[Moro R]

Hey, I recently gave someone some print out verses that I though might help with their bipolar "lows".

Have I inadvertently destroyed my relationship with this person?

One day they were talking to me openly about their bipolar and I thought how hard that might be.

The next day I was in the church and someone asked if I wanted some healing verses "for yourself or someone you know". I straight away though of how difficult bipolar might be.

Today, because I'm such an idiot, I told her how I got the verses, she joked that I thought of her as being messed up. And later said it was thoughtful after I told her that it might in some way help a religious person.

AFTERWARDS, I read a blog post saying that you shouldn't support a bipolar person by looking for treatments for them... Whoops.

Now I'm worried that it might have come off as a kind of personal condemnation, like, viewing her as a messed up person or something.

Have I done a stupid?

How would a bipolar person interpret such a thing? Negatively?

Have I inadvertently destroyed my relationship with this person?

[fern46]

I think every individual could respond differently to this. There isn't a bipolar bible verse response all patients share. The only way to know if you destroyed anything is to ask. Of this did destroy a relationship it was a fragile one to begin with.

People are generally decent at sensing someone's intent. Your heart was in the right place. I imagine she knows you meant well. If you feel it necessary, just tell the person you now realize your offering may have been offensive. Let them know you aren't trying to fix anything and the verses are a show of support.

Don't over think it.

[bpcyclist]

I am a Christian and struggle w this a lot. We are supposed to share our faith. The problem is, that just does not really work in this modern world. People get angry. Think we are judging. So, I don't do it. It is counterproductive.

I think the AA founders had this right. What works is attraction, not promotion. Having something other people want. At least, that is my current thinking.

You were kind to your friend.

[*Beth*]

I have a friend, we've been friends for 38 years. She's religious and occasionally gives religious tracts or whatever to me. It annoys me, and keeps me from being as close to her as I would like to be.

My husband's answer to any problem I have is to tell me to pray.

When people proselytize to me (about religion or anything else) it causes me to feel distanced from them. I feel condescended to, as if they don't believe I have the inner resources (including my own spirituality) to help myself. And the worst part - I feel that people often pass off their own belief system to me because they're not really listening to me. They've thinking about their own agenda.

I recognize that the good intentions are there, but the most sincere form of help is to really listen to the other. Not to fix, not to tell, but to ask, then to be quiet and listen.

If the relationship is meaningful to you, perhaps you can bring it up to your friend that you are concerned about the situation.

btw, it's not about being a "bipolar person", it's about being a person. Any person, in any situation.

[Moro R]

It's possible. It's counter productive. It's annoying.

Ahh geez, I really have done a stupid, haven't I.

Or maybe that's only for a non religious person? She did mention that she's only slightly but wants to be more.

Yeah, now I'm worried she won't come back. Then I won't get to say anything to her.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I have a friend, we've been friends for 38 years. She's religious and occasionally gives religious tracts or whatever to me. It annoys me, and keeps me from being as close to her as I would like to be.

My husband's answer to any problem I have is to tell me to pray.

When people proselytize to me (about religion or anything else) it causes me to feel distanced from them. I feel condescended to, as if they don't believe I have the inner resources (including my own spirituality) to help myself. And the worst part - I feel that people often pass off their own belief system to me because they're not really listening to me. They've thinking about their own agenda.

I recognize that the good intentions are there, but the most sincere form of help is to really listen to the other. Not to fix, not to tell, but to ask, then to be quiet and listen.

If the relationship is meaningful to you, perhaps you can bring it up to your friend that you are concerned about the situation.

btw, it's not about being a "bipolar person", it's about being a person. Any person, in any situation.

Beth encapsulated this much better than I did. This is the problem with "preaching" in 2020. It just pisses people off. Not remotely effective. Another approach is required.

[Moro R]

Hey to give more context; it wasn't a preaching or sharing the religion thing.

I'm actually the one that's non religious. She mention religious things and it seemed like she was. She said she was slightly religious and trying to be more so.

She asked me how to cope with the low point, where it's hard to do even the things that you like. At the time I had a stupid answer and I thought the verses might be better.

[*Beth*]

Thanks for the clarification, Moro.

Honestly, I think I'd need to read a couple of the verses to properly answer your question. (I thought you meant biblical verses.)

[Moro R]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thanks for the clarification, Moro.

Honestly, I think I'd need to read a couple of the verses to properly answer your question. (I thought you meant biblical verses.)

I couldn't make heads or tails if it. Stuff about the lord and the lord intervening? I figured a religious person would know.

They described them as "healing verses" at the church. It's gone now. I gave them to her and she left with them.

But she's probably not coming back?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moro R

I couldn't make heads or tails if it. Stuff about the lord and the lord intervening? I figured a religious person would know.

They described them as "healing verses" at the church. It's gone now. I gave them to her and she left with them.

But she's probably not coming back?

Well...those are religious verses. But who knows, it would be good if you'd ask her if she's offended.

[Moro R]

I'm actually worried that she won't come back. Hence I won't get to ask if she was offended. Which is why I did a ton of searching, and then asked on a forum.

[fern46]

What do you mean come back? Do you have any way to reach out directly?

Try not to obsess ok? That won't help. While some here would find what you did preachy, there are people like me who would see it as a kind gesture especially if you didn't press it or try to explain the verses and force me to apply them to my situation. It could go either way. Assuming does no good. All you can do is wait and then clear the air if an opportunity arises.

[swimmingly]

Hi Moro R,

First things first, Welcome to Psych Central!

Secondly, I can only give you my perspective. I am pretty 'out' about having bipolar and my pretty regular struggles with the people in most of my circles. I try to keep it away from my work.

So I do get a lot of unsolicited advice, cures, and religious verses/invites to different theologies. I came here to get advice that I solicit and to make connections and friendships with people that live with what I have. I'm bipolar 1, by the way.

I never take offense when anyone offers me something. I try to always remember the spirit and the heart of the person who gave of themselves to me. I haven't always been able to do this. I'm not a very religious person, though I go to church on Sundays for my family. It used to make me very uncomfortable. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it all depends on the recipient and where they are in their journey.

Give her time, friend. Everything can be healing for us, in stages. I certainly see your actions as great acts of kindness, and if she doesn't currently, she may soon or even a little later in her journey. Bipolar is a journey where we are obsessed with our memories and past, and we play them back often. At least I've found that I do. Both the good and the horrible memories. But the important thing is that I'm always discovering new insights in those memories.

All this is to say is never give up hope! And stick around, please. You are welcome here.

[sarahsweets]

Hey @Moro R- If you are not religious then why were you in church? And why share verses? But you say she seemed a little religious. I assume you mean Christian. What has she said that make you think she is religious?
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to heal, feel better or praying for them. Heck telling someone you are praying for them shows that you are sending them positive thoughts and energies. I think the issue with verses is because it might seem that you are implying the way to get "better" is through Christianity. I personally wouldnt be offended. Do you think she is thinking about this as much as you are? I doubt that.

[Moro R]

Well, that's just how it goes sometimes.
You inadvertently say the wrong thing, then you never see that person again. You then try to speculate where you went wrong.

[neverending]

I have a friend I call when things get too bad for me (we talk at other times too LOL). But anyway she prays for me and will refer me to specific teachings or verses. And I appreciate it. I also do the same for her when she needs it. She doesn't have a mental illness but that doesn't mean she doesn't also go through difficult times in her life. But our beliefs are pretty much the same and we know it.

You don't really know exactly what your friend believes, but it may not have been a mistake. And possibly the verses could have helped.