[~Christina]

I need to get a EGD as I am choking on everything and almost every pill I take gets struck.. So refferal to Gastro doc they want Colonostomy done also , I might need esophageal stretched , Which isn't a cure, Usually something done every 6-8 months for most.. More shyt to be worried about .

My Rhuemy office called and most things are stable , But my Kidney functions isnt right. I'm ready to toss all meds , Psych and Physical

Just have nothing much to add on here, So I have just been logging in and respond to PM's .. I just cant find words lately. But I am hoping all of you are doing okay

[Mountaindewed]

I’m kind of nervous so I can’t really sleep. I’ve lost about 12 pounds since the 5th. I’m not sure how much of that is as a result of the surgery itself and how much of it is other factors. I had been going to Starbucks and Sonic everyday and getting a huge iced coffee. But since I had that high heart rate scare I’ve stopped drinking coffee and Mountain Dew and I’m just drinking diet caffeine free stuff or maybe just one Pepsi every once in awhile. Ive also stopped my visteril so my hunger is down and I’m not eating fast food everyday either. But there is some slight unhealthy ED behavior going on I think too. I know I can just lie to my therapist but I’m not sure that’s a good idea.

[Coolbreeze74]

We found out that my son was supposed to be taking the invega 9mg pills on top of the injection. The hospital didn't have him doing that. He took it and feels somewhat better. That is an awful hospital. His pdoc was like yeah you dont get the best care there.

I slept 8 hours last night. But I had to take extra zyprexa. I was just really worked up. Very worried about my son. I hope I get sleep tonight.

Hope everyone is well. hugs to those struggling.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Maintenance came over to do the annual work on the furnace. I had my apartment recertification interview today. It went well, it was basically just going through some paperwork and updating anything that needed to be updated. After that I had to order an updated copy of my SSI and SSP benefit letters. So hopefully those come in the mail soon so I can turn them in to the property manager.

Had my dentist appointment. I only have 1 more to go and I'll be done!!! Thank God. Then I'll just have to keep up with brushing, flossing, and regular cleanings.

Relieved that's all taken care of.

I checked my BMI and I'm officially 1 pound away from being back in the normal weight range for my height!!! So excited about that. It's been hard to lose the weight but metformin and healthier eating has helped a lot.

Going grocery shopping tomorrow, and Friday. Have to do my trips separately because I can only carry so much (I take the bus)

That's great everything went smoothly. You've got a lot accomplished. Yay for you!

I need to get to the dentist. I'm too afraid to go right now due to the panic attacks. I'm afraid I'll have one when they're working on my teeth. Right on that you are almost done getting the work done to your teeth. That must be a relief. Sounds like things are going well.

[wildflowerchild25]

My grandfather passed away overnight. My mother is very distraught, as is my grandmother. I chose to stay home with my son today as he was supposed to go to my mother’s for remote school.

I am doing what I always do which is push down my emotions and keep a strong facade. I imagine that will only last until the funeral. For some reason I feel like I don’t deserve to be upset. Not sure why.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My grandfather passed away overnight. My mother is very distraught, as is my grandmother. I chose to stay home with my son today as he was supposed to go to my mother’s for remote school.

I am doing what I always do which is push down my emotions and keep a strong facade. I imagine that will only last until the funeral. For some reason I feel like I don’t deserve to be upset. Not sure why.

I'm really sorry for your loss! You deserve to feel grief! Please take care of yourself.

[Coolbreeze74]

I slept 2 hours. I hope I can get back to sleep. I'm really tired....

[fern46]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My grandfather passed away overnight. My mother is very distraught, as is my grandmother. I chose to stay home with my son today as he was supposed to go to my mother’s for remote school.

I am doing what I always do which is push down my emotions and keep a strong facade. I imagine that will only last until the funeral. For some reason I feel like I don’t deserve to be upset. Not sure why.

So sorry for your loss wfc. I'm glad you are able to take the day to be with your son. Just feel however you need to feel right now. There is no right way.

[*Beth*]

~Christina

None of that sounds exactly pleasant, although the esophageal stretching seems like a good idea (hopefully, it's not painful?).

