Brain Stick

My therapist tells me that a common aspect of BD is getting "stuck" on a single subject and not being able to let go of it. The subject can be a concern, a worry, an anxiety, a conversation, sounds from a concert, a project....anything/everything.

I find my brain doing that a lot. I think of it as "brain stick" because it's like driving a stick shift and getting stuck in one gear.

On the surface, the phenomenon of which I speak can look like an obsessive thought, but it's s a bit different in that there's often sound, image, and/or some type of repetitious hamster-wheel brain activity going on. (And it's not attached to a compulsion.)

Does anyone else, others with BD, experience this?

Yes. My therapist has pointed it out a few times. I had it happen before my brain went haywire each time and it happens in little ways all the time.

I think a particular neuropathway is triggered and then instead of it shutting down naturally, it keeps firing over and over picking up speed each time until BOOM. Short circuit.

My brain sticks on geometrical figures, anagrams, and philosophical concepts. I know I'm in trouble when the carousel starts turning and I cannot get off.

Well, don't know what my diagnosis might be. (One psychiatrist I saw said she thought there might be a "bipolar element" to what was going on with me... whatever that means.) But what you wrote about getting stuck on things certainly rings a bell.

One time / place in particular where it occurs is in the morning when I'm taking my shower & then drying the shower down afterword. This whole process takes a while & I always find myself stuck on some thought or other. Typically it's something from my past I just can't let go of. But occasionally it will be something based on some tidbit of current events I just happened to stumble upon. (I try to avoid exposure to the "news" as much as possible. But occasionally some of it sneaks through regardless.) I suspect if I wasn't as reclusive a person as I am, & was out-&-about in the world, it would occur more.

I try not to ruminate. I have had a bad habit of it in the past. I do get stuck on ideas - subjects that I can't stop googling or typing about or talking about. I can talk people's ears off about certain subjects!

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Originally Posted by fern46 Yes. My therapist has pointed it out a few times. I had it happen before my brain went haywire each time and it happens in little ways all the time. I think a particular neuropathway is triggered and then instead of it shutting down naturally, it keeps firing over and over picking up speed each time until BOOM. Short circuit. My brain sticks on geometrical figures, anagrams, and philosophical concepts. I know I'm in trouble when the carousel starts turning and I cannot get off.

You express your thoughts so eloquently. The image of the carousel is perfect.

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Originally Posted by Skeezyks ... I suspect if I wasn't as reclusive a person as I am, & was out-&-about in the world, it would occur more.

Now, that is interesting! I've never thought of it. I keep telling myself that my mind is getting stuck because I'm inside so much these days, with very little outside stimulation. But, hmm. Your sentence gets me to thinking that maybe if I was out in the world more I'd find more things to get stuck on.

Intriguing thought.

The same is true for me and the shower. Interesting.

Yes I ruminate a LOT! It was one of my target behaviors while doing DBT class

I can relate. Particularly in the shower grrrrrr.

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Originally Posted by fern46 The same is true for me and the shower. Interesting.

Me, too. Cashart and I once discussed how water (especially showers) seem especially associated, at times, with manic thinking. Now it comes up again. Water + ruminating = a curious connection.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the charged particles in water and the electricity flowing through our brains when they are hyperactive. Alternatively, the flow of the water could interact with the flow of energy that is released by the body.

what is it about the shower? I have OCD tendencies. I have also heard of it chewing on a bone and not letting go.running after a train and never catching up to it.
bizi

One of the issues here, for me, is we have this large tiled walk-in shower. (It was put in by the previous owners who needed a handicapped-accessible shower.) And the whole thing has to be wiped down thoroughly after use, which is my job. This takes a good half hour or so I'd estimate since, as with anything I do, I've become quite obsessed with doing the absolute best job I can, so I keep adding new elements to task.

So, anyway, this is all a pretty mindless job. And it results in lots of time for my mind to wonder hither-&-yon where I inevitably get stuck sooner-or-later on some thought. Sometimes I'll be working along towel-drying the shower & suddenly realize that for the past who knows how many minutes my mind has been completely consumed by some outlandish thought such as what I think the U.S. government should do given that the pres has Covid-19... as if I would have anything whatsoever to say about something like that! To be honest, though, I also spend a lot of time stuck on telling myself how much I wish I would just die... & thinking about (natural) ways in which that might occur. After all... I'm plenty old enough for it to happen. In the past, I used to sometimes get stuck on such things as conversations I'd had with other people as well. But since I almost never have any conversations with anyone anymore, that tends to be less of a problem now.

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Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Do you use a squeegee to wipe down the shower?

I think about ways I might die, too. Natural ways. I don't want to die; it's not that. Well, not exactly. I just can't help but think about it. I believe that having thoughts that are preoccupied with death have something to do with the 12th house in one's astrological chart.

Yes. Will write more tomorrow. Great topic!!!

What a great way of explaining this phenomenon. It happens to me a lot. It is sometimes a word that repeats in my head over and over, or an image or storyline I come up with.
Sometimes I can channel it into the most wonderful creativity and other times I just get annoyed.

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Originally Posted by BNLsMOM What a great way of explaining this phenomenon. It happens to me a lot. It is sometimes a word that repeats in my head over and over, or an image or storyline I come up with. Sometimes I can channel it into the most wonderful creativity and other times I just get annoyed.

Well put! Exactly.

Yes, this is a major factor for me, and it's absolutely exhausting. I will hopefully write more later when I don't have to run, but just wanted to let you know that yes, I definitely recognize this.

