[cashart10]

I called pdoc earlier and told her I’m still high but not manic. Got off the phone and my husband said I’m crazy. Said I’m clearly still manic. Started hallucinating people, or my eyes were playing tricks on me. I think the former but not 100%. Now I can feel the dance to my core. I am screaming music on the inside and vibrations of luminosity are reverberating into my body. The raging, burning fire of enchanting madness is intoxicating and I feel extravagantly inhibited. I am endless, I am magical, I am colorful, I am other worldly. Oh My God I am the best version of me that has ever lived and ever will live. I think I can sing, and dance. Dance. Dance. Dance. All. Night. Long. I love you guys so much!

[cashart10]

I don’t really need much btw, I don’t think but wow, I just needed to share and perhaps exchange as well.

[cashart10]

Maybe some more klonapin and temazepam for me tonight? Lol. Or maybe not. Seriously, who the hell wants to sleep through this?

[~Christina]

CASH ! Yes take your PRNS ! please take them and go to bed. Turn the music off. that's a huge red flag for you, Stay outta the shower..

Please take meds and crawl in bed and do breathing exercising or anything that is calming... If your husband is working tomorrow can your Mom help you out with the kids and to keep an eye on you???

Back away from that Big light your being pulled towards.. You are strong you can resist it.... it might feel good but it always ends with you doing a big crash and burn

If you feel unsafe please tell your husband and get help ASAP

Breathe

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

CASH ! Yes take your PRNS ! please take them and go to bed. Turn the music off. that's a huge red flag for you, Stay outta the shower..

Please take meds and crawl in bed and do breathing exercising or anything that is calming... If your husband is working tomorrow can your Mom help you out with the kids and to keep an eye on you???

Back away from that Big light your being pulled towards.. You are strong you can resist it.... it might feel good but it always ends with you doing a big crash and burn

If you feel unsafe please tell your husband and get help ASAP

Breathe

Thank you! Mom and hubs are keeping very close tabs. But to be honest, I don’t want to reign it in. I’ll have to text my sleep schedule from my Fitbit to mom in the morning and she won’t be happy with how long I’m awake. So, I did go ahead and take 2 mg more klonapin and another temazepam (15 mg, I think?). That should do it for at least about 6 hours but we’ll see.

[*Beth*]

I know the feelings you're experiencing very well! Feels fabulous

The problem, sadly, is the inevitable crash.


Please speak with your pdoc and tell her what's going on. Remember that you don't have to take her recommendations - just consider what she says, though.

[bpcyclist]

Please don't leave your apt., cashart. Stay home. You are totally manic right now. Be careful, please. Do take your prn's.

[swimmingly]

@cashart10

I don't know the feelings that you are experiencing, I get the other kind, but they sound amazing, and yet so scary to me.

Just please be careful for yourself. And for your family. But mostly for yourself because of your family. I worry about you.

[Gabyunbound]

I know *exactly* how you feel.

And I know how hard it is to, in a sense, give up the euphoria that you are feeling.

BUT, the aftermath just isn't worth it. Who knows how long this phase of mania will last, but it *will* morph into another phase, one which you would not wish on anyone, one which is likely to be horrific given how strong your symptoms are right now.

Please take PRN's and stay safe. I'm so glad you have a support system, that is key. Take good care, you deserve the best, you deserve to be in a good place, and in a sustainable way.

[cashart10]

Thank you all! Got about 4 hours after all. Now I’m just cleaning, smiling, singing. Nothing but sunshine is coming from my laboring fingers. But, I do ever so love it. And I am well waged today, ambitious, and it just feels so wonderful!

Sending hugs and hopes for a gentle come-down. Keep taking those PRNs as you need. Gotta get as much sleep in as possible!

[cashart10]

Meds have caught up me...at least for today. I feel just fine but I’ve been sleeping like crazy.

[*Beth*]

No doubt you need that sleep. Keep us posted on how you're doing

[cashart10]

Still no bueno. I slept a lot like I just said but now more hallucinations and SOOOOOO much anxiety. I am ready to curl up in a ball In the corner and carve my emotions into the walls. I think I’m going to take a klonapin. I have so many unfinished projects in my kitchen from yesterday and I’m worried because I feel like I’ve forgotten how to live and my kitchen will forever be chaos.

[bpcyclist]

The kitchen will still be there when you feel better.

[cashart10]

Walked outside and sat in my daughter’s little tykes play house and listened to music. My hubs came out about an hour later when he noticed I was missing and called me inside. He was afraid. I told him I just needed to get away but he said that wasn’t ok. So, I did actually come inside and took yet another prn. I am still awake though...still feeling very, very sick with anxiety. To hell with this!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Walked outside and sat in my daughter’s little tykes play house and listened to music. My hubs came out about an hour later when he noticed I was missing and called me inside. He was afraid. I told him I just needed to get away but he said that wasn’t ok. So, I did actually come inside and took yet another prn. I am still awake though...still feeling very, very sick with anxiety. To hell with this!

I am so sorry about the anxiety, cash. Maybe another Klonopin?

You should probably stay in the house, just to be safe.

Hugs!!!!!

[cashart10]

I have an apt to be evaluated at 5. Hoping if anything, I am only required IOP. I really don’t want a hospital stay.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I have an apt to be evaluated at 5. Hoping if anything, I am only required IOP. I really don’t want a hospital stay.

Oh, excellent, cash! I hope it goes great for you. I am sure it will.

[~Christina]

Sending lots of hugs
Stay safe

[cashart10]

Thank you guys! They decided on PHP but I’m afraid it won’t last. It took everything in me not to steal my mom’s car tonight and take off to the beach which is a good 12 hour drive since Hubs has all of our keys hidden....the hallucinations are getting worse too. I need to reign this in so fast. The program itself doesn’t actually start until wed since its online right now. I will be meeting with my temporary t and pdoc at PHP tomorrow which means I will thankfully also be able to see my own t tomorrow and get her feel and evaluation of the situation. I didn’t get to see her last week because she was out of town and I’ve gotten much worse since I saw her 2 weeks ago.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Thank you guys! They decided on PHP but I’m afraid it won’t last. It took everything in me not to steal my mom’s car tonight and take off to the beach which is a good 12 hour drive since Hubs has all of our keys hidden....the hallucinations are getting worse too. I need to reign this in so fast. The program itself doesn’t actually start until wed since its online right now. I will be meeting with my temporary t and pdoc at PHP tomorrow which means I will thankfully also be able to see my own t tomorrow and get her feel and evaluation of the situation. I didn’t get to see her last week because she was out of town and I’ve gotten much worse since I saw her 2 weeks ago.

Hang in there, cashart--help is on the way.