Do People Really Judge Us?

So "thinking" people are encouraged not to judge those of us with mental illness. We're all supposed to tear down stigma, not judge those who are different. When people see what we're like when not on the proper meds...or when people see us experiencing med side-effects like tremors, weight gain, maybe slowed cognitive processing...don't they judge us, deep down? I never tell anyone about my BD, but some people have observed my behavior or med side-effects. I feel miserably judged. In a strong way, covid has brought relief because I can pretend I'm like everyone else. I can pretend that we all have to refrain from socializing, it's not just me.

But as businesses are reopening here I am again...isolated. Lying to myself.

How do you feel and what do you think? Don't people really think nutcase while they try to act like we're okay?

((( hugs )))) I do think a lot of ''normal'' people are very judgmental. They either judge us as a ''nutcase'' or some other negative stereotype. I think it's their problem. I also think that ''normal'' is often boring.

Thank you, Fuzzy. Your answer took me by surprise and I feel happier, reading it. It's true - one thing we are not is boring!

Unfortunately, yes we are judged, sometimes severely. I know I've had problems with this since I first displayed symptoms back in high school. Judged by teachers, peers, police, bosses, family, and even the "experts" and "professionals." It isn't everybody though, and we do have a close knit community we can open up and be ourselves around

Unfortunately some do. Just to give you an idea, when I came back from my leave of absence in the fall I was high and it reflected on my calls. There was a woman in the Call Center that was making fun of the fact that I sounded too happy on the phone. A manager also pulled me aside and told me that I needed to try to calm down on the phones.

I think everyone judges. We weigh what we witness as normal to us or different. It is natural analysis to do. When I see someone behaving in extremes I cannot not notice it and recognize it as such. We compare continually. There is no avoiding it. We ask each other here for our opinions all the time. We are essentially judging the degree of mental stability of one another.

I think the difference is there are those who can judge through a filter of empathy, compassion and understanding and those who look at difference as something to fear. There are those we are comfortable exposing our differences to and those we prefer to hide from. That's natural too as feeling 'naked' evokes a fairly visceral response in many people.

Everyone who comes in contact with me judges me in one way or another. I'm learning to be comfortable with that. I cannot control it and trying to live to other people's standards creates imbalance in my life. What matters to me is how I judge myself. I grow and change and refine my system for analysis and judgement all the time. I try not to view the process as a negative one as it is the method through which I evolve. I am trying to be ok being 'naked' with myself. In turn, I find it helps me to have more empathy, compassion and understanding for others.

Wondrous responses from experienced, empathetic, loving humans. I would only add as the resident neurodweeb here, that the neurochemical architecture and machinery that produces this phenemenon we all experience as judging is absolutely essential to our survival. Why? Because all this elegant, expensive technology God gave us is intimately hardwired into and central to our threat assessment systems. I cannot identify the tiger as a threat unless and until I visually identify and process it, associate it with prior data and experience, ensure that it is other and not self, and then permit the initiation of subcortical, fight or flight (legs must propel me quickly thataway), and cortical (which direction? What are my chances?), and metacortical, summing, all-systems stuff (does God not love me? Will I see my grandma and my daughter in heaven) to operate on our behalf. In anxiety and mixed states and mania and psychosis, specific pieces of this astounding, living system fail us, creating danger and harm to us and others. The human may become unsafe for a bit. Sometimes, tragically so. Broken system.

So, we are stuck with it if we are to survive the tiger. Or life. But, humans also have other data sets called beliefs and even more complex biases. These large reservoirs of neural information can be connected to other parts of the brain, emphasizing data promoting the belief and deemphasizing data contravening the belief. This may be where free will appears. Anyway, judging unkindly was not in my view the express intent of any of these components or the system. We, humans, coopted helpful machinery designed to help us survive and excel , in my view, in using it this way. Our choice. Our will.

Yeah, me too

I absolutely agree with everyone here so far. It is a given that some (often many) judge those with mental illness, and as Fern wrote, judge people in many ways for many things (both cruelly/ignorantly or naturally). It's sad, but a given in this world. Any idealistic notion that all people are nice, or all accepting, is quickly lost in early childhood, I believe. That's not to say that we should just be depressed about that, though. Acceptance is necessary, but rising above it, is too.

I've surely had bipolar disorder symptoms since the early age of 14 or 15. My bipolar behavior (mostly hypomania/mania) certainly brought on judgement from others. It definitely hurt! How I dealt with that growing older was to figuratively "build a callus" or create a "Teflon coating". It certainly worked to some degrees. I would have myself convinced, most of the time, that it did. But, that pain still seeps through. I sometimes didn't realize that until I exploded from it.

Some of my bipolar behavior was worthy of scrutiny. Too often I told myself "Who cares what they think!" or that I was justified in doing this or that. Manic/hypomanic grandiosity certainly doesn't help because I'd often convince myself that others mistreated me because of jealousy, or that THEY were flawed. Elation and impulsivity combined with that often prevented me from even wanting to change bipolar behavior. I had to hit a bottom to finally see the reality of it all.

