Trigger warning: what it feels like to constantly wanting to die?

I have constant reoccurring suicidal ideation. I feel constant anxiety. My T thinks I have Ptsd with long with the panic attacks and depression I am in constant fight or flight. I would kill for a little hypomania right now. My T was so close to calling the cops on me last night. How do we get this pain and thoughts to stop?

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so awful. All i can say is i've been where you are and it does get better, much better. Just hang in there. I'm so glad i did or i would never have met my dog, or bought my condo or played Scrabble. When i'm at the end of my rope i call the crisis line. It's been an hour since you posted. Do you feel any better? Any relief? Keep posting so we can keep an eye on you.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I also have PTSD and anxiety and depression. It does get better Personally I stay away from the providers. (They have done little but harm in this prehistoric forest...) Calling the cops on me would do nothing but harm.

A T who cares is very helpful.

A T with zero empathy will inevitably cause harm. (a T who had me ) (irl)

From what I know of you I think you have a good T

I have berries

I'm pretty sure that most of us know the feeling you've described. What's your med situation? For me, the proper combination of meds and therapy alleviate the death wish.

No one believes me or takes me seriously. I try so hard to be good but it gets harder all the time.

Maybe it is time to call and/or got into the psych emergency services. Please be safe.

How are you feeling today ?

Tired. At work counting down the hours until I see my therapist. Funny 168 hours in a week yet I count down to that one hour where I can choose to be genuine if I want to. Was really didn’t sleep Saturday night. Was really thirsty last night so I had to cheap refilling my water bottle. Trying to figure out what I should be doing right now. It seems to be a lot of reading.

Do you struggle to be honest with your T ?

I mean it’s your hour you can spend that time how ever you want.

Would randomly writing down some things about your new job maybe open up some talk ?

It’s hell to always wish you weren’t here.. but I have been there.

She is the only one I am honest with well and my pdoc. I am having issues of staying awake during the day. I am in my car right now trying to take a nap. I was falling asleep at my desk.