[giddykitty]

So, I'm awake at 6am feeling compelled to write this NOW. Am I a bit hypo? I dunno, but maybe I was at the time this memory takes place. So yes, out of the blue this memory pops into my head.

Ok, so I was going with my girl friend to a bar and this was BM (before marriage). Well at said bar, we meet up with two guys that I had known since I was like 8 or 9 and I had actually crushed on both of them. Well, one had gotten chubby but was still cute and the other was still good looking as ever. My friend had taken a shine to the good looking one. Well, good looking one recalls a note I wrote him back in junior high about liking him. He was clearly flattered and was expressing interest in me. Maybe I expressed it back to at this point. Anyway, I told him I was surprised he got that/remembered that" but then again, I suppose we never really had the chance to talk since then. Anyway, other guy was clearly interested in me too and I probably did admit that I used to crush on him, or both of them. All the same, I would've preferred going home with good looking guy, but i remembered my friends interest and then he said something about me that I took as rude even though I think he was just trying to be flirty. Anyway, it was my excuse to have him take my friend home and the other guy take me. Well, good looking guy seemed disappointed, but there you have it. I had crushed on them both once, so this was only fair, right? Well, my friend got nothing out of it, unfortunately (?) and me and my guy had our night and then ended up dating for a few weeks (?) It was probably in part to help me get at my dad because he never really liked the guy...surprisingly he was acceptive though. Anyway,

So, question is, WWYD?

This isn't to illustrate what a good friend I was (or maybe it is), but I did still do a bad thing against her. I ended up later sleeping with one of her crushes. Of course I didn't tell her though. And I thought there was another, but that turns out to be another friends ex (her baby daddy). I didn't think she was the best of friends though and I was hypersexual and kinda into this guy at the time (well, both of them), but I still never told her either. Maybe I kept these a secret too because I didn't want to be called a slut or something...

Gah! I'll probably regret this post in the morning, but part of me is just wondering if this was part of a bigger issue that I may have had bipolar or bpd since then... and I wanna go on record that, not only marriage, but my husband has influenced me to change. I am not that same person anymore (although I get thoughts from time to time, but). But yeah, when my husband finally did get an idea of my past, he about threw up. Poor thing. So, I feel guilty now, but still wonder if my need for sex with every hot guy I know (well, not every, but suppose that was the goal) had to do with my mental illness. I mean, surely I got confidence out of it, but it wasn't like they all were true meaningful or especially even honest relationships. Sigh! Well, here goes!

[Moose72]

Hypersexuality can be part of bipolar for sure. I went on many one-night stands back in my mid 30s. One guy, I found out later, was married.

[giddykitty]

@Moose72 yeah. I don't quite know if this is the same, but one of those guys, as well as ...well, let me just say that I've had my fair share of not caring if guys were in a relationship or not (not married though, just relationship. I draw the line at married, although admittedly I was tempted by one particular man. Oh boy has that traumatized me to this day! Sigh!) Anyway, yeah, I just mean that being with them at any cost was my deal. Pretty sad because you know they just go back to their girls. Plus, now I think how in the he'll would I feel if I was cheated on. (Not good :/ )

[bpcyclist]

I would recommend that you just try to be as careful as you can when you are feeling hypersexual. A really bad decision could have lasting and serious consequences, potentially. And sleeping with other womens's guys is by definition dangerous. If one of them found out and she had a violent streak, well, these are the stories you read about in the paper. Don't be one of them, please.

[Gabyunbound]

This doesn't scream hypersexuality to me. You were younger then (right?). Maybe you were a particularly sexual person sowing some wild oats.

In other words, I don't think it *necessarily* has to do with MI.

Thoughts?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

This doesn't scream hypersexuality to me. You were younger then (right?). Maybe you were a particularly sexual person sowing some wild oats.

In other words, I don't think it *necessarily* has to do with MI.

Thoughts?

I agree.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

This doesn't scream hypersexuality to me. You were younger then (right?). Maybe you were a particularly sexual person sowing some wild oats.

In other words, I don't think it *necessarily* has to do with MI.

Thoughts?

Yeah, I kinda agree too. BUT I did also feel depressed at the many rejections I had/perceived I had (didn't even try). And sometimes I'd do things of a sexual nature, particularly when drunk because I just didn't give a f! I mean, I didn't even necessarily like the person or know them. Two particular instances come to mind. Once I felt embarrassed for mistaking someone for someone else so I did something with them anyway, and another was at a drunken party was actually with two guys because I thought the one was cute, but somehow his not so cute friend got there too.

No, this may not be hypersexuality in that I didn't get anything really, but it was used as a way to try to build self esteem and perceived power, so in that sense, it was definitely MI related.
I also remember purging at one such rejection so that was MI related too, but that's a different issue...

[MickeyCheeky]

I am not sure whether this is related to your Bipolar or not, although it certainly can be. Regardless, it is good that you're able to keep it under control. Keep working on it, I am sure you are making GREAT progress! As for your friends, I don't think you did anything particularly bad regarding your Crushes, although sleeping with one of HER crushes definitely means you have crossed a Line. Still, as long as you have dated or had Sex with people who aren't already dating or already married it should have been OK, I suppose. Of course that isn't possible anymore since you're Married as well. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @giddykitty, your Family, your Friends, your Husband and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!