Externalizing depression

Yeah, it really is miserable. This has been going on for months, so at this point I basically have no idea anymore how I "really" feel about things. I want to avoid doing anything rash but these thoughts have now been my reality for so long that it's getting hard not to.

At this point I'm pretty sure I want to go for ect if the Lamictal doesn't work in another two or three months. I did get my wife to read about ect. She was dismissive of it at first but after reading up on it she was more supportive at least. I think most people have horror stories in mind when they think about ect.

I have a four year old and six-month old twins, and I'm happy to have them but it's probably another stress factor that's not helping my stability right now.

Have you expressed this to him?

Oh, wow, your children are young and are at ages at which they require an enormous amount of everything...time and energy. Stress? To say the least - even under the very best of circumstances.

I'm guessing that your wife is feeling afraid of carrying all the responsibility alone. That could well be why she is not giving you the support you want and need, just plain fear. And probably a dose of anger.

Yes, the entertainment industry has gotten a hold of ECT and made a monster of it. And at one time ECT was a rather horrible affair. That is certainly not how I hear it is nowadays.

Are you still at 200 on your Lamictal? Is your pdoc expecting the Lamictal alone to act as an anti-depressant?( I'm sorry if I've already asked you that. My memory is not good.) One more question...is your pdoc aware of your interest in ECT?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist Have you expressed this to him?

The prayer thing and my husband? Oh, God, yes. Pun intended. We've been married for 37 years, he's 73 (he's 16 years older than I am). He's settled into his way of functioning, ain't gonna change for nothing, and I am too old, tired, and in physical pain to bother challenging him anymore.

I don't have a major problem with prayer, or calling into the universe for help, or however it works for each individual. I just want to say to him, "40 years of knowing each other and 'pray' is the best you can do?" Well, yeah. It is the best he can do. Sooo, I have my therapist, my pdoc, my cats, and PC And he's my dear friend, so it is what it is.

That's it in a nutshell, haha.

Yeah, it's pretty rough on both of us. I don't know if she's really angry, but she certainly wishes things were different. I still do as much as I can in terms of practical stuff, I don't completely shut down even when I'm depressed, so she's not really alone in that regard, but especially on the emotional side of things I can't really give as much support as I'd want.

I'm at 300mg Lamictal now. My Pdoc has suggested adding an anti-depressant into the mix, but I'm hesitant about that because they can make mixed episodes worse. On the other hand I think Lamictal is mostly effective at preventing episodes, not helping acute symptoms. He does know I'm considering ECT. We decided to try some meds first, but I think he'll be supportive if I really want to go that route. I'm hoping ECT can help "fix" this episode and then I can use Lamictal to prevent new ones.

Interestingly, I was at 300mg of Lamictal (when I started taking it about 2 years ago) and was still terribly depressed. I told my pdoc that I was done with it, and that I wanted ECT. She agreed to look into ECT for me, but asked if I'd try one antidepressant before committing to ECT. I perfunctorily agreed (thinking it would be a waste). She prescribed Pristiq and 10 days later I felt really good. No depression. I felt so lucky! So far, the Pristiq has been excellent (it's been 21 months).

I'm not sure why Pristiq is not prescribed more frequently, since it is indicated for bipolar depression.

With your depression as severe as it is, maybe trying an AD is worth it? I mean...yes...you might have a manic reaction to an AD, but it seems worth a try.

Are you feeling any benefit from the Lamictal yet? Obviously not a lessening of depression, but any other positives?

Good to know about Pristiq, I will discuss that one with my Pdoc. I have to think about whether I want to try it. ECT is kind of scary, but on the other hand the ADs have some pretty undesirable side-effects as well that I'm not sure I want to risk. It's a difficult choice.

As for the Lamictal, I'm not noticing anything obvious yet (good or bad). The depression is slightly less intense today, but it has receded for a few days before only to come back with a vengeance. I'll have to wait and see for at least a few weeks to be sure. I don't think I'm really noticing the activating effects yet either.