[Sunflower123]

Really down today with lots of SI despite my efforts to outmaneuver it. That’s really too bad. I was hoping to give my NP a good report tomorrow. Maybe I need a med adjustment. Darn.

Hugs to all.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Really down today with lots of SI despite my efforts to outmaneuver it. That’s really too bad. I was hoping to give my NP a good report tomorrow. Maybe I need a med adjustment. Darn.

Hugs to all.

So sorry you are experiencing these bad thoughts.....
sending some good thoughts your way for a better evening.
((((((((HUGS)))))))))
bizi

[Wander]

Big hugs to those who want/need one.

In 24 hours I am having the injection in my neck. I’m getting excited as I have hope this injection will shut down my PTSD hyper-vigilance thus calm me down. Then I will remain IP for observation. If all goes as planned I will be discharged this week. Yey!

This morning my parents took me to the beach. An early morning swim in the ocean is the best way to start the day. It was a brief swim as my hip is still healing. So refreshing and revitalising.

Last night my mood dropped but not too badly. I think it was grief from seeing my parents all day (long story related to childhood trauma). It is getting easier to around them which is great because my Mum is my best friend. It hurts to have the horrors of my past affect my relationship with my Mum. My T is helping me sort through this so the strength of my relationship with my Mum and Dad can be restored.

C’mon brain. It’s time to leave the past behind and focus forwards while living in the present moment. I am safe and in control of my life now.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi, I am sorry you are feeling this way this afternoon.
It's so wise of you to take measures in hopes of things not getting any worse.

I hope things do settle down for you. Either way, we are here for you!

Thank you WC After I laid down for awhile I baked some cookies and then read my book. I'm feeling more relaxed now

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Really down today with lots of SI despite my efforts to outmaneuver it. That’s really too bad. I was hoping to give my NP a good report tomorrow. Maybe I need a med adjustment. Darn.

Hugs to all.

I am sorry you've been going through this.

I am sorry, I have forgotten, do you usually get depressed in the winter?

I am feeling a bit wonky today, too.

Thinking of you!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Yes, there's an important distinction, for sure..

You are in an acute flare, which is a completely different story.


I am dealing with baseline pain right now, which is excruciating; however, the whole degree with which you are currently dealing is even more overwhelming and my heart goes out tou you.


You've been asked by a few friends here about pain meds. I am furious you are not allowed stronger, more appropriate meds for pain. It's inhumane.


As you know, I strongly advocate for the appropriate use of pain meds. I have openly shared my stance, as well as my need for pain medication. I have been very clear about the dire need for pain meds for severe, life-altering chronic (non-stop) pain. Unfortunately, I have been viciously attacked here for having been open about my stance and for my own need for pain meds. It's exactly that type of attitude that denies you, Christina, the pain medication you so desperately need..


Is there anything I can do to help you more?


May you feel surrounded by Lots of Love!

Your being verbally attacked over your medically necessary pain meds just shows someone that has no compassion and truly hateful. I hope that never happens again

Yes I am indeed in an acute flare. I again got no sleep there is no comfortable position to be found.

I truly wish that I was able to find someone , anyone that can give me meds for when the pain is just unbearable. But I’ll just a baby unicorn sooner.

Doctors hands are tied now ....if someone has been on a rather low dose long term pain Med started 3-4 years ago most Doctors are okay with them staying on them , but anything new? Unless it’s acute like I fly off my porch and get a compound fracture and my bones waving in the air and I have to see a ortho. That’s about the only way pain meds are going to be given.

My T just a few weeks ago has told me numerous clients of his are having surgery and sent home on Tylenol only. One he almost lost to an attempt.

We don’t let our pets suffer but it’s ok that the government has tied Doctors hand so much that they are unable to offer even minimal pain meds.

Thank you for all the support and understanding words just can’t express my love for you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I feel weird today. Slept 4 hours last night, woke up wide awake, cleaned and paced around listening to music for 3 hours straight early in the morning. Felt good most of the day but then I started seeing shadows and worrying about my meds poisoning me, and something burrowing through my brain. I'm forcing myself to lay down right now, I don't want it escalating.

Hope your feeling better now..

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Out of nowhere, I had a real burst of anxiety. Sometimes it is related to my physical health, usually relating to my heart (probably just heartburn and indigestion). Anyway, it still causes me anxiety, on occasion. I took an Ativan. It's very likely that that will do the trick. I just need to wait about 30 minutes.

