[giddykitty]

Making a new thread for my "bipolar" thoughts journal since this is more than just "too much screentime". Here goes.

I am feeling so good and excitable today and have been pretty happy the past 4 or 5 days after being so completely ho hum with life for almost 2.5 years. The thing about this happiness is that unlike when I was depressed, sad things don't get me sad anymore. I've had bad news of two people I know dying and despite it, I'm still happy and excited. I feel guilty though...but at the same time, I feel I deserve to be happy.

Also want to point out that things have been going pretty great for me lately. I mean I've been making new friends and helping others which makes me feel good and just have had a lot of support...but I've also started fasting and since then, my sleep has been less too and all of these things combined just have me wondering. I know you folks can't diagnose me, but does any of this sound like it could be bipolar2 or am I just happy? Like, I don't even know what my baseline is, I mean I feel like my baseline is kinda low so this is an elevated mood for me. Is this how normal people feel every day or am I extreme?

[bizi]

It sounds like you are having good days.
that is great!
bizi

[bpcyclist]

Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between just feeling really terrific and getting sorta hypomanic. I would just monitor it and see how you go. If it persists, you might want to let your pdoc or therapist or whoever helps you out and see what they think.

[pumpernickel1]

Sometimes fasting can make you high. It increases dopamine.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by pumpernickel1

Sometimes fasting can make you high. It increases dopamine.

Ooo! Very interesting! Could be!

[giddykitty]

I think I'm coming back down...if breaking my fast at 5:30 instead of 10:30 is a factor, then if I could just continue to fast, I'd be in good spirits, hypothetically. Right? I'm afraid I'm not going to make it again tonight though...then again, if dinner is late...maybe I will.
Blehhhhh

[giddykitty]

So, I go from depressed for 2.5 years to practically euphoric for 7 days, then sad and down and then angry all in one day. I dunno, but I wish I had help! :/

[~Christina]

Do you have a Pdoc ? a T?

Honestly when I have a handful of days or a week of wonky moods I just pay attention to my sleep and activities .... I have zero money for extra anything but if I’ve got 253 item in my shopping cart then it “ might” be a sign of hypo but not always , sometimes when my budget just does not allow for a KitKat bar I’ll go load up my shopping cart too, knowing full well I’m just window shopping.

Not every mood shift can nor should be labeled “Bipolar”

Changes like diet , exercise or fasting is certainly going to change our moods whether we have a mental illness or not.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by pumpernickel1

Sometimes fasting can make you high. It increases dopamine.

I had noooo idea! I’m about to start the 5:2 diet so that should be interesting!

[giddykitty]

@~Christina no, I don't currently have a pdoc or a t. It's a long dramatic story. I used to have one of both though. I need to find so,eone new though if im gonna go back. I mean, or they'll likely just tell me what youve told me so, I dunno. I'm sorry if I burden anyone here.

------

I dunno guys! Been sleeping less and been excitable and on the go go go today! Its possible I'm just overtired though and will feel like **** tomorrow. But, today's a good day so woo hoo!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

@~Christina no, I don't currently have a pdoc or a t. It's a long dramatic story. I used to have one of both though. I need to find so,eone new though if im gonna go back. I mean, or they'll likely just tell me what youve told me so, I dunno. I'm sorry if I burden anyone here.



------


I dunno guys! Been sleeping less and been excitable and on the go go go today! Its possible I'm just overtired though and will feel like **** tomorrow. But, today's a good day so woo hoo!

No no your not a burden at all enjoy the feeling good !

[bizi]

So do you think you have bipolar?

Have you taken of the tests, they have one here?
so you don't take meds? or maybe your GP prescribes them for you?
I know that some people with bipolar can go with out meds if they have good self care measures in place and a good support system.
bizi

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by bizi

So do you think you have bipolar?

Have you taken of the tests, they have one here?
so you don't take meds? or maybe your GP prescribes them for you?
I know that some people with bipolar can go with out meds if they have good self care measures in place and a good support system.
bizi

i really don't know. I mean like a part of me is convinced i do, but maybe it's a milder version like, what's it called? Cyclothymia Although, if I go by recent history, my depression period lasted very long. And I don't know if it was from trauma (not like physical abuse but broken relationships/that drama), I had pretty severe depression like 2-3 years back. Worst of my life! Is it possible for depression to be co-morbid with bipolar? Or was it just a situational depression.

