I'm kinda wondering if Rexulti makes me hypomanic at higher doses... I mean, I started hearing and seeing things last night for the first time in a long while since bumping my dose back up to 4mg, and it took a while for me to realize that they were just hallucinations. (I was talking to someone about my experience last night, and they helped me ground myself.) For example, I saw a blurry figure standing in front of my bed and I heard a loud BANG in my left ear. (For some reason, whenever I hallucinate people, they are very blurry. I can see the color of their shirt, pants, skin, etc., but they are unrecognizable because the face is completely blurred out. They almost look faceless...?) I wasn't seeing or hearing things when I was on 3mg, nor was I feeling hyper. But since the 4mg dose has kicked in, things have been getting weirder and weirder.

I have the sudden urge to buy lots of things, to start new projects, etc.. My sleep is fine (albeit with quite a few awakenings in the middle of the night), so it's confusing. But sometimes I will get normal amounts of sleep and still spend like $3000 to $4000 a month on random crap that I don't need. Then I lose my filter and start saying things that I regret. I also start accepting more responsibilities at work and such, when I really don't have the time, energy, or patience to do that.

I'm just trying to recognize patterns. I think I might've been hypomanic when on 4mg in the past because I'm starting to see a history of expensive credit card bills, etc.. It was MONTHS of $3000-4000 bills. I don't have that kind of money. My rent is $1700 a month, plus like $300 a month in utilities and internet. So basically $2000 a month for my apartment alone... and when you add that up with my credit card bill, that's $5000-6000 of money spent in one month, every month, for several months in a row! Yet I was getting a normal amount of sleep the entire time.

[~Christina]

Its possible a Medication that is being used to get you back to a stability once there it keeps you slightly up... Id probably keep track of your spending from today forward. Each day write down any spending outside of things like food and such.. If your seeing a very obvious difference them its something you can present to your pdoc and T... Im sure your medications can be adjusted.

There is such a fine line with meds, yes we dont want a low level on going depression but we also dont want to stay on the hypo line... So damn hard to find that good content middle ground.

[Wild Coyote]

Any chance Rexulti is not the drug for you?

[bpcyclist]

It's just so hard to get these things dialed in exactly right. Could be that you are just overshooting a tad, as Christina mentioned. Or, maybe Wild Coyote is right--maybe your search will take you elsewhere...

That said, what you describe, to me, it sounds very suggestive of hypo. Very. It's just so insidious, as you know. The fact that you are picking up on this now is awesome, in my opinion. That kind of insight can really save you. Maybe that is happening right now.

Love the idea of writing a little journal type-deal down about the spending. Could really help you watch that closely and prevent a disaster. I have a buddy who went fro hypo to manic unnoticed by anyone. He was pretty wealthy. He leased a jet and flew to Hilton Head on a lark. Bought a $700K sailboat once he arrived, then, got into a fight with the Hilton Head police. Huge mess. All without talking to his not very happy wife, who called me at 3 AM one night to tell me all this, sobbing. Nuf said.

I think sleep is the most fickle part of my illness. I never know what to expect. So, the fact that it is not currently a problem for you would not, for me, anyway, be very reassuring. Never, ever know which way my sleep is going to go. FWIW

Sending you support! Really good that you are aware of what is happening with you right now.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Its possible a Medication that is being used to get you back to a stability once there it keeps you slightly up... Id probably keep track of your spending from today forward. Each day write down any spending outside of things like food and such.. If your seeing a very obvious difference them its something you can present to your pdoc and T... Im sure your medications can be adjusted.

There is such a fine line with meds, yes we dont want a low level on going depression but we also dont want to stay on the hypo line... So damn hard to find that good content middle ground.

Thanks Christina

I have done very stupid things like buy a brand new car in October 2017 when I had a perfectly fine 2014 model of an SUV that I barely drove between 2014-2017 (because I was living in Boston at the time and didn't need a car to go places). So basically, the SUV was brand new with very, very low mileage on it. And I had bought this new car for NO reason, other than "oh cool. Look! A hybrid!" (I believe I made a post on here in 2017 about my stupid decision to do that.)