I agree with everyone. Neurobiologically, my own suspicion has been that, for vast and complex reasons, the bipolar brain is more likely, due to the illness, to find a neural pathway it adores or absolutely hates and have great trouble or no ability at all, when manic or depressed, to g find an offramp. DBT and CBT are so helpful for us. The neurochemical basis of this is being investigated.

To elaborate a little more, I relate to most of what people have written here. Sometimes I think maybe it's some kind of unifying factor between my manic and depressive episodes. I get "stuck" on things in either state. Or maybe it's just that there's a manic component to my depression, I don't know.

In a euphoric mania the thoughts are more likely to revolve around something I find beautiful to an obsessive extent, or around ideas, creative projects, or manically collecting or buying things. I'm unable to let those thoughts go but at that moment I don't mind because I don't want to let them go.

In a dysphoric mania or a depression the thoughts are usually really dark and they're almost like some kind of external entity that's invading my mind to torture me. I feel like it's more than ruminating somehow, but I don't really know what to call it. It just won't let me go. It often feels like there's a crowd of people screaming things at me that I don't want to hear and I just want to curl up on the floor and make it stop, but I can't. Sometimes it gets so intense that I completely lose track of the world around me and I'm just stuck in my head.

There are a number of very painful and dark thought patterns and themes that have been whirling around in my head like that almost 24/7 since the beginning of this year, I'm not kidding. They're still the same ones as at the beginning of the year and they never seem to reach any conclusion, just reiterate the same pain and fears and obsessions over and over and over. Sometimes it's enough to make me want to scream at those thoughts to get out of my head. I can't even make it stop at night. It just keeps going on relentlessly and keeps me from sleeping or thinking straight.

I don't know if this is a typical depressive thing. I don't know if I'm currently "just" depressed or in a mixed state, but this is how it's been all this year. I know it might sound a bit like I'm psychotic, but I don't think I am because I know the thoughts are my own even if it feels like they're forced upon me by some entity.

TRIGGER WARNING--S REMARK

I do believe, having tried twice, that this phenomenon is responsible for many suicides. Inability to see any options.

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Originally Posted by bpcyclist TRIGGER WARNING--S REMARK I do believe, having tried twice, that this phenomenon is responsible for many suicides. Inability to see any options.

Very relevant. I agree. For me, the rumination can go on for a full day, occasionally more than a day - 2 or 3 days. It feels all-consuming and demeaning, leading to a feeling of "not this again!"

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Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur To elaborate a little more, I relate to most of what people have written here. Sometimes I think maybe it's some kind of unifying factor between my manic and depressive episodes. I get "stuck" on things in either state. Or maybe it's just that there's a manic component to my depression, I don't know. In a euphoric mania the thoughts are more likely to revolve around something I find beautiful to an obsessive extent, or around ideas, creative projects, or manically collecting or buying things. I'm unable to let those thoughts go but at that moment I don't mind because I don't want to let them go. In a dysphoric mania or a depression the thoughts are usually really dark and they're almost like some kind of external entity that's invading my mind to torture me. I feel like it's more than ruminating somehow, but I don't really know what to call it. It just won't let me go. It often feels like there's a crowd of people screaming things at me that I don't want to hear and I just want to curl up on the floor and make it stop, but I can't. Sometimes it gets so intense that I completely lose track of the world around me and I'm just stuck in my head. There are a number of very painful and dark thought patterns and themes that have been whirling around in my head like that almost 24/7 since the beginning of this year, I'm not kidding. They're still the same ones as at the beginning of the year and they never seem to reach any conclusion, just reiterate the same pain and fears and obsessions over and over and over. Sometimes it's enough to make me want to scream at those thoughts to get out of my head. I can't even make it stop at night. It just keeps going on relentlessly and keeps me from sleeping or thinking straight. I don't know if this is a typical depressive thing. I don't know if I'm currently "just" depressed or in a mixed state, but this is how it's been all this year. I know it might sound a bit like I'm psychotic, but I don't think I am because I know the thoughts are my own even if it feels like they're forced upon me by some entity.

You've described that state of being so well. I don't think it's exactly psychotic, but I can't say for sure. There might sometimes be an aspect of psychosis to it. And I agree...the word "rumination" sounds weak, but I don't know of a stronger word to describe it. Being on a carousel is a good way to describe the sensation, I think.

I'm not positive, but I don't think the problem is part of depression, although I know that people with depression do ruminate. But I think with depression, it's generally involved with unwarranted guilt, shame, and generally bad and self-damning thoughts.

This thing is more energized (for me, anyway). I would be inclined to refer to it as an aspect of dysphoric mania (if it's a negative) or just plain mania (if it's a "positive"). As far as a mixed state, I'd say Yes to that.

One quite new phenomenon I've begun experiencing recently is that when I get up in the morning a name will come to mind & I just can't get it out of my head. Typically it's a name of some celebrity or other well-known person, but not someone I've ever had any particular interest in. For example, today's name has been Diane von Fürstenberg. Where that came from I have absolutely no idea! But I simply can't get rid of it.

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Originally Posted by Skeezyks One quite new phenomenon I've begun experiencing recently is that when I get up in the morning a name will come to mind & I just can't get it out of my head. Typically it's a name of some celebrity or other well-known person, but not someone I've ever had any particular interest in. For example, today's name has been Diane von Fürstenberg. Where that came from I have absolutely not idea! But I simply can't get rid of it.

Ugggh. I so dislike when that happens! Is there a message there...perhaps you need to do some shopping at the nearest upscale department store?