How Do You Balance The Bad with The Good?

One of my heroes...

Brene Brown on how to get through a pandemic: 'We have to be intentional about choosing kindness and generosity'

Just beautiful--thank you so much!

I once had a very wise counselor at Talbott in Atlanta, which is to say, any counselor ever at Talbott in Atlanta, say to me: The goal of any kind of recovery is peace.

And that is correct for me. I agree with that, 100%. I do not have peace when I am psychotic all the time, like now. And my hands are basically completely full at the moment just trying to stay out of the hospital--again.

That said, after sitting with your very intriguing post above over night, I have realized that in my particular world construct, there actually is some black and white in this world of ours--of the starkest variety. Yes, maybe 98.673% of life is grey. Probably. But, when the other portion rears its head, the dark portion, I personally believe that some of that is pure, utter, complete evil. 1000% Examples: genocide; harming children systematically and programatically for financial profit; abusing the authority of extremely powerful public offices and mass-violating laws to intentionally harm perceived opponents, extrajudicially and without oversight; denial of free speech of human beings, which is the first requirement and a necessary step on the path to totalitarianism, a condition that not infrequently may lead to other atrocities, such as genocide. Etc, etc.

Obviously, these are just my own personal beliefs and noone else needs to share them or find merit in them whatsoever. But they certainly are my guiding principles, no question. I do believe there is evil in this world. Completely black, pure evil. And I do, myself, believe that there arises occasions when there is no other acceptable option but to confront that evil with all available means. Genocide is never okay.


To me, as an American who has worked in China a lot, denial of free speech is actually evil. Because of what it virtually always leads to. Not going to get political here, and just in case you think I am being one-sided, I will just blurt that I am a lifelong Republican, believe it or not. And yet, just look at the confusion our president has created about COVID with his non-factual comments. The Maryland Health Department received more than 300 calls yesterday inquiring if it was wise to ingest disinfectant. Nuf said. Offering non-factual information as fact is dangerous. Denial of free speech is extremely dangerous. Because of the path if paves for mass-deception, fraud, and the creation of an alternate universe with alternate, preferable, personally favorable "facts," essentially, precisely as Orwell so sagely predicted.

I do not feel or believe that I am morally superior in any way to anyone. Hardly. I believe that I am a human with a soul. If you are not deeply disturbed by what the Chinese government is doing to the Uyghurs and if you do not believe it should immediately stop and that the planet should do everything in its power to achieve that end, well, I would suggest to you that you have some very important humanity-rooted issues to work on, likely. Matters regarding the soul and the overall structure and meaning and purpose of the universe. Not remotely speaking to you, fern, obviously, with this, when I use the word "you." Just sort of speaking to the galaxy, in general.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing, Edmund Burke.


Okay--sorry for the massive, probably very inappropriate rant. I clearly feel quite strongly about all this. Apologies. And thank you for provoking me to search my own belief structure.

Harming children systematically and programatically for financial profit...

Like I said. I danced with the villain. I battled for years and it shattered my mind. I know where you're coming from. I'm not saying the goal is to be grey. I think the grey is the bridge where the black and the white lay down their polarization and find a way to color together again. Rainbows are much more beautiful are they not?

I carried a belief that a specific outcome was the only way forward. I no longer see it that way. That's what I mean by taking a wildly different approach. I drew my sword against an opponent and lost my own mind. I think maybe I should have offered a heart and a hand... It is not the minds of men that allow for evil. It is the hearts. I do not believe the lost are irredeemable. From their perspective it was me who was lost. They were right.

I do not believe that I am so full of light that the evil does not stir within. I simply believe in choice. I believe in cocreation. I believe in teamwork without the need for sacrifice.

Those who carry 'evil' stem from the same creator as I do. They are a part of the whole that I come from. They are my brother. We have all just forgotten that.

If you look only at the light you will notice that white contains all of the colors. But... If you look at ink, black is actually where the presence of all of the colors occurs... I am interested in knowing how to use a flashlight and a printer The source is the light and the image is the creation. Both are a part of the source and both are necessary in order to 'know'.

That's simply a way of looking at things. I take no issue with your perspective and I have found great value on that road. I may choose a battle again at some point. Who knows. For now, I'm focused on my own wholeness and honoring the greater versions of that available to me in the world. Separation has led to such immense pain and suffering. I'm unable to travel that road at the moment. I almost lost everything. I now know why I went there. The trauma from my childhood that called me into battle finally surfaced. I will always offer my support and love, but I'm laying down my sword. I have other methods to pursue.

