[BeyondtheRainbow]

Here's a new start since we hit 100 pages already on the last one. I'm going to ask the meds to close the last one.

[wildflowerchild25]

So I got home from the ER at around 1am. The dizziness wasn’t gone but my heart rate had gone down and all my tests were normal so they gave me the choice of going home or staying overnight to see if the dizziness went away. I did NOT want to stay overnight. I fell asleep pretty quickly and I’m super tired this morning obviously but only one instance of dizziness so far. My heart is racing again though. The ER recommended I contact the cardiologist and explain the situation and see if I can get in earlier than April 17. So I will do that when they open.

wildchildflower, I do hope you get a much much sooner cardiologist appointment. I'm thinking about you and send positive wishes for recovery.

Well, my state finally has its first confirmed case of Covid 19, but in a county right next to NYC. I've actually been surprised that it has taken this long. I could definitely see my state (and town) as a breeding ground for the virus. Hubby and I have really started to take basic precautions. It's no "hoax", folks. I"m not saying to panic, but we have to be vigilant about stopping the spread. When I told my psychiatrist yesterday that I got a flu shot, he said that was a really good idea. Though the current one doesn't protect against Covid 19, it's definitely a good idea not to get any other.

Today is lovely again. We've had a string of sunny days. I don't know what I'm going to do. I will take the dose of Seroquel at 1 pm, that my psychiatrist suggested. He confused me and said that not taking it was "prn" vs. the other way around.

I'm roasting an 11 lb ham today. I just put it in the oven. I had planned to invite guests, but I'm not up for that, but it needed to be roasted. I'm now trying to think of several uses for the leftovers. I think I will refreeze some of it, after it's roasted and cooled.

With everything going on in my life right now. I want to lament (of course, what else do I do?) about something other than my job which I think I'm quitting today. I broke down and cried yesterday and today from a song I heard. I am recently divorced, and I haven't seen my ex in almost a year. I still think of her everyday and I miss her so much. I know I have to give myself time. My divorce only became final in December,. Maybe that stirs up the emotions, but I've not felt the need to cry like this for a long time. I don't know if I'm stuck, or still grieving the loss of my marriage, or just overwhelmed with emotions from my life right now and it manifests through this aspect, which is a bitter one for me. Sometimes, it's like the hurt will never go away, and other times... you just feel at rest.


I need to get my life back together, and I've given real effort to it, but I'm not seeing much results. Why is it so hard for me to pull my life back together? I guess processing emotions is where I am right now. Maybe getting through this will make the other parts of my life easier -- that's how this works, right? haha Something like that, I suppose.

I've just seen my psychiatrist and I keep in touch with my therapist. I'm using the supports I have in place but at some point I guess this is my journey, and it has to hurt before it gets better.


Just keep me in your thoughts. Also I try to keep up with everyone even if I don't comment much or like many things. My depression has gotten the better of me in terms of energy. However, I do care how you all are doing and like to read the good and help send love for the not so good. Thanks again for reading.

I'm giving up my job today I'm pretty sure. I tried to set up a meeting on Monday (thank God I have documentation -- it's been a hassle and having a paper trail is gonna help my cause), and have turned in via email and a hard copy of my ADA papers to HR who hasn't gotten back to me at all. I called today to see if they will schedule me in. I just don't think any accommodation will fix this. I can't handle it right now and I have to accept that. Even if my family gets angry and hates me for having to support me a little while longer, since they do not understand how hard it is and how it feels to go through the torture it brings day in and day out. I'll see what HR has to say, but I'm pretty sure I have a decision made.


That's all for now.

@MarcusAurelius: Are you going to apply for disability benefits? If so, i think you'd be in a better position if you were fired than if you quit.

[Mountaindewed]

My bipolar symptoms are still kind of bad. I’m ok on the outside but inside I am a bit all over the place. Plus weird stuff keeps turning me on. My therapist knows what’s going on but no one else really does. I mean, my mom knows I’m anxious but she doesn’t know the other stuff. My therapist was supposed to call today but she didn’t. I see her on Monday though. She left a message yesterday saying she’d call back today, and if my symptoms got worse then to go to the hospital. They are not that extreme though.

