[Miss Laura]

I've had a huge fall out with my Dad and Sister whom I was spending Christmas with. My Dad has said I'm unwelcomed in his house after Christmas. He wants me to act all nice at Christmas so not to show him up.

I've been self harming and having suicidal thoughts for a week. I've been ignoring the thoughts. But today has tipped me off the edge.

I want to die.... I have nothing to live for. I'm numb. I cry all the time. I thought self harming would numb the tears but it doesn't.

Help me guys, I'm struggling I really hurt my head tonight it's throbbing its like a migraine times a million.

I've tried calling the Samaritans and texting a text number but didn't find them helpful.

I'm seeing my psych nurse tomorrow so in 14 ish hours. But I'm not very good at talking with her I speak better to my Peer Support Worker but not seeing her until 29th.


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[HALLIEBETH87]

I don’t know how to help. But I care about you.

[buddha1too]

Hang on until your appointment. Christmas is still several days away; things can change. You're in my thoughts.

[Hexagon]

You have all things to live for. All things to explore and see. All adventures. Your life is worthy. No matter how dark things get in the life, there will be always a lantern to light through darkness. And no matter how dark things looks, that lantern will always give you hope. So please, have faith in life.

“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust”

J.M. Barrie - (Peter Pan)

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[*Beth*]

I've been wondering where you were. This time of year is often so stressful. It's true that circumstances may change by Christmas. It's great that you have the appointment tomorrow; I have a feeling it will help.

I'm sending you love and comfort, Laura.

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

It went OK.... but nothing came from it. I did get 1.5 hours when normally it's 1 hour or less. Ended up crying in it.

The only plus side to my appt was I saw a team member from my volunteering who I really like and we spoke some. She's since left my volunteering. So I won't see her anymore.

So still at square one

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[Hexagon]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey guys,

It went OK.... but nothing came from it. I did get 1.5 hours when normally it's 1 hour or less. Ended up crying in it.

The only plus side to my appt was I saw a team member from my volunteering who I really like and we spoke some. She's since left my volunteering. So I won't see her anymore.

So still at square one

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I would’ve be more than happy to chat with you over a cup of coffee and just speak out. I’m that kind of guy, socially linked since I was 3yo. But there are people there too who you can connect with. Perhaps a book-club? Or, in my case, nostalgic video game-club?

I know it’s now not that easy due to new mutations from Covid-19, but we can still meet other people. At least few. One went but other one will meet you again. You just need to take that step and go. And despite that I’m half the world far away, I’ll be here so you can discuss with me. Please have faith in yourself - no matter what square.

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[Miss Laura]

My Dad now wants to spend Christmas night and Boxing night and Hogmanay night on his own. I think this is a disaster waiting to happen since he isn't coping. All I have done is cry since last Thurs. I'm having voices telling me I'm not good enough, I'm useless,a bad person, unwanted. I'm dreading tomorrow, Sat and Sun. We have family coming over on Sun (Boxing Day we'll more at night).

I just give up!!!

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[Hexagon]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

My Dad now wants to spend Christmas night and Boxing night and Hogmanay night on his own. I think this is a disaster waiting to happen since he isn't coping. All I have done is cry since last Thurs. I'm having voices telling me I'm not good enough, I'm useless,a bad person, unwanted. I'm dreading tomorrow, Sat and Sun. We have family coming over on Sun (Boxing Day we'll more at night).

I just give up!!!

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It’s sad that your dad prefer to spend his nights with that than with his own daughter. Really sad. And I guess anything I try to write here maybe won’t make you any better.

But that you’re “unwanted”? “Not good enough”? No. You’re not. And you will NEVER be. So please tell those voices or whoever keeps saying you that to piss off for good! WhatEVER you do - do NOT give up! You hear me? DON’T give up!

I wish I could explain you in what position I myself am into since some months ago this year, and a part of me also wanted to just give up. But I won’t! I won’t because my life matters just as those jerks who made almost my entire year to living hell.