Anyway, yes I've taken tests. I've taken this one, but I'll take it again. At the therapist's(? some mental health facility), I scored um, what is it? undetermined or something like that. (forgetting the word). Here I score a possibility of it. It's just, I'm not sure exactly what they consider on these tests. I mean, it's a self assessment...hard for me to say that what I have is like what others have or that my definition is the same as others' definitions. You know?


edit: this was my score today @bizi

Mania Score: 19
Depression Score: 25
"bipolar disorder likely"

edit2: Bipolar Quiz
You scored a total of 33
Bipolar disorder likely

[~Christina]

Bipolar is both ends of the spectrum. So depression is part of it.

Now some depression can be just bipolar , chemical imbalance in the brain and then there is situational depression.

They can both occur separate or together to different degrees.

Whether you have Bipolar or not , if your unhappy with parts of your life.. coping skills are needed, everyone walking the planet needs to learn coping skills to manage our often fast paced life. What coping skills do you have ? Meditation, mindfulness, exercise, good sleep hygiene is huge for someone with Bipolar.

There are literally hundreds of coping skills you can try. Some may help some might be garbage for you. Google coping skills and you will find hundreds.

Of course none of us here are professionals and can not diagnose anything we can just share our experiences and what works and what doesn’t in our own lives.

[giddykitty]

One of my coping methods (or preventive methods?) is a proper sleep schedule. Not always easy, but that's why I skirted off so quickly last night. I actually slept well and feel great. This is the first great nights sleep I've had in a long time! (Ha! Well no ****! It was like 9 hours! Oh, but I've slept 12hrs and still felt like crap.) Yes, I only woke once, I think, and went back to sleep. Got at least 5 consecutive hours. Feeling great!

Not sure if that was a rhetorical question about coping methods or not. Maybe I should jot some down now though so I can look back if I need them later.
For highs
1) take breaks from forums if you feel yourself getting talky or stressed or rude
2) exercise to burn excess energy, but be careful (mindfulness)
3) for racing thoughts- Oh, ie tried prayer but sometimes I can't even focus on that so what DID I do?...
__________
4) blocking out extra sunlight so you can sleep through the early mornings and make sure to get to bed on time
5)

For lows
1) do light yoga or stretching exercises. 25 to 30 minute walk if you can
2) try fasting-increases dopamine (?) and keeps you from sleeping 12 hours (less food=less sleep)
3) prayer-It's not always easy to be grateful, but it's necessary to never lose hope
4) be proud of the small accomplishments. They add up!
5)

That's all I could think of off the top of my head. My bigger issue is the depression. Sleeping 12plus hours a day and struggling to do anything! So, any additional thoughts...

[giddykitty]

Think I'm hypo. Or is this anxiety from atypical depression. But I'm thinking hypo. My impulsive behavior is needing to come on this site. But I'm also needing less sleep, having more energy, racing thoughts and anxiety...and I felt this way around the time I felt most high last (or well, the last big one). I had a week of higher mood about a month ago followed by depression followed by normal. Just documenting this stuff.

Oh, thought of one more thing-boredom.

[Gabyunbound]

Hi Giddykitty

I think it can be very helpful to get a diagnosis in order to get targeted treatment from providers and gain insight into thought processes and behavior. On the other hand, your particular search for answers does sound a bit compulsive. It's very important, I think, to keep a mood journal, which I think you are, but as someone else said, not every change in mood is a 'bipolar' change in mood. To me, your changing moods, from what you have described, sound closely linked to whatever is going on in your life at the time, as well as sleep patterns and fasting patterns, in other words, 'situational,' as you have mentioned.

If these moods are bothering you, Christina has given you some great coping method suggestions, and it sounds like you already have quite a bit in your toolkit. So I would go ahead with those first and foremost.

Second, because diagnosis is so important for you, as it is for many if not most of us, I think it's important you find a therapist and also a psychiatrist, who is the only provider who can diagnose you (though, of course, therapists usually know us a lot better, so I think that's kind of bunk). With a diagnosis (which, hopefully, would take a good long time, it should never, in my opinion, be done in one session, if not more), or lack of diagnosis (re situational moods), then maybe you can better move forward.