[Moose72]

At my mom's with N3 just hanging out.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Well, my state finally has its first confirmed case of Covid 19, but in a county right next to NYC. I've actually been surprised that it has taken this long. I could definitely see my state (and town) as a breeding ground for the virus. Hubby and I have really started to take basic precautions. It's no "hoax", folks. I"m not saying to panic, but we have to be vigilant about stopping the spread. When I told my psychiatrist yesterday that I got a flu shot, he said that was a really good idea. Though the current one doesn't protect against Covid 19, it's definitely a good idea not to get any other.

Today is lovely again. We've had a string of sunny days. I don't know what I'm going to do. I will take the dose of Seroquel at 1 pm, that my psychiatrist suggested. He confused me and said that not taking it was "prn" vs. the other way around.

I'm roasting an 11 lb ham today. I just put it in the oven. I had planned to invite guests, but I'm not up for that, but it needed to be roasted. I'm now trying to think of several uses for the leftovers. I think I will refreeze some of it, after it's roasted and cooled.

I don't think it's taken very long for coronavirus to hit the east coast. There are plenty of people who are carriers and don't realize it because they don't have symptoms (yet). On top of that, sometimes coronavirus just appears like a regular common cold, so people don't go to the doctors about that. Furthermore, the U.S. is doing a terrible job with testing people for coronavirus. They started off with faulty tests and now there is a limited number of (working) tests available, but only in SOME states. They're not even testing people until it gets severe (which is obviously a bad move on their part). That happened to a coronavirus guy in Washington state where he went to an ICU and the doctors waited FOUR DAYS to test him for coronavirus! They probably wouldn't have even tested him for it had he recovered in that four day time span. So, they probably would've just (mistakenly) called it the flu upon discharge. And I bet that's happening right now. Things are probably being called the "flu" when it's actually coronavirus.

But anyway, I think coronavirus has been on the east coast for at least 2-3 weeks. There are lots of flights going from LAX to BOS or JFK everyday, as both are very popular destinations. I wouldn't be surprised if someone from China came to California before the Feb 2nd ban, infected a bunch of people there (because we are seeing lots of infections in California right now), and then that those people traveled to NYC or Boston without knowing they had coronavirus. Incubation is 14 days, with some doctors saying it's even longer at 27 days. It's been just over 27 days since we banned China flights, so if we assume the worst that incubation is 27 days, about now is the right time to be seeing people exhibit coronavirus symptoms.

IMO, it's only going to get worse. Not to be a Debbie downer, but technically speaking, the only possible way we could have stopped the spread in the U.S. was if we banned all international travel back in December/January when China first reported the coronavirus outbreak. I'm not saying that is a "reasonable" solution, but I think that's the only thing that could have worked because now we have irresponsible countries like Italy and South Korea who didn't take the outbreak seriously and are now spreading it everywhere. So for the time being, just stay away from people, use lots of hand sanitizer, and wash your hands for 20+ seconds. Masks only stop YOU from spreading your germs; they don't stop you from getting someone else's.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I don't think it's taken very long for coronavirus to hit the east coast. There are plenty of people who are carriers and don't realize it because they don't have symptoms (yet). On top of that, sometimes coronavirus just appears like a regular common cold, so people don't go to the doctors about that. Furthermore, the U.S. is doing a terrible job with testing people for coronavirus. They started off with faulty tests and now there is a limited number of (working) tests available, but only in SOME states. They're not even testing people until it gets severe (which is obviously a bad move on their part). That happened to a coronavirus guy in Washington state where he went to an ICU and the doctors waited FOUR DAYS to test him for coronavirus! They probably wouldn't have even tested him for it had he recovered in that four day time span. So, they probably would've just (mistakenly) called it the flu upon discharge. And I bet that's happening right now. Things are probably being called the "flu" when it's actually coronavirus.

