Agitation & Anger

Hi all,

I'm having a really hard time since my last hospitalization recognizing any of the stages of my bipolar. I can't tell if my medicine is doing a great job of holding me in balance or if I've lost the ability to understand my balance or a dozen other scenarios. I ask a lot of questions, and keep doubting myself and asking more.

I've had bad news at work this week, and its affecting me. I'm constantly agitated and taking it out on everyone. I don't feel manic in any way, but this agitation is here, and living strong and its bubbly. It turns to anger quickly. I'm trying so hard to prevent that but I don't really have coping skills when it comes to anger. My T is pretty useless so far. I'm going to have to tell her that in next week's session. I ordered a few DBT workbooks tonight. I will give these full attention when they arrive.

So I'm asking a few things here. One, what is agitation a sign of? Mania? Depression? Neither? Both? I'm still trying to label things here. I just want to understand. Maybe my meds are holding me out of mania and depression both. I just don't know. I'm exhausted at this stage from trying to be on guard against this agitation.

The second thing... I'm dancing a fine line between agitation/irration and anger. Does anyone have a technique for putting anger on the back seat until they can deal with it safely... like not at work? or not directly in front of your kids? I'm looking for any ideas...

Thank you for reading.

Swimmingly, I get this a lot, too, including this afternoon. For me, it is most often a part of a kind of dysphoric mania and/or psychosis picture. Somewhere in that realm. I use deep breathing, prayer, and meditation most often to calm myself. I do have some prn antipsychotics that I usually take, too. CBT can also be quite helpful, if you are not too angry to use it.

Sometimes, if it is not too bad, even some DBT skills can help a lot.

That's all I got.

Thanks @bpcyclist for the kind answer. I may have to call to get a Pdoc consult sooner than my next appointment. It can't hurt to do a med check and see if I'm covering everything properly.

I will try to use box-breathing as soon as I can get out of the situation. That's been my jam of late because its so easy to remember.

Do you have any recommendations for how to pick up a meditation practice if you aren't terribly fond of guided meditation?

Also I wanted to send you comforts in addition to the thanks, because I know that at least for me, this feeling is very powerful and hard to brace for, and if you went through it this afternoon I know it must have been a challenge. Many your way, friend.

Thank you so much for the words and thoughts of comfort, swimmingly. I really appreciate that.

Yeah, look, I have never thought I was any good at meditating, but it clearly helps me when I try to do it. Don't know exactly how or why. What I do, because I am no expert, is, I just use the old-timey Buddhisst method. I do deep breaathing and I focus and concentrate on my breath. Sometimes, I count, sometimes, I don't. But when the thoughts cruise by, I recognize that, try not to tell myself I suck at meditation, and then, return to focusing on my breath again. I just do that over and over, I am better at focusing now than I used to be. Sometimes 10 minutes, someitmes 30--whatever.

I used it yesterday whe I got suepr psychotic, I do not have any Klonopin anymore. It makes my depression bad. So, Just breathing and praying to my HP. And it really calmed me and helped me make it to bedtime. I was too scared to go outside, but I bet that would have halepd to take a little walk, too, and see some puppies or babies or flowers or something.

There is tons of scientific data about how meditation positively influences a huge variety of neural functions, if you care about that sort of thig. For me, it just helps calm me and returns some peace.

Hope your day is peace.

I’m going to have to try this today (again)

Love to all

For me agitation is indicative of one of two things: a medication side effect or a mania.

Amped up anger/rage that feels uncontrollable is most likely (for me) mania, dysphoric mania - or it's a reaction to a major trigger that sends me over the edge. For example, one day I was having a really rough time due to a certain anniversary. My therapist forgot about that anniversary, ran overtime in a meeting, and called me in 15 minutes late. I was like a tiger trapped in a cage. Pure raging fury, and I couldn't calm myself down until my therapist literally sat next to me, held me, and I fell apart, crying.

What helps? Without any doubt (for me), medication. In addition, I am learning more techniques in therapy for anger management. For example, I am really looking at how my rage affects other people...learning that I need to have compassion for whoever is the target of my fury.

Breath work is extremely helpful.