When I hit my "bottom", I had a severe depression. The severest of my life. It took a while to heal. It took a bit of time to even find myself afterwards. There was a lot of me that was always the same. And some that was new...and actually much better. Of course I know my flaws, as I know others' flaws. I forgive some and strive to help rectify others.

I'd like to say that all of us have so many admirable features. The whole journey of recovery, discovery, constant work and rework, falling down again and again, and getting back up, again and again, makes us all AMAZING! I hope that knowing that we a so strong, in so many ways, helps build self-esteem. When you have self-esteem, unfair judgement means less and less.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lightly toasted Yeah, me too

I bet there are lots of us

You are my people.

I find that the worst judgement comes from the medical community, I cant tell you how often I have had to justify my medications to other doctors and the ER. But Ill stand by this: "normal" is a dirty word.

What I hate the most is when people learn you're bipolar and they assume you must be dumb and/or extremely volatile and/or incapable of taking care of yourself. You can hear it in the tone of their voice when they start talking like you're a small child or a bomb that might go off at the slightest thing. For some reason I get this a lot from hospital receptionists and telephonists. When they know you're mentally ill they always make you feel like you're being unreasonable or dull even if you're just asking the most innocuous question in the politest way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets I find that the worst judgement comes from the medical community, I cant tell you how often I have had to justify my medications to other doctors and the ER. But Ill stand by this: "normal" is a dirty word.

Oh, so true! Very good point, Sarah. "Justify my medications" - exactly.

This use to bother me.. Now ? 98% of the time I am a duck and let ignorance roll right off me.

Just think of the last 10 years how much has changed for people of all sorts of illness or Lifestyle..

I hope things do get better, But there is always going to people who refuse to see what Bipolar or any mental illness is really like.. And on that note we have to consider all the struggles people go through with an illness that we don't always understand..

Life is just plain hard at times.

Me, I almost always tell them right away I am MI because I get confused or scared and freak out and if they know in advance, they are almost uniformly sweet and help me. Dunno. Maybe I do it wrong or something.

Sounds more like you're the one doing it right.

I sure felt judged when I limped around on a broken ankle last fall and couldn’t get pain meds because I was on all these psych meds. Klonopin in particular, even though I only take it a few times a year. Not a single doc in town will give me so much as an Ultram. It pisses me off because I am NOT a drug seeker, and even when I have surgery I don’t use narcotics a minute longer than I have to. I usually take Aleve and Tylenol together for regular pain, like from arthritis, and I like the combination because Aleve is the better anti-inflammatory and the Tylenol is a better painkiller. But no one should have to go around on a fractured ankle or other broken bone without even a few Percocet. That’s what I get for being on so many “major tranquilizers”, as my PCP called them. God help me if I ever get REALLY hurt.

I agree with this. I have a sister who is very ignorant, I really don't even care what she thinks. Shes just dumb! **** her....

the type of people who I can't stand, are those who ask what's wrong, you tell them, then they say oh, right, and walk away

or go " oh I don't really want to know" about ___

why ask. what are you expecting. everything to be sunshine and rainbows?

I mean this in the nicest possible way. you can't be nice, or have something positive to add, **** off.

I had this a few weeks ago with a christian woman.

she posted a message to her friends, " well I don't want to know about her ****ing struggles"

you don't want to know, you don't associate with me. simple

oh no! I have found some Christian women to be amongst the least tolerant of ''differences''..... irl and online. NOT on pc.

I was told some VERY bizarre things by a (retired) Christian medical doctor who ''befriended'' me online. Bizarre about me I mean. She ''just'' did not get some of my, very reasonable, preferences at all. I did like her though... In fact I was always nice to her. (or I thought so... maybe she did not...) She certainly had a temper. Someone else from that group said there was ''hate'' in the group. Sadly she was referring to the founder (and leader.... she called the others her disciples) of the group. I am not making any judgment as to whether this was the case. I wouldn't frame it that way, personally.

I do not like this either. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Why ask and then be so dismissive?

Did you tell them that, nicely?

"oh no! I have found some Christian women to be amongst the least tolerant of ''differences''..... irl and online. NOT on pc."

I find that shocking. if anyone should be accepting, it's christians. with that said, though, I guess not everyone as.. well, as christian as they like to make out

seriously: I used to know this woman, rose (she was actually my childhood babysitter), and when ever I was with her she'd read me the bible, teach me about god, she even took me to church on sunday sometimes.

long story short: 1 day she just up and left and we didn't hear from her for a while

then the next we hear from her she's on the news because she's



I know that's an extreme case, but still it does leave you wondering

That's terrible. Downright evil. But heck- my ex husband was studying to be a pastor and you had to have a sponsor of sorts of a pastor. Well, we'd get to know them and they would be as unchristian as anyone else! Not to say its the same as your ex babysitter, but still you'd think they'd follow the golden rule at least!