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  #26  
Old Aug 26, 2020, 06:40 PM
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Threads like these are very difficult for me and it’s one of the reasons I lay low. Laura, please accept what I say with concern and caring. You are not doing great and you are not okay. Going med free is not working for you. You need to take an honest look at everything you posted. Look at your behaviors. You are headed for a terrible crash and you have the power to stop this. You need to honestly reach out to your psychiatrist for help and tell him all of these things.
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  #27  
Old Aug 26, 2020, 08:50 PM
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Every Action has a Reaction .. thats just how the universe works

I hope you can come down and have an easy landing and not in flames needing to make amends to an unknown amount of people.

Take care
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  #28  
Old Aug 26, 2020, 09:38 PM
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I kinda worried that you are going to get arrested or injured, Miss Laura. Or unintentionally hurt someone else.

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  #29  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 02:18 AM
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I'm BP2 so my experience may not be overly relevant.

I've always resisted being medicated from the time they first tried to medicate me at 16, so I understand that aspect of it. I saw it as being "controlled".

I'm now 61 and have belatedly had to change my tune. I had a very bad episode two years ago that seems to have changed my brain permanently. I've never recovered to the person I was prior to it. So, it now makes me wonder how much damage has occured with every episode, and I've had many.

Just something to keep in mind. Meds or brain damage?
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  #30  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 02:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RockyRoad007 View Post
I'm BP2 so my experience may not be overly relevant.

I've always resisted being medicated from the time they first tried to medicate me at 16, so I understand that aspect of it. I saw it as being "controlled".

I'm now 61 and have belatedly had to change my tune. I had a very bad episode two years ago that seems to have changed my brain permanently. I've never recovered to the person I was prior to it. So, it now makes me wonder how much damage has occured with every episode, and I've had many.

Just something to keep in mind. Meds or brain damage?
I was not treated until 41--childhood onset.
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  #31  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 06:55 AM
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Saw my CPN today.... she says i was very agitated today. I'm really manic too. She will speak to my Psychiatrist on Mon when he is back. She says I'm displaying risky behaviour definitely
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  #32  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 08:32 AM
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That's a good update. I am glad you kept your appointment and that your pdoc is being looped in. The mania keeps escalating and you need the help. Please do not hesitate to call for immediate help if you need it. The main goal is to stay safe.
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  #33  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 03:57 PM
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My Community Support Worker called late afternoon I guess my CPN spoke to her. She wants to meet me. So I'm meeting her on Monday morning for coffee. I haven't seen her since March.
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  #34  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 04:05 PM
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Great!! Please keep the appt.
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  #35  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 06:31 PM
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That's really good, Miss Laura. It's fun that you get to meet for coffee and not just in an office.
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  #36  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 09:41 PM
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Why do I need to sing hymns and seek them out? I'm not religious. 3 nights in a row this has happened. I need to seek them, sing them 3 times if I mess up the tune or the words I have to re-sing them but i hurt myself as punishment for not being perfect at the singing. Same with prayers. It's making me crazy as im sitting fir hours upon hours googling and you-tubing hymns abd prayers.

Do you think its psychosis? Or just obsessions?
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  #37  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 10:52 PM
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Even nonreligious people become hyperreligious when manic. I think you are mostly manic, myself. But psychotic stuff often floats in from the edges and comingles.

Super duper worried about you, ML. As others have tried to point out, untreated mania and psychosis almost never has a happy ending. Take it from an expert in the matter.

I urge you to reach out for help. Your experiment is over. I understand wanting to do it, I do. I did it with the same result. Time for some help.

Hugs and love.
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  #38  
Old Aug 27, 2020, 10:56 PM
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I've been up all night singing hymns etc its nearly 5am. A guy the guy from last week is due to come at 8am. I have texted to cancel. I'm seeing my community worker on Mon morning. I'll speak to her and im seeing my Peer Worker on Tues. So im seeing 2 in person this week so I can tell them.

Maybe i just need to try to sleep
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  #39  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 05:19 AM
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There is a part of the brain that is involved with spirituality. It can become over excited when we are manic. It is located near the centers of the brain that control emotion, sexual function and impulsive behavior. When you are manic all of those areas work overtime. No, it is not like ocd like obsession. It is behavior due to mania. You do not have these obsessions outside of mania.

I would also say you have sympyoms of psychosis as you've held some beliefs that could be considered delusional for a while now. That may escalate into hearing or seeing things. If it does it is a red flag for sure.

The self harm is an escalation that needs immediate attention. I would not wait until Monday. Please call or go in now. Sleep is a good idea, but you may find that difficult at this point. You may also try eating something. You need food and water and that sometimes gets overlooked when people are mentally unwell.

I'm glad you have enough insight to cancel with the man coming over. Good for you for taking care of that.

