[Fuzzybear]

Possible trigger (I hope it isn't a trigger, that isn't my intention)

If you have an ''inner cub'' (or more than one maybe..) do you do anything positive or kind for that cub? Something that illness or trauma or (childhood emotional or other) neglect may have robbed that cub of?

And does your cub have any specific triggers? I'm not suggesting you name them. (unless you want to).. I (my cub) has several, I just read one now (not one that many know about ...)

My cub is very young. I think the therapy didn't help her much at all as she struggled to ''speak'' (with a not so trustworthy therapist) and no play therapy or any innovative therapy was offered. Apparently IFS is offered now even in this forest by some therapists. I'm not sure about it. It might be confusing and triggering. (for one thing)

I have heard of a therapist doing IFS (inner family systems) who ''encouraged'' someone's inner cub to ''grow up'' to 4 years old in one session. (a very ''new'' therapist to that person) I have no idea how that would work if the cub is younger due to very early trauma. I suspect it would not actually ''work'' especially in one session, but maybe that is me.

I sometimes wonder if those in other forums and at work who were.... less than kind... to me were not in ''touch'' with their ''inner cub''.. of course it could have been something else entirely. Some people are just jerks. Not anyone here. I particularly do not like forced, fake positivity (someone trying to force someone else to be ''fake positive'' as I think someone said in the other thread)

The family of origin were very deceitful. I didn't have much real data to work with

The other thread on positivity partly sparked some of these thoughts. I was ''encouraged'' to be positive and also ''passive''... it made life much easier for them..) I don't think I had a ''choice'' really as things like being pushed

Possible trigger:

down a flight of stairs

happened when I was not passive, obedient, quiet, compliant, pleasant, overly ''clean'..unquestioning...

I question different styles of therapy. I question how some of them are trained (I'm not in the usa)

Now my eyes are streaming and I am not crying.

[swimmingly]

Hi Fuzzy,

Interesting thread, and I'm not sure I'll have a lot to add yet. I'm just starting to delve into my history of trauma. Apparently there's a lot of it, but nothing that my conscious person recognizes as trauma. I was chatting this morning in a thread about a few trauma. One was that my mother seemed to radiate a false positivity. Another for me was that she placed me into therapy at a very young age. She was an abused child and pushed a lot of her experiences onto me. She refused therapy and didn't want 'those people' in her head. I can't count the number of times I was forced into, and rebelled out of therapy in my youth and adolescence.

Apparently, a child in its 1st to 4th year is developing so rapidly that they are imprinting almost every aspect of every phrase they hear. Tone, inflection, facial softness, so much. My new therapist almost has me convinced that I'm suffering some trauma from my adolescence that wasn't planned or malcicious, but perhaps was blundered into. I'm learning about it weekly, and learning slowly and developing opinions now. Such strange complicated machines we are.

I'm going to enjoy hearing other's perspectives here. Good, vulnerable and safe post, Fuzzy. Thanks for starting it among friends.

[Gabyunbound]

I tend to question therapy in which the therapist digs and digs and digs for trauma where there might not even be any. I think it can be dangerous in that once we have defined ourselves as having been abused/having suffered great trauma, it utterly changes how we see ourselves, our world and those around us. I think therapists should tread lightly and allow patients to bring forth what they need to and not define too neatly what is shared.

That said, I did have a therapist who told me that something was abuse which was blatantly so and which I had always remembered but rarely thought about. I mean I hadn't considered it abuse because I just never categorized it as anything in my head. I didn't even dislike the person who perpetrated such a heinous act and in fact, idealized him. In my case, I needed to recognize it as such to come to any sort of healing from it. It affects my relationship with this person to this day, but at least now I understand why it always has, in one way or another.