But anyway, I think coronavirus has been on the east coast for at least 2-3 weeks. There are lots of flights going from LAX to BOS or JFK everyday, as both are very popular destinations. I wouldn't be surprised if someone from China came to California before the Feb 2nd ban, infected a bunch of people there (because we are seeing lots of infections in California right now), and then that those people traveled to NYC or Boston without knowing they had coronavirus. Incubation is 14 days, with some doctors saying it's even longer at 27 days. It's been just over 27 days since we banned China flights, so if we assume the worst that incubation is 27 days, about now is the right time to be seeing people exhibit coronavirus symptoms.

IMO, it's only going to get worse. Not to be a Debbie downer, but technically speaking, the only possible way we could have stopped the spread in the U.S. was if we banned all international travel back in December/January when China first reported the coronavirus outbreak. I'm not saying that is a "reasonable" solution, but I think that's the only thing that could have worked because now we have irresponsible countries like Italy and South Korea who didn't take the outbreak seriously and are now spreading it everywhere. So for the time being, just stay away from people, use lots of hand sanitizer, and wash your hands for 20+ seconds. Masks only stop YOU from spreading your germs; they don't stop you from getting someone else's.

I tend to agree with you, Blue. I also think it reasonable to assume the virus is already on the east coast. It is also in other places where it is not yet recognized. I am not an alarmist, either, Blue. It just makes sense.

[Moose72]

I was in the Secretary of State (like the DMV) yesterday. It was packed, as usual, people sitting butt to butt and probably 100 people in that room if not more. Not that we have a high infection rate here, but I was sitting there waiting my turn and decided to leave. I went to the kiosk in Kroger to get my registration and tab. Luckily, you can do it that way here.

[Pookyl]

I’m now back home after being IP for 2 weeks. Sure felt nice to be in my own bed.
In hospital it was good as they have compulsory group therapy each day. I was in the anxiety group and found it very helpful. I also did art therapy each day. So now I need to find things to do at home.
Open to ideas and suggestions.

[Wild Coyote]

I have two items I'd like to mention:

I am grateful to everyone who has responded to my recent fall and injuries with compassion and support. It is just a matter of time for me to heal.

Secondly, awhile ago, my aunt was in dire straits with needing a heart procedure the doctors here could not handle. She was taken to a different university hospital, just 2 hours away. She had the surgery and has been doing just fine. SHe is home, she drives, she goes out with friends, she goes swimming, etc. She is having a high quality of life. I wanted to update because i know many here had kept her in their thoughts and prayers. Fantastic ending!!! Thank you so very much!!!

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I’m now back home after being IP for 2 weeks. Sure felt nice to be in my own bed.
In hospital it was good as they have compulsory group therapy each day. I was in the anxiety group and found it very helpful. I also did art therapy each day. So now I need to find things to do at home.
Open to ideas and suggestions.

It's so nice to read that you are finally home, Pookyl, and that you benefited from your IP stay. I agree that finding some things to do would be helpful, after such a period of organized activities.

[falcon09]

Last night was horrible.

I had a 4 hours long anxiety attack and couldn't sleep, I'm having an "anxiety hangover" (as my mom calls it) today and am feeling very off and weird.

Hugs to all

I had a rough night at Scrabble club. A therapist had said just to go for the social connection and not just to win. I chatted with the woman who drives me but not with anyone at club. I listened but don't feel that's enough. If i just listen i feel invisible. That's my superpower. I'm The Invisible Woman. I tried to start conversations twice but people just dismissed me. I told one of my opponents that my neighbor had gotten a puppy and he said, "And this involves you how?" I mean, you don't have to have a reason to get excited about a puppy! Jerk!

I tried my grounding skill and it didn't help except i noticed my opponent's nifty clear orange water bottle. Perhaps i need practice with the skills?

Anyways, feeling very alone and weary today. There's a knitting group i wanted to attend but there's no way i'll make it.

I made a big mistake and didn't take the extra Seroquel today, as pdoc suggested. At first I felt pretty stable and decided it would be "prn" not to take it. I don't want to take it now because I need to get up quite early tomorrow morning, but will take it first thing in the morning. I think I'll definitely need it then.

I deleted an earlier post here because it was...a very stressful, angry, and sad one. About my dad, of course.

