[Miss Laura]

The thing is I can control so much when I'm around people. But it comes alive at night. I've been at my Sister's this weekend but I'm struggling to be ok. I have been going to the toilet just to pace about. I'm really nervous about tomorrow though.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

The thing is I can control so much when I'm around people. But it comes alive at night. I've been at my Sister's this weekend but I'm struggling to be ok. I have been going to the toilet just to pace about. I'm really nervous about tomorrow though.

You will do great!!

[Miss Laura]

Well that was kinda pain less.... she thinks I should go on my meds. I'm seeing her in 3 weeks time.

[fern46]

What do you think of her advice? I'm glad it went well.

How are you doing today other than the appointment?

[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by fern46

What do you think of her advice? I'm glad it went well.


How are you doing today other than the appointment?

I said to her i think im doing good though yes I have symptoms but maintaining it controlling it. She says since I'm going away next week I should go on meds to help me out some. She never said what symptoms I was displaying today.

I'm doing good I'm shattered though. I was up talking to myself until 3am this morning. I had a few hours then was up. Met a friend for Lunch first time I have been out since March.

[*Beth*]

If you were not maintaining and controlling your symptoms, what would that look like?

[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by BethRags

If you were not maintaining and controlling your symptoms, what would that look like?

I would be noticeably agitated to the point people would be saying so. Lots of psychosis. Really big spending sprees etc

[bpcyclist]

I believe you have lost insight, Laura. That means you do not see yourself accurately as the rest of the world sees you.

Can you give your money and credit cards to someone?

[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I believe you have lost insight, Laura. That means you do not see yourself accurately as the rest of the world sees you.


Can you give your money and credit cards to someone?

Hey.... I need my cards for shopping as we aren't really allowed to use money here due to COVID-19. But I get what you are saying I think. I'm seeing my Peer Support Worker in like 14 hours. Will chat to her

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey.... I need my cards for shopping as we aren't really allowed to use money here due to COVID-19. But I get what you are saying I think. I'm seeing my Peer Support Worker in like 14 hours. Will chat to her

Maybe tell her of your concern about spending. And ours as well.

[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Maybe tell her of your concern about spending. And ours as well.

Is it really bad though? I mean i haven't bought anything since last week and yeah I have bought loads of take aways they don't really count do they?

[fern46]

I think at this point you either get help or don't. The symptoms are clear. Your team has weighed in. Your family has weighed in. Many of us have been as honest and supportive as possible. Its all in your hands. We are all pulling for you and hope that you find a way to stop the symptoms. I feel medication could help, but it is up to you. I genuinely wish you all the best.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by fern46

I think at this point you either get help or don't. The symptoms are clear. Your team has weighed in. Your family has weighed in. Many of us have been as honest and supportive as possible. Its all in your hands. We are all pulling for you and hope that you find a way to stop the symptoms. I feel medication could help, but it is up to you. I genuinely wish you all the best.

Here, here.

[Miss Laura]

I spoke to my Worker today. She says there are really no symptoms of mania in me. I am presenting well and having no issues with face to face. So im really confused. I have you all saying im manic but I have a face to face hour meeting with my worker abd she says the complete opposite. She thinks im obsessing over symptoms and searching fir symptoms that aren't there. So your pissed with me I'm passed with everyone with the conflicting advice/observations. So im non the further forward and she wants to pull her service abd discharge me. Remembering she knows everything im going through. So im disillusioned with everyone and myself. I give up.

[Victoria'smom]

Ms. Laura everyone is going to have opinions. Is it interfering with your life? I wouldn't encourage discharge because even if you are stable right now doesn't mean you will be in the future. I also present well. It's here I show my true colors even though they hear what I'm saying my nonchalant way of saying it and denemer throughs them of of the severity of my symptoms. So I rely on pc. It took me 15 years to get the proper dx. I've had everything from ied, to mood disorder nos. Don't give up part of your treatment team. Advocate for yourself. My treatment team takes what my husband notices into consideration. Do you have anyone close to you that can advocate for you better?

[Miss Laura]

I don't get a choice if they want to discharge me they will. It goes on what my team think. They obviously think im fine. I don't know how else to tell them. I'm really angry tonight but there is nothing I can do

[*Beth*]

Can you appeal? Find another team?

[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Can you appeal? Find another team?

Not here in the UK. The NHS is what my team all come under. I don't get choices in that respect. I'm allocated a Psychiatrist, Community Psychiatric Nurse and then they allocate me to whatever service I need support in ie Psychology etc

[Miss Laura]

Spoke to my Therapist today. I ended up in tears twice. She thinks I need to speak to my Psychiatrist. But obviously through my CPN. Cane to the conclusion that I'm massively struggling with denial and struggling to understand that my life is going to have to be different. I feel really angry and frustrated with myself. I can't see myself being happy and I'm rebelling against everything/everyone

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Spoke to my Therapist today. I ended up in tears twice. She thinks I need to speak to my Psychiatrist. But obviously through my CPN. Cane to the conclusion that I'm massively struggling with denial and struggling to understand that my life is going to have to be different. I feel really angry and frustrated with myself. I can't see myself being happy and I'm rebelling against everything/everyone

I'm so glad you had this breakthrough, Miss Laura, but sorry it is so painful. Denial is a hard one. Remember, you are YOU, not just a label. We all gotta do what we all gotta do in taking proper care of ourselves, even is it isn't what we'd like.

I've got physical therapy exercises I need to do. I don't like them. I just want to not have to deal with it. For my body to just, you know, do its thing without this intervention. But it is what it is, and doing what I don't wish to be doing is what keeps things from getting out of control. And I have to do them consistently. Otherwise, the pain comes roaring back, it's an uphill game of catch up. Damn this arm. But it is what it is.

I'm sure the parallel doesn't need to be spelled out. Many, many hugs. Acceptance isn't a bad thing. Rebelling is a natural initial reaction, but doesn't get you anywhere good over time. Try not to tie your vision of being happy to it. Happiness can stand apart from this. There have been many things over the years I've had to come to accept that I don't like. It's just part of living.

Much You can do this.

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys, how are you all?

I'm still doing good and having a whale of a time.

Thursday I spent the afternoon/evening in a treehouse and castle. I bought it at the start of March before lockdown. We finally got yo use it. Omg its been amazing. We got in and took photo's and video's. We videoed my parent's. We chilled out in the treehouse, went for a walk, took more photos. Chilled out. Got ready for dinner. We were the only 2 customers in the whole place and had a private dining to ourselves. We enjoyed a 4 course meal (Salmon/Haggis, Red Pepper and Tomato Soup, Salmon/Chicken and finally Sticky Toffee Pudding/Cheese board). Omg died from the food soooooo good. A slow walk in the dark to the treehouse which was lit up with fairy lights. Alcohol was consumed from 3-11pm. We enjoyed a sleep in the king-size bed. Its now 8:20am and we are just enjoying the ambience.

It's been so magical but I'm now itching for Monday to come as im away to a lodge with a hot tub with the family

[*Beth*]

That sounds enchanting! But I don't understand...tree house and castle...do you mean it's literally up in a tree?

[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by BethRags

That sounds enchanting! But I don't understand...tree house and castle...do you mean it's literally up in a tree?

Yes its literally built in a tree and there are steps to it. The trees are still visible in the treehouse and are the features of it

[*Beth*]

~**~*shooting stars!!**~**~

That is magnificent, Miss Laura! If I were you I would just live there altogether.

[bpcyclist]

How lovely.