I know it might feel scary and confusing, but there are people that can help. Let them do their job. Call your pdoc and leave a message about the hymns and self harm. And maybe consider calling your sister. I know you're mad at her, but she was trying to help you avoid this. She saw it coming. She tried to help in a crappy way out of frustration and probably desperation, but I think she loves you. Remember your family if it gets too bad and you need them.
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  #40  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 05:23 AM
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I can't call my Psychiatrist as he is not back until Monday. I only saw my Nurse yesterday so I can't call up as I qas only there yesterday.

I erm have rearranged the guy he is coming on Wed morning at 7am. I have to be ready for 12:30pm as my therapist is calling me. I am just so horny I'm really hyper I wanted him to come today but he has plans
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  #41  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 05:36 AM
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You can call. You can tell them new behavior has surfaced and it is an emergency. Pdocs usually have an emergency answering service when they are gone. It is their job to help even if you have just seen them.

I understand wanting sex. That's a normal thing, but it is better to act on that when you are well. Inviting strangers into your home is so incredibly risky and it is a symptom. You have done it so mant times now. I am grateful you have not been hurt.

Please share everything going on with your therapist. Make a list if needed. Maybe she can help you figure out a plan.
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  #42  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 06:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Laura View Post
I can't call my Psychiatrist as he is not back until Monday. I only saw my Nurse yesterday so I can't call up as I qas only there yesterday.

I erm have rearranged the guy he is coming on Wed morning at 7am. I have to be ready for 12:30pm as my therapist is calling me. I am just so horny I'm really hyper I wanted him to come today but he has plans
Miss Laura, I think what we here who do know you a bit are saying is that you need help now. Right now. It is Friday at, what, noon, there maybe now? Who can we call for you right now? Let those who care about you help you. Please!
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  #43  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 06:07 AM
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Yeah its noon here.... i don't know i can only speak to my CPN or the duty on call worker i only spoke to her yesterday im worried she will be angry at me. I don't think i have any symptoms she is not aware of tbh
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  #44  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 06:23 AM
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She knows about the self harm? If she gets mad, that's lame. It is her job to help you. Try not to worry about that.
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  #45  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 06:30 AM
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Yeah she knows a bit about the self harm i didn't elaborate. I'm all confused as to when I'm seeing my worker so just phoned up but no answer i left a note with the receptionist. I have it as Mon on my phone but Tues in my diary. Idiot.

I've been really unproductive today been up since 4am its now 12:30pm and I have lay on my sofa talking to guys and waiting for a delivery coming any time now.

I told my CPN yesterday as we were speaking that I felt like no i know that I am a super model. I believe I'm this being of sone sort especially when im chatting to the guys and girls. I think she thought I was weird
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  #46  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 11:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Laura View Post
Yeah she knows a bit about the self harm i didn't elaborate. I'm all confused as to when I'm seeing my worker so just phoned up but no answer i left a note with the receptionist. I have it as Mon on my phone but Tues in my diary. Idiot.

I've been really unproductive today been up since 4am its now 12:30pm and I have lay on my sofa talking to guys and waiting for a delivery coming any time now.

I told my CPN yesterday as we were speaking that I felt like no i know that I am a super model. I believe I'm this being of sone sort especially when im chatting to the guys and girls. I think she thought I was weird
Pretty sure she thought you 2ere manic. Unless you are a supermodel. Are you with Elite or Willhemina or something and forgot to tell us? That is a stressful job.

Hugs.
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  #47  
Old Aug 28, 2020, 12:26 PM
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Yeah i guess she thought that. Its like the time I said i had super powers to my old CPN that was fun not lol
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  #48  
Old Aug 29, 2020, 06:25 AM
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Hey guys I'm feeling really good I got about 4 or 5 hours sleep last night i was whacked. I'm feeling less agitated today and more upbeat and happy
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  #49  
Old Aug 30, 2020, 02:53 AM
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Hey guys I got 4 hours sleep. Im feeling really horny today and a little agitated. But ill be fine. I see my Community Support Worker tomorrow for the first time in nearly 6 months. Its going to be weird. Plus I'm anxious as I know my CPN spoke to her as why else would she see me. I got a call from her 4 hours after I saw my CPN strange
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  #50  
Old Aug 30, 2020, 10:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Laura View Post
Hey guys I got 4 hours sleep. Im feeling really horny today and a little agitated. But ill be fine. I see my Community Support Worker tomorrow for the first time in nearly 6 months. Its going to be weird. Plus I'm anxious as I know my CPN spoke to her as why else would she see me. I got a call from her 4 hours after I saw my CPN strange
People are concerned, Miss Laura, about you. Maybe tyr not not meet any men before you see your team tomorrow.

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