A last thing to maybe keep in mind, is that fluctuations in mood throughout a given day, or week, can be perfectly normal; everyone has them, whether they have Bipolar Disorder or not. However, if these fluctuations are really bothering you, if they're interfering with what you want to do in life, and especially if they're negatively affecting your relationships, then another diagnosis you could look into is Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is often associated with sharp changes in mood throughout a given day, especially due to interpersonal factors (though you haven't described these). Though it's also important to keep in mind that you would also have to meet many criteria, such as fear of abandonment, so mood fluctuations would only be one of many indicators.

Please be kind to yourself and, yes, as others have said, enjoy the good times you are having!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Hi Giddykitty


I think it can be very helpful to get a diagnosis in order to get targeted treatment from providers and gain insight into thought processes and behavior. On the other hand, your particular search for answers does sound a bit compulsive. It's very important, I think, to keep a mood journal, which I think you are, but as someone else said, not every change in mood is a 'bipolar' change in mood. To me, your changing moods, from what you have described, sound closely linked to whatever is going on in your life at the time, as well as sleep patterns and fasting patterns, in other words, 'situational,' as you have mentioned.


If these moods are bothering you, Christina has given you some great coping method suggestions, and it sounds like you already have quite a bit in your toolkit. So I would go ahead with those first and foremost.


Second, because diagnosis is so important for you, as it is for many if not most of us, I think it's important you find a therapist and also a psychiatrist, who is the only provider who can diagnose you (though, of course, therapists usually know us a lot better, so I think that's kind of bunk). With a diagnosis (which, hopefully, would take a good long time, it should never, in my opinion, be done in one session, if not more), or lack of diagnosis (re situational moods), then maybe you can better move forward.


A last thing to maybe keep in mind, is that fluctuations in mood throughout a given day, or week, can be perfectly normal; everyone has them, whether they have Bipolar Disorder or not. However, if these fluctuations are really bothering you, if they're interfering with what you want to do in life, and especially if they're negatively affecting your relationships, then another diagnosis you could look into is Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is often associated with sharp changes in mood throughout a given day, especially due to interpersonal factors (though you haven't described these). Though it's also important to keep in mind that you would also have to meet many criteria, such as fear of abandonment, so mood fluctuations would only be one of many indicators.


Please be kind to yourself and, yes, as others have said, enjoy the good times you are having!!

Yes this ^^^ very wise solid advice as always

[Wild Coyote]

Yes. Keep a mood journal. faithfully. It will be very important for you and for any provider to see patterns.

I absolutely agree with pumpernickel re: fasting and mood changes. This can be a huge factor in mood/moodswings. This can be so potent a mood changer for some people. Many spiritual groups use fasting as a part of their "formula" to reach a state of bliss. (These same spiritual groups will eat root vegetables to ground themselves.) If you truly want to know about your moods and your possible diagnosis, try to keep you diet within the same guidelines every day. Food does have an influence.

Listen up to Christina and Gabyunbound. You would otherwise pay hundreds of dollars, or more, to gain that much advice/ direction.

hope to hear more from you. Keep on keeping on!

[giddykitty]

Got a lot of thoughts circling around in my head, most of which scream "I'm important", but I can't pin down a single one of them long enough to share.

AND...talk about real life. Get your head in reality, so ok then; here's my reality.

Found out this morning that I need to reschedule my GP appointment because my ride can't take me at the scheduled time. So, as I was already stressing about this meeting, now I'm stressing about making this call and trying to arrange a new time that doesn't interfere with, frankly, my period, because it gets really unbearable for a few days. Procrastinating on this atm.

Next, what else is new?! The meat I cleaned only yielded a measly amount of usable food, so now what the bleep am I going to do?! Last time hubby brought home dinner, but I can't ask that again.

What else? um...I don't know. I'm just tired. Didn't get as much sleep as I would've liked. Coffee is helping some, but not to the degree of the past few days. I feel worn, sleepy, and my tongue is still sore. I actually almost want to cry from this misery...again, doesn't help that I'm on my period, which, wth is it not progressing??! It's not abnormal. I have

Possible trigger:

many light days and then a few super heavy ones

which is just exhausting and stressful. (btw, did that bbcode work?)

ugh! I'm just tired of life and frankly enjoy forgetting about reality, BUT...it's probably good that I try to focus a little more or it will get A LOT worse! Another bleeping depressing thought.

When I don't think about all that stuff, I'm ecstatic!

I just read "keep on keeping on!" Yep! I love that!

Peace out y'all!

edit: oh yes! I forgot how my brother still hasn't answered back to me about getting together for my Dad's birthday...it'll be the next person's birthday before we do this! ugh!

