Bipolar check-in #47

Jun 09, 2020, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

Trying my best to stay clean and sober today. It's not even 8am and I'm already struggling. I talk to my (useless) therapist later this afternoon. I just wish I didn't exist

Sending strength your way!! You can do it! Are there any positive activities you can jump into to engage your mind?

bpcyclist · Jun 09, 2020, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am feeling a bit bitter because I have had a post removed without any explanation (not from this site, somewhere else)

though I am annoyed, I have learned from my past mistakes: if I get all irate about it, I'm going to be removed and possibly reported

so going to try and act like it never happened and just continue like normal

I had the thrid largest number of posts in a huge site. They censored one of my posts. I have not been back since. Poof!!!!!

Free speech. The Constitution. Look into it.

bpcyclist · Jun 09, 2020, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

Trying my best to stay clean and sober today. It's not even 8am and I'm already struggling. I talk to my (useless) therapist later this afternoon. I just wish I didn't exist

That feeling of not wanting to exist? It is your addiction trying to convince you to use again. You addiction is trying to kill you. Don't let it.

PM me, if you need to talk. I am around all day. I have been right where you are ten million times. I got clean, have been clean forever. You can do this. But you cannot use today. Go for a walk, watch a show or movie, clean, do something, anything. Just do not sit around and do nothing. That is the worst thing.

Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!

bpcyclist · Jun 09, 2020, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel much better then I did yesterday. So maybe it’s just my general anxiety disorder and not the Wellbutrin since it’s not constant. Also the weather was really bad yesterday. So it could have been allergies as well.

That is encouraging, MD. Glad you feel a bit better now.

bpcyclist · Jun 09, 2020, 10:20 AM

Slep fairly well, so that is good. I feel okay right now, but the pattern has been, feel okay for an hour or so, then, the bottome falls out. We shall see if it continues today.

This current blip, as BD sometimes, I think refers to them, does remind of aspects of old, badass depression, especially the part where no motivation to do anything is concerned. I just wish there was a med for that part of my brain. If I could just do a few things, i twould help me, but I have this overwhelming motivation not to do a single freaking thing. So,yeah, it is actually not amotivation, it is, rather, a powerful motivation not to do anything.

Not as exhausted right now, so that is good. Maybe today will be better.

Our white, female police chief resigned and they hired from within a black male, 18-year veteran. He will do nothing for us, because he is a product of that broken culture of abuse and discrimination. Just because one is a person of color does not necessariy mean that person has insight or concern into what we deal with. The beat goes on.

Prayers and love and hugs to all.

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I had the thrid largest number of posts in a huge site. They censored one of my posts. I have not been back since. Poof!!!!!

Free speech. The Constitution. Look into it.

Good post. I’m sorry that happened. Bummer.

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

That feeling of not wanting to exist? It is your addiction trying to convince you to use again. You addiction is trying to kill you. Don't let it.

PM me, if you need to talk. I am around all day. I have been right where you are ten million times. I got clean, have been clean forever. You can do this. But you cannot use today. Go for a walk, watch a show or movie, clean, do something, anything. Just do not sit around and do nothing. That is the worst thing.

Hang in there!!!!!!!!!!

I agree. Your addiction is trying to kill you. Don’t let it!!

Sitting around is the worst thing. Anything else, dancing, writing, cleaning, anything.

Don’t let that addiction kill you.

Hugs and love

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Slep fairly well, so that is good. I feel okay right now, but the pattern has been, feel okay for an hour or so, then, the bottome falls out. We shall see if it continues today.

...a med for that part of my brain. If I could just do a few things, i twould help me, but I have this overwhelming motivation not to do a single freaking thing. So,yeah, it is actually not amotivation, it is, rather, a powerful motivation not to do anything.

Not as exhausted right now, so that is good. Maybe today will be better.

Our white, female police chief resigned and they hired from within a black male, 18-year veteran. He will do nothing for us, because he is a product of that broken culture of abuse and discrimination. Just because one is a person of color does not necessariy mean that person has insight or concern into what we deal with. The beat goes on.

Prayers and love and hugs to all.

Good post. Thank you for all you share and for allowing me to speak also.

Hugs and love

Jun 09, 2020, 10:33 AM

Hi bpcylist. I hope you are able to get outside a bit or pick a pleasant project to focus on. Need not be a huge undertaking. Sometimes just getting started brings forth motivation that is otherwise unexpected. I really find that various coping methods can help break the patterns of the "blips", yes as I call them. Not always, but a lot.

This is the second time in 30 days that I had convinced myself that I took my evening medications, when in fact I didn't. What happens is 1 am rolls around and I'm telling myself "I know I took them. I just know." Then when I actually go downstairs and check, I didn't. I just flat out don't sleep, if I miss/forget/skip my Seroquel XR. Both times I took them around 1:30 am or so. This morning, and the last time, I suffered mild consequences in the morning. It's so important for me to always take my medications and to take them no earlier or later than between 5 pm and 9 pm.