This is a very good question........

Hugs to all

BPcyclist, you are such a great person. However, I really dont feel that people should never try to come together to defeat incompetence for the future because there will be pushback.. I think it was mostly self interest and short sightedness that caused this covid chaos to get out of control. I totally agree with the idea all it requires for things to go wrong is for good people to do nothing. That has been true forever.
They postponed the Dem convention. Now maybe a real contender will throw his or her hat in the race. If the Reps think Trump cant win, they might put someone forward that has a chance--uniikely as that might be at this late date.
BP, you were totally traumatized by those evil folk ganging up on you, making your life miserable. Sometimes its better to survive to strive another day as you have done. If you had been able to get a big enough group that they had exploited together, with good legal representation, you might have made some inroads. It always depends on the situation.
I can only do the small things right now myself to keep things going in my life. However, there are people on these forums who can do more than I can to make things better and make sure these things and worse dont happen again. How can we go on if we dont believe that?
My brother almost died from stage 4+ cancer and he took the frustration from that to become Board Chair of the Am Cancer Society. He and members and scientists all over the world have done SO much to beat cancer. He USED his anger and pain. Fern is homeschooling her kids. I keep my ex alive for his son and his grandkids. Most of us are doing as much as we can.
What I dont like to see happening is this Zen seeming thing of lets just look at flowers and let the incompetents go unnoticed. No way. Flowers are good to help keep us going, but I say we should be as active as we can and VOTE at the very least.

The ******** is causing me much distress and ongoing trauma. Grrrrrrrr. There is no good in that ********

I also agree that the incompetents, particularly when they are ''providers'' should not go unnoticed.. denying their ignorance and blunders does not make them go away.

(not about anyone on pc)

Thank you fro the thoughtful reply. I am so very sorry that you went through such pain and suffering as a result of taking your position. Very sorry and I most certainly do relate to what you say.

Your post highlights almost perfectly the actual, original reason for my first post. That being, I recognize within myself my need for peace to be a primary objective, let's just say, because of brain health issues, initially. I struggle with lots of negative loop pathways/rumination. I am better at dealing with it now. I do have many skills and I use them every day, all day.


I also have come to view the world very, very differently than I formerly did. As I have said, I rely on a bit of a non-attachment model for day-to-day things, such as, ruminating about an old boss who discriminated against me and mistreated me. He is a scumbag. But my discomfort when ruminating on him is not actually caused by him. It is caused by me. By my desire for him not to have done what he very clearly did and does. He was simply being wonderfully and perfectly exactly who he was and is.


This approach works very well for me, because I believe it. It fits for me.


Unfortunately, there are some problems, some issues, some items, that are of such gravitas that, for me, anyway, just practicing acceptance and love and non-attachment is likely not adequate as a response. These are some of the examples I have given.


I am trying to figure out how to integrate what I recognize in me as a very clear position that some situations are so unacceptable, that a response is required. This quality of me causes me discomfort, stress, pain, sleeplessness, etc. I wish I did not have it. I actually wish I could just not care. But I do. Always have. I was always the kid who stood up for the children with developmental delays who were being bullied by the "cool" kids. That is just me, from the beginning. No idea why.


Perhaps if I met the people who tortured me for two years and go away with it while holding themselves out publicly as our Protectors and Saviors, maybe that would be a place some progress could be made. I had never considered that. They would likely just try to kill me again, but, maybe it is worth exploring for my own brain's sake.

Thanks. luvyrself. Really wish I did not get so mad about this stuff. Kinda just wish I didn't care.


But you know what? Flowers make me feel a lot better. Bunnies. My mountains here. They help. They really help me a lot.

"I am trying to figure out how to integrate what I recognize in me as a very clear position that some situations are so unacceptable, that a response is required. This quality of me causes me discomfort, stress, pain, sleeplessness, etc. I wish I did not have it. I actually wish I could just not care. But I do. Always have. I was always the kid who stood up for the children with developmental delays who were being bullied by the "cool" kids. That is just me, from the beginning. No idea why."

I could not have said this any better. My whole life has been about challenging inverted power structures and systems and redesigning them. I don't think one goes that route unless they went to the 'school of hard knocks'.

