation list ? If so maybe you can get in sooner?? What coping skills can you use to deal with life? I hope this ease for you

It doesn't fully kick in until at least the first week of February, since they are new meds. My therapist does not have a cancellation list. That is the earliest I can get in. As far as coping skills, I'm just trying to keep myself distracted.