I made celeriac and celery soup. I guess I still have to make a main course for dinner. Sometimes I just wish I could have a break, especially on days when I've been doing other big projects.

I hope your anxiety shut up and went away quickly

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Really down today with lots of SI despite my efforts to outmaneuver it. That’s really too bad. I was hoping to give my NP a good report tomorrow. Maybe I need a med adjustment. Darn.


Hugs to all.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

[~Christina]

Well no sleep last night , again I am not convinced I will get any tonight either.

It’s impossible to find a comfortable anything.

I must leave at 630-645 am to go see my pulmonary specialist for my follow up. It’s 1.5 hours north. And we will have nothing but rain tonight and all tomorrow.. match my mood I suppose.

I “ hope” that he will be able to give me some idea when Humira will finally get lost and my lungs go back to normal so I can get on a new biologic to hopefully offer me some pain relief.

I’m trying so hard to remind myself eventually something will improve and I’ll catch a break .. but I’m really struggling hard. I’m really tired of hiding in the bathroom crying.

Hugs and cookies to all ~

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Well, I don't know what is wrong with me. Woke up again today absolutely furious about absolutely nothing. Enraged. No issues. Got out on the bike anyway and managed to ride for 90 minutes--furious the entire time. About nothing. Weird. Finally did some breathing and calmed myself down and doing pretty well now. Not sure what's wrong with me. Took maybe 6 hours to get back to some kind of normal baseline. Mixed state coming on? Could definitely be. I am just almost never angry. I dunno.

Took a pretty significant spill on the bike yesterday right in the center of town. A very sweet woman saw the whole thing and stopped to help me. Very kind of her. Really touched me. Didn't hit my head, fortunately, but fairly banged up otherwise. It was wet and slick and I just went down on a tight corner. One of those things that happens from time to time this time of year. Still, I felt like an idiot.

I am heartbroken for those who are suffering from physical pain that is not being adequately treated. As a former prescriber, it makes me angry. I may have been a bit too generous with the narcs when I was in practice, but I chose early on in my career to basically always believe the patient when she/he told me they were hurting. I would not change a thing about all that. Sending those suffering strength and compassion. I am so sorry. I wish I still had a license--I'd be more than happy to take care of the problem...

Hiya!

I've been waking up in a very similar state and am also puzzled. I feel a bit better a few hours later. I, too, have been wondering about a mixed state. I guess time will tell!

I think it's cool that you've been riding your bike!
I used to ride quite a bit and just LOVED it!
It was always exciting! The faster, the better!
Sorry you took a spill! OUCH! Man, that hurts, especially on asphalt!
I am sorry you were hurt!

Oh, how nice of you in what you say about adequately treating pain. A lot of doctors feel the same way. Many are being regulated by the state and this is making it increasingly difficult to treat their patients for pain.

In this state, both the doctor and the patient are constantly monitored. State computer programs inform the state when a doctor has written a narcotic prescription, as well as the ID of the patient. This same program records how many days before I'd taken it to the pharmacy, where I'd taken it and when I'd picked up the filled script. I also have to sign a contract, naming someone who can pick up the meds if I cannot. The docs are required to conduct random drug testing, too. Most docs report feeling harassed by the state, etc.

CVS now has its own guidelines re; dispensing pain meds. If it's an acute issue, they will allow script for X number of days, even if the doctor has written for longer.. In cases of chronic pain, they allow ongoing treatment.
While they take good care of me, and I know they mean well, I also think it's very important to allow the doctors to make these types of decisions. Doctors are being regulated, regulated, regulated.

Some types of doctors and patients are ruining it for the conscientious doctors
and patients.

It could be worse. it could also be much better!

It's nice to have you around!
Hope you have a good night and a pleasant day tomorrow!

[Nammu]

Grrr to the legislators who interfere with doctors ability to treat pain. I'm sooooooooo glad my surgery corrected my pain because I know my state would not be adequately medicating me. I often had to go to a specific pharmacy to get my pain meds cause Walgreens didn't carry them even tho they knew I was on them and had monthly refills. Grr to the lawyers who are so sue happy that everybody is afraid to stand up and say pain is freaking hard to live with. Grr to the lack of funding that shut down my favorite pain.com that had wonderful advice on treating chronic pain.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Grrr to the legislators who interfere with doctors ability to treat pain. I'm sooooooooo glad my surgery corrected my pain because I know my state would not be adequately medicating me. I often had to go to a specific pharmacy to get my pain meds cause Walgreens didn't carry them even tho they knew I was on them and had monthly refills. Grr to the lawyers who are so sue happy that everybody is afraid to stand up and say pain is freaking hard to live with. Grr to the lack of funding that shut down my favorite pain.com that had wonderful advice on treating chronic pain.