I'm motivated to strive to make my anger a "normal" anger, because I have lost dear people in my life due to me going off on them. The loss and shame is just plain not worth it anymore. I want to change.

Thank you BethRags! This is also really helpful to me. I need to read a bit more about dysphoric mania to understand it. My wife has also told me that I missed my cues and am definitely in mania and have been here in mania land at least since Tuesday (the day that I got my crappy work news - which came first the chicken or the egg?) I can definitely feel it today. So maybe my agitation has something to do with that too. I've got some coping skills in my belt thanks to the both of you. I appreciate you! Very much!

Swimmingly, I am sorry that this is happening for you.

The current situation we live in is not helpful in reducing frustration, irritation, and anger. I am finding myself more upset than usual.

Good for you to recognize your agitation and anger! You can and are taking steps to try to deal with it. For me, having enough awareness to recognize my agitation/irritation that is often preceded by frustration is essential before I can use any self-help tools.

In addition to what BPcyclist has mentioned, what also helps for me is to practice acceptance, self-kindness, and self-forgiveness. Acceptance does not mean liking or condoning, it is simply recognizing this is what is happening.

For me, self-acceptance and self-kindness are important tools, especially when I don't like what is going on with me such as anger/agitation and being out of control of my emotions. I try to say comforting words to myself as I would to a friend, not to excuse myself, but to be a bit more merciful. Being merciless to myself doesn't help.

I am a fan of self-hugs that comfort me and can be done in private so I don't embarrass myself by being seen. How to Hug Yourself and Give Yourself a Hug. Self-compassion, performance, and burnout at work

I also give myself partial self-hugs in public in a way that people are not likely to notice by crossing one hand over the chest and rubbing the upper arm of the other arm. Or using one thumb to circularly massage the palm of the other hand also helps calm me and get back to here and now in a way that doesn't draw public attention. Finding a form of self-touch that is comforting helps.

Hugs by other people, handshakes, or gentle touches by others help, but in this time of social-distancing, they are hard to come by. Fortunately for us in this forum, we can give virtual hugs, more than we might give otherwise.

Self-forgiveness helps too when my I am unable to contain myself. But I don't mean condoning my behavior that hurts others for which I need to apologize or make amends and to work on ways to not repeat what I have done. It means not beating myself up mercilessly to a pulp.

"The self-beatings will continue until my morale improves" does not work for me. It just makes my morale worse and leads to depression.

For me, taking a break from the news also helps keep me calmer and more reasonable.

Trying to practice gratitude for what is going OK or well for me also helps me. When I focus on the negative, especially about myself, my mind churns on that and I end up feeling worse.

Having tough stuff and challenges happens in life. Life on Life's Terms sometimes sucks. But I too often make a tough situation even worse.

Sending good vibes!

^^^^^^^^^

@Rick7892 Thank you so much for what you have shared, I really and truly appreciate your post. I think we can all use a little self-acceptance, self-kindness, and self-forgiveness. I've opened up the two articles that you shared in new tabs to read in a few minutes (and probably add to my self-care bookmark folder a few seconds after I read it). Thank you for taking the time and care to spend with me. It means a lot and I really do take your words seriously. That was a great post! Thank you again!

You are so welcome! Yes, dysphoric mania seems to be a condition pdocs record in their notes, but often forget to educate their patients about. Dysphoric mania is often an essential aspect of bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, mania is not always euphoric. In fact I hear more about manic anger issues than I do about "happy" mania. I've read quite a lot online about dysphoric mania - definitely check around.

And yet, people still yearn for the euphoric kind...

Clonidine has really helped me with anger. Quite literally a life saver. I would get so angry it literally threw off my heart rhythm. Now I am so much more relaxed. Not perfect but much more manageable.

Really glad you mentioned that, Bipolarchic. People don't talk much about clonidine anymore, but it can be awesome.

I've never heard about this before this mention, but its certainly gone to the top of my notes to talk with my pdoc (hopefully) this week. The more we trace the more and more obvious relationship of agitation to my still to be named mania, it seems to revolve around agitation and then... anger. Thanks @Bipolarchic14 for thinking to add this to the thread. I appreciate it!