BUT keep on keepin on!

:P I am a looney! A looney tooney! hehe I'm just hectic in my mind right now. That's all....folks! lol

Peace!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Yes. Keep a mood journal. faithfully. It will be very important for you and for any provider to see patterns.

I absolutely agree with pumpernickel re: fasting and mood changes. This can be a huge factor in mood/moodswings. This can be so potent a mood changer for some people. Many spiritual groups use fasting as a part of their "formula" to reach a state of bliss. (These same spiritual groups will eat root vegetables to ground themselves.) If you truly want to know about your moods and your possible diagnosis, try to keep you diet within the same guidelines every day. Food does have an influence.

Listen up to Christina and Gabyunbound. You would otherwise pay hundreds of dollars, or more, to gain that much advice/ direction.

hope to hear more from you. Keep on keeping on!

Good post

I have found the ''providers'' in my forest to be worse than useless

They slam wrong labels on and treat people who are in pain with disdain.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Good post

I have found the ''providers'' in my forest to be worse than useless

They slam wrong labels on and treat people who are in pain with disdain.

This is kinda to you and WC. Spending all that money for what I can get here is my skeptiscm with "providers". The only really great doc I've experienced is my GP. He even takes emails and refills my prescriptions over that or via a phone call. Did not get that convenience with my former pdoc. Had to keep making appointments, wait hours only then to have just 10 minutes of a session. And the advice I was being given was just repeated every session. And she and the therapist never talked with each other, so I never got that aspect of things. Sigh! So I dunno. I'm very anxious about trying to venture into that sort of help again. Plus, I'd likely have to travel longer distances for a new and more decent specialist. Seems like local healthcare here just plain sucks.

Lucky my urgent care ("ER") visit went well, but they'll give me a big hassle about paying the bill, which will likely be expensive and require me to go pay in person. It's such a pain in the butt!

Did manage to get stuff done today though. Figured out an alternative dinner and I rescheduled my appointment. I'll have to plea for the mercy of my GP to refill my prescriptions one more time though since the new appointment is over a month away. :/

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

This is kinda to you and WC. Spending all that money for what I can get here is my skeptiscm with "providers". The only really great doc I've experienced is my GP. He even takes emails and refills my prescriptions over that or via a phone call. Did not get that convenience with my former pdoc. Had to keep making appointments, wait hours only then to have just 10 minutes of a session. And the advice I was being given was just repeated every session. And she and the therapist never talked with each other, so I never got that aspect of things. Sigh! So I dunno. I'm very anxious about trying to venture into that sort of help again. Plus, I'd likely have to travel longer distances for a new and more decent specialist. Seems like local healthcare here just plain sucks.


Lucky my urgent care ("ER") visit went well, but they'll give me a big hassle about paying the bill, which will likely be expensive and require me to go pay in person. It's such a pain in the butt!


Did manage to get stuff done today though. Figured out an alternative dinner and I rescheduled my appointment. I'll have to plea for the mercy of my GP to refill my prescriptions one more time though since the new appointment is over a month away. :/

Well you might like your GP but GP’s simply don’t have enough education to prescribe more than an AD to someone who appears to have garden variety depression.

Sure coming here and receiving enormous amount of responses is all good but .... no one here can diagnose you of course. But with so many threads and posting in the check in thread it is very difficult to follow , hopefully if this is the thread you have decided to use from now on.

You have been reading about struggles that many members and myself included ., have and talk about medications and personal experience. Maybe your learning a lot about BP ..but your not learning about YOUR bipolar

You need a Pdoc. Your GP is not going to be able to Treat Bipolar. He/she just can’t. Yes we all make an appt with a Pdoc and hope we find a good one, thinking your going to just waste money is not a reason to just hop skip and jump along your unstable life certainly isn’t any way to live. Surely you want to enjoy life, find a job you enjoy, have fun times with your husband.., I’m sure he wants you to feel better.. I imagine he’s very concerned about you.

Phone calls are tough for a lot of people but honestly when you need to make necessary calls just grab the phone and it will be over with. Your GP if your worried about your monthly being a problem then call and just say “ I’d like an appt in 2 weeks “ done , no longer a stress.

Anyway I’m glad you have this thread and hopefully you will continue to receive lots of support

[giddykitty]

Copied from the check in thread.