It's interesting as to how different pharmacies treat pain patients.

I was using one pharmacy. I was prescribed a certain dose, which involved needing an additional 15mg.. The pharmacist there told me she did not want to order 15 mg tabs and told me to increase my dose another 15 mg because she carries 30 mg tabs.

I went to a different pharmacy, less than 1/3 mile away. The pharmacist there told me she was happy to order 15mg tabs to add to my dosage, as prescribed.

I find it remiss, to say the least, for a pharmacist to advise an increase in med dosage simply because she does not want to be inconvenienced.

I get to know my pharmacists. I find I benefit greatly by nurturing great rapport with them. They appreciate this. In return, they are more apt to call me with questions/concerns as we have established a greater level of comfort with one another.

Maybe establishing rapport with pharmacists should not matter, yet the are human and this can matter.

I have had a long time pharmacist leave in order to move to another state. The new head pharmacist called me aside to tell me the former head pharmacist had asked her to please take extra good care of me. I was shocked she had done this. Yet, this lead me to believe pharmacists are people and appreciate being welcomed to participate/interact as a health care provider.

I have nurtured relationships with pharmacists since and have continued to reap rewards. Say hello to your pharmacist. Ask questions. Thank them. In some way, acknowledge them.

Just my two cents.

Love to All

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you've been going through this.

I am sorry, I have forgotten, do you usually get depressed in the winter?

I am feeling a bit wonky today, too.

Thinking of you!

Yes, I do. It happens roughly around the time change though some winters are better than others.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well no sleep last night , again I am not convinced I will get any tonight either.

It’s impossible to find a comfortable anything.

I must leave at 630-645 am to go see my pulmonary specialist for my follow up. It’s 1.5 hours north. And we will have nothing but rain tonight and all tomorrow.. match my mood I suppose.

I “ hope” that he will be able to give me some idea when Humira will finally get lost and my lungs go back to normal so I can get on a new biologic to hopefully offer me some pain relief.

I’m trying so hard to remind myself eventually something will improve and I’ll catch a break .. but I’m really struggling hard. I’m really tired of hiding in the bathroom crying.

Hugs and cookies to all ~

I hope you have a smooth trip and a productive visit.

I slept FAR too much last night. I wish I could give some of my sleep to you guys so that you do not have to struggle.

I slept from 2pm -- yes, 2pm -- until 4am. I didn't even know I was capable of doing that? But then again, I was sleep deprived on top of withdrawing from my ritalin. I think the last time I slept this much was when I was on Seroquel!!

Other than that, mood is slightly low but still alright. Not the greatest, but not the worst either. I wouldn't say I'm depressed; I think I'm just feeling overtired and exhausted.

Also, I've done a lot of packing already for my trip later this week. I started on Thursday last week, and I already have all of my clothing items in packing cubes. I have also prepared my toiletries bag with my meds, toothbrush, etc..

Because I'm such a germaphobe, I bought some medical-grade, TSA-compliant sanitizing wipes off Amazon. I got 3 travel packs w/ 20 wipes each, and resealable. I'm wiping the sh_t out of the seats, seatbelts, window, window shade, and arm rests with these wipes. And then I have some leftover face masks from my surgery back in April, so I will be using those to prevent myself from breathing in airborne diseases.

Apparently "economy" parking at the airport is $29 a day, while regular ("central") parking is $39 a day. We're trying to see if we can park somewhere in the city for cheaper and just take the train to the airport. Though, since my dad is paying for the trip, I might just pay for the central parking. Not ideal, but we've done "economy" parking before and we always have to wait a while to get on the shuttle. Like, the line will be so long that we won't make it onto the next bus or two, so then we're stuck waiting, and in the frigid weather. Best to just pay $39 a day, I suppose.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Yes, I do. It happens roughly around the time change though some winters are better than others.

Good Morning, Jennifer,
I hope you feel better. I know this is likely unrealistic and I don't mean to make light of you depression. I do hope you have a better day today.

I care about you and wish you'd never have to experience depression again.

I hope your pdoc can help.

