[Fuzzybear]

I have opinions like everyone else does. But sometimes I feel like “a bad person” for expressing them. This doesn’t help my mood.

For anyone who doesn’t know I have parental units and not “parents”.. I have not found a magic wand to undo all the harm the family and extended family did to me with their ongoing scapegoating and gaslighting, lies, blame, abuse and rejection.

(I do not want to be told to “specify abuse”.. or to “move on”..I share what I can..)

I’m trying to find some distractions from all the sub optimal thoughts churning and racing around in my fuzzy head.

Hugs and respect to all

[Miss Laura]

I'm going to say I do... purely for the fact I wrote a few posts and felt like people were having a go at which in turn made me feel quite bad as a person. I'm even half tempted to close my account on here. I have been here over 10 years and I have never felt like this before. But hey ho

Hi Fuzzybear. I'm not sure how well I'll do in responding to your post. I'll say that I see two topics in your post above. Regarding your parents and extended family, it makes me feel sad that they have done you harm. I will not ask for any further details, but will write that you seem to be a lovely person, so you have done yourself well by being the kind, giving, lovely person you are, despite everything else. I hope that that will provide you with some level of comfort and pride. I hope that you will find others in life that treat you well and with respect. Hopefully many are here at PC. We all also have our mental health support teams (let's all strive to get good ones), nature, maybe a pet, the fruits of our creativity, and other things/beings.

Do I ever feel like a "bad person" for expressing my opinions? Sure, but not most of the time. It's my personality to be outspoken. A blessing, but occasionally a curse when I do so in a poorly thought out or impulsive manner. [Bipolar sometimes exacerbates impulsivity.] But when I feel very justified, certain, and believe it's for the good (not bad intentions) I won't let myself feel bad. It can be very empowering to assertively express opinions. It can be very loving and generous to oneself, and others. Of course being assertive is slightly different than being aggressive. I can be aggressive, sometimes, too. That's definitely not always good, and can hurt others, and yet it isn't bad 100% of the time, either. It all depends on the situation, who/what you're dealing with, and whether or not it can be the most effective means to a positive result. I've had to apologize and pay the piper more times than I can remember for screw ups (and learn from mistakes). However, other times I could pride myself at being true (and again generous) to myself.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I'm going to say I do... purely for the fact I wrote a few posts and felt like people were having a go at which in turn made me feel quite bad as a person. I'm even half tempted to close my account on here. I have been here over 10 years and I have never felt like this before. But hey ho

Hey Miss Laura, I hope you don't close your account I think I read all the posts in your thread and I think people were coming from a place of concern. I sometimes feel people (in other forums) have been having a go at me, and in fact they were. Sometimes people are just mean. But I don't think anyone here was mean. I know it hurts when people see things we don't see in ourselves, (like ''lack of insight'' for example, but there isn't any ''shame'' in that, it can be a symptom of bipolar sometimes)..I can understand hiding things from the treatment team, I do... but only because I have found them punitive and actually wrong (maybe I sound ''paranoid'' but I am not..) I hope this helps or at least doesn't make things worse. I think those of us who have been here a long time deserve a lot of respect (as does everyone)… Frankly, the (few) times people have been mean to me they were usually ''new'' members (or just random trolls) who were trying to cause hurt imo. Not here on the bipolar forum. I hope I haven't spoken ''out of turn'' - occasionally I too can be impulsive, and when I am, it usually bites me in the butt

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi Fuzzybear. I'm not sure how well I'll do in responding to your post. I'll say that I see two topics in your post above. Regarding your parents and extended family, it makes me feel sad that they have done you harm. I will not ask for any further details, but will write that you seem to be a lovely person, so you have done yourself well by being the kind, giving, lovely person you are, despite everything else. I hope that that will provide you with some level of comfort and pride. I hope that you will find others in life that treat you well and with respect. Hopefully many are here at PC. We all also have our mental health support teams (let's all strive to get good ones), nature, maybe a pet, the fruits of our creativity, and other things/beings.

Do I ever feel like a "bad person" for expressing my opinions? Sure, but not most of the time. It's my personality to be outspoken. A blessing, but occasionally a curse when I do so in a poorly thought out or impulsive manner. [Bipolar sometimes exacerbates impulsivity.] But when I feel very justified, certain, and believe it's for the good (not bad intentions) I won't let myself feel bad. It can be very empowering to assertively express opinions. It can be very loving and generous to oneself, and others. Of course being assertive is slightly different than being aggressive. I can be aggressive, sometimes, too. That's definitely not always good, and can hurt others, and yet it isn't bad 100% of the time, either. It all depends on the situation, who/what you're dealing with, and whether or not it can be the most effective means to a positive result. I've had to apologize and pay the piper more times than I can remember for screw ups (and learn from mistakes). However, other times I could pride myself at being true (and again generous) to myself.