I had a video session with my psychiatrist yesterday. He allowed me to stop the morning dose of Seroquel XR, which was 50 mg of the 700 mg. It was unique, usually I do almost all of the talking (I'm more than capable), but yesterday he did a lot, too. We actually talked mostly about his upcoming vacation, the location, and his take on video sessions. It was a light-hearted conversation. I felt quite good afterwards.

swimmingly · Jun 09, 2020, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

This is the second time in 30 days that I had convinced myself that I took my evening medications, when in fact I didn't. What happens is 1 am rolls around and I'm telling myself "I know I took them. I just know." Then when I actually go downstairs and check, I didn't. I just flat out don't sleep, if I miss/forget/skip my Seroquel XR. Both times I took them around 1:30 am or so. This morning, and the last time, I suffered mild consequences in the morning. It's so important for me to always take my medications and to take them no earlier or later than between 5 pm and 9 pm.

Hi BirdDancer,

This has happened to me in the past, and I've used an annoying but useful application on my phone that doesn't let me forget when I've missed pills. It's called Medisafe. I mention it a lot and you know a lot so you've probably already tried it and it may or may not have worked for you. It reminds you multiple times until you go into the program and tell it that you have taken the medicine. It used audio to remind you. My wife tells me that it can be set to tell someone else when you haven't taken it. We haven't gotten to that point yet. Forgive me if I'm presuming that you would benefit from this. I'm just trying to help.

I wish only the best for you!

bpcyclist · Jun 09, 2020, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi bpcylist. I hope you are able to get outside a bit or pick a pleasant project to focus on. Need not be a huge undertaking. Sometimes just getting started brings forth motivation that is otherwise unexpected. I really find that various coping methods can help break the patterns of the "blips", yes as I call them. Not always, but a lot.

This is the second time in 30 days that I had convinced myself that I took my evening medications, when in fact I didn't. What happens is 1 am rolls around and I'm telling myself "I know I took them. I just know." Then when I actually go downstairs and check, I didn't. I just flat out don't sleep, if I miss/forget/skip my Seroquel XR. Both times I took them around 1:30 am or so. This morning, and the last time, I suffered mild consequences in the morning. It's so important for me to always take my medications and to take them no earlier or later than between 5 pm and 9 pm.

I had a video session with my psychiatrist yesterday. He allowed me to stop the morning dose of Seroquel XR, which was 50 mg of the 700 mg. It was unique, usually I do almost all of the talking (I'm more than capable), but yesterday he did a lot, too. We actually talked mostly about his upcoming vacation, the location, and his take on video sessions. It was a light-hearted conversation. I felt quite good afterwards.

Thanks, BirdDancer. After reading this, I realize that I took some meds this morning, but I am not sure which ones or how much. I really need to get a pill box thingy. Maybe next month when I get paid...

Jun 09, 2020, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thanks, BirdDancer. After reading this, I realize that I took some meds this morning, but I am not sure which ones or how much. I really need to get a pill box thingy. Maybe next month when I get paid...

No need to wait -- they sell pill boxes at Dollar Tree.

I find them indispensable.

bpcyclist · Jun 09, 2020, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerzone

No need to wait -- they sell pill boxes at Dollar Tree.

I find them indispensable.

That's my kind of store. Do you know if they are open here, IZ?

fern46 · Jun 09, 2020, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thanks, BirdDancer. After reading this, I realize that I took some meds this morning, but I am not sure which ones or how much. I really need to get a pill box thingy. Maybe next month when I get paid...

Make your own until you can get one. Daily envelopes. Use an ice cube tray and label each row with the days. Portion them out in little baggies and write the name of the pills and what time to take them on each. Get creative. Just use the concept in a way that gets you by. Dorking up your meds is a path to no place good.

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

Make your own until you can get one. Daily envelopes. Use an ice cube tray and label each row with the days. Portion them out in little baggies and write the name of the pills and what time to take them on each. Get creative. Just use the concept in a way that gets you by. Dorking up your meds is a path to no place good.

I must get more “organised” with my meds. As fern said, sometimes it’s about “getting by” (far from ideal)

Hugs and love

02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swimmingly

Hi BirdDancer,

This has happened to me in the past, and I've used an annoying but useful application on my phone that doesn't let me forget when I've missed pills. It's called Medisafe. I mention it a lot and you know a lot so you've probably already tried it and it may or may not have worked for you. It reminds you multiple times until you go into the program and tell it that you have taken the medicine. It used audio to remind you. My wife tells me that it can be set to tell someone else when you haven't taken it. We haven't gotten to that point yet. Forgive me if I'm presuming that you would benefit from this. I'm just trying to help.

I wish only the best for you!

Thanks so much, swimmingly! I will look into this, as soon as I post this. I'm embarrassed to write that I must have gotten side tracked the last time you mentioned it. Here I go to look...

Update: I'm giving it a try.

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020, 01:25 PM

Love and hugs to all

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020, 01:27 PM

Listening to “Hotel California”

bpcyclist · Jun 09, 2020, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

Make your own until you can get one. Daily envelopes. Use an ice cube tray and label each row with the days. Portion them out in little baggies and write the name of the pills and what time to take them on each. Get creative. Just use the concept in a way that gets you by. Dorking up your meds is a path to no place good.

Good suggestion, fern--thanks. Nurses are definitely the worst patients, but doctors are for sure the second worst.