So Laura, don’t you give up. Listen at mindfulness (I have WhiteNoise and I recommend it - it’s cheap and on AppStore/Play Market). Go out and just be around with people - even if you won’t say anything to them. Perhaps smile at someone to see if they will smile back. Coffee-shop and go for a coffee? I had many with myself. Maybe someone will come and talk? I usually talked with the staff but that’s me. If you’re living near nature, go out and do this:

1) Lean to the biggest tree you can see with your back

2) Close your eyes and hug the tree around (arms all out)

3) Listen to the sound from the nature only for 60s. What do you hear? What bird? Wind? How was it?

The thing with this is that the tree drains all negative energy from your body and you get the tree’s energy instead. This thing have my mother learnt me and when I was very fragile back in the days. And I did this so many times. Even today.

I hope I could give some kind support, Laura. Have a nice weekend and try please to enjoy the holidays.

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[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

My Dad now wants to spend Christmas night and Boxing night and Hogmanay night on his own. I think this is a disaster waiting to happen since he isn't coping. All I have done is cry since last Thurs. I'm having voices telling me I'm not good enough, I'm useless,a bad person, unwanted. I'm dreading tomorrow, Sat and Sun. We have family coming over on Sun (Boxing Day we'll more at night).

I just give up!!!

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It's sad that your dad is that way

You are NOT useless, a bad person or unwanted.

I have a something that tells me that stuff sometimes too. It is nothing but LIES.

I hope you feel better soon and that you feel the love for you here

[Fuzzybear]

Hugging trees can be very helpful

You get the trees energy

And the tree takes the negative energy from the ''emotional drains'' in your life, including those mean voices

Love and hugs to you Miss Laura

Originally Posted by Hexagon

It’s sad that your dad prefer to spend his nights with that than with his own daughter. Really sad. And I guess anything I try to write here maybe won’t make you any better.

But that you’re “unwanted”? “Not good enough”? No. You’re not. And you will NEVER be. So please tell those voices or whoever keeps saying you that to piss off for good! WhatEVER you do - do NOT give up! You hear me? DON’T give up!

I wish I could explain you in what position I myself am into since some months ago this year, and a part of me also wanted to just give up. But I won’t! I won’t because my life matters just as those jerks who made almost my entire year to living hell.

So Laura, don’t you give up. Listen at mindfulness (I have WhiteNoise and I recommend it - it’s cheap and on AppStore/Play Market). Go out and just be around with people - even if you won’t say anything to them. Perhaps smile at someone to see if they will smile back. Coffee-shop and go for a coffee? I had many with myself. Maybe someone will come and talk? I usually talked with the staff but that’s me. If you’re living near nature, go out and do this:

1) Lean to the biggest tree you can see with your back

2) Close your eyes and hug the tree around (arms all out)

3) Listen to the sound from the nature only for 60s. What do you hear? What bird? Wind? How was it?

The thing with this is that the tree drains all negative energy from your body and you get the tree’s energy instead. This thing have my mother learnt me and when I was very fragile back in the days. And I did this so many times. Even today.

I hope I could give some kind support, Laura. Have a nice weekend and try please to enjoy the holidays.

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[*Beth*]

Laura, how are you doing?

[Miss Laura]

Hey things are better in regards to my mental health... I'm not suicidal or self harming. I think it would of been different as I was meant to be spending Christmas Eve on my own. But I went to my Sister's albeit she wasn't happy I was gate crashing her Christmas Eve. Made me feel so wanted NOT! Turns out she was seeing her partner which she kept a secret for whatever reason. But cancelled him for me. I felt so awkward.

I have spent Christmas Day and Boxibg Day at my Dad's we have ceased fire for the festivities. Now sitting eating left overs stuffing our faces

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[*Beth*]

Wonderful! Thanks for checking in and happy holidays!

[Hexagon]

Great that things got better with you and your health!

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