Really hate myself right now. I can't sleep because of crap weighing on my mind. I need to get this out. So many of you have suggested therapy/seeing a pdoc to me. Well, this is actually a hot button issue. You see, I've tried it and while I had someone to listen to me at a particularly difficult time in my life, I was ultimately paying someone to just listen to me talk. I could do that here and get better feedback! Second therapist was a little more extreme in the other manner. Talked about herself too much and spoke slowly too so it wasted my precious time. Third therapist (same clinic as first) was for DBT. Only went 4 sessions before we came to the conclusion that this wasn't helping me. First of all, the stuff was like common sense to me. I was already doing similar things from yoga meditation in the past as well as my hubby s logical advices (he may lack emotional empathy, but he's very logical which helps me think less "borderline" like). Anyway, oh and we also canceled because I couldn't do certain exercises for x, y, and z reasons.

Moving on to the pdoc. As I mentioned already (in my journal thread), I'd spend hours trying to set appointments, wait in the waiting room and only get like 10minutes of time to talk and we'd discuss the same b crap every time. Other than getti g my meds, it was not worth it. Waste of tons of time and money because I'd have to make an appointment for EVERY refill! My GP can do this over the phone.

So, while I don't value the thoughtful advice, it just may not work for me. Oh yes, and the fact that I don't really have a ride to go there anymore either. And that it frustrated the heck out of my husband because he wasn't seeing any progress (not that there necessarily wasn't progress, but he pays the bills and wanted to see progress. I can at least understand that.)

Anyway, so yeah, just know that this is why I'm super anxious about my next meeting with my GP because he also seems to be hinti g at therapy too and I privately messaged him that it did help some. He already knows my husband's feelings on the matter. I'm anxious about talking about some of the things that are bothering me about my marriage as well, because it might come as a shock to my husband...although I've tried to tell him things many times. There is one thing though that I haven't yet addressed and I've finally figured out exactly what I need (I think). It's one of the love languages. He doesn't show me love like I need it. He shows me how he needs it. He's very stubborn about this, but I need to make him understand the importance...

Sigh! Ok, I think I'm talked out.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well you might like your GP but GP’s simply don’t have enough education to prescribe more than an AD to someone who appears to have garden variety depression.

Sure coming here and receiving enormous amount of responses is all good but .... no one here can diagnose you of course. But with so many threads and posting in the check in thread it is very difficult to follow , hopefully if this is the thread you have decided to use from now on.

You have been reading about struggles that many members and myself included ., have and talk about medications and personal experience. Maybe your learning a lot about BP ..but your not learning about YOUR bipolar

You need a Pdoc. Your GP is not going to be able to Treat Bipolar. He/she just can’t. Yes we all make an appt with a Pdoc and hope we find a good one, thinking your going to just waste money is not a reason to just hop skip and jump along your unstable life certainly isn’t any way to live. Surely you want to enjoy life, find a job you enjoy, have fun times with your husband.., I’m sure he wants you to feel better.. I imagine he’s very concerned about you.

Phone calls are tough for a lot of people but honestly when you need to make necessary calls just grab the phone and it will be over with. Your GP if your worried about your monthly being a problem then call and just say “ I’d like an appt in 2 weeks “ done , no longer a stress.

Anyway I’m glad you have this thread and hopefully you will continue to receive lots of support

Sorry, I vented before reading your comment. I explain my concerns more though, just fyi.

I did make the phone call, for the record. It got pushed back another month now, but maybe that gives me more time to prepare. (Lost my train of thought but moving on) I can't always get an appointment date I like, like he was booked up for the whole month, which is why I have to wait another month now. And it's that way with all doctors. It's very stressful to me. And my period bad days aren't pinpoint accurate so that makes like a possible 2 week window closed for me every month which it's crazy because I really only suffer two or three days each month.

Anyway, I do take to heart what you are saying and do understand it. I still thi k journaling right now is sufficient, but I mean maybe my GP will say otherwise too. That is what I'm both anxious and nervous about but like I also trust that he has my best Interest at heart and he does in fact know his limitations so it's all good, but I just worry about the stress it will bring on my husband and our marriage. Again, as stated in previous message, Uhhh, lost my thought again. Oops!
(Oh, btw, have I said thank you yet?)

But I think you get the gist. My high moods aren't necessarily very troublesome...

*****except for my lack of ability to sleep due to these racing thoughts and impulsive need to post my thoughts every night, here, there, or wherever my attention has focused for the day. Sigh! :/