Here's what I have learned the hard way. If you see something you do not like and you push against it, you separate from it but you're also now attached to it like two ends of a rubber band. The more you push, the more tension you create.

So for example, when one country decides the practices in another are unacceptable and they show force to take over and implement change, they do so but they also fuel hate, resentment, confusion, etc. all at the same time. The hearts of the people they battle are the actually worse as a result. If they die, their children grow in that hate and resentment. So... While the original violation of human rights may be stopped, what stirs within grows and eventually surfaces in another form and with greater power. It is like whack a mole. The source is always there brewing and waiting to come forward. Eventually the tension builds and that rubber band you're attached to, or your country or religion or whatever snaps and you battle again. Rinse and repeat. One side may eventually change. They may tire of the battle and walk away, but this is strategically speaking a very inefficient use of energy. It is a system with a lot of entropy or chaos.

So how can we create change if we can't stand to see something happening, but we don't want to fight it? I'm evolving my thoughts here, so excuse what might feel like blatant errors....

I think maybe we attempt to create something of higher value together. People only chase these types of behaviors because they feel it offers them control or power or dominance or whatever. They do it because it is what they are taught. The root cause though is fear. Fear of loss. Fear of death. Fear of being exposed. Fear of a change in reputation. Fear of a higher spiritual power. Lack of control, etc.

I'm suggesting that when we look at it that way we see we carry the same fears within on one level of another. If they are not current fears, we can at least relate. This is what I meant before by there is no morally superior road. The root of all of this error is the same. It manifests in billions of scenes and packages, but its made of the same stuff. Some battle the fear within. Some project it wholly outward, but it all stems from the same place. We think one choice of manifestation is better than another, but the net result on our hearts and souls is pain no matter how you slice it. Of course there are levels of pain and some cause immense pain. Isn't that worse? I think this is where we have to hold opposing truths in our mind. We have our own belief systems and then we can also remove the moral hierarchy and look at it on a more digital level. Is pain present? = yes = same. Our histories are all so complex. When we only look at what is happening in the moment we tend to judge. When we see it as a whole and just wonder 'is my brother in pain?' things look different.

If we can see what is the same between us, we have a bridge as opposed to a rubber band. We can naturally look at the situation as a fear based error and we can then seek to create change. We might then be able to demonstrate that there is a way forward that generates infinitely more value if we can learn to integrate the fear and use it as a catalyst for change. If we can do it for ourselves, others can see this, be intrigued by it and seek it.

So I am suggesting the same process I am deploying to integrate the lost pieces of my self who are scary, angry, mistreated, and ready to battle me into my demise can be the way forward with the pieces of our brotherhood we view the same way.

Value is value and it speaks for itself.... We are all powerful creators and the world is abundant. When a strategy to obtain value comes at the cost of another human, there is always another way. We just never get to that part of the conversation because we keep shoving each other away with our weapons. We never bother to just sit with our opponent and let them know they are loved and accepted. We don't seek to show them we are equal and have fears too. We don't bother to learn how they came to be what they choose in the moment. This is like people judging us for our psychosis without bothering to understand the truly horrific reasons it has occured and just telling us to take our meds and cope.

The entire world is a traumatized puzzle of broken and misshapen pieces. But... I have made a living off of redesigning broken systems and Inlove puzzles. I'm going to keep working on this one. I thought I had the right approach before. I thought I could force others to change. I had the physics wrong. I think now it is about radiating and reflecting an alternative and allowing others to come to the conclusion they can generate more value in their lives when they are ready. It is about honoring their free will and right to choose. The evil can be defeated, but I feel more and more that the only real way to do it is allow the individual generating it to make the choice on their own. If enough people do the work to shift themselves, I feel like the vibe of it will be something others seek out eventually. This is why I feel it is critical to start with myself. Otherwise, people sense hypocrisy and justify their choices.

Knowing I am working on myself so that I can better serve others one day is what helps me sleep at night. I am not turning a blind eye. I actually feel like I am finally starting to see. The people I fought paid me a tremendous service as it was my experience with them that helped me to know myself better and to see how broken I was. I am grateful to my brother.

My way of balancing the bad with the good is to try not to believe in bad and good. The quarantine is an obvious, unadulterated good. It is definitely saving lives. ****s me up, though. So where is the bad or good? Bad things that happen to me are a matter of perspective, and I have to minimise those things as much as possible. Change my mind set, change my conditions, or acceptance or forgiveness. But if I accept that then I have to look at the good in the same way. That's all perspective, and I get that the cocktail I have later is only good for part of me, but oh it feels so right.

