hypersexuality struggles

Hi. I'm new here. I don't know if I am bipolar. I don't have a diagnosis. I suspect I might be, but I don't know for sure. I've had struggles with bad depression and feeling suicidal. I currently take Cymbalta for depression and I think it is mostly working. I'm actually the least concerned with the depression aspect.

My other more troubling problem is that I feel like a part time sex addict. I got into a lot of trouble a few years ago with this. Affairs, hook-ups with strangers, etc. I almost wound up divorced and I destroyed at least one friendship. Thankfully, I was able to work things out with my husband, but I can't get away with cheating on him ever again. I'm leaving out a lot of details, but it was pretty awful, like I was living through a soap opera. It took me up until now to mostly get over all that happened (lots of guilt and shame). It took a long time and a lot of work to get my husband to trust me again too.

My current concern is that I feel wicked frisky again and it makes me feel like a freak. I don't want to talk to my husband about it because I don't want him to worry about me or start distrusting me again. I feel weird talking to my friends about this stuff. I'm bisexual too, so I worry about being inappropriate with my friends because I have done that before. I came here because I would like to talk to people who maybe get what I feel like. I'm trying to make sure I reach out and stay connected to other people. If I spend too much time with my own thoughts I start drifting off into my own fantasy land. If I spend too much time there, without communicating with other people, I start getting into trouble because then I'll act on fantasies thinking it's a good idea. I can't have that happening again because I'm a wife and mother who has a full time job.

Please reply if you can relate. Thanks

Hi singularity. I"m sorry to read that hypersexuality has affected your marriage in the past. If those urges were beyond your normal control, it would seem to signal some issue of great concern.

You say that you take an antidepressant only? Does a psychiatrist prescribe that for you, or are you prescribed the medication by a general practitioner? No need to answer my question, but whomever prescribes it should be told about the hypersexuality. That could potentially result in a medication adjustment, new diagnosis consideration, and/or a referral to a therapist, if you don't have one right now. It's my belief that if bipolar disorder is suspected, that a mental health professional be consulted. GPs can be wonderful, but a specialist, at least for proper diagnosis, is a good idea.

It is impossible for us to know the full complexity of your situation. I don't know you, so all I could do is wonder things like:

Does your husband know that you are bisexual?

Does your bisexuality create a desire for something you aren't getting in your marriage?

Is there something else (other than above) that you feel is missing in your life that gives you strife?

DO you have bipolar hypomania or mania?

Again, I can't know your answers, and I don't need to. These are simply example questions I would think a therapist or psychiatrist might ask about.

I can tell this situation is painful for you. For that reason, I truly hope you will be vigilant in getting some helpful answers.

Hypersexuality is common in bipolar hypomania and mania, but is not necessarily a sure sign. Others out there have it without bipolar disorder. You are not alone.

I have experienced hypersexuality as part of my bipolar disorder, but not during all hypomanic and manic episodes. It's not a given symptom. Sometimes impulsivity, pleasure-seeking, disinhibition, and other symptoms, express themselves in other ways.

I agree with BirdDancer that it's important to see a psychiatrist and get a proper diagnosis, so you can get the correct medication. I haven't experienced hypersexuality myself, but I understand why it concerns you.

All,

Thanks for your replies. I am considering going to a mental health professional. Part of the reason why I haven't yet it is my area is really lacking in mental health professionals. The business that was the major provider of mental health services in my area (not just my city, but all the other cities in a 50 mile radius) closed down all their offices last month. They decided they weren't making enough money around here.

The antidepressant I have was prescribed by my general practitioner. It has been seeming to help me a lot for the past couple months. I think what happened recently is I screwed it up so the antidepressant stopped working for me for a few days because I drank alcohol on New Year's eve. I'm not feeling so weird today, so I'm hoping that's what was happening.

Anyhow, I was thinking biploar, but maybe I have bpd instead. It's kind of hard to separate personality from mood. I think I developed the hypersexuality a few years ago as a coping mechanism for depression. I was feeling a little depressed after the drinking and I noticed that hypersexual feeling came with it. I think that's probably why the antidepressant was working keeping the hypersexual feelings away too, because I think it comes along with depression for me.