Thanks BirdDancer, I appreciate your post

I have to get ready for supper or I would write more

I might come back to it later, or if not, tomorrow

[fern46]

I don't enjoy it when my opinions hurt others. I offer what I believe to be honest feedback that is intended to help. It is often triggering though. I'm trying to decide how to feel about that. I don't want to walk on eggshells, but I don't want to cause pain. I'm the friend that will be honest if you ask me if you butt looks big in those jeans. I don't like ignoring the elephant in the room. I feel that approach serves to foster maladaptive behavior.

The struggle is real. Good topic Fuzzybear.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by fern46

I don't enjoy it when my opinions hurt others. I offer what I believe to be honest feedback that is intended to help. It is often triggering though. I'm trying to decide how to feel about that. I don't want to walk on eggshells, but I don't want to cause pain. I'm the friend that will be honest if you ask me if you butt looks big in those jeans. I don't like ignoring the elephant in the room. I feel that approach serves to foster maladaptive behavior.

The struggle is real. Good topic Fuzzybear.

Thanks fern for your thoughtful response

[TishaBuv]

I think because they told you that you were bad all the time when you were little, you now think of yourself as a bad person sometimes. They put that internal critic in your head.

I get resistance from people sometimes who disagree with my opinions and may even dislike me, but I don’t feel that I am bad... just obnoxious sometimes maybe.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I think because they told you that you were bad all the time when you were little, you now think of yourself as a bad person sometimes. They put that internal critic in your head.

I get resistance from people sometimes who disagree with my opinions and may even dislike me, but I don’t feel that I am bad... just obnoxious sometimes maybe.

Thanks, good post, everyone can be “obnoxious” at times, especially to those who won’t or can’t understand

[gevansd]

I always give my TRUE opinion, but only if asked. I do feel like a bad person if telling the truth hurts someone's feelings, but everyone knows I am brutally honest so, I always tell them "If you don't like the answer, you should not have asked the question."

[Victoria'smom]

I try to only express positive opinions. If I do say something negative I say something positive too. I don't lie.

[yellow_fleurs]

Yes, I have felt this way. When it comes from some place deep, I think it likely has to do with our childhoods or other past experiences. I think feeling "bad" is definitely an issue with internalizing someone's negative views of us. I am sorry you experienced what you did as a child and that you deal with this. In fact, your opinion DOES matter, whether or not it feels like it.

[*Beth*]

I am an opinionated person, but do I feel bad when expressing my opinions? Always. I feel guilty and ashamed for speaking out, unless I am speaking on behalf of a child or animal. That, I believe, is necessary for any decent human being to do.

This: "I do not want to be told to “specify abuse”.. or to “move on”...I'm getting some of this in therapy, and I resent it, especially the "move on" aspect. I believe that it should be obvious to my therapist that I can move on only when my mind will allow. Forcing myself would be fake and, ultimately, more damaging than helpful.

Gentle bear hugs to you, Fuzzy.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I am an opinionated person, but do I feel bad when expressing my opinions? Always. I feel guilty and ashamed for speaking out, unless I am speaking on behalf of a child and animal. That, I believe, is necessary for any decent human being to do.

This: "I do not want to be told to “specify abuse”.. or to “move on”...I'm getting some of this in therapy, and I resent it, especially the "move on" aspect. I believe that it should be obvious to my therapist that I can move on only when my mind will allow. Forcing myself would be fake and, ultimately, more damaging than helpful.

Gentle bear hugs to you, Fuzzy.

I keep thinking 'move on' is the wrong idea. I've been aiming more to 'move with'. It feels more respectful of my past.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by fern46

I keep thinking 'move on' is the wrong idea. I've been aiming more to 'move with'. It feels more respectful of my past.

I love that! "Move with"

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks everyone

I have a harsh internal censor and yet I still feel like ''a bad person'' on the rare occasions I express an opinion. Or of course, if the ''wrong'' person finds me irritating, for whatever reason. Everyone has triggers, I have a lot of them
(not about anyone on pc)

[Jmayfair]

I try to not give opinions these days. Anyone can be insulted or hurt in today's climate and I would rather not be on the short end of that stick. I do like posting here since most have been friendly and so far have not felt like a bad person.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Jmayfair

I try to not give opinions these days. Anyone can be insulted or hurt in today's climate and I would rather not be on the short end of that stick. I do like posting here since most have been friendly and so far have not felt like a bad person.

Welcome to pc

[Fuzzybear]

All the time

[sarahsweets]

If I express my opinion in a mean way or insensitive way I feel bad.