I have wondered if AP's cause our throats to tighten, just as they might cause our other muscles to. Basically, a Parkinsonian-like symptom. I choke on food, liquid, and pills freqently. It freaks me out.

Not good news on your kidney function. What's the viable plan?

Big hugs and love to you

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My grandfather passed away overnight. My mother is very distraught, as is my grandmother. I chose to stay home with my son today as he was supposed to go to my mother’s for remote school.

I am doing what I always do which is push down my emotions and keep a strong facade. I imagine that will only last until the funeral. For some reason I feel like I don’t deserve to be upset. Not sure why.

I'm sorry, wfc. Losing a family member is always a huge shake-up.


Is it possible that you're caretaking your family members, therefore not allowing your own feelings to occur?

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm sorry, wfc. Losing a family member is always a huge shake-up.


Is it possible that you're caretaking your family members, therefore not allowing your own feelings to occur?

I don’t know. I’ve moved pretty quickly into anger, esp at my brother and SIL for just taking the news and never calling/texting to say anything else. AnD of course I can guarantee 100% that they’ll just go to her grandma’s house tonight like they do every Thursday night instead of spending any time with us bc they’re assholes and don’t care about this side of the family.

I don’t know what to do really, I can’t call anyone. I dont have any friends. Clearly my brother and SIL are just going to ignore the situation. Or at least ignore us. I’m fluttering around just like not knowing what to do with myself.

My grandma is now alone and doesn’t eat very much anyway so it’s pointless to make her a meal, unless I make her something freezable and small. I’ve been meaning to make lasagna so maybe I’ll make one for my family and take her a couple of portions.

I think I’m going to go to work tomorrow just so I have something to do. That’s kinda what I did when my late husband passed away, I went back to work within a couple of weeks bc I couldn’t sit around and just think about things. Gotta keep distracted, keep the thoughts/emotions away. If my student were in person I most definitely would not but since he will be virtual tomorrow I suppose it will be fine.

Man I could use some nicotine right now! I’ve been off for a weekish. I absolutely do not want a cigarette, they are so gross. But even if I do order pods they won’t come in for a few days so idk if it’s even worth it. I’ll think more about it.

[*Beth*]

It sounds to me that you are having a lot of feelings. Remember that when a loved one dies, there is a period of just plain shock. Like you said, the expression of emotion will likely surface at his funeral.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My grandfather passed away overnight. My mother is very distraught, as is my grandmother. I chose to stay home with my son today as he was supposed to go to my mother’s for remote school.

I am doing what I always do which is push down my emotions and keep a strong facade. I imagine that will only last until the funeral. For some reason I feel like I don’t deserve to be upset. Not sure why.

I'm so sorry to read about your loss, wildflowerchild. My condolences to you and all of your family. If you have a therapist, have you contacted her/him about your loss?

[MuddyBoots]

Sending hugs and love wildflowerchild Sorry for your loss

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

It is not acceptable care to be actively psychotic and intermittently suicidal on two antipsychotics and have the provider say:"There is nothing more to be done for you."

Not okay. Can you call the clinic and say:"I am Sapien. Nurse Judy is my doc and I am still super duper duper psychotic."?

Can you do that? I really think you must.

But I'm not psychotic (in fact the exact opposite), and she'll just say take the increased seroquel. She also suggested an IOP that I used to go to, but it's for under age 18, so that's not an option.

[Coolbreeze74]

Well it looks like I'm not going to get anymore sleep. What's wrong with my body? I'm on meds that should be helping me sleep. I don't want to take the extra zyprexa bc my body will adjust and then I would have to be on it from now on. Too much weight gain from it. Before when I was having a hard time sleeping, I found out I was anemic. So I started taking iron supplements and I slept pretty good. Now I'm just having the hardest time sleeping again. Everything comes back normal in my blood work. I'm so tired and can't sleep, ugh!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Sapien

But I'm not psychotic (in fact the exact opposite), and she'll just say take the increased seroquel. She also suggested an IOP that I used to go to, but it's for under age 18, so that's not an option.

The symptoms you explained yesterday are consistent with what I experience during psychosis.