Fortunately, my sister needed a new car because hers sh_t the bed around the same time, so I just sold it to my parents for a chunk of change. They let me live in their house rent free, so I just told them to give me a check for some money because my bank account was shriveling up. There was NO WAY I could afford two car payments a month. It was almost $600 a month between the two! And while that was going on, I was still paying off $1200 a month in student loans with my payment plan!

I think that's what I have to watch out for... the BIG impulsive purchases. I don't want to buy a new car again, or I'll be stuck in the same situation... My current car is 3 years old and it has only 15,000 miles on it... so only 5000 miles a year. Same situation as before.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Any chance Rexulti is not the drug for you?

It's possible. I don't know if it's elevating my mood. I was feeling horribly depressed before on 3mg, and 4mg just made me feel better within days. I don't know if APs work that fast, but I was feeling A LOT better. Going from bad suicidal thoughts and doing "research" to feeling happy go lucky in days.

I had done the car purchase (which I mentioned in my previous post to Christina) when I was on 4mg of Rexulti. I had been spending excessive amounts of cash every month... also when I was on 4mg of Rexulti.

On 1mg, 2mg, and 3mg, I had periods of depression and never really spent any money either, and I definitely didn't drive recklessly. I was not doing 110 mph on my way to work like I was on 4mg. (Yes, literally 110 mph. As you know very well, Massachusetts state police practically never patrols the highways except I90 where the state police station is... so you can get away with it unfortunately.)

I want to say that I maybe I am experiencing stability -- since I have been bouncing around a lot with different med changes, some of which I've done myself, admittedly -- but I think I'm getting racing thoughts as well. I'm thinking about way too many things at once and it's like... BRAIN OVERLOAD...

...yet my sleep is 10:30pm until 7am, with some awakenings. But I think I'm getting at least 7 hours a night even *with* the awakenings.

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

It's just so hard to get these things dialed in exactly right. Could be that you are just overshooting a tad, as Christina mentioned. Or, maybe Wild Coyote is right--maybe your search will take you elsewhere...

That said, what you describe, to me, it sounds very suggestive of hypo. Very. It's just so insidious, as you know. The fact that you are picking up on this now is awesome, in my opinion. That kind of insight can really save you. Maybe that is happening right now.

Love the idea of writing a little journal type-deal down about the spending. Could really help you watch that closely and prevent a disaster. I have a buddy who went fro hypo to manic unnoticed by anyone. He was pretty wealthy. He leased a jet and flew to Hilton Head on a lark. Bought a $700K sailboat once he arrived, then, got into a fight with the Hilton Head police. Huge mess. All without talking to his not very happy wife, who called me at 3 AM one night to tell me all this, sobbing. Nuf said.

I think sleep is the most fickle part of my illness. I never know what to expect. So, the fact that it is not currently a problem for you would not, for me, anyway, be very reassuring. Never, ever know which way my sleep is going to go. FWIW

Sending you support! Really good that you are aware of what is happening with you right now.

Thanks, bpcyclist.

I have read posts on Reddit of some people's manias, and they are scary. For example, one guy said he booked a flight to Hawaii at the last minute, had sex with a flight attendant in his hotel room, and then went to a casino and blew all his money. I have no idea if that's true, but I don't think I am at risk for that (fortunately). I am too much of a nervous hermit to fly somewhere on my own, and I don't want to gamble at Encore in Boston Harbor (the closest casino to me). Honestly, I am not a gambler and was never interested in it. I have been to Foxwoods before, though, and that's how I knew gambling wasn't my thing.

I just don't know what to do. Obviously sleep isn't going to fix this issue if I'm already getting an adequate amount. But at the same time, I think I may need a medication change, or at least my lamictal boosted up back to 400mg again.

[Wild Coyote]

Do you have the title to your car?
If so, could you give it to your parents and have them lock it up?
You cannot trade or sell your car without the title, at least not in a hurry.

Love ya!

[bpcyclist]

^^.

Also, maybe you should just shoot a quickie not to your pdoc to let her know what is what. They always seem to appreciate a heads-up in these situations, so they can kind of be thinking ahead about what the next move might need to be...