Good and bad don't count. Perspective is all.

Part of this I learned after psychosis....during that time I thought I knew who the devil was and he needed to be put into jail by being framed for a crime. He was someone I knew that’s had moved away....perfectly nice guy. Because of my hallucinations and delusions I thought he did a lot of stuff he never did.
After my psychosis I decided that I really had no personal way of knowing what was true or not. That I would leave this kind of thing to the police or military and not myself. Sure I could donate to the police fund but no vigilante stuff.
I suppose that before psychosis if you had asked about going back in time and killing Hitler I would have. With my current state I would not. I suppose with a propensity for delusions I honestly don’t trust my own mind and therefore depend on society and social structure.
Psychosis has a way of amplifying good vs evil battles to strictly black and white....there is no grey. It’s a simpler mindset almost like that of a child. This is not meant to be offensive....your mind may be different than mine but I know you’ve experienced psychosis which is why I mentioned how my thoughts were skewed during that time.
I had always been a rigid thinker before psychosis and during psychosis that quality was amplified. But realizing you don’t have the full picture for anyone or that it could be wrong can change you. So for me, I ask what if I’m wrong? If my mind can change a stoplight from green to red then it can change a person’s character as well. As long as you hold to the conviction that there’s no way you’re wrong about a person you’ll feel a need to act, but if other people are seeing this too, it will be dealt with.
What are the odds that you’re the only one that can help?
Let’s put it this way, if you’re connecting with other people and have a group action, whether that’s through donation or volunteering you’re probably OK but if you’re trying to change the world as a one man show well it could be the psychosis whether you’re right about it or not. Hopefully that makes sense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic Selective focus. Just like using a camera. Which looks better? These are the same tree. Looking at number two looks more natural without the house in the background. If I point my camera at the good parts I get better images. You just need to do the same with your mind. Avoid going where you see too much bad.

Aha, but perspective is so subjective. I rather like the photo with the house. The lovely flowers leading my eye to the pretty house inspires my curiosity. Where is the house? Who lives there and what is their story? How would I feel if I visited?

The other pic is also lovely, but doesn't ask me questions.

The first photo is more disturbing, in that it requires me to think and when I think I have a degree of anxiety. The second photo is more peaceful, but has less depth to it.

A really interesting example, Sp.

I agree completely that this is the correct approach. I do. But where I become lost is about how to apply it is with someone like, for example, Putin.


Let's say I work in the Russia section of the State Dept. and dealing with him is my basic job. In order to successfully approach him and his team in the manner you outline would require that he demonstrate willingness and ability, both, to take the perspective of others, namely, us. As you know, viewing from others' point of view is one of the key requirements in demonstrating empathy--and empathy is required to reach the kinds of breakthroughs you describe.At least I think it is.

I am no Russia expert and do not know him personally, but my impression is that Putin is probably perfectly capable of showing empathy if he so wished, but very likely entirely unwilling, where any matter involving the USA is concerned, for a whole pantheon of what he surely considers terrific reasons.


So, then, how to make progress in this environment? What would successful diplomacy using this system look like?

Got it. So, and I hope I don' offend anyone here, but, using that approach, how would you integrate your personal understanding of the actions of the Khmer Rouge, say, with this principle that there is no good and bad?

Wow. You just blew my brain out of my skull. I wonder whether there is some sort of occasional proclivity in some people with psychosis toward a greater sensitivity to concepts of social injustice, for lack of a better phrase. Neuropsychiatrically, that is. Maybe I am already, was already, wired in such a way, clearly, in me, from early childhood--no doubt about that--to be aware of and to notice cruelty, social injustice, general meanness. Some kind of heightened sense of "unfairness," whatever that is.

My mother was a tough, hardass, rancher's daughter from West Texas. Her favorite saying to my in all of childhood was: "Cyclist, you are just too sensitive."

You know what? I am pretty sure she was right.

These are very intriguing questions. Thank you for stretching my mind. A few thoughts...

