Delusion?

I have bipolar 2 disorder and have been very depressed for months. I came out of it and seemed to have energy to get up and get things done. I don’t know how it happened, but I started believing I was a witch. I could not stop talking about it and my husband told me it’s ok to pretend but I’m not a witch. I believed he doesn’t know me. I bought witches clothes and powerful witches shoes. I handcrafted a wand. I got scared because my magic seems dark, but I have felt I am the most powerful witch. I believed these things about myself to be true and dressed as a witch for days. Yesterday, something changed and I believed less. I felt afraid of what happened. But today, I bought myself a witches necklace and feel confused about whether being a witch is my reality. I can think about it, so I’m not completely without insight. I just feel the whispers of madness if that makes sense.

Kris

You are not an an antipsyhotic right now, since stopping the Risperdal. This sounds like more than bp 2 to me, not that I am an expert in that disorder. But it does sound like it is on the psychosis spectrum, for sure, speaking as someone with a lot of that in his past. What does your pdoc say about these beliefs?

I didn’t tell my doctor the specifics. I am too embarrassed. I just said I was having unusual beliefs and thoughts that my husband had been unable to talk me out of, but that today I had gained some insight.

Despite this, I just bought myself the perfect witches necklace. I thought I was ok today but I’m balancing the line between ok and not ok.

My pdoc prescribed 4 mg risperdal And to discontinue Wellbutrin.

Is it so bad to be a witch. Plenty of people practice Wicca etc. I’m not into that, but maybe this is my truth.

Listen, busymom, I really think you are just s little psychotic right now. That Rsiperdal should help you feel better pretty quickly. Hang in there. You are not alone. Many of us have been in a very siimilar situation before. Sending you strength and support.

No it isn't so bad. No judgment. The issue is more about how quickly it came up and how deep you jumped into it. That is more indicative of delusional thought or psychosis. Also, the fact you don't really want to own it when you talk to your doctor says a lot.

Give it some time to settle and see how you feel about it in a month or so after the Risperdal sets in. If you still feel passionately about it then, perhaps it is your truth as you feel it might be. You owe yourself some time to sort it out.

In the meantime maybe put the things you bought and made away so that you don't fuel anything that may be harmful to you. You can always bring the items back out once you're sure its a new path and not a psychotic detour. Use your coping skills to slow down and relax. Change your focus. Try to find balance again.

Thanks for the feedback. I will put away my purchases and wait to see if the risperdal works. Talking about it makes me realize how unusual it is, and insight is a good thing in this case. I just need to stay on top of this.

Anyway, thanks again.

I'm sending support and strength.

Sending best wishes!

You are wise to talk it out. Many of us have been there. Keep reaching out for support if you need it. Good luck!

Just dropping in to say I spoke with my psychiatrist this morning. I was honest with her about my feelings and beliefs and told her about the things Zi have been doing to further my craft. She listened nonjudgmentally and later said we had to talk about my diagnosis. She believes I have bipolar 1 instead of bipolar 2 as what I’ve experienced is a mania, not a hypomania.

She raised the risperdal to 6 mg for the next two weeks and told me to stop buying witches clothing and just use what I already have. I told her I’d try, but I need shirts. She asked me if I just googled witches clothing. I told her I search Amazon for steam punk.

I see her back in two weeks.

Oh, so glad to hear you told her what was happening!! Great job!!! I hope that added Rispedal helps soon.

You might want to do a little reading about bp 1 as it is very, very different in course from bp 2. Totally different deal. Let us know how we can support you.

Thanks for the head’s up. I assume the difference is bad news. I asked her why it mattered and she just said it had to do with mania vs hypomania, which I get. She didn’t talk much more about it I’ll have to read.

I wasn’t going to tell her, but she put on her nonjudgmental, Nothing you could say would phase me routine. She’s actually very good and I respect her. After I told her, she did admit that she had been a little surprised. She’s very empathetic though.

N o need to freak. it is not like some disaster, it is just different. More than just mani versus hypo. So, maybe look into it a bit and see what you think about it.

I was misdiagnosed with major depression for nearly 6 years before I finally had a flagrant enough manic and psychotic episode and of course, wound up in the hospital. They thought I was "just" an addict with depression but really, I was using to try to manage untreated bipolar 1. Once I got on lithium, the addcition just completely disappeared. No problem in the least for 12 years now. The issue wasn't addiction, the issue was bipolar 1. So, it is actually almost the usual course for bp 1 patients for the ultimate and accurate diagnosis to sort of dribble out very sort of inelegantly, as it were. Sometimes, not very tidily.

One final word about that communication with the pdoc. Managing bp 1 is an art and a science, both. Keeping your pdoc fully and accurately informed with up-to-date symptoms reports is absolutely critical. If you try to round of the edges because you are embarrassed or worried your pdoc will freak or hospitlalize you or even commit you, that is often the road to disaster. I have been committed twice, by the way. Both, totally appropriate. We do not mention this a lot here on this site, but bipolar 1 is in my personal opinion not infrequently a fatal illness if not treated appropriately. Much better to go to the hospital for a few days than end up with a catastrophe, being prosecuted for some serious crime you committed while out of your mind. This is what happened to me. I had zero prior record of any kind, not even a speeding ticket. I caused a car crash while psychotic and injured someone. The DA was very excited about prosecuting a somewhat highish profile physician. Good for his image. Total a-hole Low IQ. I spent nearly five years in an extremely violent and dangerous state hospital. In many respects, it completely destroyed my life and everything in it. Permanently. I have not seen my precious son in 10 years as a result. I could go on all month...

I do not want you to ever, ever have to go through anything remotely resembling that. So, please, be candid about symptoms and call early and often.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

I am absolutely so sorry for you. How devastating. I often say that bipolar disorder is a ****in* thief. And it is. It has robbed me of joy, friendship, memories, opportunities, and has left me to start over again and again.

I hope you have been able to find some peace.

I do the best i can muster.

I hope the risperdal helps you quickly. Please forgive me if I am overstepping, but I feel the need to say (especially as many may be unfamiliar) that stream punk has nothing to do with witchcraft. I got into quite the key word search mode a number of years ago though, so I understand getting carried away with such a thing in relation to a sense of identity.

You have plenty of time after you're feeling better to assess your beliefs and how you are expressing them. It's also possible that you are just drawn to stream punk style (because there is some very cool stuff) And that your mind has just somehow attached a religious thing to it. Belief systems are often involved with such episodes (been there too).

I'm glad that you are aiming to keep on top of this, and think it is good you are setting the clothing aside to help damp down the drive. Good for you, as I realize that's not necessarily easy to do.

I hear that. I have bought a very specific style with purple and black stockings, witches shoes etc. my children tell me I look like a witch when I wear them.

What is a stream punk?

Steampunk is an edgy style. I have to say that no one should tell a witch what clothes they are supposed to wear. I’m no stereotype.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist What is a stream punk?

Steam punk is quite cool!

Steampunk is a retrofuturistic subgenre of science fiction or science fantasy that incorporates technology and aesthetic designs inspired by 19th-century industrial steam-powered machinery.

Wowzer!!