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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7 
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Sep 05, 2020 at 11:34 AM
#1
The topic says it. I feel lost, empty, and sad. I don't think I can tell anyone because they'll probably think "he's suicidal again" even though I don't know how I feel about that right now. I'm having trouble actually feeling anything a lot of the time. I haven't had a moment of clarity in a long time. I've been dwelling on my past experiences and choices. There are a lot of tears all the time but I'm also having allergy problems so I play it off as allergies. Sometimes I make that almost crying noise but then act like I didn't know that I did. The depression is giving me massive headaches and making me sleep most of the time. I don't have any energy either. I think I am reaching out here, now, because I need encouragement, although I'm not sure for what. I might be able to be coaxed into almost anything, be it a cult or whatever. I feel that lost and powerless already. I know it's not in my best interest but I'm also craving alcohol badly, because it's a temporary escape from feeling like this.
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