[Crook32]

Ketamine has been my savior. It is the only thing able to cut through the depression. Even the lady at the Chinese take out said in looked good. Well then crap at work had to come up again. The write I got said my work sucks and that I am performing 2 grades below my level. Also that I caused them to lose crucial data but I have no clue what they are talking about. They also said I can’t email information anymore that I have to talk to them in person. I email the information first so they can get familiar to what we are doing then I talk to them. That way I don’t have to give background and take the chance of getting it wrong. They also said I need to show more initiative but when I give my opinions about things they say I am meddling. There are many other examples but I am too tired to get into them. But this has killed any decent help from the ketamine and brought back the bad thoughts. Oh and apparently I have an attitude but anyone who has dealt with their torture for the last 2 years might have one too. I hate this. I want to stay at this company but I need to leave the group. Have applied for a couple of jobs but no luck. Second option is go somewhere else but change puts my anxiety into over drive. I don’t know what to do. I am so paralyzed.

[Crook32]

I know you are all sick of hearing whine about this. I just really am totally paralyzed by it all. The thought of changing jobs is terrifying. I have been at the place for almost 20 years. I know nothing else. Everything changed when I took time off for the hospital. Going to the hospital ruined my life. Maybe I am as bad as they say I am. I used to be great at my job now apparently I can’t do anything right. This is so hard being that I am a perfectionist. I just want to go to bed and sleep for days.

[sophiebunny]

I had my science career ruined by a hospital admission for psychotic mania. What you are describing is very common in the work force. There are a couple of things you can do. First, get an FMLA. They can't fire you for taking time off for treatment and appointments if you have one. Also, they are violating the ADA (Americans with Disability Act) which is a serious federal offense. Document all the harassment. Keep a detailed daily diary. Print all harassing emails and as best you can keep records of abusive conversations. Document any behavior they do that single's you out as different from other members in your department. When you think you've got enough corroborating evidence for ADA violations, contact an employment attorney. Trust me, you get an attorney with evidence on your side, watch them cave.

[Crook32]

I am already starting to panic about work tomorrow. I know I need to leave but I need to find a new job first. It doesn’t help that I am bad at interviews. I can’t believe how much of an 180 my life has taken the past 5 years.

[*Beth*]

Your situation reminds me of my husband's. He worked for 17 years at the same company. From the start they were on him. He has OCD and ADHD and is a perfectionist. But a lot of "normal" information and social behaviors slip past him, plus processing and retaining information is extremely difficult for him.

He definitely had some friends at work, but the management just would not let up on him. Constantly writing him up and threatening to fire him. It was sooo stressful.

About 2 years into the job he got a note from his psychiatrist stating that he had some disabilities and that it would not be legal to fire him. Management actually did lay off quite a bit, for some years. Then new managers came in and it was back to the SOS.

I don't know how he withstood such stress, except that he's extremely stubborn. Finally, in his 17th year of working there they told him either resign or we're letting you go. He was at retirement age anyway, so he resigned.

I'm sorry...I don't know why I went into all that. I guess...it's so, so stressing when work is like carrying lead weight. I feel for you.

[Crook32]

It is so stressful going to work everyday and not having projects to work on so I have to use vacation time. About 3 years ago my department made a rule that you have to find your own work. The rest of the company the bosses assign you work. They are using this rule to blacklist me. I have been trying to transfer but no luck. I really want to stay at the company and just get out of my current department. Changing jobs scares me to death especially if it is a new company. I don’t do well with my routine changed. I am debating giving them articles on stress and depression and maybe adjusting my accommodations.