[BrightShadows]

I have a question for people with bipolar. I am trying to figure out if my mother's case is normal or not. (She's doing things that hurt me emotionally/mentally and I can't tell anymore how much is the disease and how much is stuff she is choosing).

With bipolar do you ever get better? (aka less depressed, not suicidal)
Can you make your own meals, clean the house, exercise, ect?

Regardless of answers I know staying while I am being hurt is not okay, I am just trying to understand a disease that I feel has taken my mother from me. If this is inappropriate im sorry.

Originally Posted by BrightShadows

I have a question for people with bipolar. I am trying to figure out if my mother's case is normal or not. (She's doing things that hurt me emotionally/mentally and I can't tell anymore how much is the disease and how much is stuff she is choosing).

With bipolar do you ever get better? (aka less depressed, not suicidal) Yes

Can you make your own meals, clean the house, exercise, ect? Yes, usually always (or mostly), but definitely when stable. Maybe if a person is very depressed, manic or psychotic some of these Activities of Daily Living suffer, but usually only then, in cases of bipolar disorder. That doesn't mean I am fully functional, though. I am not currently able to work a full-time job, I can only really do the home stuff. However, I know that many people with bipolar disorder, when well enough, can work full time and handle home life, though some with difficulty.

Regardless of answers I know staying while I am being hurt is not okay, I am just trying to understand a disease that I feel has taken my mother from me. If this is inappropriate im sorry.

It isn't OK to be abused. If you feel abused, you need to take care of yourself and become safe.

Does your mother have a confirmed bipolar disorder diagnosis? Or are you trying to figure out what is wrong with her on your own? In any case, it sounds like your mother needs help. Please communicate that to her and anyone else that might be able to intervene, appropriately.

[Miss Laura]

I'm not going to lie we are all different and what I am away to say probably won't clarify it.

When I'm unwell either manic or depressed looking after myself is completely nor on my radar. I mean getting up is hard enough let alone cooking a meal.

I haven't actually cooked a proper meal in roughly 10 plus years. I rely on others and meals I can pop in the oven. In this time frame I have been stable, depressed and manic.

I'm currently stable but off my meds my choice been off them nearly 3 months. I am I think stable. I'm not really displaying any symptoms. But I still can't really look after myself or care to my needs or take care of my flat. I still rely on others.

I don't know if this has helped or not sorry if it hasn't

[Moose72]

Making this message not "too short"!

Originally Posted by BrightShadows

I have a question for people with bipolar. I am trying to figure out if my mother's case is normal or not. (She's doing things that hurt me emotionally/mentally and I can't tell anymore how much is the disease and how much is stuff she is choosing).

With bipolar do you ever get better? (aka less depressed, not suicidal)
Can you make your own meals, clean the house, exercise, ect?

yes! There are normal periods aka "remission" that can last years. I usually have one episode a year but some rapid cycle and have an episode every couple months, for example.

Regardless of answers I know staying while I am being hurt is not okay, I am just trying to understand a disease that I feel has taken my mother from me. If this is inappropriate im sorry.

[BrightShadows]

It's a confirmed diagnosis or bipolar 2 and she's been in therapy/ on meds for years. She takes the same meds she always has and mostly prefers to not change anything. She hasn't really gotten any better in the 13 years since she has been diagnosed. She holds down a job, most of the time and pays for her own bills, she goes to a therapist she loves and a psychiatrist she hates. She doesn't try to abuse me, it's just that she relies on me for everything, cooking, cleaning, working 45 hours a week, all emotional support unless she talks to her therapist. I'm depressed myself and have anxiety and I can't get in a better place because I am always taking care of her. Today I talked to my therapist about this for the first time and she said I needed to leave and live my life (I didn't go to college or do anything I wanted to do in life because I stayed to take care of her). It's something that I think I am going to have to do but also something that terrifies me, I don't like change but I can't keep giving up everything for her.

I just wondered if being bipolar was the full reason she needs so much support. I am terrified of leaving because I tend to feel like it will mean her death, but she isn't happy when I stay either and she isn't getting better and hasn't for 13 years now and I just continue to fall further and further down the depression and anxiety hole. My counselor pointed out today that the only thing I talk about in my sessions in my mother.

[Victoria'smom]

I can't really cook, don't really clean and have trouble with self care. I have trouble with this even while stable. If something happens to my husband I would downsize to a small studio with not much stuff (for cleaning purposes). As for food/shopping I'd get it delivered from instacart on my good days. I would bulk shop for shelf stable foods. It's not the healthiest foods but it'll let me shop less often and have fast meals. If I had the money I would higher a cleaner 1-2x a month for the big things. If everything fails I would go into supportive housing.

She has to find solutions to her problems. She needs to work with her therapist to brainstorm solutions. If I were you I'd start saving and looking for a place. I would warn your mom that you are moving out in x months and stick to that. Even with all my limitations I would never want my son to feel he was stuck because of my limitations.

[bpcyclist]

If she has been able to hold on to a job for that long, I suspect she could be doing a helluva lot more at home fore herself.

People with bipolar disrder run the full spectrum from working full-time and having minimal symptoms for years, to being in the hospital for years. I have been both. In addition, it can be a progressive disease in some and therefore, may get worse over time. This is what mine is now doing.

Sending you support. Take care of yourself. Live your life.