Beth's Keeping Track Post

This is your thread beth. why did you think that it was the wrong one?
bizi

Thinking of you Beth and sending hugs

Good post

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi This is your thread beth. why did you think that it was the wrong one? bizi

That was so weird!! When I was last on this thread I saw posts from an entirely different thread. Apparently a technical glitch. The posts were visible for about 15 minutes, then they disappeared. I guess I shouldn't be so shocked; tech stuff can be pretty strange sometimes!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear Thinking of you Beth and sending hugs

Fuzzy, you are so kind. Thank you.

How are you today Beth?

Thank you for asking, @Fuzzybear. I'm feeling cautiously better today. Not absolutely great by any means, just better than yesterday. A bit more hopeful.

Honestly, I watched the final episode of season 5 of The Crown last night and ended up so furious at how horribly Charles treated Diana, how cruel he was to her, that I got angry. When I got angry I felt less depressed. I guess it sounds silly, but all royalty aside their marriage was so much like mine and David's. I watched Diana, one year ahead of me, until she died so horribly. David and I married when I was 19, he was 34. I was crazy in love with him, he was in love with other things, not with me. He married me because his stuffy, old, wealthy family wanted him to "settle down" already; his "lifestyle" didn't look good for his father's career and for their friends. And I was so sweet, pretty, totally naive. I fell for everything. All of it. And on and on. (In my mind I called us "Charles and Diana," I'm not even joking.)

So as silly as it may sound, the story went on and on in The Crown, just as it did in my own life and I saw myself being so desperate and David so selfish, over and over and I just became outraged. I've spent my life, 42 years, begging for his attention. But he always has other ideas. And it's because of him that our daughter stays away from the family.

Anyway. So I got very, very angry.

Thanks for asking, Fuzzy. You have a gift for being a friend

you deserve to be cherished and loved....
bizi

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi you deserve to be cherished and loved.... bizi

I did, instead my heart's been shattered. Thank you, bizi.

David sounds a bit like my father - certainly the selfishness and the stuffy, old family. Is David mean with money too?

I understand being angry (re his horrible selfishness and all the harm it causes)

My father's lifestyle didn't look good for his career, (or his ''friends'') so he made up and kept up a massive lie (and my mother colluded with it )

Grrr at Charles too!

You deserve so much better

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear David sounds a bit like my father - certainly the selfishness and the stuffy, old family. Is David mean with money too? I understand being angry (re his horrible selfishness and all the harm it causes) My father's lifestyle didn't look good for his career, (or his ''friends'') so he made up and kept up a massive lie (and my mother colluded with it ) Grrr at Charles too! You deserve so much better

David is abusive with money. I'm ashamed to tell people what it's like. They would ask why I allowed it all these years, and I have no answer. No one has ever asked me, Fuzzy. You really do know something, and that "something" must hurt you a lot.

And just, thank you

((((((Beth)))))

You must feel trapped. I don't have a lot of words to say right now, but I'm thinking of you, Beth. Sending love and hugs

I am so grateful to each of you. Thank you thank you thank you. I can finally cry, just sit here and cry. The one thing and the only thing I ever wanted in the world was a real family. He lied to me, he promised me we'd be a real family, and all he is is a sick fu*k who has made me crazy.

(((((((( Beth )))))))))

11/18/2022

IBS symptoms & had to take 38mg Seroquel + ZzzQuil to finally sleep last night.


I'm often slow on things. Some of these negative symptoms could very well be from K-pin w/d. I should have clicked in better when Dr. D. told me to take only 1/2mg every morning for 2 weeks. That's cutting down way too much, too rapidly. I sure hope he doesn't suggest decreasing any more on Wednesday. At this point, he needs to add in a different benzo and possibly increase the Gaba. Also, I'm considering increasing to 3/4mg A.M. and wait on the 1/2mg until I'm also on Xanax or Valium. I'm not in this to torture myself, I'm doing this voluntarily.

@soupe du Jour are you ok? I haven't seen you on here for a while.

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow @soupe du Jour are you ok? I haven't seen you on here for a while.

Wrong thread, luv

oops, sorry!

Do whatever is best for you beth. You can take this as slow as you need to.

K-pin withdrawal! That makes sense!

I can't believe myself sometimes. I could be the target of a "dumb blonde" joke. The moment Dr. D. told me to cut the K-pin by a full 1/2 I should have known that was far too much. I experienced the same weirdo sleep experience this morning. The best way I can describe it is that I'm talking to myself in my sleep. A non-stop dialogue. As a result, I'm not truly asleep. Anyway, today I increased the morning pill to 3/4mg. Dr. D. needs to prescribe another benzo, I can't do this cold-turkey. Even the 3/4 may be difficult, I'll see how it goes.

I'm closing this thread as of 11/19/2022 to start a new one so I can better keep track, since this thread is years old.