I am thinking maybe I will try to see a psychologist some time, but it isn't too pressing for me when I'm feeling OK. I guess it would be good to just have a good understanding what the problem is so I can make sure I'm doing the right things to keep myself in line.

BirdDancer,

To answer some of your questions

Does your husband know that you are bisexual? Yes, he knows.

Does your bisexuality create a desire for something you aren't getting in your marriage? No, it really doesn't. I don't feel like I need to be with a woman. It's more like gender doesn't matter to me when it comes to relationships. I tend to like men better overall too because I get along with them better. I think back a few years ago when I started sleeping around I was just having problems with relationships in general... my marriage and my friends. It sort of seemed like everything was ok on the surface, but I was depressed and hiding it for a long time, mostly because I felt like no one wants to be around a depressed person.

FYI, I'm currently thinking that I don't have BPD. I think my hypersexuality problem is exclusively related to depression for me, which is why the problem seems to go away when the depression meds work. I looked up some info about BPD and I read that treatment solely focused on depression does not seem to alleviate BPD symptoms in patients who have both conditions.

It is my understanding that with bpd meds don't work. Only treatment is therapy. (I was at one point, thought to have bpd. I also suffer with depression. Can't say depression causes hypersexuality or just increased libido in me because I often don't want sex when low and furthermore, crave it more when I'm in a slightly elevated mood. Not sure if I really even qualify as having hypersexuality, but some days it's more on my mind than on other days) anyway, just my two cents

That was hard for me at first, too. What really helped me is keeping a mood chart. That way you can see how often your moods fluctuate and how long they last, whether they're tied to changes in sleep, etc. You can also notice when you're feeling more stable and keep track of your baseline personality during that time.

Since I'm bipolar, my mood episodes tend to last for longer periods of time and have a big effect on my sleep. For example, I sleep way more (or the opposite, I get insomnia) when depressed, and need less sleep (but feel way more energetic) when hypomanic. I can often see the changes in sleep setting in before I consciously register the mood shift. My episodes also often (but not always) happen without any clear cause, e.g. I can get depressed just because my brain decides it's time for that, not because anything bad happened. Sometimes my mood fluctuates faster, such as during mixed episodes, and of course there are the same daily fluctuations that everyone experiences, but overall I can see pretty recognizable long-term patterns.

To my understanding, with borderline you would expect more erratic and faster fluctuations in mood that are often an overreaction to something in the environment or relationships. There are also other factors that would distinguish borderline from bipolar, such as fear of abandonement (which is a key characteristic), "splitting" (black and white thinking), etc.

Keeping a mood chart really helped (and still helps) me to figure out what was going on. I personally like this mood chart, maybe it will help you as well: http://www.cqaimh.org/pdf/tool_edu_moodchart.pdf

As for hypersexuality as a coping mechanism during depression, I definitely think that's possible. I experience it during hypomania, but to complicate matters it sometimes also happens during depression. The underlying reasons and feelings are different, though. Again, I find mood charts or journals useful in figuring out what's behind things like hypersexuality, spending sprees, etc.

As others have mentioned, I think it would be a great idea to get a professional opinion, and things like mood charts help with that because thinking about it beforehand makes it easier to convey to your psychiatrist/therapist what your issues are.

I've dealt with hypersexuality. Usually I can control myself two weeks ago I couldn't. My ALS worker told me regular sex helps, so I have a guy I call. Still I'm dating 2 guys and had sex with one of them. I'm worried he expects it again. When it's the other guy I think I like more.

Didn't remember that I had already posted here. I'm currently struggling with dreams of a sexual nature, so it's clearly on my subconscious. Also haven't had sex with my husband in awhile due to both of us alternating being sick. I don't masturbate, so I try to push the thoughts away, but it's still frustrating. And sometimes the dreams are more than just sex, it's also about the romance. I hate that I seem to be lacking this in real life as well for a few reasons. So, frustrated and depressed.

Edit: I should probably add that my dreams are about everyone I ever cared about in that way and not just my husband, so there's the fing guilt too. So I can really feel for you in your original post.