Thank you for bringing this up, Fuzzy. It is, indeed, a very vulnerable topic, but I am glad that such things can be shared here, I hope it won't be moved.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by swimmingly

Hi Fuzzy,

Interesting thread, and I'm not sure I'll have a lot to add yet. I'm just starting to delve into my history of trauma. Apparently there's a lot of it, but nothing that my conscious person recognizes as trauma. I was chatting this morning in a thread about a few trauma. One was that my mother seemed to radiate a false positivity. Another for me was that she placed me into therapy at a very young age. She was an abused child and pushed a lot of her experiences onto me. She refused therapy and didn't want 'those people' in her head. I can't count the number of times I was forced into, and rebelled out of therapy in my youth and adolescence.

Apparently, a child in its 1st to 4th year is developing so rapidly that they are imprinting almost every aspect of every phrase they hear. Tone, inflection, facial softness, so much. My new therapist almost has me convinced that I'm suffering some trauma from my adolescence that wasn't planned or malcicious, but perhaps was blundered into. I'm learning about it weekly, and learning slowly and developing opinions now. Such strange complicated machines we are.

I'm going to enjoy hearing other's perspectives here. Good, vulnerable and safe post, Fuzzy. Thanks for starting it among friends.

Thanks swimmingly, that's very interesting. Especially about the first 4 years. And your mother's fake positivity. Thanks for sharing (I could share more but not sure how relevant (or something) it is right now) It sounds to me like this is a good therapist

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

I tend to question therapy in which the therapist digs and digs and digs for trauma where there might not even be any. I think it can be dangerous in that once we have defined ourselves as having been abused/having suffered great trauma, it utterly changes how we see ourselves, our world and those around us. I think therapists should tread lightly and allow patients to bring forth what they need to and not define too neatly what is shared.

That said, I did have a therapist who told me that something was abuse which was blatantly so and which I had always remembered but rarely thought about. I mean I hadn't considered it abuse because I just never categorized it as anything in my head. I didn't even dislike the person who perpetrated such a heinous act and in fact, idealized him. In my case, I needed to recognize it as such to come to any sort of healing from it. It affects my relationship with this person to this day, but at least now I understand why it always has, in one way or another.

Thank you for bringing this up, Fuzzy. It is, indeed, a very vulnerable topic, but I am glad that such things can be shared here, I hope it won't be moved.

Thanks Gabyunbound (I agree that therapists are wise to tread lightly and to be sparing with unneccessary neatly boxed definitions). For me, I think recognising some things as abuse are necessary to come to any sort of healing too (a shrink who listened (one session only though ) described the ''family'' of origin as ''disturbed''... a label but I don't really think it is inaccurate)

[Moose72]

My mother has been fakely positive. I have plenty to be traumatized by but I've never gotten into it with a therapist. My last therapist sent me to AA meetings (never went) because my dad is an alcoholic and has been at least since I was 11. I wanted to discuss it with my therapist not other adult children and the ACOA board here on PC is slower than molasses in January. So I bounce things off my friends and take what they say with a grain of sand. Part of being an adult child is guessing at what is normal. That is why I need my friends so they can tell me what is normal. Thing is, I know there are memories that are burried deep because there are those on the surface that I don't want to see. Not only my mom but my dad and my dad's dad- all I wanted to scream at - and did!

Anyway just had to have a vent and blab a bit about my memories. I do have some

Possible trigger:

sexual abuse in my past too and I never explored that either and it does bother me some time- flash backs.

.

Anyway that's my 2 cents. Can anyone relate?

[fern46]

I was disconnected from my inner cub even when I was a child. I ignored her because she experienced painful things that scared her. As an adult, I had no idea she was even in there until it all came to blows one night. My inner cub was very angry for being shoved aside for all that time. She wanted to be heard. I listen now.

I had never heard of the IFS system, but I instinctively did something similar on my own. It made sense for me to help my inner cub heal by reaching out to her as a mother, a sister, a healthy cub and a friend. I don't need her to grow up. I love her and accept her, scars and all. But... She won't be driving anymore. She's way too young for that

[bpcyclist]

Too triggering for me rt. now.

[Gabyunbound]

I realize now that I should have put a trigger warning on part of my reply. I'm not used to doing it and didn't think. I'm truly sorry if I upset anyone.