First, if the answer were easily obtainable, someone would have landed on it by now. And... If I had the answers maybe I'd be one of those diplomats you mention. That is not my path. I'm happy being a nobody Additionally, I do not view Putin as the one in charge of his nation's direction. For the most part, my analysis has led me to the belief there is a hidden hand behind most of the major plays and players on the world stage. Do with that what you will, but it is their audience I would need to seek in order to generate a top down shift.

Yes, empathy is a requirement and yes, I believe Putin has this skill set. I don't see anyone rising to those ranks void of it. Assuming he had the power to drive change, I think the main goal would be to prove that whatever it is I am suggesting is a superior value add approach. It should make startegic sense for the people of his nation and for himself while simultaneously honoring the world. If it can't, my argument is void of substance. However, I believe science and nature both offer ample data to prove what I am suggesting is possible.

The alternative approach is to change one's own community and and allow that to disseminate in a grass roots format. The people of a nation make the nation. When they shift in a compelling way, their leadership must redesign their strategy. If this occurs enough, and in a profound way, the value structures can be shifted permanently. A small and impermanent example of this is all of the companies rushing to prove they are 'with us' as they make their less than genuine covid commercials. Maybe I'm the only one that sees this as an 'oh crap what if Americans no longer believe they need our pointless products?' Hail Mary play??? Anyway, the point is that shifting the ground level can sometimes shift the top of the pyramid.

The honest answer is it is complex and it takes a bunch of us. I won't let that keep me from doing what I strategically see as a necessary and quick opportunity... Change myself.

I think the goal is to say to yourself 'what is in my path'? 'what can I reasonably change'? 'what do I want for myself and others'? Then go live that, be that, do that. Be authentic. Be bold. Be whatever you want and let it radiate. Honor the free will of others and pur forth your best. Deal with your fear. Integrate your broken pieces and live authentically. If It is strategically sound and it generates value, it will be seen. Sometimes in small ways. Sometimes in big ways. The amplitude does not matter as much as getting the intent and the heart right. I think

I don't buy that. Sensitivity can be an immense gift. It has shaped your heart which I see as holding tremendous promise and value.

I feel like the other thing I perhaps didn’t express well is the I-centric nature of psychosis as in its my responsibility to take care of it, saving the planet and humanity etc. I thought I was the only one who could get rid of the devil.
One key to more balance is alliance. You need a group or team to tackle the worlds biggest problems. Take the billionaires, gates etc they may be spear-heading great organizations but without teams of scientists and engineers they could not get very far and those guys are undeniably brilliant. So you need an organization if that makes sense. It amplifies the response but dilutes the responsibilities. The Gates foundation is just one example, I suppose you could include Musk too, not quite so humanitarian in concept but still. The big changes require group action. Gates can code perhaps but can he make a vaccine for Covid? No but he can lead or pay people who can.
Find a group that fights for human rights in your favorite flavor and volunteer to help. Don’t try to do it all yourself. Hope that makes sense.
It reminds me of my early days at PC....I used to check in incessantly so I could help people through anything. Now I’m more relaxed. I had brought up this need to check with my T and she explained that even if I wasn’t there to help it was a group and I wasn’t the only one who could help, others could help just as well.

That’s the beauty of it, if your perspective is different you just focus on different things.

Well the actions were hardly benevolent, but can you say that every single one of them was evil? These kind of atrocities don't happen because the most vicious and evil people in the world band together with malevolent intent. It would be weird that they are all from the same country. There are lots of reasons that individual Khmer Rouge did what they did, none of them good, but the scared kids who were pressured into violence did things that still hurt them. You might call that bad, I call it tragic, heartbreaking, and a complete failure of foreign policy. Child soldier of Cambodian genocide to speak at college in Randolph | | newjerseyhills.com

I get that bad and good is easier.

Well said. Team lift

I also have a greater sensitivity to concepts of social injustice than some. I certainly, from early childhood, was aware of and noticed cruelty and general meanness. A heightened sense of ''unfairness'' to, for example, cruel, sneaky, bullying behaviour.

I'm not sure that I agree with your mother. Sensitive and ''too sensitive'' are not the same. It depends on how someone uses their gifts...

Well, this thread has really prompted some strategizing, deep thinking and soul searching. I was feeling upset tonite, but after reading the most recent of these posts, I feel so glad to be here amongst empathetic, brilliant people. My Dad used to say I was too sensitive also. That's ok if you can use it for the results you want in your life.
Thanks for starting this thread, Bp. Now Ill be able to sleep, a great prize!