With Love From Just One of Your Many Fans

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I slept FAR too much last night. I wish I could give some of my sleep to you guys so that you do not have to struggle.

I slept from 2pm -- yes, 2pm -- until 4am. I didn't even know I was capable of doing that? But then again, I was sleep deprived on top of withdrawing from my ritalin. I think the last time I slept this much was when I was on Seroquel!!

Other than that, mood is slightly low but still alright. Not the greatest, but not the worst either. I wouldn't say I'm depressed; I think I'm just feeling overtired and exhausted.

Also, I've done a lot of packing already for my trip later this week. I started on Thursday last week, and I already have all of my clothing items in packing cubes. I have also prepared my toiletries bag with my meds, toothbrush, etc..

Because I'm such a germaphobe, I bought some medical-grade, TSA-compliant sanitizing wipes off Amazon. I got 3 travel packs w/ 20 wipes each, and resealable. I'm wiping the sh_t out of the seats, seatbelts, window, window shade, and arm rests with these wipes. And then I have some leftover face masks from my surgery back in April, so I will be using those to prevent myself from breathing in airborne diseases.

Apparently "economy" parking at the airport is $29 a day, while regular ("central") parking is $39 a day. We're trying to see if we can park somewhere in the city for cheaper and just take the train to the airport. Though, since my dad is paying for the trip, I might just pay for the central parking. Not ideal, but we've done "economy" parking before and we always have to wait a while to get on the shuttle. Like, the line will be so long that we won't make it onto the next bus or two, so then we're stuck waiting, and in the frigid weather. Best to just pay $39 a day, I suppose.

Hey Blue!

Wow, that is a lot of sleep! Good for you!

I didn't realize professional grade wipes were available. I might get some. I use them a lot during flu season. We use them here in the house if someone has a cold. I think it really helps because colds rarely spread here.

I think it's great that you feel free to use a mask. My grandmother used to do this even many years ago. She would not fly without a mask.

I have a friend in Japan who tells me people wear masks all of the time there. Usually the people who are ill wear the masks. I am told it's considered extremely rude to not wear a mask if ill. We could learn from that practice!

I hope you and your dad have a great trip!

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey Blue!

Wow, that is a lot of sleep! Good for you!

I didn't realize professional grade wipes were available. I might get some. I use them a lot during flu season. We use them here in the house if someone has a cold. I think it really helps because colds rarely spread here.

I think it's great that you feel free to use a mask. My grandmother used to do this even many years ago. She would not fly without a mask.

I have a friend in Japan who tells me people wear masks all of the time there. Usually the people who are ill wear the masks. I am told it's considered extremely rude to not wear a mask if ill. We could learn from that practice!

I hope you and your dad have a great trip!

Yes!

It's these wipes: Robot Check

I got the "family pack" because I wanted a bigger container for my apartment along with the "travel packs."

Has 4.8 out of 5 star rating with about 300 reviews, so it seems legit. The reviews suggested it was legit as well, and that they are TSA compliant.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I hope you have a smooth trip and a productive visit.

Thanks.. I got a big 2 hours sleep , but I was safe to drive.

I hope I get some good news

[~Christina]

Drive was solid rain but Rent soundtrack makes everything easier.

I got a whole 2 hours sleep. I truly suck at that aspect of daily life lol

Hoping for good news today

[Wander]

Excited and nervous about my injection at 2 pm tomorrow (we are 12 hours ahead Of east coast US time. I desperately need it to work, but feel scared it won’t. I’m going to try and get some sleep now. Will let all know hoe it went as soon as I can.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Drive was solid rain but Rent soundtrack makes everything easier.

I got a whole 2 hours sleep. I truly suck at that aspect of daily life lol

Hoping for good news today

I hope your sleep keeps improving. You are living on vapors right now. Keep us up to date.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Drive was solid rain but Rent soundtrack makes everything easier.

I got a whole 2 hours sleep. I truly suck at that aspect of daily life lol

Hoping for good news today

I don't know how you do it with so little sleep! I suppose 2 hours is better than nothing, though.

fingers crossed you'll get good news

Originally Posted by Wander

Excited and nervous about my injection at 2 pm tomorrow (we are 12 hours ahead Of east coast US time. I desperately need it to work, but feel scared it won’t. I’m going to try and get some sleep now. Will let all know hoe it went as soon as I can.

good luck with the injection. this is the PTSD one, right? I hope it works well for you.

did they say how long it'd take for you to start feeling its effects?