What is the harm in trying the increased dose during this patch of instability? You can always decrease at a later time.

Also, I know you mentioned the Tegretol was not working so you are stopping it. How did you go about stopping? Sudden withdrawal can cause various mental issues, so I'm wondering if that may be at play.

Are there other IOP programs available? It would be nice to have a group to be around while your meds are being adjusted. It is better than ending up in IP. Just something to consider.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

We found out that my son was supposed to be taking the invega 9mg pills on top of the injection. The hospital didn't have him doing that. He took it and feels somewhat better. That is an awful hospital. His pdoc was like yeah you dont get the best care there.

I slept 8 hours last night. But I had to take extra zyprexa. I was just really worked up. Very worried about my son. I hope I get sleep tonight.

Hope everyone is well. hugs to those struggling.

Yay!! Progress.

Have you ever learned the Buddhist deep breathing technique? It would really be a gift for you. Better than Klonopin for me.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My grandfather passed away overnight. My mother is very distraught, as is my grandmother. I chose to stay home with my son today as he was supposed to go to my mother’s for remote school.

I am doing what I always do which is push down my emotions and keep a strong facade. I imagine that will only last until the funeral. For some reason I feel like I don’t deserve to be upset. Not sure why.

So sorry. Prayers. I think you should search your heart and see if you can cry today. Hugs and love to you.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Well it looks like I'm not going to get anymore sleep. What's wrong with my body? I'm on meds that should be helping me sleep. I don't want to take the extra zyprexa bc my body will adjust and then I would have to be on it from now on. Too much weight gain from it. Before when I was having a hard time sleeping, I found out I was anemic. So I started taking iron supplements and I slept pretty good. Now I'm just having the hardest time sleeping again. Everything comes back normal in my blood work. I'm so tired and can't sleep, ugh!

Melatonin works for many.

Geodon, Abilify, and Rexulti are weight-neutral for many. Might look into that. Hugs.

I do think you will do better with considered action than paralysis analysis, or whatever they call that.

[Fuzzybear]

Considered ACTION - I agree.
Even is it's action to not tolerate disrespect. Grrrrrrr
Respect to ALL

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Yay!! Progress.

Have you ever learned the Buddhist deep breathing technique? It would really be a gift for you. Better than Klonopin for me.

[*Beth*]

Wild night with whipping wind = increased fire danger. No. More. Fires, pleeeaase.

A bit freaked out about this tremor/shaking thing (posted details in Bipolar Treatments).


Laundry day again! Seems like every time I turn around I'm posting here that it's laundry day

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I don’t know. I’ve moved pretty quickly into anger, esp at my brother and SIL for just taking the news and never calling/texting to say anything else. AnD of course I can guarantee 100% that they’ll just go to her grandma’s house tonight like they do every Thursday night instead of spending any time with us bc they’re assholes and don’t care about this side of the family.

I don’t know what to do really, I can’t call anyone. I dont have any friends. Clearly my brother and SIL are just going to ignore the situation. Or at least ignore us. I’m fluttering around just like not knowing what to do with myself.

My grandma is now alone and doesn’t eat very much anyway so it’s pointless to make her a meal, unless I make her something freezable and small. I’ve been meaning to make lasagna so maybe I’ll make one for my family and take her a couple of portions.

I think I’m going to go to work tomorrow just so I have something to do. That’s kinda what I did when my late husband passed away, I went back to work within a couple of weeks bc I couldn’t sit around and just think about things. Gotta keep distracted, keep the thoughts/emotions away. If my student were in person I most definitely would not but since he will be virtual tomorrow I suppose it will be fine.

Man I could use some nicotine right now! I’ve been off for a weekish. I absolutely do not want a cigarette, they are so gross. But even if I do order pods they won’t come in for a few days so idk if it’s even worth it. I’ll think more about it.

You have us. We are your friends
Why not PM one of us for a chat? We already treasure you.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sapien

But I'm not psychotic (in fact the exact opposite), and she'll just say take the increased seroquel. She also suggested an IOP that I used to go to, but it's for under age 18, so that's not an option.

Hearing voices equals psychotic. Full stop. Do something for you.