I had to roast an 11 lb ham today. It took 4 hours, then had to cool for a while. Carving the whole thing was a bugger. I kept some for dinner tonight (I don't even feel like it), then the ham bone with meat on it for a soup, and numerous vacuum sealed bags for ham steaks and ham to be chopped up. I've got to find something to put all of the grease in, for disposal.

[yellow_fleurs]

Pookyl if you enjoyed the art therapy you could try some art at home. There are plenty of free youtube videos for painting or sketching or you could just do your own thing. I have been painting with a friend and it's fun. You can get cheap oil paints and canvas at some discount stores like Ross.

[Moose72]

Just took a very long walk to the park and back. N3 went with me, but he didn't want to leave when I did. He just called- he's on his way back, though he just started a few minutes ago. It took me an hour to get home, apparently.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I have two items I'd like to mention:

I am grateful to everyone who has responded to my recent fall and injuries with compassion and support. It is just a matter of time for me to heal.

Secondly, awhile ago, my aunt was in dire straits with needing a heart procedure the doctors here could not handle. She was taken to a different university hospital, just 2 hours away. She had the surgery and has been doing just fine. SHe is home, she drives, she goes out with friends, she goes swimming, etc. She is having a high quality of life. I wanted to update because i know many here had kept her in their thoughts and prayers. Fantastic ending!!! Thank you so very much!!!

That's wonderful news about your aunt, Wild Coyote! It's amazing what the cardiologists can do, nowadays. They've been significant in helping members of my family. My husband's ophthalmologist had a heart transplant and he's doing well.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I’m now back home after being IP for 2 weeks. Sure felt nice to be in my own bed.
In hospital it was good as they have compulsory group therapy each day. I was in the anxiety group and found it very helpful. I also did art therapy each day. So now I need to find things to do at home.
Open to ideas and suggestions.

Welcome home Pookyl!

[yellow_fleurs]

Today was okay, but felt a little bit restless and had troubling focusing, again. Can I get three days ago's mood back please? I was surprised by a phone call from my psychiatrist's office that they are in fact scheduling me for a neuropsych eval. I guess they were trying to get my insurance to cover it and they finally are. It feels good to be moving along with this process. Other than that, not much to report. Ready for some sunny spring days. It hasn't been super cold here, but sure is grey and I am done with it.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I have two items I'd like to mention:

I am grateful to everyone who has responded to my recent fall and injuries with compassion and support. It is just a matter of time for me to heal.

Secondly, awhile ago, my aunt was in dire straits with needing a heart procedure the doctors here could not handle. She was taken to a different university hospital, just 2 hours away. She had the surgery and has been doing just fine. SHe is home, she drives, she goes out with friends, she goes swimming, etc. She is having a high quality of life. I wanted to update because i know many here had kept her in their thoughts and prayers. Fantastic ending!!! Thank you so very much!!!

WC I am not sure if I missed this fall, but I do hope you recover quickly. I hope you're not in much pain and have someone to help you?

That is great news about your aunt, so happy to hear it!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Today was okay, but felt a little bit restless and had troubling focusing, again. Can I get three days ago's mood back please? I was surprised by a phone call from my psychiatrist's office that they are in fact scheduling me for a neuropsych eval. I guess they were trying to get my insurance to cover it and they finally are. It feels good to be moving along with this process. Other than that, not much to report. Ready for some sunny spring days. It hasn't been super cold here, but sure is grey and I am done with it.

What do they do for a neuropsych evaluation? I mean, what's the process?


It was sunny and low 50's today. So N3 and I went for a walk. It was a little cold to walk in just a tshirt and sweatshirt (and jeans ), but I warmed up the more I walked. Tomorrow, its supposed to be in the 30's and snow, so yeah. There ya go. Technically, it IS still winter...

[yellow_fleurs]

Moose I think it's a series of tests given by a psychologist to assess for things like attention, memory, cognition, etc. They didn't give me a whole lot of details on the process, but that's my understanding. It's to help them determine the degree and cause of the issues I'm having. It's about 3 hours long.